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 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 41
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Saying that you love herPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Love, hell I love pizza, but not every day. Love has lots of meanings. I can say I love you to one person and when I say it to a different person I mean something completly different.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 45
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Saying that you love her
Posted: 12/21/2008 11:32:00 AM
they talk about a "gift" of love. to me, it is not a feeling or a bartering tool, but a genuine act of affirmation. the use of this word gave my last SO, a lot of anguish for many twisted and historical reasons. i finally had to leave him. we all crave affirmation and love when we have agreed to "commit" to someone. he had also set forth the criteria for commitment all on his own, but did not like that word either. i've said it before, that when we departed, he later told me he could not stop crying. his friends had asked him, if you don't love her, then why are you crying? i might add, that this was not about monogamy or his wanting other women.

i will be very careful in my future "pickings" to be with a man whose childhood and losses do not reek havoc on my life. we all have our stuff, we all cannot say i love you to everyone we meet. personally i cannot see intimacy w/o seeing the potential of love and having the shared goal of "long term" and a commitment to monogamy. if a person, however, thinks sexual intimacy is okay w/o that prerequisite, then s/he cannot honestly expect that saying "i love you" is an essential agreement of whatever they are doing with one another. i figure you have to be able to say the words w/o choking, feeling a loss of your own and with the ability to look sincerely, respectfully and admiringly into the eyes of your mate.

if you are the one to say those words to deaf ears, then i believe you need to reconsider your goals and/or the person who lies naked and vulnerable beside you and inside you. great vulnerabilty lies in great strength. great strength lies in great vulnerablity. from the two comes trust, empowerment and security. from these three things stem spiritual and emotional growth.

to deny love, is to deny a plant it's drink of water. singing to a parched plant, just doesn't do it!
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 49
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Saying that you love her
Posted: 12/26/2008 3:55:12 PM
... the kind of love that I'd rather not live without, but know I could.


Each romantic involvement I have had in the past 5 years has heard those words come out of my mouth... with a caveat.

I love you = I love you. No more, no less. There is no expectation of anything, no commitment, no white picket fences, no "dreams of the future". This is how I feel and I want to share that feeling with you, because the more people you can love in this world, the better off we are as human beings.

Two of those relationships were relatively short (3-6 months), two were much longer (over a year) - all of them ended well - but they ended for one reason or another. And to this day I still love those men. Always will. But I cannot be in a long term relationship with any of them. That doesn't mean I love them less. I would have gladly kept any of those men in my life indefinitely, if circumstances had made it so. But I can move on to other relationships, with no regrets, with no baggage - just the joy of having loved them, and the knowledge that my life is better for loving them.

Our capacity to love is infinite - when we recognize that the words "I love you" are an acknowledgment and verbalization of an emotion and not a binding contract, this world will be a better place.

Your opinion of me has no bearing on my opinion of you.

I cannot stop feeling love for a person simply because he can't say "I love you" or doesn't feel what he recognizes as love for me. If I stopped feeling it just because it wasn't reciprocated, it wouldn't truly be love. And just because you love someone, does not mean you can have a lasting, fulfilling relationship with them. It's completely possible to love someone, but not be able to live with them!

sydney
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