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 jeeplover41
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 263
Rejected after the first date?Page 5 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
[at least you get a phone call saying something. what I don't get is when things are going well for a few dates and then nothing. no returned phone calls, emails, text messages, just nothing. and when it happens a couple times, what does that mean? i go out with cowards? i have gotten this from guys i have met via online as well as met in person. ]

Sister it happens to me ALL the time. I seem to be a coward magnet. But I never get to the date, the emails, phone talks, and texts messages seem to go so well for a week, then I drop the (OH NO!) M-word. M-eet? Try to set up a quick face to face, lunch, coffee and donut before work, light****ail or 1 beer after work. Then the excuses come flowing like Niagra after the Spring thaw. Then the contact just stops, NO explanation, not even a go to hell.

I guess I give great email.
 circe 1
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 264
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/10/2008 5:13:37 PM
Speak for yourself OP. I know almost immediately whether there is chemistry or not. And if I don't feel it the first date...I move on. Someone here calls that shallow...oh really? How about CONFIDENT AND KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS!
 exrescue
Joined: 10/24/2007
Msg: 266
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History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/10/2008 5:42:14 PM
Hey at least you guys can get a date,be grateful,you could be like me,alone all the time,but still hopeful.
 msflis
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 268
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/10/2008 8:35:53 PM

Once again an old post is resurrected for reasons that escape me. How or why anyone goes back in the list of hundreds of threads to pull one out that's been untouched for months makes no sense...aren't there already way too many to read and reply to? No diss, I didn't even pay attention to who resurrected the thread; I just wonder why...


Because if someone wants to talk about this topic and starts a new thread, he or she will get chastised for creating redundant threads!

--Ms. Flis
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 269
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/10/2008 8:39:45 PM
I personally would much rather a guy be straight up with me immediately if he doesn't feel anything then string me along because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings or whatever.

One date is more like a get together and so there really isn't a whole lot invested into it.

If he knows there's no attraction and says so then I appreciate the honesty and usually we end up friends.
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 272
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:03:38 PM
Unfortunately it seems people are shallow. They take a look at what's on the outside and don't bother to see what's on the inside. I'm not saying that you are unattractive by any means. I'm simply saying that maybe they didn't like what they saw. Attraction does matter in a relationship, but it's by far not the most important thing.


Wow, I guess I am wierd. I just don't take it to heart like some do. I meet people at the store, library, whatever and strike up a conversation and enjoy a moment of their company. I guess that's how I see a first date. I don't put huge expectations on it so there really is no reason to be disappointed.

Putting the label "rejected" on this is a little dramatic to me. I mean it's not like I go in expecting a proposal! There are no sparks - "ok, thanks for your company, I enjoyed talking with you. If you want to hang out sometime give me a call!" That's not so hard, to me anyway.
 circe 1
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 275
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/11/2008 2:57:10 PM
I still don't understand how not feeling chemistry from the outset is 'shallow'. mel2780...I am almost never attracted to GQ looks, so I do not just look 'at what's on the outside'. I have been attracted to men who most women would not take a second look at. Chemistry has nothing to do with good looks. It is hard to define it but it either there or it isn't....are you suggesting that I ignore my feelings and instincts and have a second date with a man that I am not attracted to? Why would I? From my experience, if it isn't there right away...it never will be. I am as far away from 'shallow' as they come. I trust my instincts and I know when I feel chemistry. What would you have me do? Date a man again just so I might hope that the chemistry magically appears? It seems to me that if I did that, knowing that the sparks aren't there, that I would be doing that man a great disservice, and would be leading him on. It seems to me that the well-mannered woman would be telling him there is no point in continuing, thereby allowing him to find someone else that was interested in him.
 Baddoff
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 279
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History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/13/2008 10:47:54 PM
Right, from what i can see most people are correct in what they are saying. From a blokes point of view most of us, will go on a first date hoping for one or two things. Number one, we meet someone, there is a spark we carry on dating then we settle down and its the fairytale we all want. #2 she is ok, attractive enough, not that bothered at the moment, can we at least fool around so the dates not a complete waste? :) there will probably be a load of comments on here after from blokes disagreeing, but as always there are exceptions, but i will put my life on it thats how the majority of us think. As to a slow build up versus an instant spark. Well both scenarios exist and happen. But who wants numerous, and lets be fair everyone, expensive dates, week after week only to find out at the end of 3 months that 'yeah i was right after the first date, see you around'. A slow build up is fine if its a work colleague or someone you see on a regular occurance but we have to remember what we are doing, which is internet dating. Its not the real world so different rules now apply, so we either live with them or try something else.
 All_for_Love
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 280
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:32:00 AM
Most people know after a first meeting if it's a go or no go. With you, it's a no go. Tough luck!
 BrynMawr
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 285
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Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/18/2008 2:09:16 PM
I find women are the same way.. I have a very nice time and then nothing. Resently I date this women ... well went to dinner twice .. and then out of the blue she stopped anwering or returning calls .. I can only assume that is her way of saying she found someone else. . . . Its to bad , I really liked her and we had a lot in common
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 294
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History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:25:00 PM
MSG 1I agree with you .
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 296
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History
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/27/2008 7:17:43 PM
We all have gone through dry spells. Don't worry about it. Next thing you know you will post a thread asking why so many women are after you.
 Aerynn
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 297
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 9/28/2008 2:31:35 AM

no way you can feel a spark with someone on the first date unless you have a buildup of static electricity

And that hurts!

Maybe these women are looking for the elusive thunderbolt that strikes them dead on the spot when they meet Mr. Right, who knows. 1 date isn't enough for a spark, I agree.

On the other hand, though, 1 date is enough to determine: he's not physically attractive to me, our conversation was really lacking, he was not at all who he told me to be, he was too busy eyeing some woman's boobs across the room.

Could be you're just getting an excuse.
 jeeplover41
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 298
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 10/26/2008 12:46:49 PM
Maybe we need the English to POF translation:

Chemistry = wet panties
 cheryl000
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 305
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 12/29/2008 9:43:09 PM
I have been told my butt isn't big enough because he was looking for a Jenniffer Lopez multiplied by 10 in bootie size. Then a guy said I was not tall enough because he likes women who are very tall. I told them I am 5'6' and wear a size 14. One guy said I was looking for an exclusive relationship...its called "Long term". I also had that on my profile. Two times guys got mad because I didnt want to have sex with them and I told them I NEVER have sex on a first date...I want to at least know a guy before I sleep with him. A few times I talked to a man for a few weeks and then he said he can not meet me for coffee because he is dating someone presently. I dated a really weird guy from west chester who took me to a bar to talk and got drunk by drinking shots in the hour we were talking and knew from my profile I dont drink and do you think I would want to date him again? no way! so far this site has been a nightmare but I keep thinking there is one good guy and that is all I need.
I am not sure what is going on but I think there is alot of dishonesty going around.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 306
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 12/30/2008 6:49:38 AM
I call it the candy store syndrome, which seems to be prevalent and usually has no positive results. Seems to make people whine about not finding a suitable person to seriously date. This seems logical to me since they are meeting everyone one time in the search for Mr./Ms. perfect.
 SirLaughsAl0t
Joined: 3/19/2011
Msg: 308
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 10/10/2011 3:36:36 PM
Just look at it as getting "read deleted"... but in real life. ..lol
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 309
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 10/10/2011 4:41:12 PM
I really dont want to tread thru umpteen pages of bs, but....

the irony of this post, when the poster has a headline of "notattractive" and a header of, "totally insane"



yes, i get the begining of mine is 5150, but, it's an inside joke code...im hoping his is too?

anyway, happy !
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 310
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 10/10/2011 4:44:01 PM
Roomfor1more,
Come on over to this side of the coast, to So Cal, and I promise I wont give you the 1 date shrug off
 classic70Abody
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 311
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 10/10/2011 5:08:57 PM

On the other hand, though, 1 date is enough to determine: he's not physically attractive to me, our conversation was really lacking, he was not at all who he told me to be, he was too busy eyeing some woman's boobs across the room.


Wow yeah, I think that is roughly what the whole 1st date is about, that's how I apply it anyways... Seriously wouldn't want to have a 2nd date with someone who was lacking in one of those areas or similar, it would be the same as trying to make yourself like someone... and for what?

Lets say people do happen to have a 2nd date with someone who lacked a spark... or had just a tiny fizzle... they could find that the person is actually more their type than they thought, especially after being done with the unnerving first date that many people dread... which often doesn't let someones real character come through. At least by the second date it would be a more definite Yes or No.
 classic70Abody
Joined: 8/24/2010
Msg: 312
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 10/10/2011 5:52:02 PM

the ones im having a problem with are those when the date goes very well... then when i call, i get constant 'i'm busy' followed about 2 weeks later with ' i met somebody else and hit it off.


Those kind of dates make me wonder too... I've read on other posts that some women date many many guys per year, like 50-100 dates... and they are still on here 'dating' years later, claiming that they are looking for 'the one'.

Personally I don't see how anyone can date that often when looking for the one. I've been on here 1 year and have dated 5 guys... not all from here either. These went on to 2nd and 3rd dates, and still friends with a couple of them... if I decided to be a person that dates one week, and has a new date the next week and so on.. then I think it would be for the 'fun' of dating and wouldn't bother having a 2nd date with any of them. So it sounds to me it's just for the fun. All too common and too easy for a lot of women to do, plus I think some like scoring a free meal.

There are probably a few that are saying that to gently let you know that they are not interested, they may have been on a previous date where the guy lost his noodle on her and she's doing this to keep from having this happen again.

And yes, it sure does resemble the candy store syndrome. The darn site starts to become addicting... its fun to go on here and just read, and get weird messages. I find I shrug people off more often than I message them. I think a lot of that was because I was burnt out and should have stayed offline rather than browse aimlessly to waste time. Now when I get more serious about it, I start reading some guys profiles I'm now finding interesting, but realize they already contacted me when I had ignored them. So it leaves me wondering if it's OK for me to message them back and try again... or not?


should i just go for the one night stands and stop being a gentleman?... am i making the mistake of not bringing up that im okay with that?


Are you saying you are ok with the one nighters and hookups even though you are looking for more? If that's the case and you feel like mentioning it on these dates that don't seem to make it to date number 2, go for it! At the worst you will just come off as some guy that they later talk about: "Yeah, first his intentions were for a relationship, then he asked for a hook up!" But in the end you never see her again anyways, so what would it matter? Though you may want to reserve this for the first dates where she is extra touchy and getting to know you more... chances are she is into that kind of stuff. If it's a stand offish date, don't bother.

Or you can be sneaky and have a second profile that is primarily for dating fun, and go have your fun. Maybe the tables will turn and you will actually meet someone who wants more than a hookup afterwards? At least this way you know they are looking for some fun, and it's funner for both people.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 313
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 10/11/2011 4:18:01 AM
Why waste time? To me she could be wonderful, educated, successful, sexy conversationalist but if I don't feel it, sorry kid.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 314
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 10/11/2011 6:57:22 AM
[ In the last three years I have been meeting women, every first date ended nicely. But two days later I'd get the call or e-mail saying "You are a great guy but I didn't feel the spark. Good luck."
Forgive me for saying so but there is absolutely no way you can feel a spark with someone on the first date unless you have a buildup of static electricity. Like striking a match to get it to light, it might take a few dates before the spark can be found.
You don't know anything about the other person after one date. There is still a lot to learn before you can determine whether they are good enough to continue.]

On the contrary it is possible to learn a great deal from the first meeting. I work in a profession that requires I do this as quickly as possible. Thus in my first contacts with people I meet through pof I am able to ascertain the basics of the personality of the other person within ten minutes. Are they communicative? Are they curious about their experiences, curious about me, philosophically inclined; are they open to new ideas; are they conservative or liberal in their outlook on life; do they like to try new things, explore new places or do they prefer to do things the same way every time? Do they listen to what I have to say and how do they act when I respond positively or negatively to what they have to say? Are they nervous, shy, outgoing, talkative? Do they look after their health, exercise, wash, clean their teeth? What are they wearing? Does it look like they've considered how I might perceive them? Etc etc. When you feel listened to, properly, and have a sense that the other person is interested in you and is interested in how you perceive them, then you have the basis of a friendship, or if not that, then a good working relationship.
 92sc
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 317
Rejected after the first date?
Posted: 10/12/2011 5:44:09 PM
Don't feel bad ,,,,,rejection is waking up in an empty house.

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