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 btj_rv
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 5
one night stands and pregnancyPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

what would you do?


In comparison to what? Fleeing. Taking care of it. Being supportive. Denying it. Requesting a paternity test. Turning into a jerk. Marrying her ?

OP I would not have sex with a women I wouldn't want to be connected with in that way. I think any rational person would consider the possible result of being reckless sexually. If the couple wanted children I'd think that there would not be a dilemna. I also think that abstinence is the best way to approach this. I mean you can take a trip to vegas and get married in a couple hours in less than a hundred dollars. But does that mean it is the best decision. If it works for you then go for it.
 btj_rv
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 7
one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 3/15/2008 10:16:10 AM

i didn't ask for a comparison, i asked what you would do in those circumstances


I'd try to get on good terms with her and work toward a single profession. And would probably be more comfortable married with a child than without. So I'd try to make steps toward that. I'd also try to be cordial toward her family because I think that when you have a child with a person you are also involved with their family. If she didn't want to get married. I'd try to determine if we could handle being single parents. Other than that. It would definitely be a curve ball. But I'd be happier if it were a win- win situation than not.
 Gut_Reaction
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 12
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one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:11:45 PM

I would have an abortion, but thats me and my choice, everyone would choose differantly.


How many choices are there exactly?
 lalby
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 21
one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:19:54 AM
I found myself in a situation like this years ago,wasnt so much a 1 night stand but a brief fling and niether of us would have wanted to carry on a relationship.
When i first found out i was pregnant i was devestated but it was my mistake and i had to deal with it,i did think about abortion because my boys were only very young and i was already finding life hard as a single parent.But my final decision was to keep the baby as i couldnt go through with the abortion.I did let the father know about my decision and ultimatley he wasnt happy but it was my decision.He was let off the hook as i lost the baby further into my pregnancy but if i hadnt i would have had another child and it did teach me a lesson on becoming more carefull.
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 30
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one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 3/28/2008 9:17:25 AM
What about the case of J v C where a guy went to a nightclub, had a one night stand. He wore a condom and while he was in the loo she put the contents inside herself. She became pregnant and then got the csa to chase him for money!

i have a little boy of my own so will be having a chat with him when he is old enough to understand. Always flush your condoms guys as there are women out there wanting to use you as easy prey!
 surreygal
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 31
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one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 3/28/2008 1:35:57 PM
i just wanted to say that it sounds like you are doing a brilliant job with your little man. I was just making a point in support of the guys as they do sometimes have a hard time of it. Im a single mum to and i love being with my little man. Hopefully the right guy will come along but if he doesnt my life wont end.

I wish you lots of luck.
 electric-gypsy
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 39
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Posted: 8/2/2009 3:21:55 PM
Generally, I don't agree with abortion, so I'd keep the baby. I'd do my best to let the sperm donor know, in case he wanted to play a role, but I'd steel myself for the likely probability that he wouldn't and just get on with it the best I could.
 electric-gypsy
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 43
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Posted: 8/2/2009 3:33:11 PM
^^^Nice one, hunnibelle!


Women who don't think they could abort shouldn't be having unprotected sex during one night stands, and neither should men who oppose abortion.


I think what you meant to say is no one should be having unprotected sex during one-night stands! An unwanted pregnancy isn't the only thing you could get lumbered with.
 Warrencraig
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 45
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one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:22:23 PM

as being a mother of 2, this disgust me. how can another mother demand u 2 terminate a life

Because HER perception on abortion is different to YOURS.

Its a simple fact that many people do not see a unborn baby as a seperate life until it is born or able to survive with medical science. I wont bore anyone with all the science crap as im sure most people are aware about it and the thoerys of when babys can "feel" etc.

Personally im all for abortion within the time limits by law. I feel its far better for an unwanted baby to be terminated rather than bought into this world unloved, neglected and likely to grow up disadvantaged and likely to end up furthering the cycle of social decline and deprivation found all over this country into the next generation when they do EXACTLY the same themselves because they just dont know any better and with little hope of them changing due to the behaviours being learnt over their whole life.

But the easy availability of abortion shouldnt be an excuse for irresponsible unprotected sex.

Although i do agree it should always be the mothers choice in abortion and no one has the right to tell you what to do. (except in certain circumstances where the social services should have power to intervene where its obvious the mother is unfit for some reason, be it stupidity, mental incapacity, etc. a good example is that stupid woman having her 14th baby despite all 13 previous being taken from her. Compulsory abortion in rare cases like that should be legal).
 electric-gypsy
Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 46
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Posted: 8/4/2009 1:23:13 AM

If she opted to keep the child I would remind her that its only fair I would want to be part of the childs life on the regular


If you'd tried to persuade a girl to abort (ie, murder) the baby - and she chose to have it - then why the hell should you be granted contact when you clearly wanted that child dead?!?!


grit my teeth or bite my tongue and put up with any thing that I dont like about the mother for the best interest of the child.


Um... It doesn't work like that.


I would feel my life would be robbed of me but at least I would be doing the right thing


No, you'd be doing the wrong thing. Children are very clever. You don't need to verbalize your thoughts - they pick up on bad attitudes. If you feel your own child is a burden, he or she will pick up on it, internalize it and carry feelings of worthlessness through to adulthood. The child would be better off without you.
 Qrysten
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 62
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one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:02:42 PM
I'm dealing with that right now I met an awesome guy on here well atleast I thought he was and I thought he was someone I can start dating our first sexual encounter I got pregnant his immediate reaction was to have an abortion because we wouldn't be able to take care of the child but my religion stands against abortion. Sometimes I wish I would've had an abortion and maybe we would still be hanging out but I just couldn't do t and he wasn't that adamant about the abortion either because he would've made me do it but I have conversed with him through emails and phone conversation although we are not far from one another I haven't seen him since so I just feel like I was a one night stand and what the ladies at the children and families calls it a hit and run which was embarassing to hear old italian ladies laughing sayin I was a hit and run victim. It hurts but life must go on. He can live his life to the fullest in america or overseas and I'll just be left wth a reminder of what of what he really feels about me and what I can do "Handle it".
 cubic_zirconia
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 65
one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 8/17/2009 12:34:49 AM
this "logic" clearly isnt taking into account people who have moral obligations to life and who are against abortion.

i am in no way looking to get pregnant, therefore, i refrain completely from sex...however, hypothetially speaking, if i was to get pregnant and i wasnt seeking the pregnancy, i'd still have it, because i believe that ending a life is wrong and that one should not blame another (baby) for one's mistake.

with that said, yes, he should pay child support. he did afterall have a role in making it, he should have a role in raising it, even if just financially. if he *really* didnt want a kid, he would have been more pro-active in PREVENTING the creation of one, i.e. condom,/spermicide, vasectomy, ABSTINENCE...

babies are a side-effect of sex. people forget that if you have sex, you can get stds and guess what? you CAN get pregnant...shocker. even the good ol pill states it is not 100% effective. saying that these girls "wanted" to get pregnant is just dumb (while i'm sure some do, not all do). i know plenty of people who got pregnant on the pill, it happens. some people, even if they dont want a child, do not believe in abortions and just ducking out of responsibilities they sought, the cowardly way.

if you reeeaaalllyyy dont want one, why even risk it, just keep your legs shut and your d.ick in your pants. abortion is not a method of birth-control.

i understand and can even empathize with certain situations where there may be an argument for abortion, like rape, incest, etc., but having one JUST to cover up a mistake? thats sick. saying you'd just "get rid of it" without a thought is disgusting. souless. heartless.

there should really be more emphasis placed on PREVENTING.
 Sunsation1
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 68
one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 9/4/2009 12:27:11 PM
Futureshock..I believe that most pills prevent the overies from producing eggs, or prevent the egg from being fertilized.. so I am not sure how that is involved with the abortion issue..
 Qrysten
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 69
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one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:06:59 PM
Wow I didn't know there was such a response after I wrote that no female should side with a male on whether or not he should pay child support. If a man knows the two of you all are not trying to have sex you're just going out to meet one another for the first time then he should not imply on having sex sneakily. I don't believe in abortions it's not right it's not the childs fault its brought into the world but the man should not be let of the hook to the people who think who should not pay child support imagine being tricked into having sex and you know its unprotected he ejaculates inside of you and end up pregnant you don't have an abortion you keep the child you mean to tell me you're not going to let him know you're just going to be like oh well and let him go on with his life while he's out with his Mrs. Right you're walking around knocked up and probably can't work at the moment b/c the morning sickness got you. No way he's just as responsible he should pay. Child Support has no income bracket even the rich sue for child support they just get 10x's more than the average working class person. No man should be let off the hook like it's not his fault if a man wants to force sex, have sex un protected or whatever he is held reliable if he doesn't want a child then he knows how to pull out if a man is inside a woman making love or sex whatever raw and he's climaxing about to ejaculate then he should pull out and neither person lives will be put on hold for 9 months and the woman won't have to worry about a pregnancy what the future holds emotional baggage from the jerk of the father or about her body b/c her life will go back to normal. The man will always come out on top no matter the situation b/c he can go back to his job he doesn't have to miss any days he doesn't have to worry about getting pregnant and killing a baby he can just brush that off he doesn't have to worry about carrying a child for 9 months his body won't go through any changes he doesn't have to go look for another job and pray that the little baby is in good hands while he's at work his happy life will go on he can tend to his baby his car and ride around showing off for dumb broads and land one and marry the dunce but best believe I will get the last laugh in this scenario for any man never suggest abortion as the first option in an emotional situation and don't ever try to play the you know we can't take care of this child when you know you're not going to be in the picture anyway my best advice for males who think like that who think it's so easy to kill a life and move on each time you get a woman pregnant just b/c your occupation may allow you to apply deadly force and teach you how to kill doesn't mean an innocent child needs to be treated that way why don't they just kill themselves. Because that's what they just did to the female killed her dreams. He's out spending money dikking down another broad while the female is trying to plan a good life for his child he needs to just take the nine stick to his head and kill himself and go where he wanted you to go by wanting you to be stupid and have an abortion.
 Cargy.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 84
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Posted: 4/21/2010 8:23:17 AM

Free comdoms are available at your GPS


Bah, I've just taken my TomTom apart, and haven't found so much as a single condom inside. I'm sure you have that wrong.

OT: The incidence of so-called unwanted pregnancies exceeds the failure rates of the various contraceptive methods available by a large proportion. Draw your own conclusions from that.
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 92
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Posted: 8/4/2010 4:42:21 AM
I'm on the side of men here, because they don't have 72 hours to change their mind ie the morning after pill.Its just a gut reaction, and I can see that legally it would be messy.How would you prove one night stand etc Who's to say that a guy wouldn't take a morning after pill? Womans excuse, I got carried away, for 72 hours apparently. Both sexes get carried away.
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 94
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Posted: 8/5/2010 3:06:21 AM
I think that legally, men should pay to support their offspring as it takes two to tango and contraception is not 100% In the vast majority of cases, however, no contraception would have been used. How could a woman not realise she might be pregnant after this? My thoughts are of women who want a child plus purely financial help from the father. Hence the morning after pill comment; men have no options to end a pregnancy. Yes, they should have thought about that; but personally, I would not expect financial support after a one night stand, if I had chosen not to take the morning after pill as I would feel it was my decision to have the child, not the fathers. Not sure whether I'd inform him. Selfish? Possibly but would I really want the family of someone I barely knew having an input? Should add that fortunately I've never been in this situation.
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 95
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Posted: 8/6/2010 7:04:41 AM
I think that children could be more messed up by a bad relationship with a biological father than none at all. Just think it would be very risky to expect a guy you've met on a one night stand to make a good Dad; perhaps they'd be great, perhaps not. Many people have real Dads who are not their biological ones and know what a loving relationship between a man and woman is.
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 99
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Posted: 8/24/2010 6:38:58 AM
Define father Funky Monkee. Alot of your research does not mention the perpetrator of abuse. A father is not a sperm donor, who never intended to be a parent. My perspective is from a one night stand angle and also applies to women. Possibly the reason that women are less confident is that they have the ultimate responsibility to bring up a child. Did the survey assume the father to be a single parent?
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 102
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Posted: 8/26/2010 3:56:53 AM
ffrin- no it isn't! Agree with the bring up child alone bit, but the morning after pill is there. I like the way that your post is real life though; essentially its in a woman's best interests to sort contraception and to be the most responsible. Financial help is not the same the as a real partner or father. Just waiting for the hate mail! Think this subject is sexist by nature, women have the power of baby/ no baby. Although you may not have chosen to be born female, it also involves responsibility. Probably more hate mail, but I think that in the days of contraception being solely in the hands of women, things were better. And whats the difference now? A few quid a month and angst . There wasa shame with pregnancy when I was young if not married. I think the shame has changed, and think it shouldn't have. I know I'm talking about an ideal world, but partners first, not nec married Children second .
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 103
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one night stands and pregnancy
Posted: 8/28/2010 11:41:45 PM
There are two different things here; fathers who want to be fathers and those who don't. I'm not saying that men make bad fathers; more theopposite, some make fantastic fathers to children they are not related to. One of the problems though of children born of one night stands could be the reluctant fathers extended family. Wacky thought, but perhaps men should be given 3 days after conception to decide whether or not they want to financially support a child. With no response equalling yes.
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