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 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 173
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!Page 5 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
I find it hilarious that the OP started this thread almost 8 months ago as one of her typical man bashing troll threads and it has morphed into a women bashing women (or, perhaps just a catfight) thread.

Good job, DW....guess this one backfired.

OT: I agree...."proper" ladies don't go out alone....well, except Scarlett O'hara.





~ds~
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 174
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:21:09 PM

You have certainly shown your true colors with this comment.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

However, I can see where you may be somewhat defensive as one of the combatants.

Perhaps, take a day or two off from this thread....re-read it in its entirety....then draw a little more objective conclusion. Or in the least, perhaps stick with the original topic and address the emotion/question expressed by OP of men hitting on unaccompanied women rather than perceived discrimination, et. al.

You may recognize the 'morphing' I alluded to earlier.

Cheers!





~ds~
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 175
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 11/15/2008 1:02:58 AM

I just want to point out that Zeeba is one of the most calm, reasonable, level headed people to post on these forums

No argument here....I'll second that and additionally point out, she would make one heIIuva fine Cat Woman!



yet, the very situation we are discussing here, so heatedly, is one she too has experienced.

Although I agree Z experienced the 'topic' currently being heatedly discussed, the fact remains that that topic has nothing to do with the original post. That's all I was attempting to illustrate in my earlier posts. My apologies if I came across as sexist by using the term "Catfight". BUT, I used that term parenthetically if you go back and look.




And I do not care about sticking with a thread topic. If one topic leads to another and opens up further debate, all the better. Limiting thread discussion to a very limited topic simply limits discussion.

According to POF 'rules', the thread is to remain "On Topic". If a topic, discussion or debate leads to another topic, then one should post a new thread based on that topic. Again, according to the rules....in order to open the door to debate on that topic, in and of itself, rather than combining and confusing posters as to what they are actually posting to. At least, I believe that is how it's 'supposed' to go.





~ds~
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 176
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 11/15/2008 7:14:32 AM
I think that a woman can go out alone and still be proper. Much would depend on her attitude, attire and behavior in labelling her "improper".

I also concede that there are women who when alone in an eating establishment, may be discriminated against because they are alone. I also agree there may be more to this discrimination than simply being alone, as many posters have stated other valid reasons. I am also certain however, that there are fat people, skinny people, colored people, disfigured and handicapped people who feel discriminated against, but not necessarily because they're alone.

Absolutely it has seemed sometimes that I have been ignored when alone in a restaurant but I choose not to view it as personal discrimination, because I would suspect that it is rarely intentional or deliberate. I have found every time in the case of slow or non service that a friendly smile, wave and positive manner will often initiate an apology and immediate, if not good service.

Take defence without taking offense. Problem solved. Why debate such a pointless issue. What next? Will we march around the place in question with our burning bras on a picket stick?



P.S. DS is right on the POF rules for the forums. Ignoring them may cause the thread deletion, or the suspension or banning of the poster(s) responsible.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 177
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 11/15/2008 7:19:09 AM
Ismene....India! Wow. Good for you. I don't think I could be that brave. You are an example to all women.
 angelwinz
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 179
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 11/15/2008 10:35:34 AM
When I lived in the city, I'd often stop at a good pub/bar that had excellent food or go to a resturant that served food in the bar to eat. When alone, I perferred to use the bar because, one.. I wasn't using up a table, two.. usually had a good book and three.. if I wanted to talk to anyone there was always someone to talk to. If it turned out it was 'good ol boys' bar, and I really liked the food.. I'd just become one of the boys.. butting in on conversations, offering my views on a topic. I have never had a bad experience there. One of the reasons is I always get to know the bartender, plus I am a good tipper LOl.. so the bartender would keep an eye on the regulars and on me so I would not be 'hit' on unless I wanted to be. In those days I also traveled a week a month and refused to 'hide' in my room so would not act any different when traveling.
 Soulsister47
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 181
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 11/29/2008 3:17:13 PM
***A bar should be the last place you look for a b/f. Most men in bars don't go in there with the thought of finding a g/f..maybe a one-night-stand..but certainly not a g/f..or a possible SO. I know I don't want to meet someone half lit in a bar. I want both of us to be fully conscious with clear enough minds to talk and actually remember what's being said. Not a sot that can't think without the use of alcohol to blur his mind and eyes..not to mention the fact it's a little hard to see a person well in a dimly lit bar. Ever hear the girls allllllll look prettier at closing time? Hmmmm..now..I wonder why they came up with that saying? Sheesh!

See I totally disagree with that. The way I look at it. Im a nice person and I go to bars. From time to time I go by myself, because most of my friends are married and they cant go out all the time with me. So I go to karoeke bars or places that have live bands. I have one glass of wine. So If I go to bars, then there are nice guys like me that go to bars. Why does everyone always have that mentality that bars are for one night stands. Yes if you go to a place that has that reputation, then I would say yes your right. But nice guys go to bars to. Sooo its a 50/50 chance, just like anything else in life. If you dont take a chance you'll never know. Plus I don't go out to meet anyone, I go out to have a good time and change the scenery.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 182
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 11/29/2008 4:08:19 PM
I remember when I was considerably younger (20's & 30's) and would go to bars and clubs with friends and would see 'older' (45+) single women there by themselves. Mentally, I classified them as 'barflies' and I swore that I would never find myself in that situation.

As you get older, you realize that youth doesn't have a concession on loneliness and wanting to be part of a social setting. Now, being in my late 50's, I've become much more tolerant of people of ALL ages doing whatever they want to do to avoid isolation and reclusiveness. I certainly don't 'hang out' in bars, but occasionally I will join friends at a local establishment for a few drinks and a game or two of pool or darts. It's still great fun and I've not had the younger generation make any derogatory or unseemly remarks regarding we older women being out dancing, drinking and having a good time. Perhaps they are less judgmental than I was at their age. Good for them! It took me a long time to become that openminded.
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 183
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 11/29/2008 4:56:27 PM
I won't go in to a bar alone but I will to meet freinds . I have for many years. I am not a bar fly and the last place I am going to pick up a man is a bar. I don't go to find a man I go to hang with friends. I go for bands, dancing and music. Nothing wrong with that.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 184
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/17/2008 7:13:34 AM
Thanks Elvis....but must we be attractive to go to a bar alone?
 FeatherHues
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 185
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/17/2008 10:12:06 AM
Well, I own a bar and restaurant.. I do understand how she feels..I watch and observe those happenings all the time..
However, Im my own Lady..and I mean a Lady. I will go anywhere by myself. Im very outspoken, so I can make a new friend anywhere I go. I enjoy my after work drink.... and usually sit up at the bar. In my town, we all end up chatting about some subject as we sit around the bar and watch the bartender..LOL I find it enjoyable,... not all gentlemen are like that... its not like a "pissing" thing as you state.
I'll dance in a heartbeat.. and enjoy the offer to dance with a gentleman. I can rock the house down..lol
Just go in with confidence... and hold your head up. its almost 2009..... women are not judged by aloneness in a pub anymore... but yes, there are still jerks out there.. but they are actually outnumbered by quite nice,cordial, Gentlemen...that have wonderful conversations, and respect for all.
Ya just gotta find it, relax..and enjoy "My lady"

 FeatherHues
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 186
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/17/2008 10:20:02 AM
Another subject perhaps.. lets not forget the women out there that go into bars, that sit up at the bar... getting men to buy thier drinks.. and then move on to another man to buy thier drinks... and the night keeps rollin'..and when she gets so "soupy".. at the end of the night, shes all over some man.. and then sneaks out and shes gone... with her tab paid. Geesh! I observe that all the time.
So its hard on the men..... and their wallets are thinner. what a shame.. and shame on the women that do that. but, they are there everywhere... in my years of the bar industry... I must say that the old saying that "Men are all dogs"..is untrue.....
The women have the highest maks..Im sorry Ladies.. but its true.
which brings me to another subject in bars...LOL the womens bathrooms are far nastier than the mens... and in my thirty years of service industry.... the womens trash receptacles in the ladies room is emptier than in the mens.... Men wash their hands more. and peepee droplets are all over the womens toilets.... ewwwwwwww...
just a thought to ponder... I'll stop now.
Have a Beautomous Day!
 sisz
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 190
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:38:55 PM
What most people don't understand is that it is 2008 almost 2009~~ Women do things alone all the time and incase no one has noticed, modern technology has made it so that all we have to do is get a bunch of men to donate sperm; and we can freeze it and reproduce life all by ourselves. So we can do that alone to. Food for thought, there might come a day where we don't need the male species ever! LOL So all you men out there; you'd better be a lot nicer to us women until you figure out how to carry a child alone!!! Oh wait, those darn sex orientation procedures. Oops, maybe you have figured it out! ROFL
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 191
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/18/2008 8:14:09 PM

Women do things alone all the time and incase no one has noticed, modern technology has made it so that all we have to do is get a bunch of men to donate sperm; and we can freeze it and reproduce life all by ourselves. So we can do that alone to. Food for thought, there might come a day where we don't need the male species ever! LOL So all you men out there; you'd better be a lot nicer to us women until you figure out

Guess we useless, expendable males better start figuring out how to freeze ova, eh? It actually would serve a greater a good, as studies are showing that sex in zero gravity space is pretty futile.





~ds~
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 192
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/19/2008 3:41:33 AM
Might I suggest that if you can not go out and have a burger and a beer at some place because you are getting 'hit on' by the good ol' boys that have the run of the bar - you just go someplace else.

Too, if that is the type of thing that happens at the places you frequent - you might consider someplace a bit more upscale where you would be less likely to run into a group of rowdy drunk good ol' boys to hit on you.

Personally, if you are that much of a routine visitor - maybe asking the bartender/waitress to ask them to 'back off' or simply 'leave you alone'. A good bartender would pick up on this and tell them on their own without your asking.

Best to all.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 193
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/19/2008 8:19:00 AM
Even in the years when I did get hit on regularly, whistled at, cat called, sent drinks along with phone numbers via the waitress it never stopped me from going out places by myself if I wanted to go. Bars, dance clubs, concerts, movies, ball games, malls, restaurants or driving cross country a few times. If you can’t handle rude unsolicited or even nice but unwanted advances don’t go out. I got enough practice in my late teens to last me until I am 200!! Even with the comments of “just you?”, “you here by yourself?” and my personal favorite the cheesy “does your man know you are here alone?“ never stopped me.

I would advise to always be guarded though as there are “predators” about which has nothing to do with how a woman looks or presents herself. Always look around you when walking to your car especially at night, don’t get into a car with a stranger even a “date”, don’t give your home address to a stranger even a date, those type of things.

I find it really amusing that those that seem the most shocked when I mention I have gone someplace alone are the youngsters, I guess it is that young pack mentality thing. Especially young gals, they don’t even go to the restroom alone.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 194
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/19/2008 11:23:21 AM
Looking back I think it was just as you stated a "safety in numbers" kind of thing. I am sure for some it still means the same and is extremely understandable. My amusement is just that in many cases it is more of the idea of just not going with someone for company's sake or that you might appear to be pathetic that you aren't in the company of a guy. Maybe as you said in regard to how to handle themselves it is more of they haven't learned yet to "be their own company". I would just think that the old ideas of being "unescorted" would have gone out the window with each "new" generation. This as it were seems to be their dismay of going out or attending events alone not for the sake of safety.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 196
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/19/2008 5:43:14 PM

It also has to do with demeanor, the woman's.

Exactly...de meaner she looks, the better the chance that she will be treated with respect.
Cindy O
 sisz
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 199
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:30:48 PM
I agree; an independent self-sufficient woman doesn't "need" a man! Key word here is "NEED"! We may "want" one; but it will never be a need!
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 201
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/21/2008 7:40:54 PM
I spent almost twenty years in outside sales traveling all over the US - most of the time alone! Since I am not a person who enjoys sitting in the hotel room alone in the evenings eating room service, I would frequently ask the front desk clerk, or other people I met what they recommended I should see while visiting their community. Occasionally, I would have a client that accompanied me, but the majority of the time I went out alone. I was in my early 20's at the time and found that there are some important things to keep in mind when "single mingling" so to speak.

First, I made sure that I bought my own drinks and limited them to soft drinks, or perhaps one drink - this meant I kept my wits about me. Second, I didn't typically go to the local "meat market." I wasn't trolling for guys, I was a single tourist enjoying their community - in fact, I would usually ask where they would take their mother or a visiting aunt. Finally, when approached by guys, I would hold pleasant conversations with the purpose of making friends!

I also have found that guys and gals are pretty much the same everywhere! If you treat people in a friendly, informal manner, and not like you are looking for a date you will find that you will make friends - and guy friends are just as great to have as girl friends. And - when you do run into the occasional person who just doesn't want to take no for an answer, I usually enlist the aid of the bartender to get the message across that no means no! I tip bartenders well, and if I am a regular, they want me to keep coming back - just like other regular customers!
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 202
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/21/2008 8:57:07 PM
Yanno... I've known women who stayed properly behind their closed doors for their entire lives (my Mom for instance) due to these old time beliefs and the one thing I have never been able to understand is why it is okay for men to go to the bar with every intention of meeting someone there while maintaining their reputations while it's NOT okay for women to also go to the bar with the hope of meeting someone new?

I have read this entire thread and throughout, it seems like many of the women are saying that it's okay for them to go to the bar or elsewhere as long as they make it clear they aren't looking for companionship...

It seems to me that as upgraded as women having the courage to go out alone may be, it still reeks of it being less than ladylike for a woman to let on that she is interested in male company. If a man can get dressed up and go sit in the bar hoping that someone comes in that catches his interest, why is it not okay for a woman?

Is it just me.. or ?
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 204
Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/22/2008 2:10:12 AM

^^^because you could easily be mistaken for a prostitute, Silken, and there would be no fun in that.
I've travelled on my own, eaten in restaurants on my own, gone to the cinema on my own..but not so much these days.
It has nothing to do about whether it's deemed "proper" or not. It's got everything to do with .... the can't be bothereds, I guess...


I'm not sure what you mean my dear friend... It's got everything to do with... the cant be bothereds?? Wut mean???

This of course, naturally leads into the question of why women are assumed to be prostitutes... But then, you knew that didn't you?
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 205
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/22/2008 6:07:53 AM
How about for the same reason some women are covered from head to toe.....cause the men can't control themselves .
If she's free and alone, she's looking for it?
If she wants to and has suggestions, she's a nympho and if she doesn't she's a biatch?
Shall I go on?

 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 206
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Proper ladies don`t go out alone!
Posted: 12/22/2008 7:28:52 AM
^^Naw my sista! lol. We all know very well what you speak! Sad really that it can't be looked at in a different light. Until it does, guess we all stay outta dem dere bars!!!
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