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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Do men really like Dominant Women?      Home login  
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 BrendanA89
Joined: 5/10/2012
Msg: 51
Do men really like Dominant Women?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I'm not sure if dominant is the right word. I don't like "dominance or submission" in the bedroom. Confident, fun, cheeky, sure. But not dominant for me. I think it's a kind of sick, twisted desire if you want to dominate someone or be dominated in general, let-alone in the bedroom. But hey, apparently some people love it. My two-cents.
 LipstickJunkee
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 52
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/24/2012 10:04:15 AM
I think being able to share roles/ taking turns of being sub or dom (in a sexual situation) is the funnest idea haha. However in general day to day life I think most couples are a bit of both in certain areas.
 techguy
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 53
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/25/2012 12:54:40 PM
Do dominant women actually exist? Not ones looking for a man anyway.
 Answerman711
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 54
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Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/25/2012 3:10:10 PM
How about sexually confident women? Not afraid to express what they want. Those are a rarity it seems.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 55
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Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/25/2012 3:13:59 PM

Do dominant women actually exist? Not ones looking for a man anyway.

Really? My issue is finding a submissive man that isn't older than me, isn't married (and cheating on his wife), lives close enough, is masochistic, isn't a sissy/crossdresser (not that there's anything wrong with that, just not my thing)... and above all, isn't a do-me.
 Snowwhite0001
Joined: 4/29/2012
Msg: 56
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/25/2012 6:50:53 PM
I think at first in a relationship I'm more submisive. But, I have been dominant at times when the mood strikes. Some of the men I've talked too about it usually like submisive.
 onewayoranuther
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 57
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/25/2012 9:33:12 PM
I seem to scare the hell out of every man who I am assertive with. But they rarely are assertive with me so what choice do I have? if I don't step up to the plate then I sit alone at home with not a damn thing to do like I am right now on a Friday night.

I know you are talking about sex but there is the before sex...you've got to get there first.

I am not into leather and whips but I do like to take control in the bedroom...on the sofa...in the shower etc....but too often I am told I should wait for him to go after me...even in a relationship....If I did I would be lucky to have sex once a week. WTH is that? I am greatly vanilla with a bit of adventure here and there...why is that so bad?

If a guy would step up to the plate and be aggressive with me I would love it...if I am their woman. Come home from work, see me in the kitchen and take me...right there...I would love that...but they don't. They want to get into the bedroom, smooch here and there and screw...that is it. Sure, I can handle a 5 minute shag too but I like to have fun with sex not make it so mellow all the time.

Men frustrate the hell out of me.

The only thing I am not willing to do is have sex with a stranger everything else is up for at least a discussion..the men around here, want what they want, when they want it and it "aint" that often.
 mjb02
Joined: 3/4/2011
Msg: 58
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Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/25/2012 10:00:36 PM
I love dominant women - I just haven't been anywhere close to where I can date one of my specific types in the past year or so.
 VeilofPapaya
Joined: 1/19/2012
Msg: 59
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/26/2012 10:13:54 PM
I've worked in jobs for industries that have an international clientele, and by far the most aggressive and dominant women are Scandinavian women.

I've had Swedish and Norwegian couples as customers at my previous retail jobs, and I can say for certain that the women in those relationships were by far the most assertive. They talked, questioned, demanded, laughed, joked, and handled finances way more than their male counterparts. I never got a peep from the males, and when they spoke it had an air of feebleness. Either that or they had no need to exert any sort of testosterone fueled dominance in public. Granted they were terrific people (I have nothing but love for Nordic people) but the way their relationships were structured would be considered abnormal here in the States.

Even looking at interviews (Watch an interview by Craig Ferguson with Malin Akerman on the Late Late Show) or understanding the sociopolitical structure of those countries you can definitely see a female dominance.

While books such as the Millennium Series definitely paint a darker aspect of Scandinavian society, fear not. Swedish and Norwegian women are Amazonian in character (i like that word).

That being said I'm looking for Nordic women so check my profile. :)
 Pomose
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 60
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/27/2012 12:20:34 AM
As most said I feel it should be give and take.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 61
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/27/2012 1:15:27 AM
I'm not sure if dominant is the right word. I don't like "dominance or submission" in the bedroom. Confident, fun, cheeky, sure. But not dominant for me. I think it's a kind of sick, twisted desire if you want to dominate someone or be dominated in general, let-alone in the bedroom. But hey, apparently some people love it. My two-cents.

Ah, there it is again. The whole "sick/twisted" assumption. I so wonder what some are seeing/reading/imagining that makes them think that a simple label (i.e.: Dominant/submission) equals sick/twisted, but it sure is common (and more than erroneous.) We aren't talking about abusers/victims here. We're talking about (for the most part) sexually dominating women. Not a thing sick or twisted about that. Some men like to be sexually dominated. Kudos to them for knowing that's what works for them personally.

Do dominant women actually exist? Not ones looking for a man anyway.

Not quite certain where you've found the info to jump to this particular conclusion, but they not only exist, there are many hetero Dommes out there seeking men.

Really? My issue is finding a submissive man that isn't older than me, isn't married (and cheating on his wife), lives close enough, is masochistic, isn't a sissy/crossdresser (not that there's anything wrong with that, just not my thing)... and above all, isn't a do-me.

It's not an easy find, that's for sure. Like you, I've got no issue with anyone's personal preferences but the CDs/sissies weren't my thing either. Oh, and I don't know what you've experienced/noted ~ but I was absolutely astounded when I was single at how many police officers are subs in their private lives. Sociologically? I found/find that incredibly interesting.

I seem to scare the hell out of every man who I am assertive with. But they rarely are assertive with me so what choice do I have? if I don't step up to the plate then I sit alone at home with not a damn thing to do like I am right now on a Friday night.

Weird how that works isn't it?

I am not into leather and whips but I do like to take control in the bedroom...on the sofa...in the shower etc....but too often I am told I should wait for him to go after me...even in a relationship....If I did I would be lucky to have sex once a week. WTH is that? I am greatly vanilla with a bit of adventure here and there...why is that so bad?

I don't believe it's bad at all. You're likely a walking/talking/breathing dream for many men. Just not likely those on this particular site.

If a guy would step up to the plate and be aggressive with me I would love it...if I am their woman. Come home from work, see me in the kitchen and take me...right there...I would love that...but they don't. They want to get into the bedroom, smooch here and there and screw...that is it. Sure, I can handle a 5 minute shag too but I like to have fun with sex not make it so mellow all the time.

I'm in total agreement with you. Wine, roses, candles, hot bubble baths, etc., etc., as a prelude to sex is fine with me.......about once a year. I don't get all of this "romance" stuff that so many women feel is vital. That stuff is fine/dandy once in a while ~ but for me personally? I find that type of "foreplay" insanely boring/dull and actually cliche-ish. To each their own, but I require more pizazz than that to capture my sexual attention and a LOT more than that to keep my sexual attention.

The only thing I am not willing to do is have sex with a stranger everything else is up for at least a discussion..the men around here, want what they want, when they want it and it "aint" that often.

Interesting thing I learned about many vanilla men? They hear the words "dominant" or "submissive" and think control freak/abuser and doormat/victim/damaged. On the other hand? They hear the word "kink" and turn into knots fiends who hang out at the local adult store trying to find the newest gadget which will make them feel like they're "kinky." They begin to talk non-stop about threesomes and anal sex. Again ~ Rope and duct tape is bought by the case and midgets/jello suddenly become a raised eyebrow and a wink (unless in the company of vanilla women of course.) Simple reality is? All the toys on the market today, a fully stocked dungeon and watching a few "raw" porn DVDs doesn't make one kinky or into kink or dominant or submissive or even adventurous. Those things are props ~ to get the real deal one either is or is not into kink. One is either Dominant or submissive or they aren't. The only way to be compatible sexually with someone is to be completely honest about wants/needs/desires/wills and wonts. No shortage of men or women into more than vanilla sex, but there's a serious shortage of those who choose to be honest about such things. JMO
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 62
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/27/2012 6:04:32 AM
^^^^ Thank you, thank you, thank you. Probably the best essay I have ever seen here on PoF to outline and explain the subject, and the frustrations of those of us who are seeking the right fit for us.


All the toys on the market today, a fully stocked dungeon and watching a few "raw" porn DVDs doesn't make one kinky or into kink or dominant or submissive or even adventurous. Those things are props ~ to get the real deal one either is or is not into kink. One is either Dominant or submissive or they aren't. The only way to be compatible sexually with someone is to be completely honest about wants/needs/desires/wills and wonts. No shortage of men or women into more than vanilla sex, but there's a serious shortage of those who choose to be honest about such things.


Preach it, sistah!
 HappyRocker
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 63
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Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/27/2012 9:18:07 AM

Do men really like Dominant Women?


There are OTHER types of woman?????
 ThatFloridaDudeJ
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 64
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/27/2012 6:50:32 PM
I LOVE A DOMINANT WOMAN!!!!!
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 65
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Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:12:36 AM

It's not an easy find, that's for sure. Like you, I've got no issue with anyone's personal preferences but the CDs/sissies weren't my thing either. Oh, and I don't know what you've experienced/noted ~ but I was absolutely astounded when I was single at how many police officers are subs in their private lives. Sociologically? I found/find that incredibly interesting.

Yes... I know a few in the emergency services sector that are subs, along with security and military personnel. Also high powered executives, altho that seems a bit cliche to many.


Simple reality is? All the toys on the market today, a fully stocked dungeon and watching a few "raw" porn DVDs doesn't make one kinky or into kink or dominant or submissive or even adventurous. Those things are props ~ to get the real deal one either is or is not into kink. One is either Dominant or submissive or they aren't.

Can you be dominant or submissive, without being kinky? Those that are heavily service oriented might not consider their service as being kinky or kink based. Are fetishists kinky, and are they necessarily dominant or submissive as a result? Kinky people aren't necessarily fetishists either. Then there's tops and bottoms, which aren't dominant or submissive... oy. Anyone have a headache yet?

By stating "One is either Dominant or submissive or they aren't." isn't exactly accurate. You're discounting those that are both: the switches.

I think there are just too many variables out there that one definition covers everything and everyone, and trying to pigeon hole someone into a label that might or might not be 100% accurate is annoying and frustrating. Having recently been labelled as one thing (inaccurately, I will add) recently myself, when that person does not know me or anything about my relationship, precluding me from attending a potentially educational workshop as a result... very, very annoying. Ok, more than annoying.

Definitely be honest about who you are and what you seek in the dating world.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 66
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:21:37 AM

You're discounting those that are both: the switches.

Oops, I forgot about the switches when agreeing with that post! You are right.

On the whole I would say that a person is either wired to be somewhere on the spectrum of kink, or they aren't. Labels are helpful as a guide, but shouldn't be rigid, since everyone is in their own place on the spectrum.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 67
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Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 9:36:32 AM

Oops, I forgot about the switches when agreeing with that post! You are right.

*self-satisfied smug smile* Hehe.. it's all good. We've had issues locally lately about that so I'm quick to point it out to people. I'm pretty sure it wasn't done on purpose.. hehe..


On the whole I would say that a person is either wired to be somewhere on the spectrum of kink, or they aren't. Labels are helpful as a guide, but shouldn't be rigid, since everyone is in their own place on the spectrum.

Vanilla to deep dark chocolate full of nuts and caramel, cherries and whipped cream. But again, subjective. Hard to measure since what you think is kinky might not be kinky to someone else. Things that were once thought of as devient 50-100 yrs ago are becoming more mainstream now, which usually lowers their kink factor. How do you measure a foot fetish against those that like latex compared to the ones that do rope suspensions or use single tails or needles or ... see? My pain scale will be different from yours, and while mine is high there's a lot I can't tolerate.

When people ask me I usually respond with "I'm fluid..." altho lately it's been "I'm a woman first, a mom second, and if there's time.. I'm more."
 OngBakLegend
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 68
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 11:38:03 AM
I am to Dominate to LET a women be dominate over me in the bed room or outside the bedroom. males are better dominates because we are more physical.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 69
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 12:49:11 PM

Oops, I forgot about the switches when agreeing with that post! You are right.

*self-satisfied smug smile* Hehe.. it's all good. We've had issues locally lately about that so I'm quick to point it out to people. I'm pretty sure it wasn't done on purpose.. hehe..

You are right. Guess that's how important "labels" are to me.

Can you be dominant or submissive, without being kinky? Those that are heavily service oriented might not consider their service as being kinky or kink based. Are fetishists kinky, and are they necessarily dominant or submissive as a result? Kinky people aren't necessarily fetishists either. Then there's tops and bottoms, which aren't dominant or submissive... oy. Anyone have a headache yet?

HA!!

I think there are just too many variables out there that one definition covers everything and everyone, and trying to pigeon hole someone into a label that might or might not be 100% accurate is annoying and frustrating. Having recently been labelled as one thing (inaccurately, I will add) recently myself, when that person does not know me or anything about my relationship, precluding me from attending a potentially educational workshop as a result... very, very annoying. Ok, more than annoying.

When I "came out of the submissive" closet many years ago now, I got a lot of curiosity type questions from family/friends. Those questions generally turned into a few hateful things, some kudos and a whole lot of blank stares. I gave up trying to explain or attempting BDSM 101 long ago ~ but it still gripes my ass when someone attempts to lock me into any one label. It would be impossible to do and it changes. Today? Let's see. I live a traditional 1950s, we're D/s in nature, I'm a bottom, I have fetishes, he does not, we're into kink, but not poly/swingers, we both have green eyes, we're both professionals and I'll top most anyone other than my SO. Tomorrow? Who knows? I may decide that I'm bi-curious and want a slave of my own. (HA! Nah, that's just unrealistic because I don't have the patience required to micro-manage someone.) The honest truth is? There are too many variables to label me or my relationship or my man for that matter. And if someone labeled you and did so erroneously? They really do need to learn two things: keep their mouth shut about matters that are none of their business and? We (those of us alternative types, that is) tend to have an unwritten "code" which dictates we don't talk about others' private lives to anyone. I'd be more than annoyed, too.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 70
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Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 1:14:43 PM

I am to Dominate to LET a women be dominate over me in the bed room or outside the bedroom. males are better dominates because we are more physical.

Dominant. The noun/person is dominant. The verb/action is dominate. There IS a difference. And you don't need to be stronger physically to be a dominant.


There are too many variables to label me or my relationship or my man for that matter.

Yes. Labels are for soup cans.


And if someone labeled you and did so erroneously? They really do need to learn two things: keep their mouth shut about matters that are none of their business and? We (those of us alternative types, that is) tend to have an unwritten "code" which dictates we don't talk about others' private lives to anyone. I'd be more than annoyed, too.

This dominant was organizing a workshop only open to other dominants. Not switches. Not tops. Dominants only. They made a judgement call based on.. I'm still not sure what.. that because I was a switch (WTF?) I wasn't allowed to attend this event. But not just me, all switches. I'm not a switch in my current relationship. I'd never had a conversation with them about my role or what I wanted from my relationship.

I really, really suck as a submissive.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 71
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 2:03:31 PM

This dominant was organizing a workshop only open to other dominants. Not switches. Not tops. Dominants only. They made a judgement call based on.. I'm still not sure what.. that because I was a switch (WTF?) I wasn't allowed to attend this event. But not just me, all switches. I'm not a switch in my current relationship. I'd never had a conversation with them about my role or what I wanted from my relationship.

Wow. And this is a prime example of why I no longer do "community" stuff. As the "lifestyle" becomes more faddish and more noticed, the cliques come out. One of the things that drew me so heavily to the "lifestyle" was the open-mindedness and non-judgmental types who reside within that particular sub-culture. How someone can "ban" you from attending a function of this nature is baffling to me, but I do know it happens. And why? A truly wise person (Dom or otherwise) would realize that the more educated others become, the better off we all are as a sub-culture. And if we really want to get persnickety? Switches are often times Dom/Domme. Sounds to me like someone has penis envy. (I know you don't have a penis, but there's clearly some sort of power trip going on with that guy and it sounds to me like he needs to re-take BDSM 101 as the core of "community" is that diversity and differences should be respected and judgments about others reserved. He sounds like an ass to me. (HA ~ so much for open-mindedness/non-judgment on my part.)

I really, really suck as a submissive.

LOL! ^^^ That's what you should have told Mr. You Can't Attend This Function. And then you should have added that he has bad hair or something personal just for spite.

~OT~ I have a couple of submissive male friends who not only love Dominant women, they believe in female supremacy. Female Lead Relationships (FLR) are coming out of the woodwork lately. So apparently there are plenty of men who like Dominant women out there. Whether or not many "vanilla" men are willing to admit this or not, I don't know. I can only attest about those that I know who wear their "I love Dominant women" tee-shirts while serving dinner, running the bubble bath, and kneeling at her feet waiting for more instructions.
 SSC-SAF
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 72
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 6:21:15 PM

And this is a prime example of why I no longer do "community" stuff. As the "lifestyle" becomes more faddish and more noticed, the cliques come out.


Same here...I get really, really tired of the posing and cliquey behavior that some people seem to bring with them when they become part of a "community" so that they can feel more "special" than everyone else. It has ruined some previously good events, thus making it harder to meet people who also prefer not to be part of the cliques.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 73
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Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 6:56:58 PM

LOL! ^^^ That's what you should have told Mr. You Can't Attend This Function. And then you should have added that he has bad hair or something personal just for spite.

Eventually you reach the point of "why bother"... it's exhausting and energy draining.


~OT~ I have a couple of submissive male friends who not only love Dominant women, they believe in female supremacy. Female Lead Relationships (FLR) are coming out of the woodwork lately. So apparently there are plenty of men who like Dominant women out there. Whether or not many "vanilla" men are willing to admit this or not, I don't know. I can only attest about those that I know who wear their "I love Dominant women" tee-shirts while serving dinner, running the bubble bath, and kneeling at her feet waiting for more instructions.

I'm not keen on any supremacy, I don't think anyone or any group is anymore important than the next person.
 BEANEE01
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 74
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 5/28/2012 8:38:59 PM
I think it just depends...Some people like it just as role playing, others as a lifestyle. I've played the "switch" role once and have to say I am a true "sub" at heart. Not just sexually, but I like "serving" others.
For me and the time I "played" domme with my partner, it has to do with being "in charge" in all other aspects of my life and wanting briefly to let someone else take control.
 Sunshines49
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 75
Do men really like Dominant Women?
Posted: 8/11/2012 4:33:00 PM
Hhahahahaha!! I agree with you.
And some of us women like to keep it so they don't know if they're coming or going.
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