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 AUTHOR
 texastigress
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 76
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Dating and BankruptcyPage 4 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Absolutely! I met a gentleman a couple of months ago who happened to mention during the time that we were having a drink that he filed for bankruptcy due to his divorce. For some reason he felt compelled to tell me this after I told him that I worked for the IRS. Go figure. Needless to say, a red flag shot up and I had no desire to see him again.
 ptice69
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 77
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 4:35:43 AM
I am currently dating and just filed myself. The reason I filed was because the husband I was with for the last 11 years cost me alot. After a domestic altercation and alot of medical bills, I had no choice. I know I should have been more responsible with money, but he didn't want to work and used threats to keep it going. As far as dating and bankruptcy, at least I don't expect the next person to carry me through life. I am finally able to do it on my own. Most of those credit card bills were for food, hospital, doctors and medications. So, CONGRATS on the person for being upfront about the problems. At least the partner knows what they could be getting into and that gives them the chance to decide. Before you decide what to do, look at the reasons why bankruptcy was filed and go from there.
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 78
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History
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 5:28:09 AM
Hey...It's a part of life now..."No romance without finance..."

Women say they don't want a man, they have to support...

...And I don't want a woman...I have to support!

The knife cuts...both ways!
 HappyGilmore2
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 79
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:29:36 AM

Apparently you never had a job at minimum wage when you were younger? Be thankful that you never lived from paycheck to paycheck yourself when you were younger I guess, it isn't fun. Be sure to thank your parents for making sure you had everything you needed unlike the majority of America who gets out there and does it the hard way.

Really!!! You are making some unfounded assumptions! I did not grow up wealthy, I worked minimum wage jobs in my youth and I always had to pay my own way! The big difference is that I stayed home studying while others were partying. I completed my bachelors and MBA while working to to minimize student debt. I made some massive sacrifices to get where I am today, sacrifices that few are willing to make. As such, I have no empathy for people using their background as the excuse for complacency and lack of personal accountability! If you take a closer look at the common theme here on this thread among all the people who has filed for bankruptcy then you will discover that health issues is but a small portion of the real reason many people find themselves in dire straits. Gambling, addiction, uncontrollable spending, transferring debt balances, hanging with the Johnses, inability to keep a job, and the “buy now and pay later” mentality are the primary reason people go bankrupt. There is a reason why insurance companies wanted to use credit scores when rating life, health, E&O and general liability policies (which was turned down by the gov as discriminatory). The reason is simple, there is a direct correlation between your credit score and personal responsibility and accountability. If your redflags don’t go up when finding out that someone is filing for bankruptcy then you are a fool. Like I said earlier, there is only one exception and that is health related reasons. The rest, well it is almost always attributable to one or many undesirable traits!
 roach808
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 80
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:32:48 AM
I've done this and am not opposed to it provided that they're really responsible about their spending choices and conscious of their past. It could present some issues for a long-term relationship, but it wouldn't automatically turn me off to them.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 81
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:57:53 AM

I did not grow up wealthy, I worked minimum wage jobs in my youth and I always had to pay my own way! The big difference is that I stayed home studying while others were partying. I completed my bachelors and MBA while working to to minimize student debt. I made some massive sacrifices to get where I am today, sacrifices that few are willing to make.

I'm just curious... how did you pay for your college? Financial aid requires that your parents sign forms and submit data (or at least it did back in the late 80s) and my parents refused to do that. Did you work full time while going to college? Where did you live when you were going to college? You didn't actually say you had to pay rent, lol.

Did you miss the part that I filed myself 14 years ago? The only debt I have now is for a car and my mortgage.

You didn't answer the question though about have you ever actually lived with someone and shared expenses. If you'd ever done that I think you would realize just how much extra money is expended when you split a house in two unexpectedly.
 wannashakeyourtree
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 82
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:11:24 AM
I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that it should matter to either a man or woman if you're heading into marriage territory.

At the outset...where you're dating and getting to know someone, I'd be inclined to believe that this would be a huge issue for many women, but would get little thought at all from most men.
 HappyGilmore2
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 83
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 10:23:59 AM

I'm just curious... how did you pay for your college?

As I said in my prevous post, I worked during college. I also had academic schoolarships!

Where did you live when you were going to college?

In the dorms where I was an RA so its being paid for by the university!

Financial aid requires that your parents sign forms and submit data.

I dont know what state you were in but here it didn't.

You didn't answer the question though about have you ever actually lived with someone and shared expenses.

Yes for 6 years! Does that qualify! And trust me, living alone or with a male roomate is a lot cheaper than a live in girlfriend! My discertionary income went up after the split, while hers went down. But that has more to do with the fact that she is not self sufficient and live well beyond her means (which worked while I was footing the bills..shame on me!).

Once again, you are reaching for straws. There is nothing you have said so far to convince me nor have you given me a valid counter argument for my stance. What I hear instead are far fetched excuses!

Did you miss the part that I filed myself 14 years ago?

No. But I already knew that given your stance on the topic. And if I were a guessing man, I would also assume that you only divulged selected portions of the whole story!
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 84
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:21:16 AM
In the 14 years I was married, my ex was unemployed (or 'self' employed) off and on for probably half of that time. . . he wracked up over $72K in debt which I had to sign off on and pay back! But I would not hold a bankruptcy against someone I cared about. There can be limitless extenuating circumstances. That being said - I would never co-mingle my finances again (even if they had excellent credit), but that's just me.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 85
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:32:40 AM
I have dated a few women who were bankrupt or told me that they were about to declare bankruptcy. They had all sorts of criteria for a man to meet, he had to own a home, a car, he had to help her pay her debts..and on and on. I did not date them further but asked what they would do if a man was bankrupt..they said that he would not be worth dating. I have a good job, a great credit rating and I was asked on those dates about my credit history and finances..on date#1...If you do not have your life in order..do not date. Instead some people date trying to get someone else to take on their problems...no thanks that will not be me.

I have a friend who sold his car in order to pay his legal bills after divorce rather than declare bankruptcy...Seems funny how to some people if you have material things you are worth it. If you sell those things to better your financial standing so you can pay off your debts and not declare bankruptcy you are flawed. I wonder who will get to buy a house (or get approved for a mortgae first? Someone with good credit? Someone who sells assests such as a car to aviod bankruptcy and debt..or someone who declares bankruptcy? Just ask the banks...I already know the answer.
 oneofmany
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 86
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:43:02 AM
What a commie... sounds like you like you life handed to you Zippy who need hard work or self achievement when your on the dole right zippy. stupid pommie.
as for the op. My x destroyed my finances. still trying to work them out. Hey at least the guy is trying to do something about his debt. Like mike said maybe he had no choice.
 shari1968
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 87
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 11:48:38 AM
Not weird- it's legitimate. And yes it can make a difference- it would really depend on the reason and the type- AND what the guy is doing now to make things different. I have dated a couple guys who are hard workers and great guys, but after divorces left them paying high child support and with high debt they just couldn't make it without filing. Would I date either of these guys again- most certainly.
 Shakin389
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 88
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History
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:05:49 PM
Ok, so someone who is in financial trouble, doesn't have a heart?
Thats like saying a woman with 3 children, living on Child Support is worthless
also. Because they are both having someone else pay their bills.

What if men stopped dating women who collect child support?
Would that be fair? No... so I disagree, a persons worth isn't measured
by how fat their bank account is. Its who they are inside that matters.

If they didn't pay their bills because they were paying off their drug dealer,
now thats another story but how many drug addicts do you see that actually
care about their credit history. lol
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 89
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:13:19 PM
If I'm just seeing someone socially, not really "involved" then their finances are NOMB. When it comes to a more involved relationship, being there for one another,then I would want us to be reasonably on the same financial level( and yes that includes UPward, I just don't see myself being comfortable with a guy who has a way higher income than I do), but I wouldn't say bankruptcy was an automatic dealbreaker provided it was due to something out of his control. I would look more at how he was HANDLING it. If he's doing his best to move forward, to learn from the experience and rebuild,that's all good. If he behaves negatively, whines, blames, or is looking for a sugar momma, then I want no part of it.
Cindy O
 Calray
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 90
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:25:34 PM
Actually Gillmore, the more you respond the more you reveal that things have come together so well for you less because of your responsible actions, and more because of your good fortune. You've been very blessed as there have been many opportunities afforded you that aren't within the average person's grasp.


As I said in my prevous post, I worked during college. I also had academic schoolarships!


Sure you worked, but those academic scholarships meant you had to work less than the average B-C student who has to pay full price. Now I'm sure you worked hard to earn the grades that got those scholarships, but there are many who with all the work in the world still wouldn't be able to get those scholarships. Which makes you fortunate.

In the dorms where I was an RA so its being paid for by the university!

More accurately it was paid for by the students who had to pay full price for room and board that you were "advising". Of course since only a small fraction of students can be RA's I guess that makes you very fortunate.

I dont know what state you were in but here it didn't.

I don't know how you managed it, but unless you were over the age of 24, or married, it should have been a federal requirement that you list both of your parents income as a resource to meet your expected family contribution. That is unless you didn't need financial aid.

I'm not going to discount your hard work for getting to where you are. Congratulations, I'm happy for you. But I think you're being unreasonably harsh on a lot of people who really had no way of avoiding a bad situation. The statistics are clear. Most bankruptcies are gennerally associated with devastating illness (more than half) and unexpected job loss (just under half). Sometimes both. In these instances, savings accountss dwindle, houses don't sell, and finally bankruptcy is itable. These people deserve the opportunity to do what they can to recover without judgement from you simply because you want to remain on your high horse.


Did you miss the part that I filed myself 14 years ago?

If it was 14 years ago and all is well now you shouldn't really need to feel any obligation to tell anyone. It's no one else's business. Not even a future SO.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 91
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:47:57 PM
Why do some think finances do not matter in life? (It is those who are having financial trouble or who have had it in the past) To me it matters I scrafice sometimes in order to keep my bills paid in full. I could buy more luxury items if I did not care about my credit situation.

Declaring bankruptcy in Canada means someone was irresponsible..unless they got sick and could not work. Otherwise it means you are not responsible with your money.

I do not date those who have declared bankruptcy in the last 7 years.

I do have a friend who has declared bankruptcy 3 times and the last time the judge said he could not have any credit for 14 years. He now wonders why he can not get great looking women.
 Medina49
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 92
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 12:48:21 PM
it tells me that they're not very financially responsible


fairly broad brush we're painting with eh?

Chap 13 is quite a bit different than chap 7.

Kind of like that fat (yes, I said fat, not thick) person who lost a fair amount of weight. Now the guys are fawning over her, yes the same ones that were pricks.
A vicious spouse can force someone into bankruptcy. Many states the law is if one spouse buries them both financially, that one can declare bankruptcy and walk away! Leaving the burden of debt on the dumb trusting spouse left behind. What was stellar credit only one year ago is now piss poor is different story than one who racked up thousands and thousands on unsecured debt. Divorce can ruin some, make some stronger.
I'd be more interested in taking someone in those situations case by case vs. lumping them all into the same bucket.
 perfectredsky2008
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 93
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:05:40 PM
Yes, it would change my mind. I work hard at making sure my bills are paid and that I live within my means. I want an equal - I don't want another child to teach. Please don't anyone take offense, it's my opinion and how I feel.
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 94
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History
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:07:38 PM
I have met per my involvement in the legal profession a large number of individuals that have filed for BK. Situations that I become involved with are situations where personal funding were placed into businesses as well as business ventures via personal credit cards, signature loans, second mortgages, personal savings etc.

Some have been 500k to well into the millions upside down. To have the "balls" to do this as a sole proprietor or even as a partnership is something that I have always admired. Not that I would desire to be in a situation such as that, it of course does occur on a common basis.

Therefore to go upside down and file a BK in the above type of situations would not be a problem. Cut the loss to the bone, file and take a deep breath.

I have in fact dated a woman that was in this situation. Currently she holds a six figure income position as simply an upper level management employee for a large corporation. She can now sleep at night. It's been 2 years past her ordeal. There certainly is life after a BK, provided there is drive, desire as well as ambition.

As one well known entrepreneur once stated "If you don't file bankruptcy by the time you're 40 you're not taking enough risk."
 AdrianEsquire
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 95
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:12:08 PM
zippythehippy -- I don't envy you at all, bubb.
 AdrianEsquire
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 96
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:15:36 PM
No, it would not. There are many reasons to file bankruptcy, and it protects against living with debts that are impossible to pay back. Some people are just unlucky. It happens.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 97
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:24:20 PM
This is analagous to asking someone who plays Texas Hold Em:
Q: You are dealt A-8 off suit. How do you play it?
A: It depends.

There's no one right answer here. Sure you might not want to date someone in debt and/or bankrupt. To me someone's lack of financial solvency isn't necessarily a relationship dealbreaker. Perhaps some or all of the reasons why someone isn't solvent would actually the dealbreakers (spendthrift, poor judgment, lack of responsibility, clueless, extravagant, inability to solve personal issues, etc).
 rjb888
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 98
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:33:20 PM
Yes we are all entitled to our opinions and what it is we want in life. But sometimes life has a way of throwing a huge shit pie in your face.

I live in Michigan highest unemployment rate in the US, 3rd in forclosure. Due to mostly job loss. Can we say the BIG THREE and their suppliers. What a domino effect it has. I know a few people that had NO choice but to file trying to save their homes. And most of them have lost their homes anyways. These were hard working families, owned their homes 15 years or more. They have NEVER asked for a thing from anyone, now they have nothing.

While higher education is great, what we all want for our children it still does not give finanicial security. How many wealthy people have filed? Tons yet for some reason they aren't looked down on as the "everyday" man or women that has to file. The auto mechanic, grocery store clerk, production line worker, day care employee, these people wanted the american dream also. Most people do not want to file bankruptcy, they want to pay their bills. They feel ashamed, less than having no other choice.

My neighbor who is in this situation said to me," I'm worth more dead to my family than alive." I was shocked, I went home and cried.

So while in the past I would have said NO WAY I wouldn't date someone that filed bankruptcy, now I would take a second look at the person to find out why before I would cut them loose.
 HereN916
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 99
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:42:11 PM
Omg I cannot believe some of the responses. Not everyone that has filed bankruptcy is trying to get a free ride, stiff someone else, or is just irresponsible when it comes to managing their finances.

That is about as valid as saying all homeless people are drug addicts.

I can't believe how quickly we jump and pass judgment.
 Johne102
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 100
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/18/2008 1:54:43 PM
As I posted earlier there are some who want dates just to get out of their debt and as I live in Canada I aviod ladies for romance who have declared bankruptcy in the last 7 years. I work hard and am responsible with my money. Others should be too.
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