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 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 155
why do men think they can use women for sex?Page 3 of 51    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
That is intersting,


Ten to 15 percent of American women have never experienced an orgasm. Only 35 percent of the female population will orgasm during intercourse. ...


I was wondering, is that because men are unable to bring those woman to an orgasm. Or are there other issues that might contribute to those woman not having an orgasm. I'm not suggesting anything about me nor will I ever go into details about my experiences, But, other than, I have never experienced that with a woman,, well may be a quickie,, if she agreed..

Can those same woman orgasm by there self? Are there emotional issues?
Now assuming woman have had more than one partner, we men can't be all that bad, unless those woman are sharing the same men.. just a thought
 Mer_mate
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 159
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 3:15:34 PM
Pretty hard to set up the boundaries of a "relationship" that has yet to be established, never mind on one date.

I do feel badly for you vixen but learn your lessons and carry on
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 160
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 4:06:10 PM

Gynecology is not my field of study, but, i do think it has something to do with a lack of nerve endings in the vagina. I dont think it is really any fault of the man. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to climax. i also think most women can bring themselves to climax through masturbation. others it could be emotional issues.

back on topic, i think this lady agreed to sex because she thought she was going to at least have a casual relationship with this man. This didnt happen so now she feels used.


Thanks for your insight on the woman,, It's nice to know it's not all a mans fault

Ok on topic,, there is no doubt she agreed to having sex or manipulated it,, but what she wanted out of it all is still confusing to me,, and with out a question confusing to her. ,, if casual were her thoughts, as she suggested, among others, I think that might be a far cry from sexual encounters,, yet, sex was not supposed to happen,
I think she would be better served, by not posting a question like that. So she could some how feel better about it all.. She should say, all she wanted is FWB... life may have been kinder,,, who knows.. but by posting such a question,, it will forever be in the archives of POF,, that is sad I think.. to expose your self in that way..
 Ralph C.
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 163
view profile
History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 8:28:53 PM
Dear Vixenette;
Sweet heart you have every right too feel the way you do, shit I would!
I've gone too bed with a few women at our first date but I was always honest and we left friends and maybe more then friends, now with that said, UM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just Say NO!!!!!on the first date, that's what I tell my daughters, men will be men and women as well.

Please take care
Ralph8119
 wonwascallywabbit
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 166
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 10:29:47 PM
Surprise, surprise, this is one of the first things I taught my daughters: All men are looking for one thing in the end, myself included. We may like you, love you, care about you, want to spend every minute of every day with you, but, we still view all women sexually. Myself I don't do one night stands ever, doesn't mean that I don't wish I could some days. By the way all those who loudly proclaim they aren't like that are most likely the ones that will sucker you in. I think raising two daughters helped me view women as someone's daughter, so I managed to learn a modest amount of restraint. Again, this doesn't mean I don't wish I could, just means the thought of hurting someone might keep me from going through with it.
 wonwascallywabbit
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 168
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/6/2008 11:02:45 PM
ya I really don't think teaching my daughters to put out is the best path I could take thanks. Your reply is the type of reasoning that has parents letting their kids experiment with sex at 12 and up. I've always said, as a guy I am eternally grateful to the parents who never taught their daughters what they had to give was a special gift to be treasured by those they chose to give it to, and as a father I am eternally grateful my daughters aren't them.
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 170
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:47:29 AM
yumyuck

Again, this doesn't mean I don't wish I could, just means the thought of hurting someone might keep me from going through with it.


I'm a little confused with your statement. If sex is agreed upon, as two adults, it could be one night,, FWB, old friend renewed,, how can you hurt someone who has consented to having sex, (as long as both were on the same page) what gives you that power to think you might hurt some one who has agreed to sex, I don't think you are in charge of how someone is feeling, that would be there responsibility to take control of for there actions and feeling,, isn't that the point of this tread.. Also, you used the words "might keep me from going through with it",, I think that is talking out of both sides of your mouth... Just my opinion...
 asteliapuff39
Joined: 8/9/2007
Msg: 174
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:22:16 AM
I think you are hurt because he gave you signals that you guys had a good connection... why else would you go to bed with someone if you didnt feel so great in the first date?
Sadly he didnt have the balls to tell you that he wasnt interested after that...and you cant judge all men for that...
My past relationships have not been less than a year with each boyfriend... I put out the first date lol, so for me putting out on a first date when I "feel" that connection is nothing wrong or out of this world!
I also put out because I have sexual needs, but I do let the guys know I am not interested in pursuing a relationship.
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 177
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:51:48 AM
I see several things in the post: you are thankful for having had a "nice evening". You have several confusing lines and messages. You obviously fell for the guy, even when you stated that you didn't want anything serious. You just lied to yourself. He had what he wanted, you had what you thought you wanted, best luck next time!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 178
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:02:54 AM
I look back at my youth and I clearly remember one thing about it: not once did I ever sleep with someone I hardly knew (and we all do it at least once) and actually expected or wondered if he'd call, or I'd see him - ever. If he did, great - but I never stressed about it. You just don't have enough to go on...I might have even caved once or twice with someone I really liked and thought "crap, well say goodbye to this one" to myself as things progressed. I sort of had the opposite reaction to what a lot of my friends had - I KNEW there was no attachment or reason for that guy to call (nor was there anything for me to call about either). I'd just chalk it up to a night of fun and move on.

The only time I ever gave it a second thought was in a situation where I had to deal with him again (a situation like work, social circles, living nearby, etc).

The best formula for all to follow is to enjoy something for what it was once it happens, not expect anything to come from it, but be pleasatly surprised if it does. When you've known someone less than a day, it's hard to be emotional or project any type of future onto anything that might happen unless you're being unrealistic.

In fact, for women I think at least good month of enjoying the moment and not expecting something to come from anything that happens between you and a new guy (and that goes for him too) is good measure. I think expectations and agendas sometimes ruin a possible relationship, your self esteem, or both.
 Ralph C.
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 180
view profile
History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:27:17 AM
Y/Y/Y/ I read you're response too you're daughters teaching on sexuality, you're right and what I've read in Santas Naughty Lil response tells me she has no idea on raising children, I have a 30 year old, 7, 11, & 13 year old girls and like the oldest too the youngest they all know what a man to a boy expects from them on their first kiss to the certain feeling they get between their legs!!!!!!
"What a job" but I love it even if I'm no longer with my younger daughters,
Dad till the end

Take care
Ralph8119
 Jaymz70
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 184
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:11:32 PM
Ugly Betty--what an appropriate name for yourself, since you have demonstrated such ugliness in your words. Please allow me to respond to your words.


There are no words for this, um - theory. Well, I'll try. Don't worry about what people you don't know do - live the way you feel is right, and don't judge others. Whores with no soul have nothing to do with women who (GASP!) enjoy sex.


I'm not judging anyone. And when did I say there was anything wrong with women enjoying sex? Of course they should! What I was saying is that if she spends her life just having sex with any Tom, John, or Harry who comes along and pays her a compliment or two, that is how she will turn out. Besides, sex without love is meaningless--nothing more than assisted masturbation, and it will jade a person towards any hope of true love.


I am sick to death of people who's basic mindset is that men take and women give; or that men are sniffing dogs with no sense of responsibility and it's all on the woman to protect her vagina like the Holy grail and set the tone for sexual humanity. It's BS...and it's propaganda. Some women believe this crap...which does benefit men, strangely enough.


I agree with you on that, although I do think that women should protect themselves from guys that push their emotional buttons with the intent of using them for one night. Guys should do so as well, I think. Besides, there are also women who take and men who give, as well as women who are sniffing dogs with no sense of responsibility.


You're not carrying a bible, are you? Nevermind. You were not witness to this woman's marriage so you can't really say what happened there...why don't you talk to her and let her tell you what happened instead of - basically not minding your own business? AGAIN, she didn't tell anyone to live like a whore. If you're definition of "whore" is a woman with some sexuality, then get therapy.[quote/]

The way she came across with her words gave me that impression. Also, marriage is a two-way street. It takes two to tango, so I merely questioned if maybe she considered herself in the matter. And yes, she did tell the OP to live like a whore. I never said that a whore is a woman with some sexuality. Perhaps it is you who needs therapy in order to cope with your obvious temper--or at least a lesson in vocabulary and word definition. Since you obviously do not know the definition of a whore, allow me to refer to you the definition of 'whore" as defined in Webster's dictionary:

1whore
Pronunciation: \ˈhȯr, ˈhu̇r\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English hore, from Old English hōre; akin to Old Norse hōra whore, hōrr adulterer, Latin carus dear — more at charity
Date: before 12th century
1: a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman
2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money
3: a venal or unscrupulous person

I need therapy because I know the definition of a whore? The definition above is exactly the sort of life that the OP was being told to live by Libre.


You seem to not have read the OP's post at all, or drawn a conclusion of her that had nothing to do with what she said.


Yes, I have read her post. She was expressing her hurt of being used by a "man." She posted her post, because she seemed to be seeking some advice, which is what I, and everyone else, was trying to give. If you disagree with what I said, that's fine. But do not assume that I have not read her post.


Correction, YOU cannot separate emotion from sex. And that's fine, because that's who YOU are. Beyond that, you have no idea what anyone else is capable of. But for a lot of us, having any type of huge emotion towards a total stranger is a bit of a difficulty. Most of it is projected wishful thinking.


Correction--NO ONE can separate emotion from sex. However, one can be deadened to his/her emotions so as not to react to them. The emotions are there--one just chooses to block them out. Much like applying Novocaine to a particular part of the body in order to numb the nerves, so that nothing can be felt. I am made of the same stuff as everyone else is. We all have a soul and emotions.


Perhaps you should see what she wants before you assume she wants what you claim she should hold out for.


Oh, and you're an expert on what she wants? What makes you think that she wouldn't want a good, decent man who will love her for who she is, and want to be with her? If you read my statement more carefully, you would see that I was trying to give her some uplifting advice. Furthermore, I was trying to encourage her. Why do you have a problem with that?


WHAT relationship? Yours? Where did the OP say she was hunting down a serious thing?


What makes you think she isn't? And why shouldn't she be encouraged to do so? Perhaps she doesn't believe that true love exists. How many of us have felt that way from time to time? As I said, I was trying to encourage her. What is wrong with that?


Nice insulting judgement. Yes, we all make mistakes, and most of us live and let live - what others do doesn't affect you, yet you're offensively passing judgment on it because it's not how you live. You sound a bit jaded yourself, ironically.


Actually, what others do DOES affect other people in one way or another in ways that we may not see. Insulting judgement? How was I being insulting and judgemental to the OP? If you read my statement more carefully, you would have seen that I was saying to her that she deserves better than to be little more to a man than a sexual plaything. In actuality, it is YOU who is passing insulting judgement on me. I was trying to give the OP a word of hope, telling her that she needs to be happy in herself and to have self-respect first off, and then hold out for a man who will truly love her, and will treat her right, not use her. Don't you think she deserves that? And for some reason, you seem to have a problem with that. And if I was jaded as you say, I would have said to her to just use men the way that worthless jerk used her. Or I would have told her to suck it up and get over it. A person who is truly jaded will not try to encourage or uplift others. I may ask why you're so jaded.


How about you live by example, and STFU about people that aren't bothering you personally - and stay clear of jaded soulless whores in your own neighborhood? How's that for a speech?


Practice what you preach! Was I bothering YOU personally? I was giving the OP some advice in order to try to help her, and to uplift her somehow. I don't understand why you're so bothered by what I said. If you want to have sex with every guy that comes your way, and become emotionally dead from it--which seems to have happened to you already--it is your choice. What I was saying to the OP is that she deserves a man who will treat her right, and who will love her for who she is, and if she just sleeps with any man that comes her way, she will make it that much harder for her to find the right man. I'm sorry if you have a problem with that. Perhaps you should ask yourself why that is. And don't worry--I will definitely stay clear of soulless whores. Or rather, I will tell them that they deserve better.

I hope you will one day be healed of the inner pain that is plaguing you so badly that you need to lash out at others. I was not attacking you. And I don't wish to attack you--or indeed anyone. I may attack what a person says, and admittedly I may do so a bit too strongly. But it's only because I care.

If you want to argue my point--or anyone else's--try to do so with logic and reasoning, instead of resorting to insults, put-downs, and cheap shots.
 Jaymz70
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 185
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:25:27 PM

Wow, some people take the comments of others much too personally. Dude, the woman who wrote the message that set you off wasn't talking about YOU, so relax.


I never said she was.

{quote]Whores don't have souls? Is that just the female whores or does it include the male scumbag whores?

Both, actually! Especially the male scumbag whores!


What makes a woman a whore?


I refer you to Merriam-Webster's definition:

Main Entry: 1whore
Pronunciation: \ˈhȯr, ˈhu̇r\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English hore, from Old English hōre; akin to Old Norse hōra whore, hōrr adulterer, Latin carus dear — more at charity
Date: before 12th century
1: a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman
2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money
3: a venal or unscrupulous person


The OP is not a whore because she slept with him


I never said she was. I said she deserves better than to live like one. I said she deserves to know the true love of a man, and that if she sleeps with every guy she meets, she will have great difficulty in finding a man who will appreciate her for who she is, and will love her the way she deserves to be loved.
 Jaymz70
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 188
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:37:55 PM

More women should have this attitude. If you have it, have it cause you wanted it and took it, not weren't sure but gave it. It's all mindset and dynamics. And don't feel bad about it.

Disengage yourself from the emotional part of it, and just enjoy it - unless you're involved and attached, it's just a dildo that walks and talks. No harm in that, right? I doubt many men would argue it.


Wow, what a pleasant view you have on men! Well, here's one man that will argue that! I have MUCH more to offer a woman than just sex. And so do lots of men out there.

More women should have this attitude? I doubt they will, because they have a thing called self-respect, and self-esteem. They also have a desire for true love, and a more positive view of men. Not to mention the fact that they will most likely prefer to not get HIV, genital herpes, or other STDs. And guess what! Some STDs are not prevented by a condom. Furthermore, condoms only REDUCE the risk of HIV and STDs, they do not ELIMINATE the risk.

Disengage yourself from the emotional part of it, and just enjoy it? It's that sort of thinking that is the reason why the world is so full of pain. If more people stayed attached to their emotions, the world would be a better place.

For years, women have been bemoaning the fact that so many men use women for sex. So now women want to use men? Goodbye, misogyny! Hello, misandry!

And people wonder why there is such a high rate of AIDS and other STDs.

The OP asked why men think they can use women for sex. I believe women like Uglybetty have done wonders to help answer that question.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 189
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:46:54 PM

Ugly Betty--what an appropriate name for yourself, since you have demonstrated such ugliness in your words. Please allow me to respond to your words.

Naturally I expected some sort of personal insult. I'll let that stand as having nothing to do with what I posted. Nice try, tho.

I'm not judging anyone. And when did I say there was anything wrong with women enjoying sex? Of course they should! What I was saying is that if she spends her life just having sex with any Tom, John, or Harry who comes along and pays her a compliment or two, that is how she will turn out. Besides, sex without love is meaningless--nothing more than assisted masturbation, and it will jade a person towards any hope of true love.

To tell someone they don't have to sleep with every man that comes along sort of implies that they either are, or want to, neither of which is something you know about. Basically, the way you went about it was backhanded. And when someone actually says "how do I avoid sleeping with every man that pays me two compliments?" - then by all means tell her, because she actually asked.

The way she came across with her words gave me that impression.

Impressions are sometimes not even close to what a person's about...maybe find out before you diagnose?

I need therapy because I know the definition of a whore? The definition above is exactly the sort of life that the OP was being told to live by Libre.

Wow, I totally missed Libre telling the OP to take up prostitution. PLEASE point me to that post - normally that type of stuff jumps right out at me. I won't miss it today, I've had my coffee.

Correction--NO ONE can separate emotion from sex. However, one can be deadened to his/her emotions so as not to react to them. The emotions are there--one just chooses to block them out. Much like applying Novocaine to a particular part of the body in order to numb the nerves, so that nothing can be felt. I am made of the same stuff as everyone else is. We all have a soul and emotions.

I'll need scientific, absolute and undeniable proof of that from you based on every person who existed on the planet, because you're stating you know what they all feel, will feel, have felt - or this one gets dropped. I'll be nice and cap it off at 100 years in either direction. If you can't prove that factually, then - well, you're assuming, and all it takes is one person to say "that's not what I do" and your debate's got a hole in it. You can preface your statement with "in my experience" so as not to nail yourself to the wall when saying things like that. For all you know there's one dude in Thailand that was born without feelings. If he sees this - you're in trouble. Just sayin'.

Oh, and you're an expert on what she wants? What makes you think that she wouldn't want a good, decent man who will love her for who she is, and want to be with her? If you read my statement more carefully, you would see that I was trying to give her some uplifting advice. Furthermore, I was trying to encourage her. Why do you have a problem with that?

No, I'm not! And neither are you! That was sort of my point....sparky. Uplifting is "you can do anything, and you're worth the world, and don't let anyone tell you you can't do anything". Uplifting is not "don't become a soulless whore! "Don't turn into a skank"....see the difference? It's context - it's more uplifting if the person asks for the pep talk AND you actually deliver it with some tact.

What makes you think she isn't? And why shouldn't she be encouraged to do so? Perhaps she doesn't believe that true love exists. How many of us have felt that way from time to time? As I said, I was trying to encourage her. What is wrong with that?

I don't know either way - AGAIN neither do you! Neither one of us are experts on people we don't know - ya pickin that up? Only the OP can ask what she asks and tell us what she wants us to know as the person this thread is about. What's wrong wtih that? It was one post and it hardly would have thrown the OP down the path of moral oblivion, nor was that really the topic.

Actually, what others do DOES affect other people in one way or another in ways that we may not see. Insulting judgement?

I referenced YOU, not other people - besides yourself, there's no one else that concerns you - just the OP. That's her business.
How was I being insulting and judgemental to the OP? If you read my statement more carefully, you would have seen that I was saying to her that she deserves better than to be little more to a man than a sexual plaything.
She acknowledged what she may have done wrong, she came back a few times and said she understood, so I think she's good with becoming a plaything, she already responded to that...

In actuality, it is YOU who is passing insulting judgement on me. I was trying to give the OP a word of hope, telling her that she needs to be happy in herself and to have self-respect first off, and then hold out for a man who will truly love her, and will treat her right, not use her. Don't you think she deserves that? And for some reason, you seem to have a problem with that.

I have a problem with the way you presented it. I covered that already. Sorry but it does say something about your views and tact, because you posted it. Work on your social skills a bit, watch how you word stuff and don't give out advice unsolicited. It's annoying.

And if I was jaded as you say, I would have said to her to just use men the way that worthless jerk used her. Or I would have told her to suck it up and get over it. A person who is truly jaded will not try to encourage or uplift others. I may ask why you're so jaded.

You assume I am jaded, that's funny - you like to do that, don't ya? Bottom line is, condeming and assuming to make your point comes across as judgemental and negative. But hey, if it works for you in your daily life - why change it? Here, it came across in a way other than I am SURE you must have meant it.

Practice what you preach! Was I bothering YOU personally? I was giving the OP some advice in order to try to help her, and to uplift her somehow. I don't understand why you're so bothered by what I said.

I was only as bothered by what you said as you were by what someone posted to the OP, ironically, that didn't involve you - but it didn't stop you from writing a scathing post directed at someone who wasn't talking to you either.

If you want to have sex with every guy that comes your way, and become emotionally dead from it--which seems to have happened to you already--it is your choice.

Yeah, it's that " I know what you're about based on a couple forum posts" attitude that I responed to. This isn't about me or my personal life. It's about the OP and the question she asked. Let's get back on topic.

What I was saying to the OP is that she deserves a man who will treat her right, and who will love her for who she is, and if she just sleeps with any man that comes her way, she will make it that much harder for her to find the right man. I'm sorry if you have a problem with that. Perhaps you should ask yourself why that is. And don't worry--I will definitely stay clear of soulless whores. Or rather, I will tell them that they deserve better.

You can say you deserve better without telling her to avoid becoming trash which is essentially what you said. Again, tact. If you want it to stick and do some good, then work on your PR. And don't bother telling soulless whores they deserve better - it assumes they don't know that, they don't choose for themselves, and that they care what you think. Presumptuous.

I hope you will one day be healed of the inner pain that is plaguing you so badly that you need to lash out at others. I was not attacking you. And I don't wish to attack you--or indeed anyone. I may attack what a person says, and admittedly I may do so a bit too strongly. But it's only because I care.

LOL....this is the internet, there are a million people here, if we all cared for everyone here, we'd be on oxygen tanks. Sounds good tho - lol. I never said you attacked me...don't know where you got that. Don't attack others because you care, it sends the exact opposite impression. In fact, allow people the courtesy of having their own minds and thoughts. If you care, then let them be who they are and don't worry about it. Go help people who can't help themselves or something. Makes more sense.

If you want to argue my point--or anyone else's--try to do so with logic and reasoning, instead of resorting to insults, put-downs, and cheap shots.

I will if you will....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 191
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 1:54:35 PM
Awwww just when I thought there might have been a truce...

Wow, what a pleasant view you have on men! Well, here's one man that will argue that! I have MUCH more to offer a woman than just sex. And so do lots of men out there.

I am sure you do. Did I say YOU didn't?

More women should have this attitude? I doubt they will, because they have a thing called self-respect, and self-esteem. They also have a desire for true love, and a more positive view of men. Not to mention the fact that they will most likely prefer to not get HIV, genital herpes, or other STDs. And guess what! Some STDs are not prevented by a condom. Furthermore, condoms only REDUCE the risk of HIV and STDs, they do not ELIMINATE the risk.

First of all, true love is not a requirement of mankind. It's something that some people want...doesn't mean all have to follow the same code. And sex doesn't exclusively connect with STD's unless of course, you're careless about it. The bottom line is that it's not always "he took, I gave, where's the humanity?" We already covered that.

Disengage yourself from the emotional part of it, and just enjoy it? It's that sort of thinking that is the reason why the world is so full of pain. If more people stayed attached to their emotions, the world would be a better place.

Yeah, I'm gonna want factual information on that too, you must be a geologist or something that involves studying every culture on every continent that everyone belongs to, because you sure have a lot of info on "the world" and what it needs.

For years, women have been bemoaning the fact that so many men use women for sex. So now women want to use men? Goodbye, misogyny! Hello, misandry!

Yeah, you missed the point - that assumption thing you do. It's not supposed to be that we're used by either gender sex, it's supposed to be "enjoyed" by both involved. Something you agreed earlier doesn't make us bad people.

And people wonder why there is such a high rate of AIDS and other STDs.

What people wonder this? I don't - do you?

The OP asked why men think they can use women for sex. I believe women like Uglybetty have done wonders to help answer that question.

Oh, that was creative - sounds good as a closer. But what does it mean? Wonders? I can't wait to hear this one. Throw it in with your scientific information when you gather it.
 Jaymz70
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 193
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:35:41 PM

To tell someone they don't have to sleep with every man that comes along sort of implies that they either are, or want to, neither of which is something you know about. Basically, the way you went about it was backhanded. And when someone actually says "how do I avoid sleeping with every man that pays me two compliments?" - then by all means tell her, because she actually asked.


I never implied anything towards the OP. I was countering what Libre was saying to the OP. Thre's a difference.


Impressions are sometimes not even close to what a person's about...maybe find out before you diagnose?


Maybe you can try that yourself as well?


Wow, I totally missed Libre telling the OP to take up prostitution. PLEASE point me to that post - normally that type of stuff jumps right out at me. I won't miss it today, I've had my coffee.


Did you read the FULL definition? Did you not read the part where it als defined a whore as a promiscuous woman? Maybe you need another coffee?


I'll need scientific, absolute and undeniable proof of that from you based on every person who existed on the planet, because you're stating you know what they all feel, will feel, have felt - or this one gets dropped. I'll be nice and cap it off at 100 years in either direction. If you can't prove that factually, then - well, you're assuming, and all it takes is one person to say "that's not what I do" and your debate's got a hole in it. You can preface your statement with "in my experience" so as not to nail yourself to the wall when saying things like that. For all you know there's one dude in Thailand that was born without feelings. If he sees this - you're in trouble. Just sayin'.


Can you show me anyone who was born without feelings? We all have them. Some people hide them better than others. Many are numb to their feelings--but they have them. Come on, surely you can come up with a better argument than that!


No, I'm not! And neither are you! That was sort of my point....sparky. Uplifting is "you can do anything, and you're worth the world, and don't let anyone tell you you can't do anything". Uplifting is not "don't become a soulless whore! "Don't turn into a skank"....see the difference? It's context - it's more uplifting if the person asks for the pep talk AND you actually deliver it with some tact.


Why is that not uplifting? Sorry, but I do not see the difference. I was saying that she deserves better. Do you also say that it is not uplifting to say to a person, "Don't turn into a hard-hearted, hateful person?" It is uplifting, because I see her as a woman with value, and who should strive for more than just being a man's sexual plaything. Please explain how that is not uplifting. Again, I was countering Libre's advice. Should a person only hear just ONE point of view?


I don't know either way - AGAIN neither do you! Neither one of us are experts on people we don't know - ya pickin that up?


I never claimed to be an expert. The Op posted her post because she was seeking advice, and like everyone else, I was trying to do that. So why don't you say the same thing to everyone else here on the thread?


Only the OP can ask what she asks and tell us what she wants us to know as the person this thread is about. What's wrong wtih that? It was one post and it hardly would have thrown the OP down the path of moral oblivion, nor was that really the topic.


Nothing at all! Again, I was countering advice she was receiving from Libre. Ya picking that up?


She acknowledged what she may have done wrong, she came back a few times and said she understood, so I think she's good with becoming a plaything, she already responded to that...


Well, that's good. As I said, we all make mistakes, and it's important to acknowledge when we do.


I have a problem with the way you presented it. I covered that already. Sorry but it does say something about your views and tact, because you posted it. Work on your social skills a bit, watch how you word stuff and don't give out advice unsolicited. It's annoying.


Why do you have a problem with the way I presented it? And I am very careful with the words I choose. Furthermore, my social skills are just fine. The fact that you happen to disagree with what I said does not mean I lack social skills. As for "unsolicited advice," I believe that was why the OP posted her post in the first place--she was seeking advice. So you can hardly call it "unsolicited advice." Perhaps it was annoying to you because you feel it was an attack on the way you choose to live your life? The advice was for the OP, not you, although you are free to take it as well--and I think it would be good for you if you did, because you are worthy of a good man as well. You just need to--never mind! I'll wait for you to ask before I say anything.


You assume I am jaded, that's funny - you like to do that, don't ya? Bottom line is, condeming and assuming to make your point comes across as judgemental and negative. But hey, if it works for you in your daily life - why change it? Here, it came across in a way other than I am SURE you must have meant it.


Judgemental and negative? Perhaps you feel I am being this way to you, but I assure you, that is not how I am being to the OP. If you read EVERY WORD I wrote to her, you would have seen that.


I was only as bothered by what you said as you were by what someone posted to the OP, ironically, that didn't involve you - but it didn't stop you from writing a scathing post directed at someone who wasn't talking to you either.


Why were you bothered by what I said? Did you feel I was attacking the OP--or did you feel I was attacking you?


Yeah, it's that " I know what you're about based on a couple forum posts" attitude that I responed to. This isn't about me or my personal life. It's about the OP and the question she asked. Let's get back on topic.


Are you sure about that?


You can say you deserve better without telling her to avoid becoming trash which is essentially what you said. Again, tact. If you want it to stick and do some good, then work on your PR. And don't bother telling soulless whores they deserve better - it assumes they don't know that, they don't choose for themselves, and that they care what you think. Presumptuous.


Aren't YOU the one being presumptuous? Women who become soulless whores do so because no one ever told them they deserve better, and they've been treated badly by men--and there are LOTS of women out there who will testify to that. Telling them that they do deserve better is exactly what they need to hear. Why should you have a problem with that? And what's wrong with telling someone to avoid becoming trash? It's because I see their value as a person that I say that. I am not attacking them, I am telling them that they are better than that. If a woman told me to not become a misogynistic scumbag, would I be offended? Not at all! Ya picking that up?


LOL....this is the internet, there are a million people here, if we all cared for everyone here, we'd be on oxygen tanks. Sounds good tho - lol. I never said you attacked me...don't know where you got that.


Probably the way you came off on me for my post gave me the idea that you felt attacked by what I said? Again, I was countering Libre's post.


Don't attack others because you care, it sends the exact opposite impression. In fact, allow people the courtesy of having their own minds and thoughts. If you care, then let them be who they are and don't worry about it. Go help people who can't help themselves or something. Makes more sense.


I was not attacking anybody! I was giving advice to the OP, as well as encouragement. Please read my post again. And you say that I should let people be who they are, yet you don't seem to mind posting your views. I cannot force people to be anything any more than you can. They choose for themselves. I can only post ideas for them, and it is up to them whether or not they want to take them. Now isn't that the point of threads such as this?
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 194
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:43:44 PM
sage,,

To a man, passion and love are two different things. When he is physical with you on the first date it's for immediate sexual gratification and nothing more. He's accomplished his goal; he got you into the sack. For him the game's over. There is no reason to continue the relationship. He now is ready for the next challenge and you are not in the picture.



You are so wrong in that statement, and if it were true would you be the exception to the mans psyche,"RIGHT", If it were true,, god help all woman..
Most reasonable people would agree,, you can leave the word "love" out when having sex on the first date,, I think it might have some passion,, however that still a hefty word to use when having sex for the first time.., it might be called lust,, or just a desire to have plain old sex..


If women want men to respect them and learn more about them, handing sex out on the first date isn't the way to do it.


What are you thinking with that statement..I won't speak for all men, I have had sex on first dates, and never did I disrespect those woman,, for if I did what would that make me. That's like saying all men don't have feeling,, can't cry, feel bad.. no remorse, no regrets. I'm sorry I just can't buy in to your thoughts or reasoning.

Now I would suggest this,, those points of view, presented in the right way to a woman,, "no all",, would make you sound like a very sensible caring guy,, put that with a few other nice line,, you might be getting laid,, but sadly we might be reading posts like this again.
 Jaymz70
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 196
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 2:52:07 PM

I am sure you do. Did I say YOU didn't?


Yes, you did. You said that men are just dildos that walk. I am a man; therefore, you included me in that category.


First of all, true love is not a requirement of mankind. It's something that some people want...doesn't mean all have to follow the same code. And sex doesn't exclusively connect with STD's unless of course, you're careless about it. The bottom line is that it's not always "he took, I gave, where's the humanity?" We already covered that.


Actually, in many ways, it is a requirement. The human race would have never lasted as long as it has without true love. You only have to think about it to see that. Now I agree that no one HAS to follow that code--but the world would be a much better place if they did. Again, you only have to think about it to see that.


Yeah, I'm gonna want factual information on that too, you must be a geologist or something that involves studying every culture on every continent that everyone belongs to, because you sure have a lot of info on "the world" and what it needs.


Just watch the news.


Yeah, you missed the point - that assumption thing you do. It's not supposed to be that we're used by either gender sex, it's supposed to be "enjoyed" by both involved. Something you agreed earlier doesn't make us bad people.


Perhaps not "bad people." Rather, people who are missing out on how great sex can really be when it is shared by two people who have a true love relationship--preferrably marriage. As I said earlier, even secular studies have shown that marital sex is better sex than one-night-stand sex.


Oh, that was creative - sounds good as a closer. But what does it mean? Wonders? I can't wait to hear this one. Throw it in with your scientific information when you gather it.


What I was saying is that it is views like yours that are the reason why men use women for sex, and why so many women wind up hurt because of it. Men meet women with views like yours, and assume that if a woman sleeps with him, she thinks the same way as you do. So in that respect, you indirectly contribute to women being used. That is what many are saying here. Men use women for sex because women let them. You may be okay with it afterwards because you have numbed yourself to your emotions.

I truly hope that one day, you will know what true love is, But that is not likely to happen if you sleep around and think of men as "dildoes that walk."
 Born2bewild62
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 198
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History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:03:31 PM
You shoved him into the "Just Freinds" category- then it got hot and heavy so he figured he'd take advantage of the opportunity and then ran. Maybe it was revenge for being classified as not worthy of your love. Maybe you should have not let yourself loose control the way you did. Reasons people do the things they do- the world may never know!

JF
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 207
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 5:15:14 PM
kittenshere


As for slyknight, if there is a man who will stay with a woman after she sleeps with him on first meeting i would like to find him. they might exist but they are rare.


I have no idea how rare those men you speak of, but I am one of them,, to this day, those woman I have slept with have become my friend and I know I am there's. Matter of fact I think it is rare that men and woman who sleep together on the first date, are most likely will speak again, and continue to have some sort of relationships..

The problem may be, those some bad marriages or relashionships,, that some men and woman keep complaining about men and woman are most likely the ones who have been scorned, and are not willing to take some responsibility for there own actions. there for blaming all other,, just my opinion
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 209
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:00:03 PM
sage

I will agree that we disagree,,


You may be one of the exceptions. And I'll admit there are some,

That was exactly my point,, it's not all men and there may be a lot more than you may think or less than I want to believe.. but either way we exist


The word "lust" is a synonym for "passion" for the way I meant it.


I agree with the statement above as well.. I must add this point,, passion has more of a heart felt meaning a more powerful meaning and not to take lightly, I would say, it is better served with word love and it;s meaning. .. as for lust would be better used with a need or desire that might not have such a meaning as passion might have..

There was no need to repeat your self,, I certainly understand what you said,, but still disagree completely,,

good luck,, nice to share different views...
 sin2gether2
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 210
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:00:55 PM
To stephenlikesto
The guy is a jerk. I hate when men give the silent treatment after a date (regardless of sex being involved). It is a form of passive/aggressive behaviour.
You seem like a sweetie. You deserve better.

As for the double standard. Who cares? 50% of the world is made up of women. If women decided to stick together and enforce a unified set of standards for all people regardless of sex ... there would be no such thing. I believe that people are people. We all deserve to vote. We can all decide to have sex when we feel like it. As long as both parties consent.

Blaming it on the double standard is a cop out. He made the same decision you did.
Afterwards, he behaved like an ass and you behaved like a person with a heart.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 212
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why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:41:58 PM
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 936 AM

MSG#191-SlyKnight Wrote :Know what I respect? A girl who knows what she wants and doesn't let whatever society deems 'good' or 'bad' affect her. Someone who doesn't care for rules and isn't afraid to be themselves.


I totally agree with you Knight.
Myself I don't view women as whores just because they met up with someone that they was physically attracted to and get over heated.


Of course a guy would say this.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 213
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History
why do men think they can use women for sex?
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:55:11 PM
aspiring angel said: The guy ended up being slime, you're better off without him. Is it a slight on you that he gave you the silent treatment in exchange for sex? Not really, it's just a demonstration of his inadequacy as a stand up man


I think she proved she herself was the slime in this scenario. it is his fault that she put out on the first date, without promises or commitment? come on, shes a grown woman. She is just bitter she didnt get the call back to reinforce her desirablility.
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