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 AUTHOR
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 47
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why do men think they can use women for sex?Page 2 of 51    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

i've never done that before and have learned my lesson to never do it again.


sweetie...we have all..NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!


i just can't understand why he couldn't be man enough to talk to me the next day and say i had a nice time with you but i don't want to pursue a relationship with you.

because that complicates things..and leads the question WHY!!...no one ever wants to explain why!..perhaps he doesnt have a reason..except for....because! and you arent going to accept that..are you?..If you would..your a bigger person then most of us!


anyway we used protection because i insisted on it. something i did right, i guess. but yes i am planning on getting tested because he most likely has done this before. even though he said he hadn't been active sexually for 6 months and didn't have any STD's. but obviously i can't trust what he says.


ahhhh....so if he HAD called you the next day and told you he had a great time...then you wouldnt worry about being tested?..That is the one of the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard. STD's dont work that way....they dont all of a sudden disappear when you get that call the next day. You should have thought about STD's BEFORE you did the deed. Even if you did use protection. LAFFS...Cause after the fact my dear............................thats something you cant take back!!

I do agree though.. about "no one has a right to judge you"..we have all done things we wish we hadnt at one point or another. Some of us just choose to learn from it and move on..instead of wondering why it didnt work out the way we may have wanted it or why others do the things they do.
 kevinmach
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 50
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:38:49 AM
OP, here's something that may help you take it a little less personally. One is my opinion, two is the modern relationship advice equivalent, that I happen to subscribe to based on my own experiences and talking to my friends. EVERYONE should read #2.

1 - Don't look view your sexuality as something to give or that you "gave him", to which you expect ANYTHING in return. Do it because you want to, but really, for either a man or woman to expect much beyond what happens in the moment is slightly manipulative and a good way to end up disappointed.

2- This is not my theory, but I have found it very much to be true for both genders. When two people have sex too quickly-before comfort and real bonding have been established, this is very often the result with one of the two parties:

The Girl: She realizes afterward that she doesn't really know the guy and isn't that comfortable with him, and regrets having been intimate. Now- mainly because of societies stigmas and stereotypes-she feels like slut. Like she was used. And these feelings can actually intensify if she likes the guy, since she is worried about his opinion. VERY OFTEN, in this case, it is the girl who will not call the guy back because she associates these feelings of guilt and shame with him, which makes her feel like crap. So she chose to avoid him.

This was not entirely the case with you, because you were willing to call him again. But I have exchanged MANY stories with guys who were totally confused when they hooked up with a girl too soon, there seemed to be attraction and chemistry, and she just bolted or pushed them away.

The Guy: The guy has sex too soon and may fear the worst-that there is now some unspoken commitment, or that he feels pressured to now act a certain way because you were intimate, or he may realize that he's not as into her after he's thought about it more (this happens all the time with dating where no sex is involved, where you feel totally different about a situation after having some time to think about it).

There is always a possibility that either party could have been just out to get laid, but the scenarios above happen more often than you think. And it only takes one of these parties to feel this way for the whole thing to come crashing down.

In other words, it may not have been a rejection of you personally, but a rejection of the now complicated situation that is now ahead of both of you.
 Tumbao
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 53
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:40:28 AM
This seems blunt, but I can't think of another way to put it: You having sex with him doesn't create any obligation on his end. Perhaps he wasn't going to call you the next day, regardless. People do have a tendency to take the easy way out...I'm sure for him it was easier not to contact you anymore than to explain why he was just gonna "hit it and quit it".

If you took having sex with him out of the equation, would you still be [as] upset that he didn't call you?

I'm not being unsympathetic...it can't be a good feeling for you. But he could be on the other end thinking that he can't trust you because you said one thing and did another. It may have hurt your feelings that he didn't respond to your email, but he may have felt it would be rude to reply just to say "no longer interested".

Given the scenario that you described...it doesn't look like he used you for sex. It seems like a mutual thing with one or both parties having regrets afterwards.
 firegurl61-17
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 54
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:47:59 AM
I am sorry this happened the way it did. Be more careful next time to not give too much of your heart and yourself before knowing it will be working toward a long term relationship. You made a lousy choice as alot of men and women do, but you shouldn't be hung from the rafters for it. Just hang in there and learn from it...I would cut off all contact with him, as some people like this are repeat offenders...men and women. If he tries to contact you..don't answer. You can reclaim yourself respect and the lesson learned here will be worth something.
 dentwebb
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 56
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 11:59:02 AM
"vixenette"

Well gorgeous, I would personally say you got what your profile asked for "some explosive chemistry" and that chemistry was exploded right into you! I would assume you enjoyed it?
 JuJuBee
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 58
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:00:40 PM
I'm sorry you got hurt in the process. Maybe the lessons you learn now will save you heartache later down the road.
 ForeverLong
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 60
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:15:17 PM
Look at it this way, he is not using you for sex, it only happened once. It probably wasn't a good idea to have sex on the first date. I don't know why it ended there, I'm guessing he just wasn't interested in you after having sex?
 morphyboy
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 61
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:22:09 PM
Rejection is never easy to cope with regardless of the circumstances. It's not very nice of him to ignore your emails, but this sort of thing happens all the time, to women and men. Maybe you didn't do it for him in bed and he doesn't how how to tell you that. Don't take it personally. All you can do is move on and perhaps take things a little slower next time.
 ORCAANNA
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 63
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:29:42 PM
OP.... do not feel like the lone ranger. What you have described has happened to Women and Men for thousands of years. It is called sex!! that's all.... and you say he hasn't called you etc...- oh well, at least you know where you stand. My former husband could never really talk to me after sex either.... , and i wondered where i stood with him for nine years, and two children later....a lot of expended energy for not!!
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 67
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:56:23 PM

why do men think they can use women for sex?
A better question is why does a woman feel like they are used when the experience was clearly consenting?

I don't get it. It's also real easy to misunderstand what "explosive chemistry" means, and how a "Vixenette" usually behaves on first dates.

Also, I wouldn't mention anything about "no sex, no kissing, no one-night stands", anything that could be construed negative, before meeting. It sounds resumptuous, like anyone who is graced by your presence could not possibly feel like kissing and sexing you upon meeting you for the first time.

Of course it's ok to feel this way, but instead of pinning the failure of this dating experience on this guy's apparent "deception", perhaps you take some responsibility for the failure? Upon further review, you acted in ways that make you feel uncomfortable, how about recognizing your desire to have sex as something positive and recognize there is a time and place for everything? Instead, you look for people to acknowledge your rationalization that somehow you were "used".


I would like to know how other men feel about this happening to a woman.
Unless a woman were raped or drugged, I don't feel bad about a woman consenting to have sex with a man on a first date, and then the situation turns south on the woman. I could write a book on women's flaky dating behavior, but I choose not to relive sour-grape experiences.

This ain't rocket science. If you are on a date, you feel sexual urges gurgling inside you, or if your date comes on to you sexually, yet feel that first date sex is inappropriate, squelch the situation. This advice is applicable regardless of whether it is a man coming on to a woman, or vice versa (believe it or not, lots of women throw themselves unwelcomely onto guys in first date sex moves).
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 68
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:06:41 PM
I'm in my sexual prime, and I love it! If you're true and honest to yourself, you won't have these self-depricating feelings of remorse when something like this happens again. And trust me it will, if not to you, to another female.

Ladies, we got start looking at dating in a whole new light! If you're strong, confident, and feel good about yourself, why would you let some guy bring you down, like that? We have needs, too...There's no reason to be ashamed of them. If you know what you want or need, go out and get it! There's some good toys on the market, but nothing compares to the warmth and touch of another person's body!! So ladies, start dating like you have a penis and you'll be pleasantly surprised at the amount of sex you can have!!

More women should have this attitude. If you have it, have it cause you wanted it and took it, not weren't sure but gave it. It's all mindset and dynamics. And don't feel bad about it.

Disengage yourself from the emotional part of it, and just enjoy it - unless you're involved and attached, it's just a dildo that walks and talks. No harm in that, right? I doubt many men would argue it.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 70
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:23:03 PM
I agree more women should have that attitude.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 73
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 1:54:34 PM

Don't forget it occasionally buys you dinner or drinks as well!

Naahh, I buy my own most of the time...besides, human dildos aren't necessarily for public display. They can cramp your future inventory. LOL
 esotericjudi
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 76
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:04:04 PM
Haven't read the other responses, maybe I'll do that next. Very first thought in my head when I read this question? Men think they can use women for sex, because some women let them. Duh.

And some men don't do this...pick better men.
 Naughtical
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 77
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:39:02 PM
Because too many women let them.

They are usually the same women who start threads about it.
 tigerlily1
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 78
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 2:48:15 PM
You would expect a burgular to come back and explain why he robbed your house, you have to be an adult about your life, unfortunatley people are responsible for themselves.

It's really hard to tell someone you don't like them, especialy after intimacy, perhaps he has bad experiences with communciating that to women before........

your being so negative here..........

Perhaps he did like you, and after the sex, he realised you dont want any a permanent relationship and he couldn't get his head around it and he is the one who doesnt want to get hurt

I am confused by what it is you want and what you expect. why even bother trying to find someone if you dont want a relationship, or casual sex...... and why is it a big deal, you dont know him and he is probaly as confused as me by the whole silly thing....

I don't ever call people back and tell them I dont like them, or email them, I jsut dont contact them, they have normally proved they are off the planet or not on my wave length, and I dont want to communciate with them, I shut down walls come up and that is the end......

I have been so badly put off by a few people I have met through these sites, that they dont deserve a phone call or explanation and that is that.

they may not have treated me badly, but they have usually said something that indicates what and who they are and they have turned out to be the type people I cant stand, I am definatley not extending myself to them any further.

I dont like to be made to feel responsible for other people, it is obvious if someone doesnt get back to you that it isnt right for them.

It is up to you to know who your sleeping with, and you have made a mistake and you have learnt from it.

and as you can see their are people who will get to know you and love you and people who will run for the hills......

I cant imagine having to send an email or make a phone call to someone, telling them they are inmature, undeducated, unrealsitic, over emotional. desperate, have a severe personality disorder or mental illness are shallow, narrow minded, in expereinced, one sided, selfish, are game players, have unhealthy emotions and expectations that they smell or their personal hygiene is out of order, they have unhealthy atttiudes to family , x's and children, or that I'm horrified that such people exsist along with side me on the planet, etc etc.

It is just my opinion of these people and I think it is best kept to myself, becuse if I make an excuse they will know it is an excuse, cant win either way........

Silence is Golden, it says many words........

Their is nothing wrong with the fact that you slept with him, what is wrong is your expectation that a total stranger is going to care for you and show you courtesy respect and understanding and get annoyed about it.

He could be perfectly normal, and seems to be, its not normal to expect someone to call you abck and tell you what is wrong with you and to share their feelings with you if they already know they dont want to see you again.

If someone doesnt want to see you again you wont hear from them and that is normal, unless you have had a relationship of some type.

you have to examine your own emotions and feelings and where they are coming from, he hasnt injured you, the injury is coming from somewhere else, ego perhaps becsue he doesnt want you, or a past rejection or let down.

Your expectaions are way to high and you have made assumptions about him and the way people should and could behave in these situations.

you just don't know him and cant assume anything, or jump to conclusions.

Protect and look after yourself, and let it be, no one is at fault.......
 justme1124
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 81
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:32:33 PM
wow,I think your pretty dam hot myself,I can't believe he wouldn't want to see you again,that guy needs his head examined hun.Try not to internalise it too much,we all do it anyway,think of all the guys that pass by you and you say to yourself, nope, nope,uhh mabey,hmm,not in this lifetime,lol, just tryin to make you laugh, have a good night gorgeous
 constantgardener
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 83
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:55:08 PM
Tall and Dark said it all. However, rule number 1. Don't be going to HIS house to watch a movie (if you don't want to end up having one thing lead to another! 2. Get to know his friends and FAMILY, you will get a pretty good idea of who he is and what his values are if your meet the FAMILY and meet the FRIENDS 3. He doesn't want you to meet the family????and FRIENDS RRREEEDDDD FLLLAAAGGGG!!!!! Have him meet your family and friends (get feedback). And you both should be going OUT to events that you both enjoy, how else can you find out who he is and who YOU are with him. Enjoy each other's company (sans sex) the rest will follow if it's meant to be. And change your user name to something else (not so suggestive).
 TheFantasyArtist
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 84
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:02:09 PM
I feel terrible it happened to you.I personaly would like to have feelings for the person I slept with,not just sleep with them for sex.I feel that when two people have feelings for one another,it's just not 'sex",it's "making love".
 soundude
Joined: 2/7/2006
Msg: 87
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:28:47 PM

why do men think they can use women for sex?


Because you let him...thats why. Enough women do exactly like you did and thats reason enough for them to continue. You ask why men think they can...they don't think they can, they CAN.
If 1 out of 100 women jump into bed on the first date, that enough of a ratio to keep them trying. If it were like 1 out of a 1000 or 10,000...it wouldn't be as prevalent.

He moved on to his next target that night, guaranteed...if she didn't put out...he was on to the next.

I have a question...why do women keep asking the same question as you? It's the exact same answer every time.....because women let them.
In high school....the easy girls were not the most popular with the guys because they were hot looking...it's because they put out.

I work in the entertainment industry...that means a LOT or clubs, bars etc....at closing time...the vultures who struck out are circling around the girls who also struck out as well...99% of the time it doesn't matter what she looks like...if she puts out...she has a date.

You're 32 so must be relatively intelligent enough to know why he did what he did. Don't lie to yourself.
An ID like vixenette and "anything exciting" with an age range of 18 to 40 screams "DO ME" to 98% of the male population at large.
You've painted yourself as disposable material. And you're surprised that someone used you...sorry to be so blunt but geezus...what the hell do you expect?
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 90
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:56:13 PM
That's what you call one night stand, which you said you are not one, but then you gave in. Its really your fault, unless he did it against your will, but you consented with it. Dont blame men, its really us women who does it because we let them. Go fishing some more, forget the guy.
 VicinSA
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 91
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 6:57:03 PM
Because some men are stupid asses that think with the wrong parts their anatomy. I am sorry for your pain. You deserved better. I know, please don't ask.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 92
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:03:24 PM
I'm gonna answer the question you posed in your headline - because it may answer the content of your post as well! Men think they can use women for sex because some women let them! Simple as that! If not you - others have and men will simply go for what they desire and they desire sex!! Ya can't blame them - because evidently the women they fvck - want sex too!! Don't get angry when men are simply going on what they have learned they can get - whenever they want it!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 93
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:10:14 PM

Oh, a lot of moralists will throw stones at you and say "Why did you sleep with him?"


It has nothing to do with morals. It has to do with unwise decisions: a woman sleeps with a man before she gets to know him and then finds out he isn't considerate. Surely she understood that there was more than one possible outcome for her actions--if she didn't at that time, she does now. Is he a creep? Yes, but that does not absolve her of the decisions she made.

Why do men think that they can use women for sex? Because some women let them.
 prettite
Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 95
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:27:11 PM
If you want a LTR with a guy, here is my list of top ten "what not to do's" on a first date:

1. Be late...especially not calling before your meeting time to tell him you're running late.
2. Go to his or your place alone, even if he promises he won't try anything.
3. Tell him you've waited all your life for him.
4. Get slathering drunk - either before or during the date/meeting - especially if it's on his dime.
5. Talk about your ex's.
6. Show up looking and smelling anything but fresh.
7. Plop your cell phone down on the table between the two of you, with ringer on, unless you forewarn him that you are expecting a very important call.
8. French kiss or allow groping.
9. Talk about sex.
10....and last but not least (drum roll please) DO NOT sleep with him!!!
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