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 toronto-gal
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 370
Rejected after the first date?Page 15 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Does not matter whether you are male or female you will be rejected on a first date. Maybe not all first dates, but it does happen. Not sure if going on a second or third date will make a difference.

I think you can tell from a first date , for me I can tell. Just something there, about the way the conversation is going and the all important eye contact, sense of humour and if they are really listening to what you have to say or they are day dreaming and pretending that they are listening.

Within the past month I met two completely different men, The first one I could tell the minute he saw me he was not interested (but when he saw my pics said I was his type and very much interested in meeting me) and yet he bought me a coffee and offered to buy me something to eat. Two days later I emailed him and said , "I knew you were not interested the minute you saw me, yet you bought me a coffee and offered food, told him not to bother replying back to email." He never did.


A week later I met another man, had a good conversation, the usual, you look better then your picks, was talking about the future, our likes and dislikes, and everything was great, but I wasnt feeling it. Two days later I emailed him and said, I had a good time, but that I was not interested. I wished him luck and said bye. and then he calls me, and I'm wondering why did he. He called me two times, first time I did not answer the phone, so I figured second time I would. He wanted to know why I sent him the email. I didnt talk much, so he figured to end the conversation. I'm still confused as to why he called. If you tell someone your not interested, why bother calling them.
 Prettyfox54
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 371
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/2/2012 9:43:47 PM
NOT rejection. No need to think like that. Think of it as a good thing that someone was honest. Look at it like a sign post at crossroads like don't go there. A special chemistry might take a bit of tenacity, not giving into what doesn't work, but a mind ahead with she who will work out. Don't give up!
 Prettyfox54
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 372
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/2/2012 9:50:58 PM
blonde_fox is right on. I've read the articles on internet dating and it is okay to have a few emails, a phone call, and then just get out there with him/her. The hunt takes tenacity. Meanwhile, find the fun in communicating with so many wonderfully diverse people online. Stay optimistic. One of my uncles favorite recitations was "there is only one difference between the optimist and the pessimist. While both stand equal chance of predicting the outcome accurately, the optimist is simply happiest".

I too like the "regular Joe". I am mistakenly perceived as unattainable but I love good ol' regular ordinary folks.

What is a first date for? It is for both to determine whether there is what they seek. It doesn't mean that everyone someone meets is going to be fiery attraction. Just enjoy the time out together and if necessary keep exploring.
 redisthe1
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 373
view profile
History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/2/2012 9:52:16 PM
I have had so many first dates, with glowing reviews of our future together. When the subject of taking time for sex comes up, I'm let free. Do men have to talk about sex immediately, instead of just relaxing and enjoying the moment. Hey, boy. Slow down. The grass is not greener on the other side & if you are after sex, then list yourself on that sight, please.
 atlongcontrast
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 374
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/2/2012 10:13:20 PM
At least the author of the thread gets rejection letters. I get silence....
 MyScreennameRox
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 375
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/3/2012 1:16:51 AM

At least the author of the thread gets
rejection letters. I get silence....


Hey


 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 376
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/3/2012 1:53:25 AM

Forgive me for saying so but there is absolutely no way you can feel a spark with someone on the first date unless you have a buildup of static electricity. Like striking a match to get it to light, it might take a few dates before the spark can be found.
You don't know anything about the other person after one date. There is still a lot to learn before you can determine whether they are good enough to continue.


On the contrary. One minute is enough when both are emotionally and socially demonstrative. No, it can't be said that the few dates to get a spark people are necessarily lower quality as individuals because their innate goodness doesn't just beam out. What can be said is that they are a shade too cautious and even less expressive. His or Her true goodness is hidden under the bushel basket of stylized ultra conformity.

I don't have a solution to propose because I don't see it as a problem as much as a deeply ingrained routine. A shy person can be fabulous in most respects even if a little opaque at the start.
 MyScreennameRox
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 377
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/4/2012 12:57:36 AM
A male friend of mine has this on his profile. Pretty damned good:



"I've been on a couple of really bad dates here on XXXXXXXX and I want to rant about this for a bit. I'm a no bullshit guy and I'd like it if the ladies are the same way. If you know in the first few seconds there's no chemistry and no matter how good the conversation is that's not going to affect things in any way, that's information I would like you to share with me. I don't want to be on a date that I think is going well, you're laughing and we're having a good time if you already know I've got no shot for a second date.

So if you're someone who believes in "chemistry" then let's not sit down for dinner until you've looked me over, decided if there's chemistry or not. If there isn't we can both go our separate ways and not waste each others time."


I think I'm going to tell all dates this from now on, immediately prior to going out. Believe me, if I'm the one not feeling it, I'm going to let it be known that very instant.
 MyScreennameRox
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 378
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/4/2012 1:08:06 AM
Someone else posted in another thread an even better method of dealing with the "chemistry," or lack thereof.

He says he meets a girl, has coffee or a drink, and about 20 minutes in, he tells them (if he's enjoying himself):

"Okay, here's the deal. I'm having a good time so far. I'm enjoyinh talking to you. I have to use the restroom. If for any reason at all, you're not feeling it, there's no spark, etc for you, you are free to leave while I'm in there. That way, there's no awkwardness, no weird unenthusiastic goodbye, etc. I'll know you weren't feeling it and not contact you again, and we can both move on. However, if you're enjoying yourself as much as I am, you'll be sitting here in a few minutes when I get back. "

And then leave for the restroom. It seems foolproof, really.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 379
view profile
History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/4/2012 2:08:35 AM

"Okay, here's the deal. I'm having a good time so far. I'm enjoyinh talking to you. I have to use the restroom. If for any reason at all, you're not feeling it, there's no spark, etc for you, you are free to leave while I'm in there. That way, there's no awkwardness, no weird unenthusiastic goodbye, etc. I'll know you weren't feeling it and not contact you again, and we can both move on. However, if you're enjoying yourself as much as I am, you'll be sitting here in a few minutes when I get back. "


In my opinion, that is horrible advice. It reeks of desperation. If you said something like that to a 6+ of 10, she'll know immediately that you haven't been laid in a long long time and that you have no other options. Very unattractive!

Let me give you two dating rules to live by. And you can set your watch by it.

#1 NEVER, take a woman or your interaction with her seriously UNTIL you have slept with her! Period!

If you keep that in your head at all times, it puts you in the right frame of mind and will make you much more attractive to her. Until you have slept with her, you're interaction with her must be purely for fun and entertainment.

#2 Once you have slept with her, NEVER get heavier than her. This one can be difficult I know. But you must not espouse your feelings for her until she tells you hers. You're supposed to be her rock, not her wet tissue. We all know where used, wet tissues end up, right?

I recently dated a foxy Filipina to whom I said, "I need to use the restroom". She responded with, "You can't leave, I have the keys". To which I responded, "Relax Phillip, I wouldn't leave my nice Eagles jacket behind." I later screwed up that relationship. No one is perfect. I know my mistake and it won't happen again. But my point being, I was in the right frame of mind and I was having a good time and so was she. I was hardcore attracted to her, but I didn't really care what she thought of me. And at the same time, I knew as long as I didn't do or say anything really out of line, she wasn't going anywhere.

So again, NEVER, EVER, take a woman or your interaction with her seriously UNTIL you have slept with her. This rule alone will score you a second date 90+ % of the time. And lastly, never get heavier than her.
 ConnCat
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 380
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History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/4/2012 6:00:21 AM

So again, NEVER, EVER, take a woman or your interaction with her seriously UNTIL you have slept with her. This rule alone will score you a second date 90+ % of the time. And lastly, never get heavier than her.


Hey, RedDelPaPa:

There's a part of your logic that I like: The whole instant chemistry thing IS bullshit--how can a women POSSIBLY make an informed decision about you until she REALLY knows you (i.e. does the nasty with you). So, our job is to never act on that first date as if her cursory, ill-formed opinions really matter to us!

On the other hand, you have to admit, there is a terrible flaw in your theory, too: How the hell can you test your theory (i.e. get her in the sack) unless you GET her to that second date? You see my point? So I guess what I'm saying is that if our goal is to get her to suck our d**k then we have to find some way to pass the first-date test.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 381
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/4/2012 7:14:29 AM

MyScreennameRox :
Message: A male friend of mine has this on his profile. Pretty damned good:

So if you're someone who believes in "chemistry" then let's not sit down for dinner until you've looked me over, decided if there's chemistry or not. If there isn't we can both go our separate ways and not waste each others time."


I think it's pretty damned bad.

The vast majority of first dates don't make it to a second one, and deception is a big part of that. Experienced online daters who value their time, money and mental health don't make the first meetup any longer than a quick 15-20 minutes at a coffee shop or diner. If it's really that good you can always extend the date.

That eliminates the need for all that "first date gone bad" strategy.
 forums_gal
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 382
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/4/2012 8:11:51 AM
The vast majority of first dates don't make it to a second one, and deception is a big part of that. Experienced online daters who value their time, money and mental health don't make the first meetup any longer than a quick 15-20 minutes at a coffee shop or diner. If it's really that good you can always extend the date.


I like to play this by ear. None of my first dates / meetings lasted only 15-20 minutes. Some people can be a little bit nervous or shy at the beginning of a date. By the time they start to settle down and become more relaxed, the 15-20 minutes is up. Sometimes the quality of a date can improve due to this reason.

Deception is a part of the reason why there aren't many second dates. I think people having unrealistic expectations and being impatient is a major reason why they aren't many second dates. If there isn't instant major fireworks, they quickly lose interest. Also as I mentioned earlier, sometimes the reason why the other person doesn't want second date may have nothing to do anything that you did or said. I gave some examples of this.
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 383
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/4/2012 9:02:58 AM
You should start working on yourself. If you are getting the same response from several women, the common factor in all these interactions is you. Get your game face on and start looking at yourself introspectively to see what about you is putting off all these women.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 384
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History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/4/2012 12:05:38 PM

There's a part of your logic that I like: The whole instant chemistry thing IS bullshit--how can a women POSSIBLY make an informed decision about you until she REALLY knows you (i.e. does the nasty with you). So, our job is to never act on that first date as if her cursory, ill-formed opinions really matter to us!

There's more to it that I think you're missing. A man and woman CAN feel chemistry right away. Chemistry is just another word for attraction. A sexual attraction. Certainly, she don't know jack about you a few minutes into a first date. What she does know for certain within the first few minutes is this: "Ok, this guy is handsome, funny, and seems comfortable and real. I'm feeling him and definitely want to know more about him. I'm glad I showed up." And remember, people act or don't act most of the time based on emotions, not logic. Both men and women do not go through a check list and decide to feel attracted to someone. Nor do they decide to not be attracted to someone. This is why if a man or woman "feels it" for a complete loser from everyone else's eyes, no one can talk him/her out of seeing the loser guy/gal. Certainly their logic is telling them all his/her friends and family are right, but his/her emotions keep him/her coming back for more.

The not taking her seriously until you sleep with her jedi mind trick is mostly about putting you in the right frame of mind to allow your true personality to come through on the date. But it's also meant to deal with the shit/character tests women conduct that are sure to follow. You must maintain an even keel at all times. If she discovers she can get a serious emotional reaction from you before you've slept together, you become instantly less attractive. She needs to find you different, mysterious, and believe that you have other options. Most guys are fun, cool and funny characters when they're comfortable. But they turn into a nervous walking stiff when they're in the presence of a stunner. Being relaxed and real is a huge part of what women find attractive in men. It's all about making a woman feel comfortable. And guess what? If you're not comfortable, she absolutely positively knows it, and because of it, she's won't be comfortable either.



On the other hand, you have to admit, there is a terrible flaw in your theory, too: How the hell can you test your theory (i.e. get her in the sack) unless you GET her to that second date? You see my point? So I guess what I'm saying is that if our goal is to get her to suck our d**k then we have to find some way to pass the first-date test.

I guess I don't see your point or my flaw. You want to get a second date with her? Third? Fourth? Bedroom? Treat her like a nice new friend, have fun with her, laugh at her and with her, tease her, don't take her serious, read and follow her non verbal ques and for God sakes touch her fabulous body where and when it's appropriate. Her hands, arms, shoulders, small of her back, etc. If she finds you physically attractive enough that you meet or surpass her requirements in that area, do these things above and you'll very likely find yourself sleeping with her. Nothing is a sure thing, but it's your best option. Try it for yourself.
 Chrisdan57
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 388
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/8/2012 1:27:02 PM
Is it pursuing or is it stalking? Hard to say. The only thing I would say is the hell with the texts, call her up and ask her out again. What is the worse that could happen she says no? That is about where you are right now, isnt it? The best way to find out is to ask.
 pinkhaireddoggy
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 390
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/8/2012 3:23:20 PM
I can see someone not wanting to go on to a second date with someone. It may be to their detriment that they don't try to get to know the person. I rejected a woman during a first date! She was really out there, maybe even high, and I hi-tailed it out of there ASAP!
Now I'm not saying this is what you're like. Maybe the women are looking for sugar daddies? Who knows, but I wouldn't take it to heart.

There are a lot of weirdos on this site and you're bound to run into them from time to time.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 391
view profile
History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/8/2012 5:30:00 PM
"The year is 2012, telephone calls are considered too personal anymore."

Are you kidding me? And texting is too impersonal. No wonder the pumped up kicks generation has trouble with communication and real connection. A phonecall shows real initiative.
 RedDelPaPa
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 392
view profile
History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/8/2012 10:23:01 PM

ok, got a question here after a date on friday. girl was extremely attractive, one of the best looking girls in the nyc area and a great personality so I felt very lucky.

so Ill be brief as possible..we went ice skating at central park friday evening which was perfect (skyline, everything) and even more so because we both hadn't been before so it was quite fun. by the way we talking towards the end it seemed as if a 2nd one would happpen for sure. ive learned in the past this isn't always the truth and what a person does after the date isn't always the same as what they say when they are there. so I texted 2 hrs after we parted to make sure she got home ok, she said yes and that was it. i called her the next day at around 4 for the 2nd contact and she did answer and we talked for 3 minutes before she had to catch a train for work and said to text her. i debated on what to do but an hour so an hour later texted her with 2 quick back to back texts and she never replied. and theres been nothing since.

ive asked a few people (guys a girls) and for the most part they agree with my move by not trying to contact again since i initiated all of them, basically ball in her court. one other girl said to try again since girls like to be pursued (eh?) also to add, it didnt seem to be a looks thing as she actually did point out that i looked like my picture and said she had met one other person who looked older and nothing like his picture.



A good rule of thumb is to try to make contact three times before giving up on her. Spacing each contact attempt further apart. Probably shouldn't have txt her to make sure she got home ok. I know we all want to because it's the nice thing to do, and we think she'll appreciate it, but ya just can't, because she won't. You wouldn't txt one of your guy friends to make sure he got home ok after hanging out. So treat her no different. Until you sleep with her, no good deed goes unpunished. Very pretty women who have no trouble attracting men, will almost ALWAYS mistake before sex kindness as weakness. Dating rule to live by.
 NikkiB45
Joined: 12/4/2011
Msg: 393
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/9/2012 5:40:51 AM
...texting..pphhht. I have been stuck in that rut for a while now. Can you men explain to me why is it so hard to call someone that you say you like and want to see again??

I met this man on here last autumn. We hit it off right away, conversation was great, we thought alike on alot of subjects. Values were similar, etc. He even took me to Jamaica over the holidays. Everything seemed to be going great until we came back. He started texting only. I explained to him that I would like calling and/or seeing each other more. His reply was, 'ok then'... then nothing - no texts, no calls, nada. Am I missing something here or is it time to change my hair color?
 Chrisdan57
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 394
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/9/2012 6:03:29 AM

His reply was, 'ok then'... then nothing - no texts, no calls, nada. Am I missing something here or is it time to change my hair color?
...No, you dont need to change a thing. You were on a different path than him. He was looking for something very casual and you started making the sounds associated with relationship. It doesnt matter what you look like, how much you click or how much fun you have together if you are looking for something the other person is not willing to give it probably isnt going to work.
 NikkiB45
Joined: 12/4/2011
Msg: 395
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:11:48 PM
thanks for your input C!
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 396
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 2/10/2012 6:30:41 AM
What the OP is describing has happened to many people. A few times I went on a first date with a woman. It seemed like both people were having a good time. A few hours after the date or the next day I would send her a text stating I had a good time. She would reply stating the same thing. Then I would call her and ask out on a second time. Then I would either get "we're not compatible" response by her, she won't return my calls, or she would make excuses about why she isn't available for a second date.

Like others have stated, sometimes she may not be interested because reasons that had nothing to do with me. Or some people have high expectations and expect everything to be perfect. If there was a minor thing about the date or the other person they didn't like, they are no longer interested.
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