Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 991
why do men think they can use women for sex?Page 14 of 51    (11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51)

There is no "using" involved unless one or both parties is using deception to achieve their goals.

Yep -- but the misconception in society is that if a guy and a girl end up hooking up right after meeting, and the guy isn't smitten by her -- there was trickery involved, and he's using her. WHY?

Because women don't want the 'slut' label. They have needs just as much as men, but they believe that "women" in general do not hook up for sexual satisfaction. Therefore, if a guy and a gal did hook up so readily -- he MUST be using her! Because unless she truly fits the mold of the skank at the end of the bar, there's NO way she'd do that! She had to have been tricked! "Women" are not like that -- being used is the only explanation, right?!

Big misconception. Many times, on either gender side, we like the other person more than they like us... both parties can be in a mode where casual sex is something they're up for. When we find out that the other person lost interest or wasn't that into us, the women think they were being used, and the guy is in WTF-mode. It's called disappointment. When you are dating someone and someone loses interest in the other, many times that other person calls them a jerk or a b!tch, because they didn't want them -- even if they really weren't a jerk or a b!tch.

When two parties engage in casual sex, it's amped up against the guy if he doesn't want to continue seeing her AND she wants to continue seeing him. When you have casual sex right off the bat, there's not enough time for two people to truly judge whether they're date-worthy to them or not. Since when is there some "rule" that if you have casual sex, you have to see the other person IF they want to see you, whether you like it or not? WTF?

Not to say there aren't guys out there who DO trick women into thinking they really really dig them when they only have mild interest in order to get laid quick, but honestly, that's not necessary in order to have casual sex. In fact, that method usually backfires, and IMO, would only work on a pretty lonely gal (ie not the greatest catch).

If you decide to have casual sex, NO, there is no rule that they have to be dating you, or you to them. Many women have had casual sex and not expecting to date a guy. Many women have had casual sex and wanted to date a guy, but faced disappointment -- some of them whip out the "I was used" card, some don't. Those who do whip out the "I was used" can't rely solely on the fact that he didn't want to continue seeing her after meeting once or twice, just because they had sexual relations in that short-time frame.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 992
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/24/2010 8:36:44 AM
OP...plain and simply put...it's lack of maturity. Any man or woman who plays this game lacks emotional and social maturity. When it takes 2 people to participate in sex, whether it's on the 1st or 10th date, there shouldn't be blame placed on one or the other. Both are willing participants. To not talk to, or ignore someone the next day just shows something is wrong with their social development. You may have waited for weeks and still had him do the same thing.
It will make you more wary the next time, but just consider yourself fortunate that he showed his true colours early. Waiting to get to know someone will probably eliminate 9/10 participants. Always protect yourself and go on. Life is full of lessons learned.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 994
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/25/2010 9:39:22 AM

Men use women for sex, women use men for money...isn't that a fair trade LOL

Text book definition of prostitution!

With that attitude, no wonder it's harder for you "to get any"!

I repeat... the maturity level of the individuals determines the feasibility of any relationship. If a middle aged individual has the emotional and mental development of a teenager then a meaningful relationship of any kind is an impossibility. You can't have a relationship if both parties aren't on the same level.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 995
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/25/2010 10:41:27 AM

Men use women for sex, women use men for money...isn't that a fair trade LOL


I should have started charging a long time ago. Now I've got no compensation for wear and tear, and no 401k.
...and it's not the sex that costs you fellas, it's the little bundles of joy you make and leave the ladies with.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 999
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/25/2010 4:45:43 PM
"why do men think they can use women for sex?"
---------------
For the same reason women think that they can use men for sex.
 sovereignrebel
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 1005
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/26/2010 5:27:39 PM
To the OP:

A) You didn't want anything serious

B) But , you didn't want a one night stand, either
**update: You did have a one night stand**
C) Now that you have slept with him, you want to talk to him more

D) Is D even necessary at this point?

Sounds like 1) you don't know what you want and 2) you do what you at least say you don't want to do. Sounds like you're a......female! So, hypothetically speaking, if he were to contact you, what would you want the man to say/do to you now? What would you say to him? He used you, you used him. You were suckered, you are dumb. Next question?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 1006
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/26/2010 10:01:08 PM

The OP had no clue what she wanted, and acted on what she got, now she is calling foul because of no return phone call?

Yep, pretty much. Some women HONESTLY believe that if you have (consensual) sex with someone, you're OBLIGATED to see them again, even if things out front were known to be a casual/no-expectations setting. If they say they're not into one-night stands, you "owe" them many more nights ... unless of course she lost interest. Then that's okay.

I know, it's stupid. :) There's some guys who purposely give women a false impression that they'll hang out again, but end up ditching. Therefore, any time a gal has sex on a first or 2nd date, and the guy blows her off, she assumes that was the case... and when the same thing happens but they didn't have sex, he must have just wanted sex that he couldn't get and that's why he left! Yeah, that's it! ;)

The bad apples in the bunch have ruined it, and it's never any help from those perpetuating things bitter from dating situations with guys that didn't work out in their favor. In the end, there is no such thing as "He ended up losing interest in the early stages, happens to everyone".
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 1010
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 5/28/2010 12:36:19 PM

there was a guy that was actually on the news at one time...that did this to women, a lot of them....apparently he angered them so much, they even brought him to court on it, even embellished their stories a bit to help out their case.

Wow -- what was the charge? I can't believe it'd be merely leading women in order to get them into bed (which is the usual case that they can legitimately have at least some angst about). My guess it'd be some thing about lying that he's a professional photographer and can get them famous... take pictures at his place... yeah, take the shirt off... yeah, pull those down too... yeah, if you want to hit it big, you'll have to suck on that.. yup... Ahhhh. Oh yeah, I'm not a professional photographer. But I did stay in at a Holiday Inn Express last night! :)
 NutellaKing
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 1012
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 6/3/2010 3:51:11 PM
i could also ask this...

why do women think they can use men for money?
 chuckyB51
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 1015
view profile
History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 6/3/2010 8:25:38 PM
He didn't use you for sex. You were willing. Don't blame him because you can't keep your legs closed and have no self-control. At anytime you could have said "NO", but you didn't. You were willing.
 crowntail
Joined: 4/9/2010
Msg: 1024
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/20/2011 4:50:51 PM
i tried to give this topic a lot of non bias thought today before posting. i see a lot of blame shifting and the shoe on the other foot scenarios from men and i personal don't agree with it. what young man hasn't at one point or another just said to himself or his buddies i wanna get laid or lets go get laid. not i want to find a deep and meaning full relationship that started with a passion night of sex.

many men have a craft to figure out what type of women they are talking to and best to get them interested sexually but none of these techniques involve appearance or boisterously displays. instead they involve words because the best way to get a women interested in you sexually is to get her interested in you emotionally. and if you get a girl to really like you so that she will sleep with you then yes you are using her for sex. so why not man up and stop trying to sugar coat it. I'm not saying men don't end up in bed with a girl after a drunken stupid night and then realize it was a mistake or it doesn't happen the other way around. I'm saying it is possible and it does happen i really wanted to get that out of the way because comments stating other wise or defending the original statement in the title seem to have taken up the majority of the posts on here instead of answering the question. having said that.

why do men use women for sex?

because they can. it is the same reason most people do anything selfish. because someone is going to let them. while it hard to find the fine line between being a door mat and being a brick wall. honestly the only way to stop being used by anyone is to not let them.

women are not idiots so then why is it so easy to tell a women what they want to hear just to get them in bed?

because you want to believe them? often when a person wants anything desperately enough they will convince them selves they have found it.

you can't stop people from being selfish or insensitive the best you can do is think with your head instead of your heart and not let them get away with it.

I'm certainly not trying to blame women and say you shouldn't have let it happen I'm saying we live in a world where this behave exists and i hope you don't let it happen men have the advantage in this situation it is easier to think on your feet when your hormones are running wild then when you emotions are. so just stay grounded and don't fall for his list of heroic trates and how he loves puppies and kids make him prove he is who he says he is and you wont have this problem.

and yes women do use men for sex as well i have been single for a while actually waiting for some one right for me and not giving into loneliness and trust me i am what a girl who is in the mood thinks will be easy pickings but at least when a women does it she is pretty clear about her intentions she doesn't promise you the moon just sex. and when you tell her your not intrested that is usually the end of it
 Mer_mate
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 1029
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/22/2011 12:00:14 PM
Women need to take responsibility for their actions. If they choose to have sex with a man, it does not obligate the man in any way to do anything.

This is also true for women. If you choose to have sex with a man, that does not obligate you to do anything for him. You made this choice consciously (and please don't say you were drunk.drinking: . Own the fact you got horny and wanted sex. :) It's ok. We all do

So let's put on our big girl panties here shall we?

You're both consenting adults and I think "Why do men think they can use women for sex" is misleading.

It should read "Why do women allow men to use them for sex and then complain about it".

Yeah I know this won't be a popular concept.. :
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 1036
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/22/2011 4:05:30 PM
totally lame. but here is the deal... some men have hang ups about women having sex right away. they think that if you do you must be a sleeze, and actually look down on YOU for doing what you BOTH did. the irony is that he gets the high five from his buddies, and you get the cold shoulder brush off. so...next time...don't. next time do not have sex with the guy until you know for sure that this will not just be a one nighter. sure, you weren't looking for a serious involved relationship, but you probably weren't looking for a wham bam no thank you maam, either - as you made abundantly clear to mr. hit and run. you got played. all you can do is learn from your mistake and move on from this. don't ever contact him again...ever.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 1037
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/22/2011 4:13:56 PM
avalon~

"Some men will STILL disappear, regardless of how long they "waited" for sex. The only answer, as others have said, is that women have sex BECAUSE THEY WANT TO HAVE SEX. Not to manipulate the man into a relationship, or because they feel they have to "put out" or "give it up"to keep him keen. (I hate both those phrases and the idea that adult women see it as that is incredible)"

This is ridiculous. i have sex with someone because i have feelings for the guy, and because i am pretty sure that he is in to me, too - which means because I WANT TO. but that WANT TO is based upon certain conditions, i.e., the guy and i being on the same page. i wait to have sex because i know some men have such hang ups about women's sexuality. i wait because i am cautious and want to make sure i will not get hurt by sharing my sexuality with someone. THAT is why i wait to have sex, and when I have sex with someone it's because i desire that person. the idea that this could some how be manipulating a man into a relationship is ridiculous... there is no manipulation going on here... it's a woman trying to protect herself from having to go through what the OP just went through... it's for self preservation... and not wasting my time...period... and i am sure a lot of other women feel the same way i do.

"Even then, because of the way women are generally made (not always by any means) they will still be upset if he disappears after sex. But at least they can tell themselves they did it because they wanted to, not for any other reason, and don't have to feel they were "used"."

again, this is ridiculous. yeah, if i had a man telling me that he had feelings for me, that he was interested in being with me, etc.., then yeah, i'd feel used if he treated me the way this wanker treated the OP. any time someone is misleading through either lies of omission or commission then of course a person will feel used. that is why people should be upfront about what they want, and what they are looking for. i have more respect for the married guys on here that are upfront about their situation and make it clear that they are just looking for some sex on the side - at least they are being honest about being a cheating scoundrel.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1038
view profile
History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/22/2011 4:49:41 PM
I'm sorry but this "story" is kind of laughable really

The "ooh, dont know how it happened but we tripped over, fell on the bed and ended up having sex, and now he wont give me the relationship I made a downpayment on! What a cad" line kind of stops having any viability when someone is over 18

I am absolutely sure that had the bloke been a crap shag, had an inch long**** wouldnt do oral or while talking after sex said something she didnt like she'd have been JUST as quick to not see him again too

And for every man who is JUST looking for a notch on the headboard or a one night stand theres a woman doing the same thing. So its not a "man" thing at all,

Infact it doesnt even mean someone isnt open to the idea of a relationship, it just means they didnt want one with that person, not necessarily "anyone", Just them


I really couldnt stop myself chuckling at the bit that said "cruel and inhuman" jeez, is there a drama award for forum posts up for grabs now that I havent heard about?


As someone else said, this is simply a personal responsibility thing. More people, and on this topic that would be mainly women need to take some personal responsibility for their own choices and actions rather than doing what they want, when they want and then playing the poor ickle victim.

Also, women who DO infact want casual sex but feel they need to dress it up as something more are the people who REALLY need to be chastised over things like this, because its those types of women who are a large part of causing this problem in the first place. Because that kind of behaviour combined with stereotypes is why many men do actually believe you are "expected" to at least pretend you want more, and that the woman is also doing the same (which many infact are)

At the end of the day some "people" are emotionally able to have recreational sex without issue, some "people" arent. And if someone isnt 100% sure, tries it and has issues then thats their choice, it didnt work out and they know in future (or should do) not to try it again as its just not for them

Because its actually quite pathetic to have sex assuming it will get you a relationship as thats playing games and being quite manipulative. And then when you have played your manipulative game and still didnt "win" complaining that its "unfair" is quite childish IMO

And if you look at the situation here without all the martyrish victim mentality for all we know the guy could have been open to a relationship that didnt go from 0-clingy in 3.2 seconds. They could have met and not had sex, and he might STILL have not liked her enough to want to see her again anyway

He might have got a whiff of the crazy drama that we can see in the header on this thread infact from the conversation.

So what then? Would she have been calling him "cruel and inhuman" for just not liking her enough to see her again too? Because TONS of dates where sex doesnt happen ALSO end up not having a second date also. So to claim in this scenario it could ONLY be because of the sex, rather than her just not being someone he would want to keep seeing is very "female" tbh and at best only has a 50/50 chance of being correct

If the sex is good and you like the person and enjoy their company most "people" are likely to want to keep seeing that person whether they want an actual relationship or not.

If they dont like the person, and dont enjoy their company it wont matter how good the sex is, chances are most people wouldnt bother. And if the sex isnt that good either, then it doesnt even have mileage as a casual "not serious" interaction anyway

My guess after reading the total lack of personal responsibility for the "event" and overly dramatic poor hard done by martyr act in the header is that he just simply saw a glimpse of that at some point, maybe before the sex and just thought "ahh, why not, sex is fun most of the time" or quite possibly it just seeped into the pillow talk

Because theres no such thing as giving a guarantee to see someone more than once, and only idiots "assume" you are going to see somebody twice

And if you absolutely DONT want one night stands and are old enough to know that having ONE date doesnt guarantee you will have two, the DONT have sex on the first night. Its hardly rocket science

But if you do, then act like a grown up, own your own decision and dont try to blame someone else for what YOU decided to do of your own free will because it gives women who do act like mature grown ups and own their own choices and actions a bad name by association

Because


Now i made it clear to him I wasn't looking for anything serious at this time. But i also made it clear that i wasn't into one nite stands


isnt even sane

You cant "prebook" a second date, that kind of depends on how the first one goes.

So if you dont want to risk it being a one night stand, dont have sex. Simples surely?

If on the other hand youre not a conflicted victim type and just "want" to have sex then do so, otherwise its probably best you dont

Either way though, the likelyhood of having a second one will be more dependant on how well the first one goes whether you keep your knickers on or not with most people

And if you only seem to choose men who literally ARE just looking for a one night stand, then choose more wisely and dont be so eager to start rutting if its only being done manipulatively and on some insane assumption that its a downpayment for a "guaranteed" second date, because theres no such thing. Its JUST sex, not a contract
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 1041
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/22/2011 9:56:42 PM
Mike:
I'm sorry but this "story" is kind of laughable really

The "ooh, dont know how it happened but we tripped over, fell on the bed and ended up having sex, and now he wont give me the relationship I made a downpayment on! What a cad" line kind of stops having any viability when someone is over 18
Hahaha! Pure poetry!

I've said much the same myself, and I am a woman.

I fail to see how someone could use me for something if I didn't give him explicit permission to do so.

I do understand it in the case of young girls, they don't know how things work just yet. But I hear this crap from women older than me all the time! I don't get how women can put themselves in the same scenario over and over again and not learn from it??

I had one friend who had this type of pattern. She acted like she was the one using them (so pathetically transparent, lol), but she always ended up feeling sad and broken when they never called. I talked to her about the possibility of perhaps not having sex with a man right away, so that she could prove to herself that she had more relational value than just what lay between her legs..

I'll never forget this.. she called me up after a night out and proudly announced that she had brought a man home and they didn't have sex! She said she had just performed oral on him.



Like what do you say to someone like that?

I'm sorry, but O-M-G women are stupid sometimes.

If I wanted a one night stand, it would be with someone I sure as heck didn't want any relationship with. And the irony is that those guys probably would want one, hahaha!

Edit: I just read the Op (yes after my post, bad form!) and noticed that the Op wasn't wanting a relationship, that she had made it clear that she also wasn't looking for a one night stand. Apparently this was some sort of mutual agreement. But let's face it.. having sex with strangers is risky, if you are going to engage in it.. it's best to prepare for all worst case scenarios. It's just not safe (on many levels) any other way.
 Mer_mate
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 1043
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/23/2011 6:16:41 AM

Time and time again I make the mistake of having sex with a man way to early in the relationship


Einsein stated "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

Seriously ? You can't call that a mistake....lmao
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1044
view profile
History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/23/2011 7:23:17 AM
I have to laugh at phrases like "worth the wait"

Way to try and put a good spin on being manipulative and controlling from day one

I personally think anyone who deliberately decides or artificially delays something like this is worth avoiding as a potential partner purely on that basis tbh

Its something that should happen when BOTH people feel is right, not be pre planned or contrived for maximum manipulative effect

Hell, people like that might as well just be honest about how their mind works and give out coupons on each date and when you have collected all 3,5,10 or however many you can trade them in for your free prize of a shag

You can pretty much guarantee that type of mindset and behaviour will also be prevalent in a relationship with that person too. It will just be that the way you obtain your designated amount of coupons and how many that is will change
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1046
view profile
History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/23/2011 7:38:39 AM
Well countless people who have LTRs or marriages where sex happened on the first or second date would kind of prove that

But for people who prefer to use sex as leverage in a relationship NEED to try and slate anyone who isnt as manipulative and controlling as they are

Because if too many women become comfortable about their own sexuality and needs then it undermines how much power they would have by with holding sex

Its not really that different to the types of men who objected to women working because that undermined the power and control being the only earner in a household afforded them. Its just the currency for manipulation and power is sex rather than actual money. But the principle is the same.

And people not using the same mindset equally undermines the value of either currency


I guess the other group it would also appeal to is genuinely frigid people, those with a low libido, people who are just dreadful in bed and freeloaders. As a mindset like that gets you more dates before someone either realises your issues, or gets a chance to find out that you'd never be sexually compatible in a million years

 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 1052
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/23/2011 11:05:59 AM
^^ Exactly.

Why do women think that they can use a guy for a free meal/entertainment?

Same deal. Women play for money, men play for sex and some bypass said games altogether..

You choose.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 1053
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:14:17 PM
Is it my fault for sleeping with him on the first date?


Yes. This is why he used you for sex, then dumped you.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 1054
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:30:00 PM
MikeWM~

"I have to laugh at phrases like "worth the wait" Way to try and put a good spin on being manipulative and controlling from day one"

i wait, even when i don't want to, i wait. it's not to be manipulative, it's not to be controlling, it;s because i am being cautious. i make it clear in my profile that i am looking for a relationship. in the past i have had men pretend that they are into me, pretend that they are pursuing a relationship when in fact they are married or otherwise entangled, and just looking for some on the side. in order to determine whether or not the person is serious, i wait. it's not because i think i am so wonderful, or "worth the wait," it's because i do NOT want to get hurt. unfortunately, many men also look down on a woman if she has sex "too soon" (what the hell does this mean anyway?), so women also have to be careful about this as well.

"I personally think anyone who deliberately decides or artificially delays something like this is worth avoiding as a potential partner purely on that basis tbh"

again, read the above. i wait because i don't want to get hurt. and let's be honest, some guys will say and pretend anything to get a woman in the sack. sure, it's very teenage boy, but some men have never matured beyond this level and never will. some men can be very very convincing - trust me on this one.

"Its something that should happen when BOTH people feel is right, not be pre planned or contrived for maximum manipulative effect"

again, it's not an act of manipulation; it is an act of self preservation. i mean, how many times can a person go through having their heart broken in one life time before losing the ability to love? who wants to end up bitter and indifferent?

"You can pretty much guarantee that type of mindset and behaviour will also be prevalent in a relationship with that person too. It will just be that the way you obtain your designated amount of coupons and how many that is will change"

totally not true. if a woman is looking for a serious relation ship then there is nothing wrong with her waiting until she is in one to have sex. just because she does so does not mean she is some kind of prude, or is into with holding sex. it just means that sex is important to her and she wants to share that with someone who is truly in love with her and she with him. that isn't manipulative or using sex as some means of control. hell, these days, a man can get laid anytime he wants, so it's not like this sort of tactic is realistic in today's world. if a woman refuses to have sex with her bf or husband, eventually the guy is going get his needs met somewhere else. period. what man in his right mind would go with out sex for 5 or 6 years, and then turn down an opportunity if it should present itself? not too many, and who could blame them under such circumstances.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 1055
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:36:56 PM
Larissan:
if a woman is looking for a serious relation ship then there is nothing wrong with her waiting until she is in one to have sex. just because she does so does not mean she is some kind of prude, or is into with holding sex. it just means that sex is important to her and she wants to share that with someone who is truly in love with her and she with him. that isn't manipulative or using sex as some means of control.
I totally and completely agree.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1058
view profile
History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:07:38 PM
Can't believe some people are so insensitive. And have you noticed its mostly men who are blaming the woman? Doesn't matter whether she slept with him or not. He could have the decency of telling her what he was thinking. She was not looking for a relationship so it's safe to assume she got upset because she wanted to sleep with him again and not just be used and thrown out like she is nothing. I have had this happen and I regret sleeping with them but that doesn't mean anyone deserves to just be tossed out like that regardless of their decision. He is a douchebag and karma sucks
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1061
view profile
History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 3:22:07 AM
How is a woman who ISNT by agreement of being exclusive already "putting out" in the hopes it will "score" her a relationship any different to a man not discounting the possibility of a relationship to "score" him some sex

Both are playing games, both are being manipulative, both are trying to push buttons with the other to get what they want

But it does seem to be mostly women who then complain when theyre game playing and manipulations dont work


Its also not exactly uncommon on here for women to not actually want a relationship anyway, but just incase the bloke happens to know someone else they fancy to feel the need to try and showcase how "wholesome" they are by dressing up every time they needed to scratch an itch as though it was "love at first sight"

If someone wants sex and is secure enough in themselves to not go into full blown martyr mode if they dont also get a relationship (assuming they even want one anyway) they should

If they dont, or if they know theyre not emotionally strong or stable enough to not handle it turning into some nonsensical mills and boon type fairy tale then they shouldnt

Either is equally fine, and different people will be fine, or have a problem with either the same as is the case for any other aspect of a person

What people shouldnt do however, is to either have sex because they thing it will get them something, or not have sex for the same reason as both are false, disengenous and manipulative

Lari, I have never claimed people like you SHOULD have sex early on. My stance and even in the post youre referring to is that it should happen when it feels RIGHT for both people

But by "right" I mean for genuine reasons, not ones like "well if I hold out till date X, then according to the book I read that will make him like me more"

Thats no different to someone who DOESNT want to have sex on date X thinking "If I dont have sex with him he will like me less"

Niether IMO are "valid" reasons for having or not having sex

Not having sex because youre likely to think you've fallen in love, or might turn into a clingy nutcase however ARE perfectly valid, and are exactly the types of people I have always said should NEVER have sex early on in an interaction and who should never ever under any circumstances think theyre emotionally stable enough to try anything like an FWB or FB type relationship
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >