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 TheLimey
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 64
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have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Looks like full blown bi-polar to me, my ex is exactly the same with mood swings etc... & on top of that she also has aspergers.... & she's not on any medication....

I don't have to deal with or experience it any more..... but she did manage to get 20 counts of contempt thrown at her by the judge in Family Court.. AND got her lawyer sanctioned which was highly amusing.
 LoversVowsxo
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 66
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 3/28/2008 6:55:25 PM
My situation was similar to yours in that he had the home before I moved in with him. Despite putting my name on title he never relenting in saying that it was his house, he paid the mortgage, etc. I never felt that it was our "house" let alone a home. He told me I could leave anytime - take your suitcase and go - cause that's all you're going to get.

I did finally leave. He quickly changed the locks which effective locked me out of my home business. Two years of litigation later I still have nothing from the house, have spent $230,000, and have to prove my contribution as he says I contributed nothing, and am awaiting the next trial.

Get a good lawyer that believes in mediation - spend money now to ensure that you will have money later.

Don't leave.

God Bless
 mel694u
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 67
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 3/28/2008 6:56:02 PM
He's a pycho, I was just married to man like that for 8 years believe me it gets worse and worse. Most likley he has mental health issues like Bipolar with his mood shifts and counciling won't help because mental illness gets worse over time. Good luck and I wish you the best. Put yopurself first. you deserve better!
 Spitfire1956
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 68
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 3/28/2008 7:17:07 PM
Well...I don't think anything anyone says will do any good, so I do wish you the best of luck.
 daisylouwho
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 70
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 3/28/2008 10:28:50 PM
I'm so sorry that you are experiencing all of this. Your man is cleary controlling and as much as we'd like to think he can "change" his ways or even get help, in the end...a leopard cannot change their spots. A controller is a controller.

He's not happy with himself and as long as that remains the case, he cannot be happy with you - or with anyone. This is the type of man that needs someone to control and unfortunately you're the one being controlled. Until he spends some time ON HIS OWN and works through his issues, the bi-polar episodes will only escalate.

Be careful Galicat - take care of you. Respect yourself enough to not be treated as you are being treated. You are better than that and deserve much more than he is offering you. Although it will be very difficult to leave, when the dust settles, you will have learned a lot about yourself and have a new found respect for you...which is one of the most precious things you'll ever experience.

Forget the home - it's a material thing that can be replaced. Your life cannot be replaced...take heed, there are red flags all over the place. Stay strong.

DaisyLouWho
 Pink Rose Lady
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 71
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 3/28/2008 11:50:49 PM
You are dealing with a man who cannot control his anger appropriately. Typically, stress builds up to the point where he lashes out at the closest person, and unfortunately that is you. After he blows off some of the steam, he will relax, maybe apologize but within 3 weeks, the same scenario will play out, over and over again.

Unless he gets some anger management counseling, he does not know how to control his anger, it controls him. The sad part is it will only get worse, until someone intervenes.

Do not let a house stand in your way to get out of the situation. Your sanity and well being are more important, and separation details can be sorted out later. Life is too short to let this continue one day longer. Been there, done that.

Pink
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 72
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:01:02 AM
Listen, I have lived this also. This man will not help himself and is psycho. I finally got my husband to sign a release that I would have access to all of his Psychiatric records. That he was supposed to get his blood tested weekly for lithium. In which, he did not. This was our agreement to keep our marriage together was his going to the doctors and anger management classes, in which he didn't either. When I hear a woman talk about a psycho, it bothers me, especially when he dupilicates my husband's behavior. I know that one day he may be absolutely wonderful and love you to death. But he won't be consistant or do what it takes to be consistant. He will never be in the marriage. To give you an update, my husband who is diagnosed bipolar 1 psychosis now claims that he is completely better because I am not in his life. This is from a man who tried to commit suicide and was in the mental ward. His name for me was tart. That is not a nice name.
Your husband doesn't want to be honest with himself to get healthy. You will never feel safe with him. You are going to be the cause of all of his problems and you will live your life walking on eggshells.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 73
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have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 3/29/2008 12:22:45 PM
"if anyone knows anything about bipola and having a partner , friend or family memeber that has been sucessfully treated please let me know"

I have bipolars in my family and in my sober home. It is a chemically induced imbalance in the body that only gets worse with faster more severe swings if untreated. With the right prescription for the chemical part and counseling for undoing the emotional and spiritual damage of the prior swings it is totally treatable and one can reach prescription based remission.

However, it is a risky rollercoaster with dangerous drops for those living with the untreated bipolar. Make sure you stay alive and mentally and emotionally healthy. Personally, until he gets counselling I urge you to get counseling for having stayed with a person like this. Not that you should leave, that is up to you. But that you value yourself so little that you would put yourself in this kind of state for the nearly a year that this has been an active thread is a significant concern.

Gandi
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 74
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have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/1/2008 12:53:02 PM
You need to get away from him. He has already admitted to trying to manipulate and scare you. Busting holes in, is physical violence. Of course he is sorry. he looks like an animal, otherwise and he knows it. if you need to, when he throws another fit, file charges, terroristic threatening. start legal proceeding for a judge to determine if he buys your half of the house, or vise versus. Or if you sell it altogether. He is using the house as his leverage to keep you. Just because he says he isnt selling, doesnt mean squat. You have just as many rights, regarding the house as he does. if you cant come to an agreement, a judge will.
First and foremost, keep yourself safe.
 dekomisier
Joined: 2/28/2008
Msg: 76
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/3/2008 1:12:22 PM
question is, does he act like this everytime a stressful condition asises? Is it self indused stressed? Are you able to persevere with him? are you afraid of him? Its hard to know until ones actually in your shoes
 DesertLioness
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 77
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have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:54:19 PM
RUN!! Do not walk.... RUN!! This guy is past counseling. He is escalating in his crazy behavior and he is eventually going to not just punch a hole in the wall. He'll start punching you, if that hasn't started already. He is showing all the signs of being an abusive man, and now is the time to walk. His accepting responsibility once in awhile is a typical thing abusive partners do to keep you around a bit longer. But as long as you stay, this will continue to get worse. I obviously don't know the laws where you live, but my thought is that right now it's better to leave while you are all in one piece and divide up the property once you are in a safe place. You need other objective people with the two of you when you start to divide things. My very best to you!
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 78
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have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:40:49 PM
HE IS IMPROVING THOUGH. i really think he is not far off the day he will accept he has a problem and stop blaming others for it. if anyone knows anything about bipola and having a partner , friend or family memeber that has been sucessfully treated please let me know


galicat, you BADLY need to read some websites about domestic violence. They ALL make promises to improve. They ALL improve. For a while. Then they get worse next time. It's classic. It's THE pattern of the Cycle of Abuse. Do NOT be tricked by his seemingly sincere apologies. These folks have broken brains. They may fully intend to stop being violent, however they are unable to because their self-control is not functional and will not take over when they are angry. He canNOT stop himself from being violent when he's angry for long.

I implore, beg, plead with you to read about the Cycle of Violence and get your Safety Plan ready. In the worst case, he will appear to be getting better and then lull you into a false sense of security before he hurts you very badly - or worse.
http://groups.msn.com/DOMESTICVIOLENCEABUSE/cycleofviolence1.msnw
http://www.gov.mb.ca/justice/domestic/cycleofviolence/index.html
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/3059/dv3.html

Really, a house is not worth this. Get away from him and then move into one of your other properties far away.
 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 79
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:58:24 PM
Galicat,
I don't know what the laws are about realestate where you live but if you are a joint owner of property it can not be sold with out both parties signatures. You are not married so the rules are different . I would seek out a good lawyer who knows realestate law. If your name is on the deed, and you are on the mortgage you have a vested interest. Go to a settelment company to find out this information. You should get him out of the house or you leave if you feel in danger. This is way more important then the house. Plus this is a control issue......
becarefullChagal
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 83
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:13:54 PM
I NEED HELP
I live in the state of Florida. My husband is from the UK and living with a woman in Canada. I am FINALLY getting divorced from this crazy abusive loser~ feels like 4ever. I received 2 packages from his lawyer this week. One was do I agree with his divorce terms? That one gives me the parental rights of my daughter. That is what I want. I do not want him near our family~mommy, my son, my daughter. He is manipulative and abusive. In this package, I agree to no alimony.....fine..........get rid of the man who calls his wife "tart" every day and did not allow me to leave the house.
ALSO he is sticking me with so far the balance is 4k of medical bills for the family.

The other package is his financial statement~which contains alot of fraud-discloses only the 45kof the family money that he pocketed in his name to a British account when he really had 95k. In addition, many fake bills and I can prove that in court.

I am not here for the money. Like I told the woman here. RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!
I can't afford a lawyer. I can't get free legal council and I have 15 days to submit a letter to the court and return receipt US MAIL it to his lawyer stating that he owes these medical bills. I am sick of him screwing me. AND I do not agree to his terms.The least that he can do after pocketing 95k is pay a few medical bills for the family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does anybody know quickly where I can get legal representation or help immediately in the state of Florida with an international marriage? ASAP? Thank You!
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 85
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/10/2008 10:01:43 PM
This guy sounds like a completely loose cannon. I would run, not walk to the nearest exit. Next, and MOST IMPORTANT, figure out in your own head (with whatever assistance is required) how it is you wound up with this guy. There was obviously a (semi) working symbiotic relationship albeit tenuous as hell. But you need that information for yourself to avoid similar types otherwise you're doomed to a repeat performance.
 Evenor
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 86
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/10/2008 10:12:48 PM
Don't know the particulars of the situation intimately, but there is always a possibility that there was some way that you may have said or done something you were unaware of that helped fan the flame from the stress from work. Seems like there is a lack of communication of what's really going on... maybe doesn't feel like it would be appropriate to talk about... that he would risk losing you if he said something. That he may be viewed as less of a person if he leaves that place for another. Yet if work is so stressful, he should either stand up for himself and make it work out for him or leave. Only thing I could say is think about where you want to go in life... then feel what your heart feels about it. If you feel joy about what you are thinking, then go for it. Otherwise, it may not work out if you follow that path...
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 87
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:32:54 AM

Does anybody know quickly where I can get legal representation or help immediately in the state of Florida with an international marriage? ASAP? Thank You!


You can try Florida Legal Services as a start (attorneys provide pro bono services through this non-profit organization). Another option is to go through the FL Bar for an attorney referral which gives you an option to have an initial consult for a nominal fee of $25.00. While that doesn't sound like much, you might get sufficient advice on that initial consult to know how to proceed. You might also look through the FL statutes for relevant laws and statutes as a point of reference:

http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Welcome/index.cfm?CFID=45858979&CFTOKEN=11042378

Although, I would imagine you have already done the above. Were you married in UK or US? Maybe best to email me off thread. I live in FL also.
 chrylann
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 91
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have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:52:21 PM
He sounds like he could be dangerous. Get out while you can.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 94
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:19:21 AM
galicat...


now this has been donw things have quietened down allot and i reflect back and wonder if i was the cause of the drama. maybe it was me not accepting his stress and behaviour that made it worse?


Part of the victim impact of the cycle of abuse is the "self-blame factor". You were NOT the cause of the drama, however, you were a participant in the drama. Please follow another poster's advice and read up on the cycle of abuse. Then, take that suggestion to the next level and find a good support group. That cycling between honeymoon, build-up and explosion (even in the absence of physical violence) really messes with a victim's head to put it delicately.

You are so correct in this statement:


all you woman that said you have been through this and it recurs and gets worse - I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF OF THAT everytime i look at him or he is caring and lovley and remind myself of the bad times and not dream.


Don't let yourself get caught up in wishful thinking. Make decisions, as you have been, and act on your decisions, as it appears you are doing. Until you are really free of this man, hope for the best in exiting the relationship, but expect the worst so you aren't finding yourself derailed should he once again turn on a dime.


not acceptable, even less so when they blame you, yell and put down. i can't believe it is that same man somtimes and i accept that if i just keept my mouth shut then the situation might be differeent but then what would I be? A completly manipulatable dormat with no voice and not entitled to have the standards and expecaqtions that this man assumes for himself as standard


Part of the blame, yelling and putting down is to get you to accept responsibility for their own consequences resulting from their own choices. Even if you were successful in 100% of the time keeping your mouth shut, the only thing that would change is that he would attack your silence. You have a voice and don't need anyone's permission to use your voice. Nor do you need anyone's permission to define the quality of your life. You are as entitled as any other person on the planet to your standards and your expectations. You are not a doormat until you empower someone else to convince you that you are.

There are a number of online support groups for people who have experienced relationships such as you have described. Please seek some of those out, especially before even considering entering another relationship. Don't wait on that as you need that level of support even now as you are taking your life back. Regardless of who this man is that you have been involved with and what he has done to you, there's part of you that needs self-work. It's not about blame, but about accepting personal ownership of the choices you made in the beginning that led you to where you are as well as identifying your "red flags" and why you missed those "red flags". They were there from the beginning, but for some reason you didn't see them. This level of support will also help you to stop focusing on him (which becomes such an ingrained habit that it actually keeps one stuck long after the relationship is over) and focus more on what you need to do for yourself.

And...make sure you have a safety plan even if you never have to use it - especially as he is still in the house! It doesn't matter if there was no prior physical violence against you or even objects in the home. Have a safety plan anyway. You already know this man is unstable, but you don't know at the end of the day how he is going to react when the reality hits him that it's really over. As long as he is residing in the same house, that reality for him isn't real yet. Nor is it real for you yet, even though you are taking steps to get there.

 kcladyz
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 95
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 10/19/2011 4:03:01 PM
he is nuts. you need to move out, take legal proof of your contribution to the cost of the house and sue his ass for your share of the property. i was married to an abuseive man and i am telling you it will not get better. you can not make him change
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 96
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 10/19/2011 9:51:04 PM
A house and "things" are never worth ABUSE. that is what is going on--get out of it.
 Blu_Angie
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 97
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 10/20/2011 9:46:29 AM
GET AWAY FROM HIM NOW before he totally flips out and puts you in the hospital... or worse.... or call the police and have him removed until he gets the help he needs. You are safer leaving.
 4everRadiant
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 98
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 10/20/2011 11:38:56 AM
"it really is so helpful and i come back and read it to refocus often"



Op, I see your last post was in 2008, and I hope you are still alive and still reading comments to refocus, if need be.

Ample suggestions had been given concerning how you could proceed legally in reference to the house, and how you could proceed with respect to getting personal counseling to help safely leave the situation. I hope the situation with the house was resolved and your safety was secured.

Most importantly, people told you your very life was at stake. They were, in essence, also asking: "do you really feel a house is more important than your life?"

IF you're still in harm's way, this man is ABSOLUTELY, without question, CAPABLE of MURDERING YOU based on all you described. If considering this very real possibility has not moved you to leave, what will? I hope you found the support and strength to leave. You most certainly deserve that, to say the least.

I'm aware that getting out of this type of situation isn't easy in reference to your home or your personhood. Yet as some have basically stated... what good is a home if you're dead? If you're not out by now, your only "home" could be a coffin.

The fact that he WAS a cop could potentially increase the chances he might believe he could get away with murdering you because most former cops have "old friends" still on the police force... some who might be more willing to back up a friend... NOT you!

Again, I see much time has passed since the initial OP. I'm so hoping you're around, and by now have a safe and peaceful relationship and life.
 jypsee_soul
Joined: 10/14/2011
Msg: 99
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 10/20/2011 7:29:09 PM
ok...First of all...you have lost your perspctive. You write to this site,,,but you don't really want to know anything new. We are only going to tell you what you already know....get away fromthis man. The problem is not with him...The problem is within yourself...and what allows you to be treated in this way??? He has to want to help hiimself. Do you think he is asking anyone else for advice?? Is he trying to reach out to fix this situation,

At what point did you stop feeling that you were worth receiving the dignity that a human being deserves. Remember..you teach other people how to treat you. And
if you stay in this situation..you are telling him that it is acceptable to continue in this manner. With the occasional apologies.

Cut your losses. There is someone out there waiting to love you...that cannot get
through until you leave. Most importantly...start to love yourself again. What
advice would you give your daughter...if she came to you with this story. Time to
regain your soul....be strong....I believe in you!!!!!!!!!
 Seahorse22
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 100
have i just got a man under stress or is he a psycho?
Posted: 11/9/2011 4:46:59 PM
I have got 3 words for you BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Google it or read a few books from Barnes and Noble. Best of luck to you!!!!!!
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