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 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 285
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)Page 12 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

Coma, you are a handsome young man , you seem like a reasonable decent human, from your posts. You just need to continue being yourself and doing what you're doing. You will meet someone. Did you befriend the lady in the musicians thread? Maybe she knows some ladies your age who you would have something in common with. It never hurts to change up the photos, but really, a lot of women who are looking for a relationship have given up on dating sites. The one problem I do see for you is the fact you don't really want to date a single mom. I understand your reasons for it, but a lot of women your age do have kids. That will limit your dating pool. Be Patient, the lady who you are looking for will probably appear when you least expect it and aren't really looking. I know that sounds flaky but that is how I have met many men before, and so have many of my friends.


I'm not so sure that doing what I'm doing is working. I never really met any new people, or if I do, I meet them briefly and never see them again. I did befriend her but I can't write to her because of some weird mail settings on this site. I'm not saying I want to rely 100% on online dating but there's clearly room for improvement if I get two messages in a year and someone else gets a dozen in two weeks. He said he barely got any messages until he changed his profile to include a lot of recent pictures of him doing various activities. I'd rather meet someone in person, but I could probably improve my profile a bit. I did befriend that lady but the mail settings won't let us message each other. :P Gotta love these free sites eh. I'm a bit shy in person so I don't meet as many people as I could and it's hard for me to get other introverts out of their shell.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 286
free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/9/2018 12:22:46 PM
Coma, try another site...switch it up, plus join meetup groups in your area. There are many in your age group, a nerdy type group attracts introverts. I had many dates back in the day from meetup & know quite a few married couples who met thru nerdy meetup groups.

Not saying ur a nerd, just that introverts like those venues.

I don't know how close she lives to you but I bet you & Madame Bouiseau would be a great match. Look for her in here, I think she would knock your socks off & then some.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 287
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/9/2018 4:00:52 PM

You're probably right. It's the pictures that matter, not so much your interests or what you write. My friend got at least a dozen women messaging him first and was only on here for two or three weeks. He had photos of himself doing a variety of activities.


Dayam, Coma. Every once in awhile you wake up! Hurry, someone call the Doctor!

I do believe several posters have given you good advice. TAKE new pictures, post new pictures on your profile!
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 288
free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/9/2018 4:13:48 PM

You're probably right. It's the pictures that matter, not so much your interests or what you write. My friend got at least a dozen women messaging him first and was only on here for two or three weeks. He had photos of himself doing a variety of activities.


It really is all about selling the visuals. People may not like these rules, but I didn't make them. It's also hilarious to hear women claim "men are more visual". (chalk that up as another "myth")


He said he barely got any messages until he changed his profile to include a lot of recent pictures of him doing various activities.


There we go. It takes actual *doing*. You can't sit and wait on woo-woo concepts like "fate" and "destiny", which really don't encourage being proactive.

Does this friend live in the same city as you?

MadameBouiseau...bahahahaha. Yes, and please check out her posting history. The smoke cloud you leave behind from running away so fast will be big enough to engulf your entire city.
 lulz567
Joined: 7/6/2018
Msg: 289
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On dating a cheapskate.
Posted: 7/9/2018 6:13:03 PM
Doesn’t matter as long as it doesn’t impact her she won’t care. A guy that you find attractive you will date providing he at least has a basic income and can support himself. If he can’t support himself he’ll expect you to pay and that is very unattractive because his using her upfront and not even lying about what his wanting out of the deal. You court them very well despite being cheap with yourself so that’s even more attractive but don’t get exploited along the way try and give yourself some treats too or you may attract the wrong kind.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 290
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/9/2018 6:26:22 PM
MadameBouiseau lives in Wisconsin. Coma is in Ontario. Although MadameBouiseau is beautiful with a good job & good head on her shoulders but she seems to be one of those militant feminist types that most men are not going to want to deal with long-term. Judging by Coma's posts, I don't think he'd be down for a woman with those views.

Re: "be yourself"...what a crock of shit. Sometimes "being yourself" IS the problem, especially if you can't find a relationship and you claim you want one. Just being your true self doesn't entitle one to being in a functional, healthy relationship either. It's not all about "yourself" but more about other people's perceptions of you...you aren't dating YOURSELF after all. Humans and, especially, interpersonal relationships between humans are much too complex for trite cliches to hold very much value.

"Become a better version of yourself" is a better adage to go by. Depending on the person's objectives (relationship, career, financial, etc.), they can tailor their behavior and habits for the best possible outcome.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 291
free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/9/2018 8:38:10 PM
"what the hell? this was not your initial reasoning for the friendzone, you saw it as a good strategic move for reasons no logical individual could even begin to fathom"

>>>I thought you said you were done talking to me about this :) Actually, I never said it was a good strategic move, but you did read into it, and that explains why you've been arguing against yourself the entire time. Let's go back to one of my prior attempts to get clarity:

"Goodness, its such a simple point and people have taken it off track :) In post 172, you claimed, "If you act like a friend, you will be perceived and treated as one." And I simply said, women aren't always going to follow your lead, the strong ones will in fact treat you...the way they want to treat you. You didn't have to flirt or be sexual with one to have her tugging on your ponytail for attention. in fact, I "won" my firt gf by unintentionally doing the ultimate DGAS move...I friendzoned her by doing the behavior you think automatically scares off women interested in you. I wasn't a sexual being nor did I flirt with her, and she bulldozed right over my behavior. This went on from when she met me at Halloween thru the winter into spring. My second gf spotted me in a class at university, i didn't notice her, and a semester later i began taking lunch at her dorm and she spotted me again and did what she had to, to get my attention then. she wasn't even that strong a personality, but some women will chase what pleases them to do so."

>>I never said it was a tactic. You made a blanket statement that treating women like a friend can result in her treating us like one. If that was true, all men could get rid of a woman who had a crush on them, but the men did not find her attractive, by putting her into the friendzone and then she's stop flirting and making him uncomfortable. I made the point that doesn't automatically happen, that you had your own example of a woman you didn't flirt with, and yet she came onto you. I said, repeatedly, that you could friendzone a woman, and if she was interested, she could steamroll right over that. How you and NG read into that, that I was saying it was an active tactic to use, I don't know--the fact it didn't seem rational should have been a clue I wouldn't say it, lol :) But its why I put the word "Won" in quotes about my first gf...I wasn't trying to win her at all, she just steamrolled over my attempts to put her at arm's reach, and she got me to finally give in. My second gf I hadn't even noticed until she made herself known to me

Like I said, it was such a simple point, but it bothered you somehow and I wondered if maybe you two were going to come up with some wisdom view I had never looked at before. Maybe all I found is you two don't like to be wrong, lol :) Naw seriously, there may have been something I learned from it somehow. Debate is good.

"don't play games"

>>>games work best on the women who play them for attention. Otherwise, being yourself is great when you aren't a nerd. But that's all on you to work on yourself and be more interesting. The problem with too much polish on yourself in the beginning, is you have to keep it all up and going the whole time. That can get wearying.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 292
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/9/2018 11:43:42 PM

b/c she isn't hot enough for you to give up on your other options. You reject her b/c you don't need to poke every low hanging fruit you find. She's--to put it bluntly--not in your league. OR you're in a bar and she's beer-goggling and you don't want a sloppy drunk. Or she's ok for sex but not for a relationship and you think in the long term, with the big head.

I 100% concur with Pig. Your explanation in how "friend-zoning" your GF-to-be doesn't match this. Was your GF-to-be a sloppy drunk who wasn't hot enough, when you had a cuter girl hanging on your arm? No. Was your GF-to-be "lower hanging fruit"? None of that.

You were instead "blind" with your GF-to-be's potential interest. Maybe you weren't that blind to it. Some gals say "No, I showed you I liked you!" when they didn't (the whole expecting guys to have ESP). Additionally, many girls WEREN'T that into you, and you picked up on the (lack of) signals properly, even though you weren't Shut down and said female liked the (chill, platonic) attention and saw it refreshing that you weren't trying to make any moves. And over time, began to slowly like you (and most likely exaggerated that they Truly Like-Liked you earlier than they did).

My critique is that you don't use it as a game-strategy as you were laying out in what I quoted, because Not chasing your GF-to-be resulted in her Liking you. I agree, that Can work in Certain circumstances. She wasn't humping your leg as low-hanging drunk fruit where you could point to any a better girl in the room who you could nab. :) You're comparing apples & oranges. You're taking your GF-to-be situation and proposing a strategy that you think is in line with it -- and what I'm saying is, it's Not.

And no, I'm not a proponent of ditching a better option who's on your arm for a sloppy drunk girl humping your leg who you know would put out like a semi-automatic in the back alley behind the bar 5 minutes from now. No. But it doesn't take a gal to be sloppy drunk to be assertive/flirting with her nerves gone -- and when you do run into that situation, it'd be the Opposite of a strategic move. One grandma would slap her self on the forehead if observing, if you "pshaw" her when you really like her, thinking that "it'll win her over"... when she's already Liking you! :)
free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 5:25:43 AM

Re: "be yourself"...what a crock of shit.

I'm going to have to agree with what the Reverend said prior about people not having the balls to be themselves. Why would you want to pass yourself off as anything that you aren't already? I'm the same wonderful delight at 7am as I am at 7pm. If someone doesn't like that wonderful delight, they can keep right on going. I won't put on any air to attract anyone, why would I? I can't be a poser for the rest of the relationship.

Otherwise, being yourself is great when you aren't a nerd.

Who says? nerds are sexy as hell!


sloppy drunk girl humping your leg who you know would put out like a semi-automatic in the back alley behind the bar 5 minutes from now.

Ms. July, I can only hope you are reading these words. Is this not the same guy who told you it was societies hang up? That double standard still exists. Unfortunately, this is how many a man thinks of women who sleep with him. Your best bet would to be to hire a pro. They are discreet, and they aim to please. or so I'm told. Best of all you don't have to deal with the childish judgments.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 294
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 6:24:13 AM
For the record, I have probably had a total of 3 alcoholic beverages in the last 9 years. In my younger days I drank quite a bit but I never put out because I didn't want to. People blame the booze for doing things they claim they didn't want to do but I'm of the opinion that alcohol only causes you to do drunk what you wanted to do but didn't have the guts to do when you were sober.

I know guys don't respect you if you put out too soon. But at the same time I feel like I never got to have fun when it came to sex when I was younger. My high school years and university years I held out and was a virgin because I wanted to wait for "the one". I thought I found him but he dumped me and left me heartbroken and when I was at my ultimate low in self-esteem and hope I immediately ended up with the next guy who came along who turned out to be a massive ***hole but I got pregnant, stayed with him for 9 years, and having sex with someone you neither like or are attracted to really makes you yearn for better. I feel like since that relationship ended I have a new lease on life. I want to experience things but I don't want to immediately get roped into another longterm relationship. But let's face it, I'm fooling myself that I could even handle a fwb arrangement because I'm the type that gets attached emotionally. So in my head, if I sleep with someone quickly then they don't respect things and so they end things quickly with me so then I don't have to be in a longterm relationship, problem solved.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 295
free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 7:04:13 AM
NG, you probably missed my recent post where I explained once again, friendzoning someone isn't an active policy I recommend, its something that happens naturally--i was making a contrary point based on personal observation to Pig's prior blanket statement that if a dude friendzones a woman, he has automatically deflated any interest she may have had in him, killed his chances, and she will leave him alone and will only approach men who flirt with her. There are times where you can't really bore a woman who's hot for you, I've had women tell me their great interest in car shows once I mentioned mine--and they had never been to one. But suddenly they're mirroring me. Of course, if a woman's on the proverbial fence about you, THEN you can bore or creep her out if she has other opportunities.

My first gf was a friend of my female neighbor, she had a pretty enough face with all the makeup teens wear, but she was also skinny, flat chested, airheaded, and batshit crazy. As an 18 yr old dude heading to college, I didn't see a reason in the world to date her...until she invited herself into my house, made out with me in my bedroom, and I figured, hey, this fell into my lap and on a silver platter and all that. I hadn't flirted with her, had totally friendzoned the woman, and yet she pressed on. Ironically, i'd figure out later, she dated the guys who ignored her, not the ones who chased after her. She was one of those insecure women, wanting what she couldn't have. My second gf came a year after, when I couldn't find women in college like I thought I would the year prior, and once again, figured a bird in the hand and all that.

now, if we want to talk about game strategy b/c we began this by giving Coma advice, I can also say years ago I had a lady who was lukewarm about me. She was long distance so most "pursuing" was done over the internet. She expressed interest in me, I expressed it back, and she was happy she got attention and filtered away....and as Pig could predict, when another woman showed interest in me on that other forum, the lady came back and tried to get my attention again. Like my first gf, she was the type of human being who dates to win attention, and when they have it, move on to the next difficult person to win over. Ironically, showing a DGAS attitude towards her, kept her around, and showing interest in her, made her fade out. come to think of it, she was in an on-again, off-again relationship, I was probably the dalliance on the side when we got together on Saturday nights.

when one is young, "something on the side" relationships are acceptable, but when we get older...the amount of game playing and "how much interest is too much" isn't probably worth what you get. you want something more than a little sumptin-sumptin and all the vagueness of what's really going down. Coma sounds like he's looking more for something stable than just getting his noodle wet. that's where a lot of the old classic PUA falls short, its 2o somethings looking to score, and maybe getting an unhealthy relationship from someone who is desperate to not be alone. The problem with looking for a relationship that has depth to it is...you have to find the right person who can be attracted to your own depth. They may be fewer of those, then people who find your body to be attractive. it can take longer to find that right person, so we feel like things aren't working like they did when we were that age July talked about when she was picky while everyone else seemed to be exploring. Those days written about in song, of getting drunk on hot summer nights and just exploring the youthful lust.

"People blame the booze for doing things they claim they didn't want to do but I'm of the opinion that alcohol only causes you to do drunk what you wanted to do but didn't have the guts to do when you were sober."

>>my female friends in college pretty much agreed...if you weren't falling down drunk, then you really did have an idea of what you were doing. Blaming booze may not have avoided "the walk of shame", but it did sneak around the labels. You did what you wanted to do, but you weren't a slut, you were just drunk and hey, who hadn't done that?

Nerds are attractive to saphiophiles, but not to party girls who define "Fun" differently :) and I have to say, I've met average people who were just...well, replaceable. interchangeable. materially superficial. they were biologically old but still viewing the world with a younger maturity.

profiles can matter when the timing is right. My second gf was someone in college I had in a freshman class and didn't notice, but sophomore year I was eating lunch at her dorm and she thought she had a second chance at me--which she did. I was in a dry spell, she seemed smart enough, and I wasn't lustful over her looks but I was more interested in a gf than in a booty call, so the timing was right for her to approach me and over a month get my attention to what she wanted from me. people will look at profiles when they decide they want more than just sex, or they want this time to have someone of value, someone who's the "whole package" on their arm, et cetera.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 296
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 7:13:44 AM

Profiles matter and timing is everything.

Profiles can matter. Sometimes I wasn't interested in a woman because I felt her profile was too negative or she had a long list of rigid requirements. That being said, pictures and stats are often the most important things in OLD. The profile is third and the email content is last. I often got more emails after I added new and better pictures of myself.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 297
free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 9:34:16 AM
Too many people are hung up on profiles, pictures, emails bla bla bla...

Just use this site or any other tool as exactly that...

A TOOL to MEET & INTERACT & maybe have a RELATIONSHIP...

If a person is on here for while & can't meet/date, etc. Then SOMETHING IS WRONG, bec. after all, so many other people use this & get someplace.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 298
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 9:50:35 AM
I agree. I think anyone can find someone but the key to success is having realistic goals. I know plenty of unattractive people who found relationships and its because they accepted their limitations and worked with what they had. The key to happiness is not gaining an impossible dream. The key to happiness is being happy with what you can get.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 299
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 10:32:21 AM

I agree. I think anyone can find someone but the key to success is having realistic goals. I know plenty of unattractive people who found relationships and its because they accepted their limitations and worked with what they had. The key to happiness is not gaining an impossible dream. The key to happiness is being happy with what you can get.


The key to happiness is being happy with who you are.
Good looks will get you in the door.
Confidence and positivity will keep you in the building.
A good personality is a plus. Realistic goals are the ones
you set for yourself. Most people don't have unrealistic goals, ie
winning a gold medal, winning a noble peace prize, climbing Annapurna,
those are unrealistic goals even I wouldn't attempt to attain.

What's an impossible dream? Finding someone that loves you?
If so, people realize that dream everyday, so it's hardly impossible.
Unless your expectations are to marry a prince and move into a castle,
I don't see what the problem is.

You're way too hard on yourself and you are your own worst enemy.
You've made mistakes, you know what doesn't work and what you don't
want to do again. Work on yourself..getting a job, moving out, get a hobby
you enjoy. Concentrate on what you need to do now...don't worry about
finding that "impossible" dream down the road. If you can't do this for yourself,
at least do it for your kids...what sort of example do you see yourself setting for
them?

There is nothing wrong with your looks, you are a good looking woman.
It's your attitude that's bringing you down. People don't usually want to hang
around with people that bring them down, bring themselves down, or can't seem
to find happiness in ordinary things. Your life isn't over...stop acting like it is.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 300
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 11:09:03 AM
I wasn't talking about myself in that last post, I was just pointing out that people find happiness with someone else every day. I see way too many fussy people who dismiss others due to looks. Like short women who won't go out with short guys. Or overweight men who won't go out with overweight women. Or bald men that won't go out women whose looks are 10 out of 10.

I don't know why you are telling me to get a job. I've been employed since I was 16. I make okay money but yes I am living at my mother's because I have to pay a lawyer a lot of money because my ex keeps trying ridiculous things to get custody of our kids, his latest scheme was lying to Revenue Canada and getting all my benefits frozen so I have to wait for a pending investigation. I'm also having to pay off all our accumulated debts which unfortunately were in my name.

I do not talk about any of the above with guys on pof. For me I just like to get out of the house and not just for work so I can have a few hours stress-free away from things. I hate living with my mother, I want my own place so badly, but its not going to happen for a while. Its nice to spend time with someone who isn't family who doesn't know all my problems talking about normal happy things.

Regarding hobbies, I did take up soccer again which I play once a week but I basically just go and play. Not really an opportunity to socialize.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 301
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 11:37:38 AM
^^^^I know you have a job, but I thought it wasn't what you went to school for or wasn't
what you hoped to do.

Also, you talk about it here, so anyone here that might be interested might be taking note.
Is it possible to get a female roommate until things look up for you? A little more independence
might make you feel more confident.

I'm glad you've taken up soccer. It's good that you're getting out. Does the team not get together
after for drinks or dinner? Maybe invite some over for a cookout? Would your mom let you do that?
(I'm only asking because it's her house)

You've got so much going for you, it's sad you're in this rut right now.
But keep doing your best...get out there and meet people! Take some time for yourself?

People do dismiss others because of looks, but it's hard to overlook someone who's always smiling
and friendly...at least in real life.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 302
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 11:57:02 AM
July, I guess there's more to this, because it doesn't make a difference whose name is on debts, they get split 50/50, as are assets. It works that way in the US, and I would think is the same by you.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 303
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 12:50:53 PM
Regarding the debts...it all comes down to legalities. If I want to get half the debts given to him I have to go through court and that all means more money for lawyers. There's a big loan that's only in my name and if I want my credit to improve I have to keep paying it.

I don't work in the field my degree is in but that's because the jobs my degree is in (human ecology) are few and far between. At this point I'd have to go for my Masters degree to work in my field. As far as I'm concerned, university was a waste of money. If I had to do it again I'd go to technical college. But I did enjoy uni and it was a great experience so I don't regret going.

I know eventually I'll come out the other side of this financial stuff alright if I keep working at it. Right now I am in a rut now and I just have to wait till a lot of things get resolved to get out of it.

I do share a lot of stuff on here which does subject me to a lot of criticism and what not but I lack other outlets to vent. I've been accused on here of trying to start a pity party for myself and I'm sorry if I come across that way.
free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 12:56:33 PM

But let's face it, I'm fooling myself that I could even handle a fwb arrangement because I'm the type that gets attached emotionally.

I'm glad you have enough insight to recognize this. I had made a post warning you of this very thing, and how these arrangements usually become all about the benefits and nothing about the friends. I decided against posting it because 20 of my dearest and closest haters would, oh, never mind, we all know that story. Take one day at a time. You are dealing with a lot, plus raising a family on top of that. Give yourself credit, it's not an easy feat. The stress from this must be awful. It might not seem like it now but there is light at the end of the tunnel.


July, I guess there's more to this, because it doesn't make a difference whose name is on debts, they get split 50/50, as are assets. It works that way in the US, and I would think is the same by you.

I think what your referring to New York is equalization of property. If these debts are in July's name , these debts still need to be paid. It's her credit rating that will take the hit if they aren't. Depending on the equalization, he may owe her money, but you can't get blood from a stone.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 305
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 1:09:08 PM
I don't have to tell you it would have been money well spent if you had it at the time to settle all of the issues at one time when you were parting ways. The division of debts is pretty easy and straightforward, because it's the law about 50/50, and not just someone's wish to do so. The situation with the children are something else, since dirtbag partners keep making up reasons to go back to court, and that's scary with the $$$ they set out to cost you. He's so malicious.

My gf's ex is the same way. He fought so hard for custody just to be annoying, but doesn't take him now when he has custody, and rented out his son's room in his apt, so his son can't do overnights he fought her for.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 306
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 1:11:32 PM

I do share a lot of stuff on here which does subject me to a lot of criticism and what not but I lack other outlets to vent. I've been accused on here of trying to start a pity party for myself and I'm sorry if I come across that way.


I don't think it's a pity party...I understand the need to vent.
Most people are willing to listen and to give you helpful advice, but of course it's hard not walking in others shoes, etc.

Regarding FWB situation...yeah, would never work if you get attached. People who successfully navigate FWB relationships,
realize that having sex is not a promise of anything more. Actually, having sex outside of a relationship should never be
considered a promise or an obligation.

But, worry about getting yourself in a better situation before you worry about a relationship.
And don't worry about venting on here.
Hopefully things will start to turn around for you.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 307
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Posted: 7/10/2018 2:09:48 PM

I thought you said you were done talking to me about this


No, I said I can't take you seriously anymore. Maybe the problem here is I type one thing and you see another?


You made a blanket statement that treating women like a friend can result in her treating us like one.


I'm going to try this once again just because I'm a tenacious guy. This statement was referring to initiating a conversation with a woman in a bar/club. Your stories do not parallel this situation in any way, shape, or form, yet you've continuously attempted to contradict me, which is why your stories came across as insinuations playing the "friend" role was a better alternative.

However, I still maintain acting like a friend in ANY scenario is a bad idea if you actually want the woman and she hasn't been forward. Sitting back like a complete gutless fool, hoping to be the "exception to the rule" is stupid.


profiles can matter when the timing is right.


Yes, if you feel like waiting 4 years to go on ONE date. I know the dateless dating experts here don't want to believe it, but people are meeting left and right on this site, and it's because they're not doing things the pre-2010 way. They like the person's pictures, send a message, exchange numbers to text, then set a plan to meet. NO mention of profiles whatsoever and NO exchanging of life stories beforehand.

This has been the norm for years, but people here are determined to make it a process comparable to going through a f*cking pregnancy. That's why they're failing. How many more years of getting nowhere will it take for people to realize something needs changing?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 308
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free to be a dateless ash hole :)
Posted: 7/10/2018 2:26:01 PM

However, I still maintain acting like a friend in ANY scenario is a bad idea if you actually want the woman and she hasn't been forward. Sitting back like a complete gutless fool, hoping to be the "exception to the rule" is stupid.


This works with men as well, I think.
I'm not saying it's necessary to jump someone's bones immediately upon meeting, but nothing wrong in expressing
interest. It's never occurred to me that someone would approach me in a social situation with the intention of wanting
to be my friend, so I would assume their intentions were otherwise. So, once you approach someone, why would you
act like you're just needing advice on brownie baking or basket weaving? Be flirty, witty, lean in. If they don't respond
positively, you can back off.

I don't understand the fear of approaching people
But then I've never suffered from shyness.
I always consider worst case scenarios, and there really aren't any.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 309
MYOPIC MAGIC MIRRORS
Posted: 7/10/2018 3:53:04 PM

I was just pointing out that people find happiness with someone else every day. I see way too many fussy people who dismiss others due to looks. Like short women who won't go out with short guys. Or overweight men who won't go out with overweight women. Or bald men that won't go out women whose looks are 10 out of 10.


I have a female friend & she is divorced for many years. All of her friends who got divorced a while back are re-married or co-habiting in LTRs.

She is bitter & single.

I stopped trying to give her advice or even reply to her questions because...way too fussy...unrealistic...
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