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Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 202
Rejected after the first date?Page 4 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
So in other words, pretend to be something you're not? If a guy didn't show any interest on our date, I wouldn't want to see him. My way of thinking is, if he's not excited about me now, I doubt it's going to get better.
YES, because if you are nice to her..she will ALWAYS ALWAYS reject you. All yo uhave to do is look at any of the nice guys threads, youll see how nice men are treated
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 204
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:01:01 AM
Mrwrong wrote:

>> if you are nice to her..she will ALWAYS ALWAYS reject you. All yo uhave to do is look at any of the nice guys threads, youll see how nice men are treated>>

But again, I have to ask what type of women are they choosing? I would never reject a nice guy provided there was some chemistry. The only men I've dated for any length of time were the nice ones, or at least the ones who portrayed themselves at being the nice guy.

Also, it's a matter of perspective. Someone can say they're a nice person and that doesn't mean they are. For instance, I dated someone who I truly believed was a great guy and all the while, he was taking my money, cheating on me and lying to me about anything and everything. Men think he's a great guy.... real nice and helpful. But among women, he has quite a reputation. I'm just glad I found out quickly, but he was gifted at hiding it from me. And even afterward, he still claimed he was a nice guy.

No one really knows unless they are behind those closed doors. "Nice" is subjective.

Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 206
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:05:35 PM
Ready to go

are your pics on your profile recent ??? i have rejected almost every man I have met on here due to the fact that the pics that were on their profile were anywhere from 10 to 20 years old. When we met face to face they were nothing like their pic. much older, heavier, and so on. It was an immediate turn off that they were being so decietful. I lost all respect for them immediately. I have also met a few guys that did look like their pics, but once I met them I did not like their personality, or some of their beliefs so I became uninterested. There just has to be some kind of chemistry for women, just one of those crazy things ya know !!! there has to be a little spark, twinge, or a little butterfly. Guess its just how god made us . lol
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 209
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:24:31 PM
even the ugliest of men get women

IMO very few women would date a man that they think is ugly unless he is rich. Maybe YOU think this man is ugly. However the woman that is dating this man thinks that he is attractive or at least okay looking.
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 212
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 4/1/2008 8:44:46 AM
Thank you for your post, Jackal.
I DO know within minutes of meeting someone if I'm interested in them or not.
When I tell people this, they look at me like I have 2 heads.......
I'm not a snob, but know what I want, and am willing to wait.
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 213
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 4/1/2008 9:11:23 AM
I don't think I'm all that attractive. I'm a bit overweight also. But most of the women I've dated in the past year, and before my marriage to a beautiful girl, were gorgeous.

I'm not saying a man must be great looking in order to date an attractive woman. An average looking man could date some attractive women because of his personality. However I still think most women wouldn't date a man that they think is ugly.

If people were being honest, most people "know" within the first 15 min of meeting someone.

This certainly doesn't apply to me. The only thing I could figure out that quickly is pure physical attraction and any obvious dealbreakers. If I wasn't physically attracted to a woman that I went out with once, that would often be because she wasn't honest about her physical appearance.

It is possible to have sparks on the first date. But I wouldn't make a decision about a person based on the presence of sparks on the 1st date. There were times when there wasn't any sparks on the first date. But there was sparks on the 2nd or 3rd date because we knew each other better or one / both people were more comfortable and less nervous / shy. There were other times when there was sparks on the first date. But I had lost interest in a woman by the end of the 2nd or 3rd date when I was realized that we simply weren't compatible with each other.
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 215
view profile
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:53:39 AM
Ohhhhh GOSH yet another I am a nice guy and women won't date me because of that thread........

Geez, if a person is NOT having success in the field of dating over and over and over AND OVER, it is because of something they are doing... SORRY, but that is a fact of life...

Someone posted he isn't the hottest guy but he gets lots of ladies, and beautiful ones to boot... IT IS because he has a positive attitude, and doesn't seem to FEEL they rejected him, but rather LOST out on NOT getting to know him... He likes himself, and enjoys who he is as a person...

He understands being sickeningly sweet makes a girl wonder exactly what agenda the guy is running...Axe murder, stalker, pediphil, that list of concerns goes on...

Just dealt with that very thing with a guy... He was sickenly sweet at very first, flattered me for just taking a breath in his presence...However I was TRYING SO HARD TO GIVE THE "NICE GUY" a chance... Then he wanted to push the sex envelop, as though I had NO CHOICE simply because I flirted with him... GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!! I said sorry not ready to go there, and he ran whimpering to his corner of his mommy and daddies house whinning I rejected him like all the other women... That I basically had absolutely NO RIGHT to say lets slow things down... AFTER ALL I was NOT READY to put out on a third date...

Nice guy... Then he threw in my face all the NICE THINGS HE DID FOR ME and how I didn't appreciate him for all of these nice things...

UMMMM after saying that NO I didn't appreciate them simply because he wasn't doing them to be a nice guy, but rather felt he was to get a BIG pay off for his NICENESS...

This guys issue? He wanted to force a relationship, when real relationships DO take time to spark as it has been posted... IF a person is NOT interested in things taking time THEY AREN'T being nice...

Remember being someones friend is NOT a fatal place to be... She just may have some friends that think you are the greatest things since the invention of the wheel... However if you have a negative attitude and insist that women are NOT nice simply because they aren't into you right off...Dating will be a disgusting experience for you...
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 218
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:54:58 PM
I DO know within minutes of meeting someone if I'm interested in them or not.

Unless a man is unattractive or there are any obvious "red flags" about him, then how could you ( or anyone else ) figure out if you are interested in a man that quickly. IMO that is why many people are single. They would turn down a person that could be a good match for them just because there wasn't instant chemistry.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 227
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:54:22 AM
If you've never met before in person - it's a meet, not a date. Get in the same room and see if there's any further interest. If not, you move on. Not scheduling a second meet after a first isn't rejection, it's a mismatch - and it's part of the process of meeting people online.

That's WHY you meet - to decide whether or not you want to continue. A majority of first meets will also be last ones, because both won't be mutually interested. Get used to it.
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 229
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:30:22 AM
Not necessary. What about blind dates? What about game shows when people would go on dates with people they never met before. IMO it's semantics.

I would agree. Some people might consider meeting someone from the internet to be a semi-blind date. You haven't actually meet them yet. But there was some interest generated by their profiles, photos, and email / phone conversations.'

IMO a first date doesn't need have to be fancy, romantic, or involve high expectations. It is simply a chance to see if there is a connection beyond the initial emails or phone conversations. If there isn't another date, then it is a date that didn't work out. Whether it was because one person had unrealistic expectations, one person was a complete jerk, there wasn't mutual physical attraction or any other potential reason.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 230
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:52:10 AM

Not necessary. What about blind dates? What about game shows when people would go on dates with people they never met before. IMO it's semantics.

This is one of those cases where I'm projecting based on how I do it. I don't do blind dates, and I don't go on dates with people I've never met before. If it's with the intention of getting romantic in any way shape or form, it's a date. I can't call it that if I don't know that yet. It's got no more umph to me than a business meeting would.

I think this is true in many cases. But not always. Sometimes a person could reject another person that could be a good match for them because of some very minor reason. I did that a few times when I was much younger. In retrospect, I was probably being too picky at the time. This can apply to people you meet at a bar, social club, bookstore, dating website etc.

IMO, anyone that rejects you regardless of the reason still constitutes a mismatch, or they wouldn't reject you. A match is when both are interested and want to continue.

I would agree. Some people might consider meeting someone from the internet to be a semi-blind date. You haven't actually meet them yet. But there was some interest generated by their profiles, photos, and email / phone conversations.'

I guess in the sense that it's interest in seeing if there's interest. It's so far removed until you meet tho, that it's not really much of anything at that point.

IMO a first date doesn't need have to be fancy, romantic, or involve high expectations. It is simply a chance to see if there is a connection beyond the initial emails or phone conversations. If there isn't another date, then it is a date that didn't work out. Whether it was because one person had unrealistic expectations, one person was a complete jerk, there wasn't mutual physical attraction or any other potential reason.

I never call it a date until I meet them, they take on a different angle for me because there's attraction and I want to know more. Anything else is a pit stop. Then again, that's probably an era thing for me - the meaning of "date" when I was growing up was overly pressurized, dressed up affairs where people were trying really hard to impress each other. Since I equate "date" with making an impression and I think making impressions must be based on some sort of actual interest, the idea of going on a date to me is silly until I know enough about them to either be impressed or want to impress.

I don't use that word purposely to deflate a ton of interest until I can determine more - mostly in response to men using it with an expectant tone when discussing a first meet.

i agree with what you say you need to give it a couple of goes some people are nervous meeting well strangers, face to face. its easy to txt and email but face to face is very different.

If I think a guy is cute and I have interest, I would find his nervousness endearing, not a dealbreaker. It's never deterred me from someone I had interest in. I assume that a few thought being nervous was what killed a meeting, but it wasn't. It was lack of interest.

i met someone, said we would meet again and within 1hr got a txt saying your a nice person but dont think we can have a relationship.

Thats found out quickly and didn't have to waste time on it. Count your blessings on that. Some would have waited two weeks to tell you.

we met briefly over a lunch break. not really time to get to know someone is it.

I throw meetings in between other things I'm doing during the course of the day, and it's never longer than a half hour. That's more than enough time to know if I have interest. In fact, it's usually pretty much determined in the first 5 minutes if I have attraction/interest.
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 234
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:10:45 AM
even though it may seem unfair to you, there has to be some kind of attraciton for a second date.
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 235
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:38:18 AM
I am all about the "spark". I know within 3 seconds of meeting someone as to what kind of relationship is possible. In most cases, nothing more than friends. In some cases, there is a pure, raw physical attraction...but that is it. But what I am looking for is not necessarily the hottest guy, I am looking for a guy that makes me feel a certain way when I am with him. And it is either there from the get-go, or it's not.

I met a guy in early March when I was in Florida. Didn't know a thing about him, but I instantly felt connected to him. So I asked him where he was from, and he lives over 600 miles from me. Damn. I walked away...I didn't WANT someone so far away. But a week or 2 later, I came across an online profile of the same guy because we have some mutual friends. So I wrote to him, and talked to him about when we met in Florida. A month ago, he had a business trip that was to bring him within an hour of where I live, so we planned to meet for dinner. At this point, I was thinking, we would just be meeting as friends. But as soon as I was near him, the sparks flew again. A casual meeting for dinner and drinks was suddenly a real DATE. He is tall, clean cut, professional...AND rides a Harley. He's the kind of guy that can do odd jobs around the house, AND helps me with my chair, my coat, the door. Swoooon! And he described me as a tomboy that looks like a supermodel...which means he is just as much into me as I am into him. THAT NEVER HAPPENS! The more we have talked via email, the more things we have found to have in common.

And now...I am stuck with wanting to be with someone that is 600 miles away, but at the moment, our busy lives just do not make it possible.

So I am learning the art of patience. I waited years to find him...I can wait another month.
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 239
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:21:08 AM
But I get what you mean though. Unfortunately, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it's mostly the women that believe in the initial "spark". While I believe in giving it some, "getting to know you" time. Spend time getting familiar with the person.

I am not sure if the "spark" concept is a male vs female thing. What I do know, is that the spark I look for is not that hot burning passion kind of thing...I agree, that is a sign of a short-term relationship. Beyond a raw physical attraction, not much else is there.

But I am talking about something more along the lines of a gut instinct. That feeling that you are right where you are supposed to the right place at the right time with the right person.

Yes, he has to be physically attractive...but I think women are not entirely shallow when it comes to choosing a partner. I do like eye candy, but I can get bored of a hot guy real quick if there is no other substance. I tend to be more attracted to guys that have animated features...for example, I would go for a Jim Carrey type before a George Clooney or Brad Pitt. George and Brad are handsome guys, but Jim is INTERESTING, and much more captivating. But physical attraction is not just about looks, either. It's about subtleties in how a guy smells, the energy he projects, the sound of his voice, and the twinkle in his eye...etc. It all comes into play, and it is either there from the get-go, or it's not.

And it has to be there before I am willing to get to know anything more about someone. Because, if it's not there...what's the point? Trust me, I have tested the theory that feelings would develop over time if there was a compatibility with his personality traits, general lifestyle, personal philosophy, etc. But it doesn't work. And if I know a guy is INTO me, and I know I am not into him, I would rather end it sooner than later.

So for the guys that think they can't get past the first date, I am thinking that maybe there is something that needs to be fixed. Maybe the guy is so nervous, he is releasing pheromones women find repellent. Maybe he is trying too hard to impress her, that he sounds arrogant. That is why they say it will happen when you least expect it, or when you aren't LOOKING...because it is then that all those negatives go away. So the trick, is to relax and enjoy yourself, and not get yourself all worked up and afraid of rejection...cuz we girls can SMELL fear, and it doesn't smell good!
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 240
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 6/29/2008 3:50:49 AM

what you're talking about is known as "thin slicing", which is the ability to gauge what's important from a narrow period of experience. This is most likely similar to the 'spark' you refer to. In this respect so called spontaneous decisions are just as valid as carefully thought out ones because the subconscious processes a lot more information that we are consciously aware of. However spontaneous decisions are more likely to be corrupted by likes, dislikes, prejudices and stereotypes.

That is a new term on me, and I think you are right. It is easy to be so focused on a series of pre-set parameters that the "rejection" happens more consciously than sub-consciously. But even so, I think it is still valid. But then, I have always held the philosophy that if I am looking for the ONE guy that is perfect for me, that means I will have to essentially reject 99.999% of the guys out there.

So, after a while, after saying no no no...eventually, I do a manual override, and TRY to get to know a guy that might show interest in me. And you know what? Whenever I do that, I regret it. Because as I am getting to know him, and finding out more reasons we would not be compatible for anything long term, he is getting more and more attached. And once that happens, ending things is a LOT harder. I would rather walk away from someone in the beginning, before they are emotionally vested...if I know then that things just don't feel "right".

So, what is better? A string of first dates? Or a string of short-lived romances ending in disaster?
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 241
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:18:50 AM
What? You actually get women to show up on dates? How amazing. I usually get stood up without so much as a phone call. Why do women think it is ok to be so rude? Is it that hard just to say "No thanks"?
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 242
view profile
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:47:36 AM
You can't tell from a first date whether a relationship will work out of not, but there of course there are going to be people who will repulse you within the first meeting (for whatever reason). Repulsion can happen as fast as the first second, or it can take a couple of hours of conversation before they reveal they are racist or psychotic or something. Of course you can tell on the first date in some cases that you don't want to see someone again. If you are a nice person, saying "I didn't feel a spark, good luck" is a very polite way to let someone know so they are not left wondering. I wouldn't want people to start saying "you repulse me" instead. This is an extreme example just to illustrate the point clearly that it is possible to tell on the first date. The less extreme is just that they didn't happen to be attracted to you (maybe they don't even know why). They don't need to tell you exactly why, even if they know -that would be brutal to hear that kind of thing. Just don't take it personally. Obviously you can't match up with every woman out there. I'm sure there are women out there that you're not attracted to too.
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 245
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:18:06 AM
I agree with what some posters have stated. I would reject a woman after the first date if she was unattractive or there was obvious dealbreakers / incompatibility issues. Otherwise I would go out with a woman 2-3 times before making a decision either way. I would never make a decison based on "instant chemistry". I think more people would be in successful relationships if they had more realistic expectations for the first date.
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 248
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:30:40 PM
I find talking to someone on line for a while still does not prepare you for what you will find when you meet. I find so many men lie on the site and I can only speak for men cuz I dont talk to women on this site...anyway, people dont see themselves like others see them and I see them differently than others do someties...we see people according to who they remind us of and people in our past. someone uglyto you can be handsome to you. I personally dont like Bradd PItt but I love Yule Brenner and his bald head and beautiful voice... I like guys who are a little rough and I dont like the motorcycle riders except the ones on "Orange county choppers!"
I dont like to wait to meet them if there is a connection of interrests or goals that are similar. I am not in a hurry but I have other things to do than to meet men I dont enjoy being with. I have a life and stay busy... I hate to waste time and I dont like to go through feeling nervous and getting to know them and stuff if I am never going to see them again...the chase is not fun for me and honestly
I feel attraction is part of all lie if you say it isnt cuz if you meet someone who appears to be "ugly" for the lack of a better word at the would not want to love and make love to them later in a relationship even if they were sweet....this is not a fairy tale and "Beauty and the Beast" is way too over rated for today's society.
I dont get my feelings hurt if a guy doesnt like me and you shouldnt either because it is all about personal taste and not about anyone personally...after they get to know you and they dump you, then it is personal!
just my opinion....we all have one......................thank you for listening (reading mine).
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 249
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/8/2008 11:56:28 AM
i agree,that most of them dont know what they're missing.but as a man who has not been much of a dater(mostly relationships)when i first started dating again,i was ALMOST looking forward to rejection.that is,"lets get it out of the way and over it". being a man,you really have to put yourself out there more than a woman.w/the exception of the last 10yrs or so,it had been the mans move to start the courting process,and vulneralbly do the greeting,asking out and there were alot of long walks back to my seat in discomfort.because you take that first step,and thats crucial,w/o it you'll never know the possibilities.but those long walks back never really got easier. so,i'd say...lets do it!lets get it out of the way,like pulling off a,somewhat painful,and you can start the healing.hahaha.i have learned that a good amount of the woman i have encountered have been great in one sense or another,but they all want their carbon-copy "perfect-fit".it doesnt exist.they should take a good long look at themselves and understand that we are all a work in progress.some people come into our lives and bring out the best in us.things that we didnt know of ourselves until the opportunities presented themselves.take that into consideration and be more open to our not-so-perfect-fit.i've encountered women who were a great catch,but they didnt want to open-up about themselves.too do you get to know someone who doesnt let you in.she was a damn near perfect fit for me.but,she'll never know what she missed.also,there are the ones who emphasize"goal oriented/ambitious"im sorry but at 40 my goal was to find someone to accept me (quirks and all)for who i am.i have a great carreer that i truly enjoy and get alot out,if youre in that place what do you have to not going to change my career for the sake of someone's view of the bigger better!must have touched a nerve.ha ha ha.that was therapeutic.thanks
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 253
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/8/2008 12:38:41 PM
Sorry, but i can tell after the first "meeting" if there is anything there worth pursuing. It doesnt have to be alot...but something has to "spark" my interest for there to be a second meeting. Most do end after one...doesnt mean i quit looking. And it doesnt mean they werent great guys for someone....just not what i am looking for. And its not all about looks...
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 254
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/8/2008 12:43:42 PM
Sometimes you just know after meeting there is no point in seeing each other again. If an initial meeting goes really well though, we have lots to talk about and I'm not turned off by him, he definitely deserves a second date. Ultimately you can't take rejection after one date personally because it isn't personal at that point. It's about what the other person wants and you have to be able to respect that because you're going to be in the same boat at one time or another.
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 257
view profile
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/8/2008 1:47:47 PM
I disagree vehemently. I feel the spark immediately...or not at all.
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 259
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:26:05 PM
I certainly go out with a man a second time if I am attracted to him. But once in a while -- rarely -- there is a spark that seems to come not only from sexual attraction but having an easy rapport, being on the same wave length. Feeling happy and connected in that person's presence. Aren't we all looking for that? My ex-husband went out with 62 women before he met the woman who became his wife. The right person doesn't come along all that often so when he/she does, treasure it.
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 260
view profile
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/9/2008 1:03:48 AM
at least you get a phone call saying something. what I don't get is when things are going well for a few dates and then nothing. no returned phone calls, emails, text messages, just nothing. and when it happens a couple times, what does that mean? i go out with cowards? i have gotten this from guys i have met via online as well as met in person.
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