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 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 161
Rejected after the first date?Page 3 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
MrWrong37 wrote....

>>>>anyone ever notice the women in here, are basically on her side, and admit its all about superficial reasons and whether or not you look "HOT". <<<<

I really don't care if someone is "hot" or not, what I care about is that there is some sort of spark.... something in the eyes or the smile.... both of us clicking about what we enjoy doing or how we feel about certain things. Without some element of chemistry, why would you go on another date with someone?

When you first look at a profile, there has to be something that makes you want to contact someone. A blank profile isn't going to do that any more than a first date with a bland person sitting across from you.

I have to have some sort of spark, and the guy doesn't have to be adonis.

Sharzi
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 162
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:48:10 AM
MrWrong37....

Maybe you have all those deleted emails because of your screen name or because your profile says you aren't looking for a relationship.

Something I read a while back....

First rule of thumb for women.... if a guy tells you he's Mr Wrong, a jerk, a dog, or any number of other negatives.... believe him. Chances are no man is going to admit to something negative about himself unless he really fits that description.

Also, I'd say that if you're here looking for a relationship, chances are a guy who says he doesn't want one, is not going to be the one you'd want to spend any amount of time talking to unless you're going to debate a thread post.

First impressions mean a lot. How many guys would seriously want to contact someone with the screen name Super B*t*h?

Sharzi
 Mrwrong37
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 164
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:00:31 AM
Maybe you have all those deleted emails because of your screen name or because your profile says you aren't looking for a relationship.]
NOPE!!! I put that in there just ysterday. I figure if beiung honest and sincere doesnt help, I should just quit looking

[Something I read a while back....
First rule of thumb for women.... if a guy tells you he's Mr Wrong, a jerk, a dog, or any number of other negatives.... believe him. Chances are no man is going to admit to something negative about himself unless he really fits that description. ]
Thats funny because if a guy SAYS anything good about himself, or says he's a nice sweet guy...he must be a manipulative jerk because any guy who is TRULY nice will never say "im a nice guy". They call any man who ADMITS to bein nice, whiny . At least thats what EVERY woman in the nice guy threads, say. So, damned if we do/ damned if we dont.

[Also, I'd say that if you're here looking for a relationship, chances are a guy who says he doesn't want one, is not going to be the one you'd want to spend any amount of time talking to unless you're going to debate a thread post. ]
That really doesnt change anything because I wasnt getting any repsonses or emails anyway

[First impressions mean a lot. How many guys would seriously want to contact someone with the screen name Super B*t*h?] First impressions do mean alot to people, even though they are nothing. and yes, women will get emails no matter what BECAUSE they dont take the time to email us. Do you assume that the first impression you get from a guy, will ALWAYS be who he is?
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 165
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:25:22 AM
MrWrong37 wrote:

>>>>First impressions do mean alot to people, even though they are nothing. and yes, women will get emails no matter what BECAUSE they dont take the time to email us. Do you assume that the first impression you get from a guy, will ALWAYS be who he is? <<<<

Whether I meet someone out or online, first impressions will make the difference between talking to someone or not talking to them. If a man tells me right from the get go that he's Mr Wrong, that's not someone I'd want to even think of getting to know because he's obviously telling me he's not what I'm looking for.

As for saying you're nice and women thinking that's whiny.... I guess that wouldn't be the kind of woman you'd want anyway, right? I've had my share of liars, cheaters and manipulators, I prefer the nice guy. He will usually say what he means and do what he says, and I'm all about honesty. The nice guy doesn't even have to say it.... he'll exude it. That's the guy who will be Mr Right for me.

You could be the nicest guy in the world, but chances are most women would see that screen name and move to the next profile if she's really looking for a relationship.

Sharzi
 Mrwrong37
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 166
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 9:24:43 AM
to judge a guys ENTIRE character based on an internet scrrn name isnt really very wise. You wanmt to know a guy? find out about him? email him!!! dont rely on a forum or screen name as a way to actually know him
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 167
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History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 9:50:49 AM
I am so sorry to hear this crap you had to go through. Some of these "women" can really act like low lifes and they should have someone give them a more thorough education because I feel they need it. They are not worth your time, you are way better then they from what I hear, and you should not worry about what some 'chucks' think of you. It's their loss, and frankly most of them that do that, do not know what they want.... lol they are worse then a dog chasing it's own tail. You may compare such people to a blind person, looking for a dark cat, in a dark room, where the cat is not even there!!!!

Just move on and find the beauty quenne that you deserve!!

 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 171
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History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:03:30 AM
Sadly so do a lot of men. Even though they are bald , fat , hairy and15 years out of style with their clothes they still see a tall ,blond Adonis with a head full of hair and a ripped body. Delusional people come in both sexes.


Well both sexes do. But also it's good to consider WHAT it is that someone wants to have in a partner, and how realistic it is. Like when most men say they want a skinnier lady, people can control that to a degree. Meaning it is not uncontrollable and it can be cured by the right excercise and dieting. Baldness, there apparently is no cure for that and it's not at all the persons fault, so you can't hold that against anyone unless they deliberatly pulled their hair out for some reason. Hairy, well thats kind of in the middle, it shouldn't be as big of an issue as being overweight is, and you can say it is more of an issue then baldness, because baldness really isn't an issue. So it depends where the person is hairy? Some people may have too much hair, and in fact I don't know if you people heard of this, but in Mexico there is one guy and I think his whole family that has a rare condition where his whole body is filled completely with hair, like even his face, neck, forehead, everywhere, so I guesse there is such thing as being REALLY overly hairy. But the point is, out of the three you mentioned, only fat or obese are things that people should watch and can help, the hairiness is sort of in teh middle, and baldness is not an issue at all, because it's not controllable...unless he dilberately shaves it for a political statment or something then I would kick him in the butt for it lol, but otherwise that is not a good example to prove your point lol.

By the way, why does it always have to be tall thin and blond. I personally do not have blond and thin in the category I find "ideal". Tall yes lol, but not neccessarily blond and thin. I am not into thin ladies....thin as in bony, sorry that makes me squimish. Now having long dark hair (even down to your butt) and being 5'4 to 6'1 and big healthy breasts and a womanly curve figure, ....now THATS sexy. But anyway, sorry for going alittle off topic there.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 172
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History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 11:10:13 AM
lori0417 sez,


I think the older we get and the road we have travelled has made me realize that immediate chemistry and or spark has ended up in failed relationships so why base so much on that.


Bravo! I couldn't have said it any better!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 173
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 12:02:59 PM

I think the older we get and the road we have travelled has made me realize that immediate chemistry and or spark has ended up in failed relationships so why base so much on that.

Natually if you base your whole relationship on JUST the chemistry and spark, it's at risk of failing. Making a relationship work is a formula that's made up of a few things, not just one. If you like chocolate, and the guy you're dating likes it too, would you say - well that's all I need to know, let's date? Of course not.

It's silly to assume wanting attraction in someone you're dating means that's all people are going on.

Lets face it at this time in our life we get excited over silly things but cant seem to get that same feeling when we meet someone the first time.

That's life. Lack of attraction happens more often than not. It means we need to be more patient in choosing a partner. I've seen people take more time buying a new car.

Something real should take more time after all most of us are here to find it and its taken us this long so shouldnt we spend more time getting to know all of them and not worry so much if the fireworks go off???

AFTER the attraction is present or the spark is there - naturally you should spend a lot of time getting to know if beyond that you can actually date them, so yes - it would take more time if you want it to be something real. Just because a lot of people cave in early and follow their hormones doesn't mean relationships fail when there's chemistry. It merely means people tend to get sidetracked by the attraction and don't learn whether or not there's anything else to pursue.

Unfortunately, attraction is a major part of someone wanting to date you. If you cannot handle the fact that some people thru no fault of their own are not going to be attracted to you, your best bet is not to date. It's the only way to avoid it. Calling someone shallow, saying you weren't given a chance, or being nasty about it only makes you less attractive in the "pond" in which you fish. The theory of that fisherman yelling at fish for not biting comes to mind here.
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 174
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Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 12:19:17 PM

AFTER the attraction is present or the spark is there - naturally you should spend a lot of time getting to know if beyond that you can actually date them, so yes - it would take more time if you want it to be something real.



lol Actually the spark (the REAL Spark) will be realized only after you get to know the person, otherwise you don't know if there is any chemistry or compatibility without getting to know the person. People that make quick judgments and dismiss someone after a few seconds have missed the entire point of dating/mating and relationships. The fact is without getting to know the person, you really can't determine if it will go anywhere or not. But if you judge too quickly and let looks be the deciding factor, I honestly think that those people are doing themselves alot of disservice, and maybe they should think twice if they really want to be dating. It's like someone trying the same thing over again expecting a different result....that is getting into insanity and clearly these people are not really in their right state of mind.

No disrespect offcourse to anyone, but I really think this is just comman sense, and so easy to figure out, it surprises how many people are going wrong on this. People who focus on a "Magical" spark or chemistry to me most of the time don't really know what term "Chemistry" means and they also seem (and this may sound wierd) they seem to view it as some sort of supernatural mystical thing, almost as if it's another religion comming along and that is whats very sad about that. They are replacing THEIR idea or chemistry and spark for LOVE, and they seem to be focusing less on love and the beauty that it brings naturally, and they instead focus on some fictional made up idea that really holds no ground in reality, and that in turn controls their thinking and decision making and who they choose to date etc. Frankly it's like a blind person, looking for a dark cat, in a dark room that isn't even there in the first place.

But like I said regarding the OP, he does deserve someone better, and someone who is worth his time.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 176
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:25:18 PM

lol Actually the spark (the REAL Spark) will be realized only after you get to know the person, otherwise you don't know if there is any chemistry or compatibility without getting to know the person. People that make quick judgments and dismiss someone after a few seconds have missed the entire point of dating/mating and relationships. The fact is without getting to know the person, you really can't determine if it will go anywhere or not. But if you judge too quickly and let looks be the deciding factor, I honestly think that those people are doing themselves alot of disservice, and maybe they should think twice if they really want to be dating. It's like someone trying the same thing over again expecting a different result....that is getting into insanity and clearly these people are not really in their right state of mind.

Ok, well if you mean "Spark" as something other than attraction, then I agree. However, in my case, I meant attraction. If there is none, then it's the end of the road. I could waste HIS time by continuing further, but beyond friendship, there's no where for it to go....and doing anything else but letting him know falls into the "leading him on" category. There are numerous threads about women who don't just let a guy know immediately that she's not interested. Guys can't have it both ways, either we tell 'em as soon as we know, or we don't and after four dates they find out. Take your pick.

No disrespect offcourse to anyone, but I really think this is just comman sense, and so easy to figure out, it surprises how many people are going wrong on this. People who focus on a "Magical" spark or chemistry to me most of the time don't really know what term "Chemistry" means and they also seem (and this may sound wierd) they seem to view it as some sort of supernatural mystical thing, almost as if it's another religion comming along and that is whats very sad about that. They are replacing THEIR idea or chemistry and spark for LOVE, and they seem to be focusing less on love and the beauty that it brings naturally, and they instead focus on some fictional made up idea that really holds no ground in reality, and that in turn controls their thinking and decision making and who they choose to date etc. Frankly it's like a blind person, looking for a dark cat, in a dark room that isn't even there in the first place.

That's way too complicated. Let's start from the beginning and break it down. It's like this.
We meet, I talk to him for 10 minutes, I feel no interest or attraction, I finish the meeting and tell him it was great meeting him and end it.

If I do feel an interest or attraction, I make sure he did as well. If not, I won't hear anything. If I hear something from him, it's mutual. From there, the process is to get to know more about that person as a potential to actually date them. If/when one of us disagrees this is possible, then it stops there. If we don't disagree, then it continues.

It's really just that simple. What part of that is doing ourselves a disservice? Sounds pretty thorough to me.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 177
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 2:33:28 PM
OP,

May I suggest the George Constanza method. That is, everything you would do, next time do the opposite.
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 180
view profile
History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 3:42:37 PM
Uhh love on fire i already made the point in my post about both sexes doing this so what are you going on about? It doesn't matter if what makes you undesirable is controllable or not, it still makes you undesirable. Let's face facts here controllable or not for the majority of women(NOT ALL) , but the majority short ,bald, fat and overly hairy is not something attractive, controllable or not.My point was that both sexes do this , but as usual you ran with something someone has pointed and made something out of it that it was not meant to be.


No I didn't run with it, i just wanted to make a comment about it thats all. Concerning the desirable or not, my point I think was quit clear, I am not saying it doesn't happen, obviously it does, but I am just pointing out how there is a difference, and it is not really acceptable to make these kinds of assumptions or judgements, thats all. Also I never said it's ok to generalize about women you did not read that from me. I made that clear that I don't think it's right. But it's ALSO not right to generalize against men and thats what I think I mentioned earlier. Simple as that really. I think it's wrong for either of you to say generalized assumptions like that about any gender...even though I feel you did yours to illustrate a point, and also that is very much what I am doing also, but the moral is, that it's not right to rush into judgments and generalizations that are unfair to the other person. Plain and simple and no harm intented.

Uglybetty.... you still missed my point, I was thinking more in the broad sense when I say "making it hard for yourself", I won't explain it again because I think I did that, but there doesn't need to be any confusion about it, but unfortunately some people are brought up alittle differently and well...thats ok. But my point was clear, honest, misunderstood? ..aparently lol, but I think some people if they think about it , they would understand how simple and fair my point was.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 184
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:50:46 PM
OP,

After looking at your profile, I think you are a lot better off than you give yourself credit for.

I think your problem is that you have played the nice guy card and it does not do a thing for you. It shows all over your profile; which you need to change asap. You need to Man the hell up.

I would suggest reading the books titled "The Game" and the "Mystery Method".
 Love_on_Fire
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 185
view profile
History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:54:18 PM

You skipped right over this didn't you love on fire? I was responding to someone who was generalizing against women and saying "hey it's men too" . Please read entire post before jumping to conclusions.


I'm not sure what you mean, I Skipped over what? that comment? I personally agree with you that generalizing is not right, so we agree there. Sorry if I did run into conclusions.

However the guy that just answered after me, he also made a fantastic point, and really I think he said it better then I did.... so I appreciate his information, because it also makes alot of sense.
 bearded_romantic
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 188
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:04:26 PM

written_by_hank:
I did not post a photo nor did I send any first contact letters. However, I received a lot. I could of gone out on a date every day of the week from all the ladies who asked.

When I post an average, run of the mill profile, saying what a nice guy I am and showing a nice picture, I get nothing. I don't try to figure it out . . .


Your first one was funny. How many women's profiles say, "I want a man who makes me laugh."

Of the sites I'm on, the one with the funny profile does best by far. On gross hits, not meaning good matches per se.
 Mrwrong37
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 189
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:05:58 AM
written_by_hank:
I did not post a photo nor did I send any first contact letters. However, I received a lot. I could of gone out on a date every day of the week from all the ladies who asked.

When I post an average, run of the mill profile, saying what a nice guy I am and showing a nice picture, I get nothing. I don't try to figure it out . . .


Hank you are so right!!! I have been told my profile isnt very good,,,its bland and doesnt say much about me ( are they serious???!!!)))..anyway I was told thats why im not getting any emails or responses. So I did an experiment. i put the pic of a body builder,, and made a very very negative, mysogynistic, and rude profile. Within 10 minute sof making this profile, i got about 5 emails. SO most women are lying about what they want and what it takes to win them over. Also, I know what its like to get rejected on just ONE date, and hear the smokescreen " chemistry" line. She actually thought i believed it too
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 194
view profile
History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 9:51:40 AM
For me, either the SPARK is there, or it isn't. I wouldn't accept a second date with a man if I felt no spark for a few reasons. (1) I wouldn't want to waste his money; (2) I wouldn't want to waste his time; (3) I wouldn't want to waste my time. Sparks don't suddenly happen on the 3rd or 4th date - at least not with me they don't. I feel it immediately - within the first 5 seconds of looking into a man's eyes, and like I said, either it is there, or it isn't.
 northeast25
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 196
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:26:48 AM

I feel it immediately - within the first 5 seconds of looking into a man's eyes, and like I said, either it is there, or it isn't.


If your definition of sparks = pure physical attraction, then I would agree with you. If there something about the other person that is an obvious dealbreaker, then I would also agree with you. Otherwise how could you tell that quickly.


This is exactly why a first meet should be just that. A first meet, not a date. That way, there are no real expectations on either end.


IMO this is semantics. A first date doesn't have to be fancy, romantic or involve high expectations. The first 1-2 dates should be used to determine if there is any interest beyond the initial emails and phone calls.
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 197
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:36:03 PM
Mrwrong37 wrote:

>> So I did an experiment. i put the pic of a body builder,, and made a very very negative, mysogynistic, and rude profile. Within 10 minute sof making this profile, i got about 5 emails. SO most women are lying about what they want and what it takes to win them over. <<

I guess it all depends on the type of woman you're trying to attract. Personally, as soon as I see a pic of a guy without a shirt, it's a turn off and I pass right by it. It always looks like bragging to me, and after having my share of liars, cheaters/players, I'm definitely looking for the nice guy.

But... that's just me.

Sharzi
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 198
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:40:54 PM
datelooker wrote:

>>>> can i ask.if ther was no attraction on the date,why meet them in the first place.people surely ave a photo of the person ther meeting.go figure.if woman go by looks then why wer they attracted to photo and not the person. <<<<

For me, there have to be several elements... humor, an attraction (not that the guy has to be gorgeous, but I have to see something in the eyes or the smile), and we have to have enough in common. You can have all those things online or even on the phone, but then when you meet, you just don't feel it. On the other side of the coin, there were times when I wasn't sure I'd like the person at all and took the chance to go meet them and there were huge sparks. So, you really never know until you meet and spend a little time together.

Maybe some people can grow into chemistry, but for me, it's either there or it's not and as another poster wrote, you don't want to waste anyone's time or money (including mine) with someone you're just not clicking with.

Sharzi
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 199
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 3:49:25 PM
If you're getting an email, call, or text message a day or two after a date saying "You're a great guy, but I didn't feel the spark. Good Luck," chances are you're Mr. Nice Guy. Very few women feel comfortable or are able to do such a thing, but with Mr. Nice Guy they feel bad for parting from them.

My advice -- don't be Mr. Nice Guy on a date. Doesn't mean you have to be a player or Mr. A$$hole. It means you don't be over-polite, tossing out an array of compliments, or even giving that vibe that you COULD BE that kind of guy... or that you're so thankful to go out on a date with her, as if you're applying for a job and she's the interviewer. Turn the tables, you'll see more success. Be the interviewer. Those applying for jobs don't send rejection letters to the *potential* employers.
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 200
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 4:59:52 PM
azureorb wrote:

>> My advice -- don't be Mr. Nice Guy on a date <<

So in other words, pretend to be something you're not? If a guy didn't show any interest on our date, I wouldn't want to see him. My way of thinking is, if he's not excited about me now, I doubt it's going to get better.

Sharzi
 ~BrownEyedGirl65~
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 201
view profile
History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/24/2008 8:39:17 PM
So, there is life after "one date wonders"?

It almost seems that some people believe if they actually go out with you again that by the third date you might start shopping for china patterns. I agree this whole internet dating process is just hit or miss.. but, at the same time, some people use it for social dating and content with the idea of not really finding that connection with someone. They're bored, they initiate contact with someone who has caught their interest based on some pictures and a brief profile, ask them out for drinks or dinner. You have several great conversations via email, IM, text messaging and phone and then the big moment arrives.. then it's over before you know it and it's time to cross that one off your list and NEXT!

I've learned not to be offended if there isn't any follow through after the first date. No matter WHAT they tell you the reason is it's more than likely BS (because they think they're sparing your feelings). I take it all in stride. I mean, after all, it's their loss right?
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