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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?      Home login  
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 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 126
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Who should initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

gtomustang
"Never ask if you can do it, just take the chance"

>>I've heard that before, I get that its romantic, but...if some dork comes up and tries to kiss you without asking, don't you wish you had the opportunity to control the situation and what happens to you? I can think of a million women I want to kiss, and i'm pretty darn sure they don't want it (not to sound like a pity party, i'm just saying I see no hints). Maybe its a guy/girl thinking process, but I don't want any girl who wants to kiss me, to just plant her lips, I want to be asked first. Even if she's pretty, I might want to pucker up or swallow something in my mouth first :)


You seem to be missing the point, GTO. And I expect that you actually do GET it, but were being a bit, shall we say, facetious?

For those who don't get it, the idea is that you DO ask, but not with words. Never, ever come out and say, "May I kiss you?" Instead, you move in very slowly, approaching her face with yours. She either turns up her face to be kissed, or turns her face away presenting you with her cheek.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 7/1/2016
Msg: 127
Who should initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/23/2017 11:30:04 AM
I think you can tell when someone wants to be kissed...or if someone is
going to kiss you.

If I'm sure someone is going to kiss me and I don't want to, yeah...I turn
my face away. I'm uncomfortable with the asking...if I don't want to...that's
weird and if I do...it makes the moment and the spontaneity awkward.

Do people kiss others just because they're good looking or pretty? Don't you
have to know them or be hanging out with them?

If a total stranger walks up and plants one on you...punch them in the throat!
 Cole_Sear
Joined: 12/4/2016
Msg: 128
Who should initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/23/2017 1:07:18 PM
Seems to me it should be the one who's the horniest
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 129
Who should initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/23/2017 2:53:53 PM
well, personally, my mom used to teach me to not be the guy who bugged girls, so i'm probably more gunshy than most, but yes, Henry, if she's sitting on my lap or invading my space or touching me, I figure there's permission. I suspect there are some fellows out there, whoever, who "see" indicators of interest where there aren't any. I think the lament "guys should just kiss" are like the laments, "no girls talk to me"--we only think about the pretty people approaching us, we don't consider someone in our league or lower initiating something with us.

but thanks for going the extra step for clarification.

I suspect there are times where the woman actually begins the "Dance", by giving subtle clues she's interested, and then the guy hopefully picks up on them and then does the more blatant expressions of interest. He may be taking a risk, but its an educated guess, not a blind one.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 130
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Who should initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/26/2017 6:19:58 PM

I've heard that before, I get that its romantic, but...if some dork comes up and tries to kiss you without asking, don't you wish you had the opportunity to control the situation and what happens to you?

Well when you are pretty darn sure they don't, as you later pointed out -- yeah, you don't. :) I think it's implied that if it's at least up-in-the-air to some degree -- take the chance. I agree with the taking-chance advice, but it's a conflict of advice VS reaction -- much like Approaching gals at a bar or some other public social gathering. You can make doing so look creepy when it's not. To gals who are solidly not attracted to said guy -- it will Usually come off as creepy without him having to be at all.... As if a real cute guy did the same thing -- whether it be going in for a kiss or going up to spark conversation -- it would be seen as great, very possibly charming, etc.

So that's the "chance". Not that the gal isn't that interested in you. If mere disappointment was the ONLY backlash, guys would approach gals all the time, and if spending some time with them, they'd go in for a kiss a lot more readily. Thing is, it's a "No No" if it's not Clearly Obvious you should and they don't like it, but a "Ya gotta do it" by the same people even when it's not clearly obvious.

That's why the #1 thing in (legit and non-legit alike) dating/pick-up guides is to be happy facing rejection... and don't let Others' judgments affect you, but your own objective view. You won't be perfect, but as long as you aim for not-too-risque chances much of the time, and keep your 'game' brushed up -- the positives will clearly outweigh the negatives.
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 131
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Who should initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/27/2017 9:01:13 PM
well in life, society, men are expected to be the "cause" for everything
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 132
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/27/2017 9:08:09 PM
Either partner can initiate. It's fine in contemporary times.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 133
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/28/2017 4:48:17 PM
The female should always be the one to initiate. Simply because there are legal consequences for a man if he does. Women may not like the idea but that is kind of the way it has to be to stay square with the law.

You girls don't have to worry though. There are still plenty of numbskulls out there who think they are the man.
 McGregor74
Joined: 2/18/2017
Msg: 134
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/28/2017 5:09:03 PM
I think Chivalry is always a good go in decisions like this.

Neither should initiate the kiss but the "Moment" itself...

And I also believe that it is the duty of a guy to make the woman satisfied in every way...

Here are some good read about it:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_100/131_relationship_expert.html
http://www.mensaxis.com/how-to-completely-satisfy-your-woman-in-bed/
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-kiss-girl-no-ones-ever-kissed-her
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 135
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/28/2017 5:17:52 PM
It feels good when a guy is self-confident enough to know when the moment is right.
 strongspirit
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 136
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 2/28/2017 8:18:03 PM
Agree with this viewpoint:modhammer:
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 137
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/4/2017 12:06:15 PM
Most women are not going to make the first major moves, including the first kiss. The man needs to do it. That's just a rule of dating.

If you don't understand the rules, dating will be incredibly difficult for you.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 138
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/5/2017 10:16:11 AM

Either partner can initiate. It's fine in contemporary times.

The emphasis is Can -- not Will. It's not a true one-way street, but pretty much everyone's driving in one direction -- the guy making the first moves. In fact, your next statement is what fuels/desires a guy making a move (but only when she Likes him):

It feels good when a guy is self-confident enough to know when the moment is right.

And to that I'll say that sometimes what is "right time" for one, may not be for another in those possibly nervous times when first moves are made. Some of the more "traditional" gals can be self-absorbed thinking their POV is THE POV when in certain nervous situations like 1st dates and such -- and not understanding that other people have different POVs on the mood, timing, etc. That said though -- yeah, there are universal POVs of timing being Great -- but that doesn't always come up. If the timing is Perfect, well, it doesn't take much self-confidence to do so, right? The measure of confidence is when the timing isn't picture perfect at all, but just not blatantly Bad timing.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 2/11/2017
Msg: 139
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/7/2017 2:05:12 AM
I've personally always felt off, with a woman initiating the kiss.

I prefer initiating and her reciprocating it. I think its the process. I.E Reading her body language, and initiating. Only to have her return the favor.

I find her initiating, always throws me off. I'm flattered, but always wind up taking a couple seconds before returning the favor, as never expect it.
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 140
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/9/2017 6:03:46 AM
ya, men are expected to go for it in everything, life, society, culture, always argues and says going for what you want or going after what you want is masculine, manly behavior.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 141
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/9/2017 9:16:47 PM
we gals let you chase us until we catch you....
 GoodLord1
Joined: 2/21/2017
Msg: 142
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/10/2017 6:08:18 AM
I almost always initiate the kiss or sex but with exceptions. dating from POF has it's disadvantages and one the most common problems is that I find my new date has gingivitis or a missing tooth. when this happens I just go through with the date then say goodbye.

when the time comes to say goodnight, if I rate the first date from "just ok" to "great" I go in for the kiss 100% of the time. I feel that it's up to the woman to either go with the kiss or turn her cheek.

I remember many years ago a POF date for New Years Eve. I found out when we go to the Sheridan Inn that she was too shy to dance and she didn't drink. the music was loud and it was a bit difficult to talk and get to know her. we were with another couple and they were having a good time while I was thinking "How do I save the evening?" try as I might it was a stop start type of conversation. i'm looking at the filled dancefloor with sadness. I asked to her step out into the lobby where we could talk. they had a hidden sunken conversation area where we could be alone. I told her it would help if she opened up her heart to me so we could share some ideas. she said she was shy. so I just said to hell with it i'm manning up RIGHT NOW.

I told her the only way to save the night and the date was to MAKE OUT WITH ME. I said "You don't have to talk just kiss."
to my surprise she leaned in and laid the wet ones on me. IT WORKED!! she said she was attracted to me but she didn't know how to go about overcoming her lack of talking/conversation skills. her kissing skills were great. the kissing allowed her to release her inhibitions and talk more. after midnight she even went out to the dancefloor with me.

the moral of the story? MAN UP AND GO FOR IT. if she says "no" respect that and do your best to save the date.
 therainman2
Joined: 3/4/2017
Msg: 143
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/16/2017 6:21:35 PM
I think it depends. Some women like the man to so that part and other woman like to take control. I don't think either or is wrong. It comes down to the couple and what they enjoy. Nothing sucks more than rejection so some people just don't like initiating things.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 144
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/17/2017 1:11:32 PM

we gals let you chase us until we catch you....

Yeah, that's what my Uncle thought -- but it was the police that caught him first. See, he always thought the gal was wanting him to chase her -- where in reality, she just wasn't interested. He just Manned Up and went with the chase! :)

I've personally always felt off, with a woman initiating the kiss.

I can see that POV, if it's out of place, taken by surprise, etc., for a first kiss. For anyone, especially a guy. But I think it's sort of like asking someone out -- it commonly isn't from Zero -> Full in one felt swoop. Many times the gal will be moving in. She's not going to swing the bat, but she's putting herself in the batter's box, sometimes shoulders c0cked back, ready to swing, and you just swing the bat for her. So really, she moved in, and you capped it off. And obviously it can go the other way -- would that be weird? Certainly don't think so. It's more like starting a dance. It doesn't take one to grab the other's arm to yank them out.

ya, men are expected to go for it in everything, life, society, culture, always argues and says going for what you want or going after what you want is masculine, manly behavior.

As said right above, it doesn't work that way. I think when there's nothing to "grab onto" -- like the gal giving you all the signals with open body langauge and stepping in, etc -- yeah, the guy's to "take the dare" and for the girl to do so would be a "big deal". However, the guy doing it -- if it's a date and her body language hasn't been Closed -- it's hardly a shot in the dark (but still open to some level of denial).

But there will be enough situations where it's not closed, not open -- flip a coin? Something that irks me in these situations...

"Man up!" Yeah, well, a gal could be putting out the vibe of having a nice time, and in many ways she is, but not into the guy. She doesn't realize that she's keeping the door open for him to do so, and can be "Well I Never!" or at least turned off, thinking that she'd have to be humping his leg for him to go in for a kiss -- while at the same time, she'll be out with another guy, giving the Same Vibe but feeling differently, and will be "frustrated" if he doesn't due to her mixed signals. Mad at both. This isn't a rarity for this contradiction of "what a guy's supposed to do". I've seen it a ton of times and always chucklingly intervene with a convo like this:

Me: Well, [Sally], what about [Jim] -- when you guys were out with us, you were putting out the same vibe...
Her: Yeah, but I was just being nice to [Jim]. Now I Liked [Ben], wth? Why doesn't he man up when Jim did?
Me: But you advocate guys in [Jim]'s position not to do that...
Her: Yeah, because I wasn't into Jim! It's not like I was all over him! Sheesh!
Me: Yeah, but again, you were putting out the same vibe...
Her: Yeah, but why didn't [Ben] man up if he liked me?

... and the cycle continues. Too many gals do have that POV.

The Real manning-up is taking that gal May frown upon you, thinking she has reason to when she doesn't, if you played your cards right. That's the key -- not relying how a gal or gals respond as The way, but making sure your game & tact is on-par, and be Willing to once in a while be looked poorly upon. Manning up isn't being dumb & brash with chest sticking out -- it's being willing to put yourself in position where you'll look kinda dumb in someone's eyes (and/or their close peers) , when you're not Actually doing anything dumb at all... and not relying on others to "Lady Up" (same can be said reversing genders, too).
 2016summer2016
Joined: 3/18/2016
Msg: 145
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/18/2017 10:22:49 PM
IMO the woman should in todays day and age. Because guys really dont know when to. They will go for it at the first available chance and that is a turn off for most women. Basically it doesnt matter when they guy wants to, all that matters is if the woman wants to.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 146
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Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/19/2017 10:20:14 AM

GoodLord1
I remember many years ago a POF date for New Years Eve. I found out when we go to the Sheridan Inn that she was too shy to dance and she didn't drink. the music was loud and it was a bit difficult to talk and get to know her.

Damn, Tom, bummer! I have been in that position, but never on a New Years Eve. I would rather stay at home alone, or just go out by myself. Now that I’m DJ’ing, I find that I usually have a gig for NYE, and that takes care of that.

I do like the way you handled the situation though. Kudos to you for that.


norwegianguy456
Manning up isn't being dumb & brash with chest sticking out -- it's being willing to put yourself in position where you'll look kinda dumb in someone's eyes (and/or their close peers) , when you're not Actually doing anything dumb at all

Agree, 100%. Very well said!
 GoodLord1
Joined: 2/21/2017
Msg: 147
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/21/2017 11:01:36 PM
ohenryx,

that NYE date was soon after my divorce and was kind of a last minute deal where I hardly knew the woman.

I will not stay home on NYE.
if I have to, i'll put a blond wig on a broomstick and take that out for the evening.
 GoodLord1
Joined: 2/21/2017
Msg: 148
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/23/2017 8:53:43 AM
^^^^

Guys if you don't get it then watch "Hitch" and the scene where he goes 90% in then allows the girl to come the last 10%


I looked but couldn't find it.
youtube only has snippets.
what was the scene? who did he kiss? Eva Mendez?
 GoodLord1
Joined: 2/21/2017
Msg: 149
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/23/2017 12:31:02 PM
Ohhh jelly beans! why did you do that to me!

I kept backing up in my chair the closer those two men's lips got to each other.
I had shrinkage too. the turtle pulled back into his shell.





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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 150
Who shoud initiate kissing/sex? The man or woman?
Posted: 3/23/2017 6:51:47 PM
is there a movie where Eva Mendez ISN'T showing off her amazing cleavage?

not that i'd be interested in it, but just wondering. It made Ghost Rider worth watching.
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