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Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 4
Thanks, mom and dad...Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I have learned....witnessed my mother bully my father all my life.
This is not the sign of a strong woman.... but a woman who is overly aggressive.

My kids have witnessed my Ex bully me...and my mom bully my father and me.
My dad is co-dependent on my mom....he can't even order a meal at a restaurant without first asking her what he wants.
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 5
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Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/5/2008 7:42:09 PM
I guess I'm in the minority here. My parents are still married after 55 years. I learned that it takes a lot of hard work to make any relationship work. Unfortunately, mine did not take but I still learned from that too. I admire them for making it work for all these years. I had what was once considered a normal upbringing. Not too common anymore.

I learned that life is about compromise and give and take. You can win the battle but lose the war.
Joined: 9/28/2005
Msg: 8
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Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:03:00 PM
my parents will be celebrating their 44th wedding anniversary in two weeks. i often sit back and watch them with just utter amazement. they sacrificed for their kids the way all parents do, but they also sacrificed for each other. my father put my mother first and vice versa. they have a respect and love for each other that i have never seen anyone else have. it is something i have spent my life in search of, and hopefully i will find it someday soon.
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 9
Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:08:57 PM
I am not in TOTAL agreement with Rune--I think it's nigh on to impossible NOT to fight/argue/get snippy with someone you are with for 49 years.

My parents were FRIENDS--I know it's cliche, but there you have it. They LIKED each other as much as they loved each other. Both were comfy telling each other exactly how they felt, even if the news wasn't great for the other one. While they had arguments--especially when my dad was being a big baby once my mom went back to work when I was a senior in high school--they respected each other. Of course, it helps that both were equals in intelligence. They didn't love everything about the other person, either--my dad had a terrible temper and a nasty mouth (that's been MY inheritance from him), while mom came from a super-Catholic family where her dad woudl LITERALLY say "H-E-double-toothpicks" when he was angry beyond belief.

Unfortunately, I keep looking for someone that *I* can be comfy with, and it seems as soon as the guy finds out I am not "perfect", he loses interest.
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 11
Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/5/2008 9:57:54 PM
Tag and Magical... I hear you both...and I agree.

No way to exist. That is what I learned from the example of my parents...and I fear I passed on some of the same message to my children...they are all young..but still witnessed a lot of the same disrespect in our marriage.
I want to be a good example for them what a healthy relationship is about.
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 13
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Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/6/2008 5:27:30 PM
I learned that absolutely NO amount of money can make people happy and....."that is it better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious "person". (Prov. 21:19)
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 14
Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/6/2008 6:35:08 PM

this is not a happy topic.
it is hurting, I am very sad now.
Things like Eric can not say here...... like me I can not type it because I would have to admit the things that happened.

ladies ^^^^^^^^ Joeysgurl.. I am so sorry for your pain.
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 21
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Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:20:29 PM
50 years....they kept their wasn't easy for either of them (some tough love)...but they stayed true to each other till he passed away in my arms...
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 24
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Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/16/2008 5:57:18 AM

What have you learned from your parent's relationship?
I learned that you really CAN love someone "in sickness and in health" (My dad had cancer for 16 out of the 20 years they were married), "for richer or for poorer" (Because he had cancer, he was in hospital for 3 months a year, and couldn't hold down a good job, so my Mum had to work for the whole time. They went on holiday 3 times in 20 years), and "till death us do part" (My dad died of the cancer he had).

Do you think it has had an influence on how you handled the relationships you have been in?
I looked for someone who wasn't obsessed with looks but looked after themselves (would love me "in sickness and in health"), didn't care about money ("for richer or for poorer"), and had 100% commitment to love and marriage ("till death us do part"). My only problem with all that is that is a very high standard to match, and I don't really know many women who achieved it.
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 25
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Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:16:35 AM
What i have learned is to not marry your highschool sweetheart. Oh, wait a minute. I never even had a date with anyone i went to highschool with. Forget about that.
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 28
Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/19/2008 5:29:04 PM
my parents were married until the mother passed and not many years later my father. They had their moments like anyone but they both could not imagine life without the other..
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 29
Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:56:50 PM
I learned that if you don't deal with unresolved problems, hell will come to the surface.

I learned that women can be "amazingly" strong.

I learned that being a participant in a world war forever changes a man in ways one never understands.
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 30
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Thanks, mom and dad...
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:56:40 AM
naughtical, no, she (mom) 'doesnt want to hear about it... will upset her' and this is NOT allowed.

they missed out on how wonderful i relly turned out to be, but jesus god, i cn't get past something now... i'm blocked so bad.. i cant keep running, i cant go on like this.. and i have tgried for help.. im freakin these days.. i need answers, or i need

for me to say i need btw is HUGE.. ive held it all in, together for yers, and im breaking now.. real bad

i talking in other threads letting stuff out, appearing like a lunatic, but im not, i swear it, ive done wonderful things for others my whole life.

for first time, im saying its my turn.. and i cant handle that.. sounds selfish. my turn, me, i dont like those words, i dont like being weak, but im breaking badly...

Just say it. You know it is right there at the forefront of your thoughts. Spit it out with all the emotion you have bottled up inside. Heave the words upon your parents with everything you've got. Say's right there..........just say it...........


Only after you expunge your thoughts can you truly begin to be relieved of them. You have to confront the anger and betrayal you have locked up behind a wall of excuses. Until you verbally offer up the words you will never find peace or an end to the wondering. Say it......scream it......shout it to whatever god you pray to. Locking this away is simply another form of cancer eating away at your very being. You have already been victim to that disease once. Just once.....let go of the leash on your anger and let it free.

Been there....done that. It is one of the things I learned from my parents.
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