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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?      Home login  
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 ceffodicane
Joined: 12/25/2008
Msg: 176
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?Page 8 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Dear Friends,

For me, the belief that there would be a broader spectrum has been shattered. Initially, I was told by, of all people, my ex wife, that online dating would provide a far more interesting group of people, among whom would be some of the small minority that might like me. She, of course, uses the high priced services, but, logically, one would expect that artists, writers, free lancers, would hang out someplace with very low costs.

This simply has not, empirically, in my limited anecdotal experience, turned out to be the case. There have been one or two people here whose presence here has enriched my life, there were a couple of fascinating threads, such as the one on chivalry where a genuine expert provided accurate and relevant information, and beautifully written. There is one man in the single parent forum who is extremely well informed. On the whole, however, this is little better chance of meeting someone here that "clicks" that there would be randomly, as that chance depends almost solely upon the bell curve, to wit, the same people who would have more choices in the "real" world, have more choices here, because of common social structure, which the internet demonstrates, rather than abolishes.

On the whole, the site seems to represent the fat part of the curve, socially, but there is very little representation of the edges, although there is no statistical evidence to describe how thin those edges are, either in society or here. Thus, this observation is both personal and prejudiced by the expectations, supra. What one draws from this, whether or not entirely accurate, is, however, interesting, in that there is some tendency toward allowing a level of both conformity and, paradoxically, within that conformity, diametrically oppositional views. In some sense, the idea that god fearing women and men who value, as in one thread, "traditional" vs those awful men/women, depending upon the writer's peeve of the moment who only want sex, or only are needy, or only, only only, is to be expected, as that would mirror real life in Walmart type town.

However, what becomes most interesting is how this creates dating. I, and I suspect many, would be interested in how many permanent relationships have been formed via contact here. Arguendo, and this is a big if, the purpose of dating were to establish permanent or semi-permanent relationships, is the site successful at so doing, and, if so, does that success then define either etymologically or morphologically the meeting of expectations.

The next avenue of exploration is, then, the one that many of my colleagues suggest, that, although one might not want to be so cynical as to cite “ya get what ya pay fer”, the hope that, in the cases on the edge of the cure, more than the fewest persons on those thin parts would use a site such as this is, at best, overly optimistic, at worst, chimerical. Thus, the further question needs to be stated pointedly: are expectations of finding like minded people greater or lesser when the geographical limitations of the real world are replaced by the demographic limitations of the cyber world?

Or simply put, in a world where intelligence is used primarily to create wealth, would not the most intelligent folk have enough coin to pre-screen by using more elite sites? Or if, for argument's sake, beauty creates desirability, would that not, in turn, establish resources more suited, in a free market world to the e-harmony type sites? Or, yet again, would any halfway sane professionals spend time on a free dating site, particularly, if due to the narrow parameters of matching, e-harmony or such states up front that there are limited or no statistical matches based upon the very nature of the theories of game and probability upon which this and similar sites are, in fact, constructed. Or more elusive still, since professionals generally are well funded, why would they not seek similarly economically placed individuals, whose purse itself screens out those who might not match their needs.


Interesting questions, with no answers. The best one would hope for is statistics comparing sites, incomes, education levels, interests, and so on; clearly no dating site would publicise such statistics, as the privacy issues are staggering. Moreover, none of this would change the expectations, since that word itself means “looking for”. Thus, no one, at least in any model we can foresee as outsiders, would enter this site without the idea of “looking for” and this is indeed one of the very first queries the model requires to build a paradigm. "xxx looking for xxx for xxx purpose..."

This topic, dating in a world whose borders are intellectual constructs rather than geographic boundaries, begs more thorough exploration, as these constructs, similar politics, religion, food tastes, moral tenets, pet preferences, and so on may be as definable as we, at least superficially want them to be, or they may, in the end, be no more predictive of behaviour than random geographic proximity, or may have no validity at all, statistically.


One personal note, as the question posed asks specifically "your" : I expected a very different world here, but have learnt, via observation more than actual interaction, that many of the social preconceptions we accept as somehow cultural validations are alive and well, and the computer may have changed the locus of the agora, but not its nature.


Sincerely,

CdC
 dancingjan
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 177
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 9/4/2010 1:02:44 PM
Zero expectations at all times....=.... zero disappointment!!
 Savona
Joined: 8/4/2010
Msg: 178
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 9/5/2010 12:33:35 PM
Yes ... funny how I actually thought I might meet a man who is looking for the same thing as I am, that I am attracted to and connect with on every level. to think I might actually fall in love with a man that I could meet on line

But through the forums I have met some amazing people, both men and women. some have remained on ine friends, some no in real life ... who would have thunk it.

So I got way more more than I expected in some ways, and much less in others.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 179
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 9/5/2010 11:20:21 PM
Discussion groups have always been better ways to meet people than matchmakers of any kind. I still miss the old BBSes, and the many wonderful people I met (and in one case lived with) among their users.
ED BEAR
 parrothead 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 180
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 9/12/2010 11:42:54 AM
I work real hard at not having a lot of expectations about things. the more expectations one has the more they will be disappointed. the best practice is to watch what you expect as you may make it come true. As for the big picture statments all women over fifty or all men over fifty thats just silly. good lord how many of us folks are there just in the pond let alone in the world? silly thing expecting a sterrotype to be true all the time dont you think?
 SonyaLT
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 181
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 9/22/2010 9:39:16 PM
Yes!

My daughter, who is also on POF, set up an account for me after I relocated to an area where I knew no one. She said it was a great way to meet local people and new friends.

I would join the forums during sleepless nights. It quickly became obvious that I might have little to nothing in common with most POF'ers in my area, and would certainly not want them as friends.

Now, I just enjoy reading different perspectives.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 182
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 10/27/2010 8:01:03 AM
In my opinion mine sure have (for now at least).
I took a few months off the site and missed a few of the regualr poetry and science forum posters. Within two days of creating a new profile ( I couldnt even post yet!) I met a great guy and we are both on cloud 9. Well this is me so lets see how long it lasts before Im ready to knock him out and push him off~

for some reason though I think hes gonna be around a while

I've mostly enjoyed the dating part of this site~
aside the hate e-mails from rejected loosers
and some of the dorkiest of dorks that
say things they shouldnt

I did miss it so Im back for another round! Bing!

I also can agree with post 185 though...
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 183
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 10/27/2010 1:04:58 PM
I'd say my expectations have been met mostly because at this point they're minimal..
I'm not sure I want to date let alone have any type of relationship, I don't want to be a heartbreaker or be heartbroken at the same time I'm lonely and growing weary of my hermitic lifestyle..someday soon I'll unhide my profile toss my heart to the wind and see where it lands.....
The forums have given me contact and social interaction, be it only on a cyber level there are others, that in itself gives me hope .....
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 184
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/8/2010 6:09:18 AM

Did your expectations change and how if so?

Yeah, these days I'm happy just to come across anyone here who can SPELL!
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 185
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/14/2010 11:27:20 PM
Yeah, really. I expected a certain level of maturity and sophistication. Instead, what I see is goofy shit like "Nose hairs? Turn on or Cooties?"

Read the thread titles. These threads are started by supposedly mature adults. I rarely come here anymore. I find more intellectual stimulation on forums dedicated to Politics, Religion, Philosphy, and Science, on Bondage.com, FetLife, CollarMe, and a couple other private sites. Lest ye think that my sole purpose for being on such sites is to endulge my kinky side, I'm a lot less kinky than I was. I have found that there are some amazingly intelligent and thoughtful people on such sites, and I enjoy the discussions about, for instance, Government economic stimulus vs. the position taken by those who subscribe to the Austrian School of Economic theory (se Hayek, et al). I don't see any of that here.

I have a problem with the short time that emails are kept. I have some serious health problems currently, and I don't always get around to replying to emails. When I do, the emails have been schuffled off to never-never land. That is a really sucky way to handle mail. I really wanted to talk to a woman who seemed interesting. I can't, now, because some arbitrary policy says that I was just too late.

yeah, whatever.
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 186
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/14/2010 11:31:27 PM
Mae Flowers: Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
...Yes they did. I actually expected to meet someone and fall in love ...I guess my expectaions were too high.
...mae "

Yeah, I know about being too high... >snort<


 skiernfungal
Joined: 10/20/2010
Msg: 187
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/15/2010 4:23:27 PM
Oh I just found the forums and bookmarked them...i like the forums and groups on the dating site i have been on since Nov 07... d a t e h o o k up... Maybe i know some of the people that post here from there...
On topic I do not figure I will find anyone to date here either...you never know...I came on POF out of curiosity...I invited about 6 local guys on here to come dancing with my gal friends last friday though...1 guy came out and was a very cool guy...My friend now has a date with him for this coming friday...I was successfull in at least getting her a nice date...maybe it will be me next time...
Guys here do look at my profile but rarely email...I do email on occasion but mostly just perv profiles looking...
 Misbehaving1001
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 188
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/17/2010 4:58:51 PM
My expectations was totally off the mark, I thought I would have a great time and meet nice people and do fun things. I realized since then that POF like all dating/social sites is just a tool and is used by many different people for many different things.
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 189
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/17/2010 7:04:33 PM
Yes. I came to this site looking for female friends, but when you view the profile of women also looking for new friends and they don't even look at your profile ... I can only shake my head in wonderment. Whatever. Humans is da craziest people.
 1234happy
Joined: 8/26/2010
Msg: 190
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/18/2010 3:38:22 AM
I have experienced that most people online don’t want to get to know a single person well; they want to get to know a multitude of people. The reason for this (I keep seeing in these forums) is because they don’t want to limit themselves when there could be someone ‘better’.

With this kind of mentality how does a person ever settle down and stop looking for someone ‘better’? Online there will always be another option to ‘try out’ and how do these people know when to stop looking? I don’t work this way. I want to meet one person and see where that leads.

I really don’t get how some people can date multiple people, at the same time, and really get to know the other person.

Plus, from what I’ve seen on here about online dating, a third date equals a LTR and I want mine to be longer than that.

I’m well aware that not all people online are like this. I’ve met a few men off of here who felt the same way I did and we dated (only each other) for a few months to see where it would go. Unfortunately, though they were great guys, it didn’t work out.

When I was on here a while ago, I put a lot of time into writing my profile and had a few pictures up. I received over 400 responses in a two week period. Now come on, I don’t believe for a second that that many people read my profile, paid attention to what I had written and decided that I might be someone they would want to have a relationship with. No way, not a chance.

So, yes, my expectations about online dating have changed. It’s really easy to get a date or two, or three, but it’s much more difficult online to find someone who wants a relationship, even when that’s what they say they are looking for.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 191
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/18/2010 11:46:45 AM

Yes. I came to this site looking for female friends, but when you view the profile of women also looking for new friends and they don't even look at your profile ... I can only shake my head in wonderment. Whatever. Humans is da craziest people.


I don't understand what you are saying here? You expected to meet female friends,
you peruse the profiles of women also looking for new friends and you don't understand why they won't look at your profile? There is only one reason for a person to look at your profile and that's because they are interested. Just because you are
both looking for friends, doesn't mean you are looking for each other. If that were true and it worked for people looking for a partner the same way, no one would be single.

 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 192
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/18/2010 2:59:50 PM

I don't understand what you are saying here? You expected to meet female friends,
you peruse the profiles of women also looking for new friends and you don't understand why they won't look at your profile? There is only one reason for a person to look at your profile and that's because they are interested. Just because you are
both looking for friends, doesn't mean you are looking for each other. If that were true and it worked for people looking for a partner the same way, no one would be single.


Maybe I didn't explain it properly so I'll put it in a different context. At a social gathering where people go to meet and make new friends--not a partner, lover, or whatever--I might smile at a woman, wanting to make conversation with her, and she won't even smile back and never know if her and I might have similar interests.

Or I live in a dilusional world and don't understand the dynamics of meeting people.
 SouthBayNative
Joined: 10/15/2010
Msg: 193
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/18/2010 3:34:20 PM
I joined thinking I'd go on a date. Haha. Silly me.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 194
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/20/2010 8:30:29 AM
I expected to get some responses and have at least a few dates, it has mostly been responses from married men looking for sex, men telling me why I am unmarketable--- (me thinks they have too much time on their hands and no manners), or men who want recipes since I like to cook, help with their children's problems since I work in public education, or men who don't read profiles beyond body type who live nowhere near me and think I will fly to where they live for sex since I am a desperate bbw. (their words) If I didn't know that there are some sane, well-mannered men on POF--have received some nice comments on my profile or something I posted in a fourm from forum posters, I would really wonder about all the men on POF. I have been disappointed to some extent, and glad I am tough skinned and not as naive as some.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 195
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/20/2010 11:20:36 AM

Yeah, really. I expected a certain level of maturity and sophistication. Instead, what I see is goofy shit like "Nose hairs? Turn on or Cooties?"


BTW, for whatever it's worth, Salon had an interesting interview with Dr. Neil Warren, the founder of eHarmony. In the interview, Dr. Warren told the writer (a single woman) that the fact she was "bright", eliminated virtually 95% of her compatible online matches, right from the start!!

http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/feature/2005/06/10/warren/index.html
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 196
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/20/2010 11:16:40 PM
southbaynative on 11/18/2010 620 PM
Subject: Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Message: I joined thinking I'd go on a date. Haha. Silly me.


Yeah, silly you.

Ceffodicane's post is, IMO, a brilliant analysis of the trials and tribulations of the free online 'dating" format.
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 197
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/20/2010 11:52:42 PM
Thanks, Mateo, excellent link. I never felt comfortable with eHarmony. There was always a parallel in my mind between eH and Hare Krishna. Or Scientology. I strongly distrust people who proclaim (as did Mark of Ohio) "Jeebus and God are more important to me than anything. Even Gummi Bears."

That's one of my turn-offs about PoF. Too frakkin' moralistic for me. And I don't know if most women answer "Xtian-other" for lack of a more detailed and explicit category, or that they are the slavish devotees of Paul, and later, Calvin and Wesley (and I use the word "slavish" in its more literal, Stepford-Wifeish sense), but that frightens me. There seems to be way too much conformity for the sake of obtaining a mate/bed partner/economic partner here.

Check out how many women claim to love Harleys, Nascar, Pina Coladas, Walks in the Rain, all that Kris Kross krap. I know at least one of them loves to get tied down and hot and sweaty and driven to the edge.

There's just so much lying and masque-wearing and all that going on. The hangups that zombie from eharmony has ain't my problem.
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 198
Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/21/2010 12:25:01 AM
Fifi: "I expected to get some responses and have at least a few dates, it has mostly been responses from married men looking for sex, men telling me why I am unmarketable--- (me thinks they have too much time on their hands and no manners), or men who want recipes since I like to cook, help with their children's problems since I work in public education, or men who don't read profiles beyond body type who live nowhere near me and think I will fly to where they live for sex since I am a desperate bbw. (their words) If I didn't know that there are some sane, well-mannered men on POF--have received some nice comments on my profile or something I posted in a fourm from forum posters, I would really wonder about all the men on POF. I have been disappointed to some extent, and glad I am tough skinned and not as naive as some. "

It's my opinion that a great many "men" are pre-adolescent ***holes, who don't have the decency to treat women that they meet like they would want others to treat their mothers. They think that because they have a little 3 inch stubby and that they conned some stupic morons into voting for them, that they have a "mandate" to abuse women.

I am waiting very patiently for Progressive Women to give up their foolish romance with pseudo-men like Boehner and McConnell, and understand that "The Handmaid's Tale" is not just fiction; it is Horror.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 199
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/21/2010 3:30:52 PM
I am waiting very patiently for Progressive Women to give up their foolish romance with pseudo-men like Boehner and McConnell, and understand that "The Handmaid's Tale" is not just fiction; it is Horror.

No doubt there are exceptions to everything, so no offense intended towards anybody, but frankly I don't think of this as the place to be looking for "Progressive Women"! Probably because it's a freebie site, this seems to attract more folks (both men and women) of the "conservative" persuasion. In fact, somewhere around here, on another thread, a gal was just recently complaining that she felt like she couldn't talk about anything here lately without some guy using it to rant about "Nobama", "Socialism", and "Libtards", etc!

And I do agree with your feelings re: eHarmony and also "religious" singles, of which they're aplenty here too. But eHarmony has supposedly "progressed" now from its early roots in "christian values" (and BTW, Warren's a minister). Although it's worth noting that "Joshua and Tanyalee" featured in eHarmony's ads, both strongly oppose gay marriage, and Joshua writes in his MySpace profile that "Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and ultimate HERO!"

But to each his own, except these days my own "rant" is, when did the GOP, Right Wing Conservatism, Bashing the Poor, Defending the Rich, Global Warming Deniers, Homophobia, Racism, and Uber-Patriotism.... also seem to have become the Official Positions of Evangelical Christianity?! My Bible knowledge is kinda shaky, but isn't there a part there where the very Founder lays it all out, with something like, "This is my first commandment, That ye love one another"?!!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 200
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Did Your Expectations Change Since Your First Day On POF?
Posted: 11/24/2010 7:24:27 PM
the fact she was "bright", eliminated virtually 95% of her compatible online matches, right from the start!!


Well, lol! that's true in meat life, too. Maybe more. And then the rest of the preferences eliminate a whole lot more. But yanno? There is still a goodly number left. And as Warren points out: all ya need is ONE.



edit: And there are plenty of progwimmin on this site. You just have to *find* us, lol!
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