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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 127
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Either partner can initiate. It's fine in contemporary times.

The emphasis is Can -- not Will. It's not a true one-way street, but pretty much everyone's driving in one direction -- the guy making the first moves. In fact, your next statement is what fuels/desires a guy making a move (but only when she Likes him):

It feels good when a guy is self-confident enough to know when the moment is right.

And to that I'll say that sometimes what is "right time" for one, may not be for another in those possibly nervous times when first moves are made. Some of the more "traditional" gals can be self-absorbed thinking their POV is THE POV when in certain nervous situations like 1st dates and such -- and not understanding that other people have different POVs on the mood, timing, etc. That said though -- yeah, there are universal POVs of timing being Great -- but that doesn't always come up. If the timing is Perfect, well, it doesn't take much self-confidence to do so, right? The measure of confidence is when the timing isn't picture perfect at all, but just not blatantly Bad timing.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 128
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/7/2017 2:05:12 AM
I've personally always felt off, with a woman initiating the kiss.

I prefer initiating and her reciprocating it. I think its the process. I.E Reading her body language, and initiating. Only to have her return the favor.

I find her initiating, always throws me off. I'm flattered, but always wind up taking a couple seconds before returning the favor, as never expect it.
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 129
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/9/2017 6:03:46 AM
ya, men are expected to go for it in everything, life, society, culture, always argues and says going for what you want or going after what you want is masculine, manly behavior.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 130
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/9/2017 9:16:47 PM
we gals let you chase us until we catch you....
 GoodLord1
Joined: 2/21/2017
Msg: 131
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/10/2017 6:08:18 AM
I almost always initiate the kiss or sex but with exceptions. dating from POF has it's disadvantages and one the most common problems is that I find my new date has gingivitis or a missing tooth. when this happens I just go through with the date then say goodbye.

when the time comes to say goodnight, if I rate the first date from "just ok" to "great" I go in for the kiss 100% of the time. I feel that it's up to the woman to either go with the kiss or turn her cheek.

I remember many years ago a POF date for New Years Eve. I found out when we go to the Sheridan Inn that she was too shy to dance and she didn't drink. the music was loud and it was a bit difficult to talk and get to know her. we were with another couple and they were having a good time while I was thinking "How do I save the evening?" try as I might it was a stop start type of conversation. i'm looking at the filled dancefloor with sadness. I asked to her step out into the lobby where we could talk. they had a hidden sunken conversation area where we could be alone. I told her it would help if she opened up her heart to me so we could share some ideas. she said she was shy. so I just said to hell with it i'm manning up RIGHT NOW.

I told her the only way to save the night and the date was to MAKE OUT WITH ME. I said "You don't have to talk just kiss."
to my surprise she leaned in and laid the wet ones on me. IT WORKED!! she said she was attracted to me but she didn't know how to go about overcoming her lack of talking/conversation skills. her kissing skills were great. the kissing allowed her to release her inhibitions and talk more. after midnight she even went out to the dancefloor with me.

the moral of the story? MAN UP AND GO FOR IT. if she says "no" respect that and do your best to save the date.
 therainman2
Joined: 3/4/2017
Msg: 132
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/16/2017 6:21:35 PM
I think it depends. Some women like the man to so that part and other woman like to take control. I don't think either or is wrong. It comes down to the couple and what they enjoy. Nothing sucks more than rejection so some people just don't like initiating things.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 133
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/17/2017 1:11:32 PM

we gals let you chase us until we catch you....

Yeah, that's what my Uncle thought -- but it was the police that caught him first. See, he always thought the gal was wanting him to chase her -- where in reality, she just wasn't interested. He just Manned Up and went with the chase! :)

I've personally always felt off, with a woman initiating the kiss.

I can see that POV, if it's out of place, taken by surprise, etc., for a first kiss. For anyone, especially a guy. But I think it's sort of like asking someone out -- it commonly isn't from Zero -> Full in one felt swoop. Many times the gal will be moving in. She's not going to swing the bat, but she's putting herself in the batter's box, sometimes shoulders c0cked back, ready to swing, and you just swing the bat for her. So really, she moved in, and you capped it off. And obviously it can go the other way -- would that be weird? Certainly don't think so. It's more like starting a dance. It doesn't take one to grab the other's arm to yank them out.

ya, men are expected to go for it in everything, life, society, culture, always argues and says going for what you want or going after what you want is masculine, manly behavior.

As said right above, it doesn't work that way. I think when there's nothing to "grab onto" -- like the gal giving you all the signals with open body langauge and stepping in, etc -- yeah, the guy's to "take the dare" and for the girl to do so would be a "big deal". However, the guy doing it -- if it's a date and her body language hasn't been Closed -- it's hardly a shot in the dark (but still open to some level of denial).

But there will be enough situations where it's not closed, not open -- flip a coin? Something that irks me in these situations...

"Man up!" Yeah, well, a gal could be putting out the vibe of having a nice time, and in many ways she is, but not into the guy. She doesn't realize that she's keeping the door open for him to do so, and can be "Well I Never!" or at least turned off, thinking that she'd have to be humping his leg for him to go in for a kiss -- while at the same time, she'll be out with another guy, giving the Same Vibe but feeling differently, and will be "frustrated" if he doesn't due to her mixed signals. Mad at both. This isn't a rarity for this contradiction of "what a guy's supposed to do". I've seen it a ton of times and always chucklingly intervene with a convo like this:

Me: Well, [Sally], what about [Jim] -- when you guys were out with us, you were putting out the same vibe...
Her: Yeah, but I was just being nice to [Jim]. Now I Liked [Ben], wth? Why doesn't he man up when Jim did?
Me: But you advocate guys in [Jim]'s position not to do that...
Her: Yeah, because I wasn't into Jim! It's not like I was all over him! Sheesh!
Me: Yeah, but again, you were putting out the same vibe...
Her: Yeah, but why didn't [Ben] man up if he liked me?

... and the cycle continues. Too many gals do have that POV.

The Real manning-up is taking that gal May frown upon you, thinking she has reason to when she doesn't, if you played your cards right. That's the key -- not relying how a gal or gals respond as The way, but making sure your game & tact is on-par, and be Willing to once in a while be looked poorly upon. Manning up isn't being dumb & brash with chest sticking out -- it's being willing to put yourself in position where you'll look kinda dumb in someone's eyes (and/or their close peers) , when you're not Actually doing anything dumb at all... and not relying on others to "Lady Up" (same can be said reversing genders, too).
 2016summer2016
Joined: 3/18/2016
Msg: 134
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/18/2017 10:22:49 PM
IMO the woman should in todays day and age. Because guys really dont know when to. They will go for it at the first available chance and that is a turn off for most women. Basically it doesnt matter when they guy wants to, all that matters is if the woman wants to.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 135
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/19/2017 10:20:14 AM

GoodLord1
I remember many years ago a POF date for New Years Eve. I found out when we go to the Sheridan Inn that she was too shy to dance and she didn't drink. the music was loud and it was a bit difficult to talk and get to know her.

Damn, Tom, bummer! I have been in that position, but never on a New Years Eve. I would rather stay at home alone, or just go out by myself. Now that I’m DJ’ing, I find that I usually have a gig for NYE, and that takes care of that.

I do like the way you handled the situation though. Kudos to you for that.


norwegianguy456
Manning up isn't being dumb & brash with chest sticking out -- it's being willing to put yourself in position where you'll look kinda dumb in someone's eyes (and/or their close peers) , when you're not Actually doing anything dumb at all

Agree, 100%. Very well said!
 GoodLord1
Joined: 2/21/2017
Msg: 136
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2017 11:01:36 PM
ohenryx,

that NYE date was soon after my divorce and was kind of a last minute deal where I hardly knew the woman.

I will not stay home on NYE.
if I have to, i'll put a blond wig on a broomstick and take that out for the evening.
 GoodLord1
Joined: 2/21/2017
Msg: 137
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/23/2017 8:53:43 AM
^^^^

Guys if you don't get it then watch "Hitch" and the scene where he goes 90% in then allows the girl to come the last 10%


I looked but couldn't find it.
youtube only has snippets.
what was the scene? who did he kiss? Eva Mendez?
 GoodLord1
Joined: 2/21/2017
Msg: 138
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/23/2017 12:31:02 PM
Ohhh jelly beans! why did you do that to me!

I kept backing up in my chair the closer those two men's lips got to each other.
I had shrinkage too. the turtle pulled back into his shell.





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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 139
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/23/2017 6:51:47 PM
is there a movie where Eva Mendez ISN'T showing off her amazing cleavage?

not that i'd be interested in it, but just wondering. It made Ghost Rider worth watching.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 140
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/25/2017 12:50:13 AM
It's about confidence really I would playfully use that move on ladies. I look at her lips move forward to kiss and stop say third date the big kiss scene in movies and I would stop and look she said aren't you going to kiss me? So I would say oh you want a kiss you know this is not a movie right? Your going to have to come and get it. She said oh I dont want one then I said okay fine with me pretend to leave. She said oh are f in kidding me your leaving without giving me a kiss you ass get back here and give me a kiss I waited 3 dates for one your not pulling that shit on me. She grabbed my hand and kissed me priceless looked right at her said told you you're going to have to come and get it. She then responded f u I said that will be in 3 months so she goes like **** I think 2 months maybe if I gotta wait that long it better be worth it I want to now.

Of course she could have acted at anytime from first date on whenever she was comfortable she wanted to see if I am a man of my word gave her 3 dates for kiss 3 months before sex not for me but to allow her to do it in her own comfort zone and not feel pressure. But I do it with all the confidence in the world cause I already know the outcome. But it always upto them how fast we move forward no pressure ever from me and I do it as described fun and playful cause I have all the time in the world if their interested I am not just looking to sink my ship and run.

My biggest problem I want long-term I kept ending up with women who just want no commitment it's just karma showing her face to me. I did it to them in my youth their returning the favor now that I want commitment. Wasn't sure if I should have said it this but oh well it was a nice time
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 141
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 4/24/2017 2:01:05 AM
one major reason why i vent a lot in these threads, is because throughout all of my years of living, i haven't heard a female equivalent to the phrases "Man up, Grow a pair or grow some balls", and if you are a guy post-puberty, i'm sure you have had those phrases thrown at you either a couple of times or many times in your life, and they can get really damn annoying.
 Mz_Informed
Joined: 11/15/2016
Msg: 142
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 4/24/2017 2:48:52 AM
Huh. Women have been told to "pull up your big girl panties" for quite some time now.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 143
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 4/24/2017 6:13:46 AM

"Man up, Grow a pair or grow some balls", and if you are a guy post-puberty, i'm sure you have had those phrases thrown at you either a couple of times or many times in your life, and they can get really damn annoying.


The big question here would be have you ever said it to another man? If another man said it to you, are you justified in taking his life? You see, the only reason that it bothers you at all is because it is a throwback to the old honor system. You still think that your honor is being questioned. What you don't seem to realize is that you have no honor. That is not an insult. You are very probably a good person. It is just that, in this society, the Code of Honor has been replaced by the Rule of Law. I suspect that you actually believe more in law suits than in duels. Nothing wrong with that. You just have a few outmoded attitudes.

Now that the Rule of Law has been corrupted into a cruel joke, we may see Honor make a comeback. Don't expect it to be quite the same as the old days though. I doubt that the verbal assaults against your masculinity will generate a blood debt. The prevailing wind holds that masculinity is something to be ashamed of rather than honored. Many men have already repudiated it. Most college kids know nothing of it at all.
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 144
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 5/21/2017 5:20:02 PM
just speaking out of my hatred and resentment that guys are always expected to initiate, make the first move, and be the confident/assertive ones.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 145
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 5/23/2017 11:58:15 AM

The big question here would be have you ever said it to another man? If another man said it to you, are you justified in taking his life?

I've said that to a guy -- and in my life I've had that said to me. Man up, grow a pair -- you can get a date / this girl / etc -- they're reminding you that you're capable, but you're only holding yourself back out of fear. It's not some huge threatening statement. At the same time, a gal-pal should tell a gal who makes it hard for guys to make a move on her to chill-the-f-out or to put her big-girl pants on. Because, after all, it is childish -- for either gender -- to act like a wallflower.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 146
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 5/25/2017 8:37:32 AM
I've heard it said often, to me as a kid or to others. As for the taking of life, that was perhaps in the "good ol' days" when an "adult" was probably 15 yrs old....can we say, full of drama?

As men, we are expected to take a role. To take charge. To take things "like a man", even abuse we are due (ie if we're a manager, we shouldn't take accusations personally, we should handle things professionally). I for one would love an aggressive hot female b/c I too would love to feel appreciated and desired. But when we actually get a drunk gal sitting on our lap and we're sober, we're so shocked by the role reversal, we may hold back, wondering if its OK to go along with this.
 Starion
Joined: 1/23/2012
Msg: 147
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Man up
Posted: 5/25/2017 10:32:45 PM

As men, we are expected to take a role. To take charge. To take things "like a man", even abuse we are due (ie if we're a manager, we shouldn't take accusations personally, we should handle things professionally). I for one would love an aggressive hot female b/c I too would love to feel appreciated and desired. But when we actually get a drunk gal sitting on our lap and we're sober, we're so shocked by the role reversal, we may hold back, wondering if its OK to go along with this.


I and most of us agree, that it's hot when a woman goes into seduction - make it happen mode.

It's usually on the guy to go the 90%, and be aware of her subtle signals of interest, even if it's a total unknown until guy makes some sort of playful moves to test the waters.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 148
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I don't recall
Posted: 5/27/2017 7:23:14 AM
I didn't know that there was a rule that it be one or the other. Gosh I guess it must be really confusing if you aren't hetero. What do you do? Flip a coin?

It is silly to think that it is a male or female thing. It is an individual thing. Some women are more aggressive and some men are. I don't know that I have ever been the one to initiate it but that is my personality. I don't tend to be aggressive until the first move has been made.

As already mentioned there are or should be signals, body language that is being picked up. I have had men ask if they can kiss me and have had men just go in for the kiss. I believe that I am pretty good at letting a man know the kiss would be welcome. I can only think of a handful of times when a man went in for a kiss when I didn't want him to. Looking back I was not acting like a woman who wanted to be kissed. These were men who were poor at reading signals or maybe just didn't care. Who knows?

I have certainly missed my share of signals over the years. I have been told a number of times that so and so was interested and I was completely clueless. I am one of those people who sort of needs to be hit over the head and dragged by my hair before I realize a man is interested. If it was up to me to make the moves it would never happen... wait... that is what is happening... I'm going to eat ice cream and
watch crap movies for the rest of the day now. Movie suggestions are welcome.

 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 149
I don't recall
Posted: 5/28/2017 1:18:36 PM
Maybe it's just me but I always thought initiate meant to begin the action to happen. Like the blowing of a whistle in a game to say the game was starting. So I always looked at the fact the women would always let a man know when she was ready to "engage" through subtle signs but that is my take on it always have been. So if a woman steps inside my personal space intentionally cause I dont breach hers it is a definite indication she wants to be kissed especially if she wets her lips just prior or in do so. That is just me and I never heard a complaint, or seen a woman shocked by my "reaction" after she did it. I act but after she initiated my reaction by moving herself into that space so she initiated where as I reacted.

I guess it's a matter of how one views it as well, some guys might say I initiated the kiss but the kiss was an reaction, had she not done it the action wouldn't have happened, and the initiation causes the action.
 Nestaron
Joined: 3/22/2016
Msg: 150
I don't recall
Posted: 5/28/2017 1:22:22 PM
oops meant to say *initiate but got distracted where's the edit option.


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 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 151
I don't recall
Posted: 5/29/2017 7:08:00 PM
Usually the woman is not as into the man at first, so she won't do it. The man usually has to kiss her first.

Or else he'll remain single or a virgin for a very long time. Man up!
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