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 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1062
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why do men think they can use women for sex?Page 15 of 51    (11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51)
I was not taking the woman's side. She wrote the thread and i was guessing how she was feeling by what this guy did to her. And i have been thru that stuff. It did hurt but not because I wanted a relationship but because I had a good time and I wanted him again but he just doesn't think i am worth it i guess. Anyway again, i was not taking her side just simply guessing at how she felt.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1064
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:11:18 AM
Maybe she did wanna ask but most guys make you feel pressured and don't want you to ask questions because they make it seem like you are desperate if you ask anything. And maybe she did plan on asking him stuff but he would never talk to him again. Guys are very insensitive that way. They pretty much only care how they feel and how they get their rocks off and after that, they don't want anything to do with you because now you are old news. They wanna pass their diseases on.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 1066
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:25:43 AM
@Chromelove.. If that is what you believe, what would you say the solution is?

I mean, if there weren't women who let these men use them up, throw them away and keep signing up for said treatment.. men wouldn't be able to get away with it. It wouldn't be as common an occurrence as it is.

It takes two to tango as they say..

@Mike.. I understand the point you are making, but how do you know the difference between a woman waiting until she feels right about it and a woman who is being manipulative and waiting until X number date because she read it in a book?

And how does a woman tell the difference between the man who is being respectful of her boundaries and the disingenuous man who bides his time because the challenge of having to wait makes the conquest all the sweeter..
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1067
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:28:55 AM
I found a solution to it. I started doing the same thing to men. Except i waited til they got feelings for me then had sex with them and never talked to them again. Think what you want about me but it made me feel better.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 1068
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:44:36 AM
^^ But that's just perpetuating the same cycle..
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 1070
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why do men think they can use women for ?
Posted: 10/24/2011 12:07:07 PM
OP the truth is that more women use , then men to get what they want
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1075
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 2:57:36 PM
No i stopped doing all that like 2 years ago and have only been with 1 man since and those other guys from the past are still trying to get with me. I love when people judge me for this when they don't know me and why does it bother them that i did these things?
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1077
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 3:52:04 PM

@Mike.. I understand the point you are making, but how do you know the difference between a woman waiting until she feels right about it and a woman who is being manipulative and waiting until X number date because she read it in a book?


Sometimes its easy, sometimes its not, others its "uncertain". But that kind of mindset will tend to out itself in a variety of areas as it tends to go with a certain type of outlook and therefore behaviour pattern in relationships. And of course theres the ones who will just say it out loud, or mention that they use something like "the rules" in conversation

But I wasnt actually talking about it being "wrong" from the viewers POV, simply as a way of actually dating due to being disengenuous and manipulative

But if that is what somebodies personality and outlook is like in this area, then often it will be pervasive anyway and show up in various areas

Personally the most obvious one I have known though was someone who actually said its what they did before the first time we met, so consequently we didnt meet. Not because I had a problem with waiting, or "expected" sex. But because of the mindset involved as I have waited far longer than that time period in the past, but I also havent had a problem with the first night thing either, infact my 16 year LTR started with sex the first time we met, and didnt make me view her in a negative nor positive way as a result. As that was to do with the woman she was, her personality, character etc which IMO isnt defined nor limited by something as trivial as wanting to have sex or not


And how does a woman tell the difference between the man who is being respectful of her boundaries and the disingenuous man who bides his time because the challenge of having to wait makes the conquest all the sweeter..


Again with some I would imagine this might be easy, with others almost impossible and some will be "uncertain"

After all, to some men if its not a challenge theyre not interested. So whatever the time frame is, the longer the more of a challange it will be

On the flip side, many women think, or just assume if a man stops seeing them after sex its because they "got" sex, when often they will have been interested in something more till something was either said or done that was a deal breaker, or if the sex was crap, or when all the body shaping, make-up and anti sag clothing came off they just didnt find them attractive

So really, whether you have sex on date 1 or date 10 you dont know whether it had anything to do with "getting" sex if someone doesnt call you

That just tends to be what people prefer to assume is the case, but often its not

But I would assume a decent amount of what sort of outlook someone actually has would be discernable by actually getting to know "what sort of outlook he has"

Meaning if he comes across as old fashioned, traditional and provincial then chances are he will see you as gutter trash. But rather than "waiting" if you would otherwise have had sex, surely it would be better to just kick him to the curb as THAT type of outlook is also likely to crop up in other areas too in a negative way

If on the otherhand he comes across as a bit of a slavering ass kissing type who seems "too nice" theres probably a good chance hes going to be out for what he can get perhaps? (I dont date men, so I'm kind of guessing here lol)

Whereas someone who tends to see women as being at least "capable" of being fairly equal to men is unlikely to bat an eyelid if a woman slept with them on the first or 10th date, as they would "equally" do either too, so it wont stand out either way

Those might be miles off, but I do think the problem here isnt so much with men, but with women either having a very two dimensional or blinkered view of men which tends to lead to a kind of paranoid outlook. Or just not being very good at reading people full stop

One of the reasons I find these types of forums so amusing to begin with is that despite having led a far from sheltered life I can honestly say I've never, not once dated a woman who has ever jumped through so much mental gymnastics, had the kind of tales of woe, issues with when and why they have slept with anyone or who view the dating things in such an analytical and worrysome manner

So its not a "woman" thing, its just a "some women" thing

Because others seem to get by pretty well using their own judgement, doing only what feels right to them and without having so much drama, worry, regrets, animosity and overthinking

And most of those things does seem to come down to women thinking that every man on the planet thinks in the exact same way, behaves the same way and views women the exact same way in the first place rather than getting to know the individual.

And then in many cases trying to blame their own inability to either read a situation or know the real reason someone doesnt want to see them again on men and blanket reasons

As an example, I introduced a couple on another site a few years ago, the met, got on and if I recall correctly had sex on the second or third date. Even the sex went fine for both. Afterwards though, the woman started asking him where he planned to holiday next summer (it was october), next morning she said that if he was going to stay at hers regularly she might need to think about getting a bigger place. Then before he left asked him what foods he really liked so she could start keeping some of his favourites there for him. which was just some of the things that were said

This was date three

Consequently he told her he didnt want to see her again, and did actually explain that she was just too much too quick. Smoothering was how he actually described it. But at the date two stage he was REALLY keen on her, and was almost nausiatingly into her on every level (he even liked her laugh which IMO geese argueing with megaphones)

A week later though, she had a thread up which was clearly about him complaining about how men use women for sex, then dump them as soon as they got it

No mention of the crazy talk at all

So you asked how a woman can tell? Another question is do they really WANT to "tell" when it doesnt work out anyway? And do they actually even realise that "men" are all different in the first place?

Because it does seem that quite a few really do seem to think otherwise, and they seem to be the ones who make the worst choices IMO or are the most paranoid (I would assume because they KNOW they make such bad choices)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 1079
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 4:34:35 PM

seriously?? you believe she set herself up for that? maybe if men took responsibility for their actions once in a while you would clearly understand that it is human nature to want to be wanted...she gave in to that desire.

Want to be wanted.... SEXUALLY. It's HER assumption, when "one thing led to another", that set herself up for Disappointment. If after the sex and breakfast the next day she thought "Gee, this guy... his pee-pee isn't so big... ehh, I'm not THAT interested, I may give this another shot maybe, I dunno..." she wouldn't have posted this.

It boils down to giving into desires that sets us up for happiness or sadness. Women are not children in adult bodies. They should be treated equally as far as expectations go.

Now, the guy should have called her and said he wasn't that interested... true. But that has nothing to do with being "used" or not, that's just after-the-fact politeness.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1082
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:37:39 PM
HAHA well i haven't done that in 2 years. I got into a relationship had a kid and we broke up and i haven't been with anyone since. I have a son to take up my time now instead of hurting guys lol
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 1083
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:12:27 PM

Msg: 1166 And how does a woman tell the difference between the man who is being respectful of her boundaries and the disingenuous man who bides his time because the challenge of having to wait makes the conquest all the sweeter..

Good question. And I don't know the answer. But could it be… the greater the emotional intelligence one brings to bear (the ability to express feelings and read those of others) the better one’s chances?

 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 1085
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:18:17 AM
^^ So what if you WANT a relationship with your sex, what kind of a solution is that if the guy is only pretending that he wants a relationship too.. ?

As a woman, either you do the same thing over and over again, let a man use you and be all angry and jaded about it (some examples right here in this thread), or you learn from yours and other women's experiences.

As I stated earlier, if I wanted a one night stand, it would unequivocally be with a man I did not want a relationship with. The irony is that when you deal with things like that, they often paradoxically do want a relationship with you, lol..

I could care less if a man thinks my waiting is some kind of game. I dated one man who said something along the lines of 'normally I would be gone by now, but I can tell you aren't playing some kind of game'. So I guess the truth came across. If it doesn't?

*shrugs* there's the door.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1087
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 12:30:23 PM
Yeah i've waited for a long time before too...still doesn't work. If a guy wants to be a jerk then he will be regardless of how long you wait.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 1088
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 12:39:14 PM
^^ Well of course not, waiting won't change a jerk into something other than what he is.

What it does do is give you the space to actually SEE him for who he is, without getting all hormonally blinded. Jmo mind you.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 1091
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 3:55:16 PM
I am the type who waits until I am ready, always have been. If a man wants to see that as a game? He is free to use the door.

I don't know where this whole 'fix your picker' stuff is coming from, I'm not the one whining that I was used for sex, lol..
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1093
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 4:33:49 PM

I am the type who waits until I am ready


Although I "think" I know what you mean there the real crux is what defines "readyness"

A thousand women could use that exact phrase, and I dont think anyone myself included is saying its always bad

But, if as some will, they mean theyre ready because

x amount of dates is when they think it will stop a man thinking theyre a slut
x amount of dates is where they reckon NOT having sex would make a man lose interest
x amount of dates proves the man isnt "just" after sex
theyre ready because he has had x amount of dates and has been able to afford all of them
theyre ready because they reckon hes gagging for it enough to appreciate it now

and various other clearly manipulative, paranoid or just nonsensical reasons it IS bad

But that exact same phrase can still equally be used for any of those plus countless other reasons too


Such a vague phrase by itself is meaningless, the thought, reasons and intent behind it however is extremely meaningful
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 1094
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 4:42:08 PM
Here's the thing.. how about ya'll assume what you want about me?

Because I have precisely zero desire to defend my right to choose when I feel comfortable having sex, with a bunch of strangers in a thread started by a woman who felt used by a man when she had sex on the first date.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1096
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 5:23:41 PM
Nobody has "assumed" anything about "you" shakti

Thats the kind of stuff women like the OP tend to do that negates the validity of many responses on this type of topic

Because the idea they were "used" is as vapid and illfounded as your feeling "you" personally were being "attacked" or that your person reason behind that phrase was being questioned

What I ACTUALLY did, was to highlight that the phrase alone can apply just as easily to the list of reasons I gave plus many more. Without implying any of those were infact "YOUR" reason behind using the phrase

With the OP, he could have just not wanted to see her because of something she said or did during or after they had sex. Maybe because what constitutes "sex" for her is too boring, or too weird for his tastes

Just because someone who clearly has sour grapes because they had sex and it didnt get them what they thought it would claims, assumes or imagines they were dumped because some bloke was "only" after sex is a very very looooooong way away from it being true

Infact lets suppose for an instant she did actually know why he didnt want to see her again, or just had a pretty good inkling. And lets suppose it was because of something she had said, because she is one of those women who is psycho clingy after a few dates or because she doesnt do oral, or only likes the missionary position with the lights out, or any other reason along those lines

Do you REALLY think she would be honest about that?

But she is still likely to be disgruntled because he didnt want to see her again, quite likely to want to get her own back and therefore very possibly likely to post a thinly veiled dig at him then wait for other women to mail her to ask who the bloke is

The fact she "claims" she was used doesnt infact mean she was, nor does it mean she even feels "used" it only shows she wants other people to think she was used

Infact she could simply have wanted a shag, deliberately done something to make him bolt. And then to appear "wholesome and nice" then felt the need to paint the picture she was the stereotypical type of woman who ONLY sleeps with someone they "love", was lied to and decieved by a horrible man after sex and nothing more when SHE was "only"after a relationship

And also quite conveniently will have a showcase for men wanting to use the avenue of fake or semi genuine empathy mailing her so she can find her next partner

People can "feel" exactly what their personality or even their mood lets them feel. But that alone doesnt for one second mean its a valid or even acurate feeling. It JUST means that its how they feel. Nothing more

Using sex to get a relationship is also no more noble than using the promise of a relationhip to get sex

Both are simply manipulative examples of game playing,
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1101
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/25/2011 9:24:48 PM
It is amazing how many people judge others for making a mistake like they have never made one. We are all human and it happens. People need to be more open minded and accepting of others no matter what they did wrong. You are not perfect!
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1103
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/26/2011 4:15:03 AM

because women spread their legs for them, duh


Thats not always true

Sex works just as well if they bend over the nearest table, settee, pedestrian barrier, car bonnet or just 2assume the position" against a wall too

 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1104
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/26/2011 8:04:53 AM
I am not blaming any man or woman for this stuff. Just saying, I wish people would not be so quick to judge like they are perfect and never done a thing wrong.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1105
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/26/2011 8:42:38 AM
Having done something wrong doesnt mean youre then barred for eternity for pointing out when someone else has also dont something wrong

What a silly idea that would be?

"Jeez, I cant be a magistrate because when I was 6 I broke a window in next doors greenhouse with my football"

I most certainly dont claim I have "never made a mistake" I've made fecking tons of them, its part of learning

But that doesnt negate having an opinion when someone else has also made a mistake


or are you saying you NEVER have an opinion about any mistake anyone else makes?

Because I'll bet you thats not true


Also, if someone has actually posted their "mistake" on a public forum for strangers to comment on then its a bit of a silly thing to do if they DONT want people to post their opinions really
 badpretzels
Joined: 6/1/2011
Msg: 1107
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/28/2011 3:07:33 AM
Why do women act like they hate sex?
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 1108
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/28/2011 8:50:47 AM
Women don't hate sex...We just know is more important than men think it is or act like it is. We value it more because it is intimate and a side of someone that you might not ever see if you didn't go that far. And for me, I like to see how they are in bed like if they are kinky, loud, fun, boring, lazy, adventurous.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 1109
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 10/28/2011 8:59:10 AM

Why do women act like they hate sex?


"Women" dont act like that

SOME women might appear to be acting like that I guess to some people, but rather than acting like they "hate" it what theyre actually doing is restricting it so it becomes a comodity, something that hold leverage and power in a relationship or use it as way to try and suss out somebodies intentions or as an imagined possible "carrot" to men who wouldnt date them for as long otherwise plus various other things

Thats nothing at all like "hating" it

And even then its not "women" who do it, its just "some women"
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