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 dogs rule
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 186
Dating and BankruptcyPage 7 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I work for what I have. I live within my budget ad nd do not have credit card debt. Why would I date someone who can not manage money. Why do some expect you to pay their debts just because you are dating them?

This is narrow mindedness, What make you think that just because someone filed bankruptcy that they can not manage their money? There can be a million reasons why some had to file. My ex was very good with money but because some unforeseen circumstance she had to file before we got married so I would not be responsible. She never once ask me to pay her debts. It never hurt me from getting a loan because I didn't need to use her income or credit score for me to get any financing, I just added her name on later when we paid things off and she got her own small loans to build her credit score back up.

I had a neighbor that was getting a job transfer. He bought a house where he was moving and before he sold his old house he had a fire, got injured and couldn't work. He lost everything he work his whole life for. I think he had a good reason to file bankruptcy.

Unfortunately we have so many people that take advantage of the things our government offers for us, it makes the rules hard for those of us that really need it and it makes people looked down on just because they had a run of bad luck. Not everyone that files bankruptcy is a loser or is trying to skip out on their bills.
Those of you that are to narrow minded to see that, I hope you never have to find out for yourself how one bad thing can ruin all the hard work you have done all your life. IT HAPPENS!!
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 188
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:24:52 AM
That's the smart way to do it Fred. I haven't paid interest on a credit card charge in over 3 years now. I have earned $75 at amazon in credits and other misc rewards from putting things like hotel stays (that money is already in my savings account for) and other trips on it. I do take advantage of their 18 month same as cash deals from time to time (like for my dishwasher, refrigerator and tv). I don't plan on ever having to pay a company interest again on a card unless there is an emergency. I keep about $20,000 in credit reserved just for that. I haven't accepted any cards beyond that and won't let them raise my limits above 5,000. Most emergencies I can think of would be reimbursable by an insurance company in the end so that gives me at least 30 days to work out the money coming back to me.
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 190
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/25/2008 6:44:55 AM
I only keep two store credit cards. The first card is my JC Penney card because they do offer discounts for using it and I shop there for 80% of my household stuff and clothing, I always pay that off in 30 days. The other card is Best Buy so I can get the 18 months same as cash deal on major purchases, they automatically put 90 days same as cash all other purchases. I won't let other stores sign me up for their cards. Unless it is somewhere that I shop at often and they offer me a very good reason to use it there isn't much point in it.
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 191
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:26:47 AM

I do not have department store cedit cards..interest is too high and if they will not accept Visa, Mastercard, Cash or debit why would I want to shop there?

I'm just curious... do the stores in Canada not offer deals like 10-20% off if you make the purchase on their card? You can't get the discount any other way. Interest isn't ever in question since anything you pay off in 30 days isn't charged interest. Same of cash of course is 0% interest as long as you pay it off in the agreed to amount of time (18-24 months in most cases).
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 193
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:50:30 PM
I'm not buying anything under the assumption that I can "probably" pay it off in 30 days. In fact I normally buy it and then pay the bill off just a few days later online (as soon as the charge has posted). You don't have to wait for a bill to pay your balance. The money is always present in my checking account before I put it on the card for the discount.

As for the trap you describe... I don't think that's really even legal. They can't charge you interest on something you haven't received the bill for yet unless you signed some shady user agreement with them. As my jcp bill states: To avoid additional finance charges, please pay the new balance by due date. That means if I purchased my item on the last day of the billing cycle I still have until the due date to pay that total off without getting charged new fees for it. From another card I have with GEMB (same bank as my jcp card) it says: if what you owe at the beginning of the period is paid by the Payment Due Date, your balance subject to finance charge is $0.
Joined: 10/15/2006
Msg: 194
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:36:44 PM
I decided to reply after seeing many variations of, "Why would anyone want to date someone who can't manage their finances?"

Well, one word: DIVORCE - This can ruin a person's finances and credit

Another word: DISABILITY - This, usually, is something that the person had no control over.

If just to shed some light on this side of it: I married in 1997 and we purchased a home on MY CREDIT ALONE. After a few years, I had no choice but to get on social security disability in order to survive and contribute financially.

4 years later (2005), we divorced. She took advantage of the fact that I still cared for her and didn't want her to resent me further. I allowed her to remove her name from everything we shared jointly. Because of that, I now have a foreclosure on my credit as well as many things that came to be because of trying to do it alone and doing so on disability.

My point? Bad financial status isn't always a conscious choice. I let her off the hook...that was a choice, but the disability and the consequences of putting my feelings for her ahead of my intelligence weren't so conscious.

It can happen to the best of us.
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 196
view profile
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 3/26/2008 3:36:28 AM

It is very easy for people to judge those in whose shoes they have never walked.

exactly. can't just write people off as financially irresponsible because of bankruptcy. heck my father went bankrupt because of illness when i was a kid and i live in canada. it isn't always so cut and dry...
Joined: 3/12/2009
Msg: 197
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:11:44 PM
Hmmm... You are desparate.
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 198
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:36:04 PM
What is chapter 7 and chapter 13?? Explain... we are not all bankruptcy guru's (thank god!)

If he's just plain stupid with money then yeah, it would change my opinion. What if he ended up back in that position down the road, leaving all the financial weight on me? Not okay.

But- you guys have made some good points about circumstances. They are not always within your control... and in this economy, a lot of people are getting hit hard and there's nothing they can do about it. Divorce is another big reason... a lot of times one person gets left with all the load while they previously had two incomes.

I think I'd have to assess this one on a case-by-case basis. It really depends on the "circumstances".
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 199
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/13/2009 8:21:08 PM
One wipes out all your debt, the other reduces total debt like 25 cents on the dollar and puts you on a payment plan. That straps the debtor so tight that they are one step away from disaster. Not stating they should not pay their debt, but it leaves no room for emergencies.
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 200
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/13/2009 8:35:47 PM
Heck, if things are that bad, why not just wipe it clean and start over!

I've watched so many of my friends get laid off in the past few months... I'm really counting my blessings, so lucky to have a solid income right now... so lucky!!
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 201
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/13/2009 9:05:53 PM
Bankruptcy and Dating are both a contradiction in terms. They don't go together. Anyone that tells you that they don't care about money is a liar.
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 202
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/17/2009 5:13:00 PM

Heck, if things are that bad, why not just wipe it clean and start over!
because you won't allowed to do that
Your withdrow from 401-K will count as your income, your taxes still have to be paid.....losing job/career now is the worst scenario, especially when you are still paying alimony and child support....even bankruptcy won't help here

People are going through hard times now but they still need someone they can share life: bad times as well as good
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 203
view profile
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/17/2009 9:45:24 PM
Yes ,I would change my mind on dating them. I don't mind dating a man who is not making big money as long as he live within in means .
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 204
view profile
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/17/2009 9:48:57 PM
Bankruptcy and Dating are both a contradiction in terms. The don't go together. Anyone that tells you that they don't care about money is a liar.

That is correct.
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 205
view profile
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/17/2009 9:56:16 PM
If they are filing bankruptcy from say.. their business going under because of the recession, that's one thing. If they file bankruptcy because they are really horrible at balancing their checkbook, that's another story.
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 206
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 4/17/2009 10:00:46 PM

We don't pay for required surgery or emergency health care in Canada. So if I met a man such as this... he would indeed be sticking someone with the tab.

Even in Canada, people can suffer financial hardship through no fault of their own. And not everyone who declares bankruptcy is looking to "stick someone with the tab"; even if they were, it wouldn't be the person they're dating but rather the institutions to whom they owed the money.

OT: I think someone in the midst of those kind of financial difficulties should not be trying to start up a new relationship. However, I wouldn't hold it against him if it happened in the past and if I had been dating him a while, I guess I'd know enough about the situation as it happened to determine whether he was irresponsible or caught in circumstances beyond his control.
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 208
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 8/15/2014 9:44:37 AM

Divorce can hit people in several ways - One of the things many people don't realize is that the distribution of assets listed in the divorce decree doesn't always change your liability for debts with your creditors. If you had a joint account (Mortgage, car loan, etc...) with your former spouse and they are awarded the asset during the divorce and then default, you can still be held liable for the payments. If they file bankruptcy THEY are off the hook for any future payments but those creditors can come chasing after YOU and they WILL ding your credit report too! If the debts are high enough, the whole thing could easily force you in to bankruptcy too.

I'm at that precipice myself. My Ex kept the house, couldn't refinance to get me off the mortgages, and went into foreclosure. My name being on the loans means I'm just as guilty in the eyes of the banks. Even though I've paid my own bills on time and such, my credit rating has been crushed to the point where bankruptcy can't make it any worse. Threats to sue over the remaining balance mean I'm going to protect myself by whatever means I can. Living frugally or making an extra income simply isn't going to cover a balance THAT huge.

I believe the stigma of bankruptcy is ten times worse with online daters, because of the tendency to regard people as 'disposable' and look for greener pastures elsewhere with a click of a button. Online people tend to lock into 'labeling' people and categorizing them accordingly without much thought or consideration. What CAN you do besides bury that label as deep as you can? What happens when people find out? Are you lying if you don't mention it directly? It's a serious enough hurdle to discourage ANYone from continuing to find love online.

Bankruptcy and Dating are both a contradiction in terms. The don't go together. Anyone that tells you that they don't care about money is a liar.

As much as people say love is blind to such matters, people are not - and if they won't allow love to come in because of a label, it's just not going to happen.

What I find amazing is how many people have arrest records or pasts of living dangerously or STILL currently exhibit behaviors far more risky or illegal than a bad credit rating, yet still judge financially bankrupt people as being more 'bankrupt' than they are. Judge not, lest ye be judged.
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 209
view profile
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 8/15/2014 11:31:19 AM
That's tough, particularly about the house, which is usually very hard to sort out even in the best circumstances. The house should go to whoever can afford it or else sold if both want it and there's equity to be split. If it's underwater so that it cannot be shorted and neither can afford the payments on their own that becomes tough.

In my case my ex wasn't on the mortgage, she couldn't afford the payments, and there was no equity, so it was simple. I got the pleasure of kicking her out, she got to walk away basically hassle-free.

The stigma thing makes sense to me. Let's face it: there's a ton of fools out there that have made their own beds. That's what happens when there's a surplus of easy credit. There may be some cases out there of bankrupted folks who were somehow truly innocent "victims" of market forces, but for the majority the simple fact is that they chose the risk and lost.

On the flip side, anyone can get arrested, and it doesn't necessarily indicate that the person is irresponsible. It's possible to get stopped and arrested for DUI after having a single drink with your dinner, or to be brought in on a false DV charge, which happens all the time.
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 210
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 8/15/2014 12:16:38 PM
My ex and I filed for bankruptcy when we divorced. We had perfect credit scores, a house, the whole thing, but he had racked up our credit cards with expensive stuff that he kept buying (part of why I divorced him). I was not willing and able to pay my part of the debt load on my own, and it was discharged. It has never affected my dating life, and I'm doing much better financially now than I ever did when I was still married.

Personally, I have dated men who were not doing well financially, and it didn't bother me as long as they were not hitting me up for money (they never did). The one I really loved didn't even have a car or his own place, but he was young and just the sweetest guy. Money was never an issue for me, in fact I can't stand it when guys use their wealth trying to attract women. What am I, a prostitute??
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 211
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 8/15/2014 3:17:54 PM
1)I've known people, including my father, who came back from bankrupcy.

2)Its too easy to get bankrupted by medical bills--your's, your spouse's, your kids'.

3)ever notice how women have a strong distaste for broke-ast men? that deep an emotion typically comes from experience. so, generally speaking, like men, a woman may overlook it if the partner's really hot. like, you know, most red flags.

4)all that being said, yes, if I met someone who can't handle their cash, I'd look for clues that there's other things they can't handle. It won't stop me from dating, unless I find other red flags.
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 212
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 8/15/2014 4:03:09 PM

Money was never an issue for me, in fact I can't stand it when guys use their wealth trying to attract women. What am I, a prostitute??

Money IS an issue for several women, however - I recently met a gorgeous lady recently who's a fantastic match in many ways, but after a few minutes of talking it was plain to see that the burden of her three young daughters meant she was definitely looking for a 'man of means' for the near future.

Face it, there's a reason why people post pictures of themselves with toys and pricey clothes and travels to exotic locations and such - it's a status symbol to them, and it DOES draw attention - otherwise it wouldn't be done as often as it is. People don't waste their profile space bragging about McDonald's dates, right? Showing off success is a turn-on for both genders, and so is confidence - what you can't do - is be blinded by both.

I think it's a sign of maturity and self-management when you are willing to go a bit outside of your comfort zone for dating, but so many people build those virtual 'walls' sky-high out of fear. Stepping outside that zone doesn't mean you end up paying for everything - but you're not afraid to be seen with someone that doesn't have a designer 'look' or a sterling resume.
Always be wary of phony people - but don't run from everything that's not perfect. A little vigilance is good - fear is not.
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 213
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 8/15/2014 6:35:49 PM
Bankruptcy has not affected my dating life at all. It has to do with goals. I do not need a car, a house, or anything that relies on my credit score, so it's really not affecting my life. If I acquire any of those things (outside of inheritance), it will be paid in full and not on credit. Having discharged the debt I acquire from my last relationship and schooling expenses that came from there too, I'm free to focus only on my student loans.

I don't see how my bankruptcy can possibly affect anyone I date or embark in a relationship next, I plan to have no children, I don't wish to marry or live together or anything that makes me responsible for more than my share. I'm no longer allowing people to use my credit so they can get something they would otherwise not be approved for, so problem solved.

I read the book The Total Makeover by Dave Ramsey and decided to start over and only focus on what I cannot discharge, my student loans. I'm way more solvent now and my credit will be excellent in a couple months to a year.

Dating is the least of my priorities.
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 214
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 8/15/2014 11:21:40 PM
I don't think a BK should be discussed unless you reach a point you're discussing marriage or cohabitating.

Not even sure why this would come up in the context of dating?

'Hey sweety, listen. I've gotta use my checking account to finance this steak dinner. Do you mind if the 2nd date is at my man cave?'

Hard to build chemistry when someone is discussing financial duress.

How would that even come up unless someone was not able to afford dates outside of Starbucks or their apartment??

Ya know, I've got quality frozen pizza, Charles Shaw and Netflix. Even scented candles ladies.

So don't be quick to label me a cheap a$$ date!
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 215
Dating and Bankruptcy
Posted: 8/16/2014 3:31:07 AM

I don't think a BK should be discussed unless you reach a point you're discussing marriage or cohabitating.

Not even sure why this would come up in the context of dating?

To a point I agree with that, I think it depends on the goals of the people involved though - if marriage/cohabitation is something you are looking for in the longer term, seems like it'd be a good topic to discuss. I don't, personally, consider it a "deal breaker" of some kind particularly - at least not in a 'one size fits all' sense, it'd depend a lot on the circumstances... post-divorce as in some of the stories above, probably wouldn't matter. Someone who ran up their own CC debt and was living way beyond their means all on their own, it probably would matter - I wouldn't want to get into a marriage/cohabitation relationship with someone like that if they couldn't manage their own life financially.

All relative - sometimes things happen beyond our control.
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