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 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
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CourtshipPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Going through this old post I realized that that's what is missing today. The so called "courtship stage" where you can actually get to know a person and let things progress naturally.

he was courting you, just not how you wanted. he was different from you in taste or outlook or temperament, or all of the above. imagine that.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 18
Courtship
Posted: 10/4/2010 10:49:55 AM
^^^^You're right about everyone being different. But after actually knowing someone and talking to them for a total of 2.5 hours, and making it obvious that you expected sex by the end of the date, because we were "adults" and had "no reason" not to enjoy ourselves....WOW.... maybe I'm a little slow.....but the "courtship" timelines sure have been shortened, with the advent of the internet.... but my downloading capacity is a little on the slow side! LOL!

Don't get me wrong...I'm from european heritage and european men are on seduction mode 24/7. Having been to europe many times, I've experienced it, they have it down to an art! It's actually flattering and enjoyable when a man truly makes a woman feel attractive and desired, but they know the art of waiting as well, sharing, laughter, teasing and taking the time to get to know each other. I'm not talking months and a life-time. Just a matter of a few weeks can make the difference and build that comfort zone. When a man is just so blatant within 30 min of a 2nd meet, it just becomes a total turn off. That's not a courtship, it just feels like an extended one night stand scenario.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 19
Courtship
Posted: 10/4/2010 11:19:04 AM

Is courtship out of style?because if thats the case I must be very oldfashion.



It's not out of style..Men just have different styles of how they woo a woman.

It is rare a man can know exactly what to do or say to please every woman and win her heart.
YOU have to participate in the courtship.

I prefer they be themselves..because after the courtship period is over that's what you will have.

Like the women that take 3 hours to do make up,fake tan and get their hair done for a date,pretend they like to do things then after they snag the buck CHANGE and suddenly stops trying to please her mate.

Ever hear men complain once they get married/ live together women no longer want sex (esp oral) or care about their appearance?

 duckpie
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 20
Courtship
Posted: 10/4/2010 11:21:48 AM

Courtship to me is the innocent phase when two people are trying to find out if there is a chance for them to function as smoothly as tick-tock ...

Bingo! This is what I want, I need and can rarely find! Am I the only one?


I was under the impression that the purpose of (traditionally, or as quoted, defined) courtship was to determine compatibility for marriage.

What's the point of marriage?
Kids.

You don't want kids.
You are not building a family.
More than likely neither are they.

So what's the point in determining long term compatibility.

That is why you will not find it readily.
There's decreasing incentive for it, except as a means to get past your defenses, as a game.


Within 30 min of our 1st official date, he started making sexual innuedoes...european men are on seduction mode 24/7. Having been to europe many times, I've experienced it, they have it down to an art! It's actually flattering and enjoyable when a man truly makes a woman feel attractive and desired,

Comparing all this, doesn't it just seem you are haggling over price?


Just a matter of a few weeks can make the difference and build that comfort zone. When a man is just so blatant within 30 min of a 2nd meet, it just becomes a total turn off

A turn off to you...he's not you.
So if he spent a few weeks, put in the timeline, stroked your ego, did everything to make you feel "comfortable," turned you on, had sex with you, and then disappeared or broke up with you saying he did all that solely for your comfort level and to turn you on, then you would "thank" him for courting you how you wanted him to?

If not, then I refer back to my haggling over price comment, and understand why you go out with guys that turn out like your date.
If yes, then I refer back to my haggling over price comment, and understand why you go out with guys that turn out like the one in your post.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 21
Courtship
Posted: 10/5/2010 6:52:13 AM
was under the impression that the purpose of (traditionally, or as quoted, defined) courtship was to determine compatibility for marriage.

What's the point of marriage?
Kids.

You don't want kids.
You are not building a family.
More than likely neither are they.

So what's the point in determining long term compatibility.


Duckpie....If there's no purpose in determining long term compatibility then you shouldn't bother with a profile on a dating site. Why are you here, right this moment? If the purpose is finding someone for a one night stand, what's the purpose of dating? Why are you bothering to tell women something about yourself? That's a "relationship building" process. Just hire a call girl whenever the urge hits you and you'll have accomplished your goal. No mess no fuss.They don't need to build a relationship by knowing anything about you, or you them.
If you're cheap and don't want to pay, put your profile in the Intimate section and cut throught the delusions.

Your mere presence here contradicts your entire post and argument. It's jaded men with your attitude that we weed out with first dates and meets. Now, post this on your profile. Do yourself and the next woman the favour of changing your relationship status from "Dating" to " Intimate encounters" if you're looking to hump on sight.


That is why you will not find it readily.


We may not find it "readily", but I believe it's still out there....somewhere....deeply buried.....!
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 22
Courtship
Posted: 10/6/2010 1:57:50 AM
courtship went the way of the horse and buggy,,,it is an ill fit for modern society where options are now almost unlimited....

you literally have thousands of women to chose from thanks to the internet,,,why spend an inordinate amount of time trying to woo some hard to get ,traditionalist,,when there are tons of ..."try the car out before you buy it" types..

courtship is buying a car,,,and then letting it sit in the driveway,,,,,,then you go out every night and sit in it and wait till you feel comfortable enought to actually drive it....

this is the 21st century,,,,,most of us prefer to get behind the wheel before we commit to a purchase...


metaphors aside,,there is your answer......
a man is only going to spend so much time trying to date you and if he sees it is going to be a long and tedious process ,,why bother? there are so many more options!

what are there now? 6 million different places to meet people on the net now? you can even narrow it down to preferences!

the past is gone,,,welcome to the future,,,where everything is fast! no time for nonsense! shit or get off the pot! i don't have all day! lol
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 23
Courtship
Posted: 10/6/2010 8:03:30 AM
I feel the same way about being courted and I waited until a man came along who had the same values-- wanted to date and take things slowly.
Who cares if it's 2010? Have men and women changed to the point where they don't still recognize inherent traits? All you have to do is observe nature and see the male grouse attract and court the female grouse, etc. It's a beautiful part of a natural relationship forming. I highly recommend it. It has separated the guy I'm seeing from all the rest( in the past) and things are going well. I have a great respect for how he has wanted to go about things and shared and discussed it with me very openly.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 24
Courtship
Posted: 10/7/2010 12:36:42 AM
Within 30 min of our 1st official date ... and made a comment that he thought I had a "brick wall" around me.

Any sexual innuendos existing or not, some people are like "brick walls". I've been out on a couple dates, and even started seeing a woman once, in which it was like dating a reporter. Not so much like the tv-show 60-minutes per se, but just the poker face and demeanor of a reporter (always in observation mode, body language non-expressive). I believe it's not done on purpose in almost all cases, or even noticed by the person doing it, but just how they tighten up instinctively -- which takes a snails pace to get to know someone.

Courtship to me is the innocent phase when two people are trying to find out if there is a chance for them to function

Well after one date, even without hitting it off all ga-ga, you can know if there's a CHANCE that you can function. :)

I think Courtship is a byproduct of people (thankfully) discarding tradition-for-the-sake-of-tradition. Not to say things haven't gotten a little rougher in some ways, but come on. There were plenty of cokeheads in the 80s, plenty of FWB, etc... and don't even get anyone started on the swingin' 70s! Not that there wasn't courtship, but it wasn't people's what-the-media-says visions of the Leave it to Beaver era (no pun intended).

But what has become more common in more recent times is that women are more financially independent and more sexually liberated... less and less are looking for a guy to merely provide, and also too busy for a relationship at all times because they're making it on their own, and looks more at things in the same sense a guy looks for a gal... so it's more of a juggling-options fest in a more competitive dating environment. Hence, you're not going to be committed to someone drinking soda-pops when a goodnight kiss at the porch is 1st base (a french kiss is 2nd base! lol) It's a more realistic, non-RomCom world.

More people tend to hold off on getting married too soon, more people tend to be more weary of jumping into a relationship too soon since it in and of itself is not such a necessity in every phase of one's life, and more tend to not jump into commitment WHILE just getting to know them when people juggle options these days and/or are busier in life... for both sexes. So the "magical" aura one may see is limited to two people who REALLY dig each other... not Johnny trying to "court" Sally by buying/charming her affection so she can decide if he's a worthy contestant (okay, exaggeration, but you know what I mean). It's more of an equal situation, where guy and girl are both the judge & contestant on both ends.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 25
Courtship
Posted: 10/7/2010 11:15:37 AM
Any sexual innuendos existing or not, some people are like "brick walls". I've been out on a couple dates, and even started seeing a woman once, in which it was like dating a reporter. Not so much like the tv-show 60-minutes per se, but just the poker face and demeanor of a reporter (always in observation mode, body language non-expressive). I believe it's not done on purpose in almost all cases, or even noticed by the person doing it, but just how they tighten up instinctively -- which takes a snails pace to get to know someone.


It's a case of cause and effect. When a man is coming on to me strongly and makes it apparent that he expects the relationship to become sexual before he knows my full name, it's a clear indication that he has no interest in long term. He likes what he sees of me physically and that's all he responds to, without caring to know anything further and yes the brick wall comes up. I make it clear in my profile that I'm looking for a LTR. You can make any excuse you want and blame the person putting up the brick wall, but I'm always open to getting to know that person up to that point.


But what has become more common in more recent times is that women are more financially independent and more sexually liberated... less and less are looking for a guy to merely provide, and also too busy for a relationship at all times because they're making it on their own, and looks more at things in the same sense a guy looks for a gal... so it's more of a juggling-options fest in a more competitive dating environment. Hence, you're not going to be committed to someone drinking soda-pops when a goodnight kiss at the porch is 1st base (a french kiss is 2nd base! lol) It's a more realistic, non-RomCom world.


I am financially independent and more sexually liberated, but that doesn't equate to the characteristics of a call girl. That's not how I make my living! Being financially independent and sexually liberated for a man or woman doesn't equate to sexual permiscuity.


More people tend to hold off on getting married too soon, more people tend to be more weary of jumping into a relationship too soon since it in and of itself is not such a necessity in every phase of one's life, and more tend to not jump into commitment WHILE just getting to know them when people juggle options these days and/or are busier in life... for both sexes.


So you have just agreed with me. Many people/men don't want the relationship, they just want the benefits; FWB or FB . That's what they should put on their profiles,"Don't see the need for a committment while we're having sex and 'getting to know' each other!" It would be much more honest and they wouldn't be wasting anyone's time.

Maybe if they'd invest their time in pursuing quality relationships rather than jumping from bed to bed there wouldn't be as many brick walls. A person who has had a few failed relationships is in a different mindset than one who has had dozens upon dozens of superficial sexual relationships. The latter has the biggest wall around them!


So the "magical" aura one may see is limited to two people who REALLY dig each other... not Johnny trying to "court" Sally by buying/charming her affection so she can decide if he's a worthy contestant (okay, exaggeration, but you know what I mean). It's more of an equal situation, where guy and girl are both the judge & contestant on both ends.


How do these two people reach the point of discovering if they "REALLY" dig each other? By jumping into the sack with each other in the first 2-3 hours of their acquaintance? What if they're nervous and don't preform sexually? Decision made....they're not worthy contestants......what was his/her last name?? Oh well NEXT!
The only equal equation I can see, is that a
RELATION= 2 MATURE LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 26
Courtship
Posted: 10/7/2010 11:59:53 AM
There might be a bunch more people to "choose" from since
the internet, but it doesn't mean there are a bunch more people
you're compatible with. If that was the case, there wouldn't be
so many single people on dating sites.

I think it would be better to have less to choose from actually.
Then people would spend more time getting to know someone
and less time running from one person to the next yelling NEXT.

I like the idea of the internet, but I prefer the idea of meeting
someone in real life and doing the mating boogey woogey. Actually
I'm not all that opposed to passing notes in the hallway or accidently
bumping into people in the aisles.

I don't like all you can eat buffets either. I neither need all that food
nor do I need all those choices. I know what I like and I stick with that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
Courtship
Posted: 10/7/2010 3:57:13 PM
Times have changed and for the most part parents and going through channels are a thing of the past. Courtship was more than anything a way to impress parents and families so that they trusted you to spend time alone with someone they cared about. That's no longer part of the equation in most cases.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 28
Courtship
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:26:04 PM
Women decide before sex, men decide after sex. At one point men forced to make a commitment - buy the cow before tasting the milk... Thank god we came a long way.....

Yay for wominz sexual liberation
 BORNFREE2010
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 29
Courtship
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:10:02 PM
Sadly I don't know if it exists anymore so I iwll go to the public events to meet people.
You sound nice to get to know lol
I guess if only men knew what we need to feel safe and loved... they would get alot more intimacy.
I am knew on here and already thought of leaving but thought I would try once more to find someone who will take time to know how beautiful soul I have.
Lets all go to the halloween dance and maybe some slow ones. remember high school?
Good luck everyone...
 duckpie
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 30
Courtship
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:41:33 PM

If there's no purpose in determining long term compatibility then you shouldn't bother with a profile on a dating site. Why are you here, right this moment?

To get off this site.
To spend time together.
To determine compatibility in person.
To experience other people.
To fulfill that which makes us human and needs social contact.
IMO there is a huge difference between wanting to meet people,seeing them as individuals, different, communicating differently, and having a preset goal of long term compatibility. Of judging people worthy of your time based on an idealistic goal of a preformed relationship ideal...which is what determining long term compatibility is.


If the purpose is finding someone for a one night stand, what's the purpose of dating?

Because most people won't agree to a one night stand, therefore the game of "dating" has to be played.
So they say they are dating, or wanting to date, when really they are simply measuring, or determining their chances, and levels, of success in getting what they want from the other person.
Or do you mean why did I specifically choose "dating" as an answer on my profile? Because I had to choose something.


Why are you bothering to tell women something about yourself?

Because it gives someone an idea of what to converse about, and how to go about it.
It gives someone a starter or idea on how you (I, they, whatever) communicate.
Which is the basis of any relationship.


That's a "relationship building" process.

Saying "hello" to someone specific is a relationship.
There is a huge difference between relationship and long term compatibility.
Long term compatibility (IMO) suggests there is an end goal that is "right."
There is a difference (to me) between compatibility that ends up lasting long term and long term compatibility.
The latter represents (to me) the relationship can be predefined and predetermined before even the "hello" has taken place.
IMO that is "wrong" or "bad" because it leads to judgments and expectations that one person forces responsibility onto other people to fulfill.


Your mere presence here contradicts your entire post and argument.

Not if you read it correctly.
Relationships define themselves.
IME and the purpose and point of any of my posts (in any of my incarnations) is my opinion that when people try to predefine the relationship (I know what I want, no games, don't contact me if you only want a booty call), by having a preconceived idea of how someone else should behave, long term goals of where a relationship is supposed to be, it will inevitably fail. Simply because the other person is always viewed as an extension of the person with the ideal and expectations.

Unless of course those expectations are completely transparent and communicated directly (dom/sub relationships), and both people share the same associations with judgments and know it.


They don't need to build a relationship by knowing anything about you, or you them.

This is the exact opposite of my post.
My point is to show knowing people based on the context of them, rather than the context of your understanding of them.
Why did they do that is different than I think what they did is wrong, explain in terms I understand why you did that.

IMO your post, the way you went about describing long term compatibility, determining courtship, etc., is tantamount to "I don't want the responsibility of paying attention to who you are according to you, I want to only understand if you will live up to who I think you should be, or if you are 'good' for me according to how I define good. I don't care about your definitions and associations, just that you live up to mine."
And to me that is far more representative of not wanting to build a relationship, and not really wanting to know about another person.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 31
Courtship
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:02:25 AM
The short definition of courtship: Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes the establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring period.

In decades past that relationship was more commonly defined as an engagement and marriage. In todays society it's definition doesn't alway include marriage. But the one thing that remains constant is the intended length, or term. Courtship is the process and time in getting to know someone to determine the feasibility of a long term relationship.


IMO there is a huge difference between wanting to meet people,seeing them as individuals, different, communicating differently, and having a preset goal of long term compatibility. Of judging people worthy of your time based on an idealistic goal of a preformed relationship ideal...which is what determining long term compatibility is.


Duckie...it's my time and I have the right to want to spend it with like minded individuals. That's why some of us are on dating sights for. If someone is looking for something different I can respect that totally as they should respect my choices. I deal with hundreds of people on a weekly basis, those who are my friends and relatives, I accept as they are and never judge. I will also accept a lover as he is, but he has to accept me as I am. That's where compatibility comes into play. I'm looking for someone who "fits" me and I "fit" him. I'm not looking for just friendship, I'm looking for someone who may hold the most intimate and closest position in my life.


Because most people won't agree to a one night stand, therefore the game of "dating" has to be played.
So they say they are dating, or wanting to date, when really they are simply measuring, or determining their chances, and levels, of success in getting what they want from the other person.


Your explanation is trying to justify dishonesty. That's misrepresenting ones self and intentions. There is a sections for individuals who want just Intimate Relationships, and as matter of fact there are filters which keep such preferences out of the range of those not looking just for that. In theory these Dating sites sites should work wonderfully, if everyone was honest in what they were looking for. It's this kind of rationalization that muddys the boundaries. We all know that there are many individuals playing that game and that's why the "brick walls" go up.


is my opinion that when people try to predefine the relationship (I know what I want, no games, don't contact me if you only want a booty call), by having a preconceived idea of how someone else should behave, long term goals of where a relationship is supposed to be, it will inevitably fail. Simply because the other person is always viewed as an extension of the person with the ideal and expectations.


When someone is being specific in what they're looking for, you have to ask yourself if that person's ideal is yours or not; if not then move on. It doesn't mean that you have the right try to determine that they are wrong just because it's not what you want; that's only guarantees failure.


IMO your post, the way you went about describing long term compatibility, determining courtship, etc., is tantamount to "I don't want the responsibility of paying attention to who you are according to you, I want to only understand if you will live up to who I think you should be, or if you are 'good' for me according to how I define good. I don't care about your definitions and associations, just that you live up to mine


I can't be responsible for your interpretation of my postings, it's subjective. The only thing I can tell you is that was not my meaning and I believe that the majority of the people who read my posts would not interprete them the way you do.

We as individuals have the right to our choices and preferences. In choosing our most intimate of partners, we should have the ultimate right of informed choices.

I can never understand why anyone would want to take the time to manipulate me into bed, when there are countless women who will accomondate them!
Why go for someone who has made it totally clear that they don't want only sex? Is it the challenge?.... Are they more prized?...or is it that these are the people with the thickest of concrete walls around their hearts? They've separated their bodies from their hearts and mind and can never feel real satisfaction in any sexual union. Sex is just an itch that can never be scratched for them.
 nicegirl1974
Joined: 7/25/2010
Msg: 32
Courtship
Posted: 10/8/2010 11:39:45 AM
I was hear u on this situation and i'm involved with someone....
i so agree i had to reset my mail settings to limit this.....i'm also old fashion myself i agree also getting to know someone does not have to involve sex....
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 33
Courtship
Posted: 10/8/2010 7:24:00 PM
In Courtship you can show your true self and not be fake at all. And women will see weather you're being real or fake. And in courtship you can find out quickly if there is a spark or not. Courtship can also save you a load of wasted time if used properly.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 34
Courtship
Posted: 10/10/2010 2:56:41 PM
It's a case of cause and effect. When a man is coming on to me strongly and makes it apparent that he expects the relationship to become sexual before he knows my full name, it's a clear indication that he has no interest in long term.

If he's uninterested in a brick-wall gal who shows no personality for whatever reason (just her having a bad personality, her being anti-guy due to past experiences, whatever), he may just throw the deep ball and throw a sexual advance by way of thinking "I don't like brick-wall girls, but hey, why not? Lost cause at this point anyway." In other words, the brick wall can come before a guy does that and just be her persona, and he does that because she's a brick wall. There are guys of ALL varieties -- so if a gal runs into that too much, she's either targeting (is attracted to) the wrong type of guys, or she has a brick wall in the first place. But every guy and gal should expect a real weirdo in what you describe every once in a while given enough dating-scene experience.

I am financially independent and more sexually liberated, but that doesn't equate to the characteristics of a call girl.

Being open sexually is not the characteristics of a call girl. Being open sexually means one is willing (at least at the right time & person) to have sex before any 'relationship' is beginning or established or even possibly without expectations of one developing in certain situations. That's not a call girl. And it's not about YOU, but about women in general. How YOU are and what YOU expect doesn't change the nature of courting, dating, etc., in society. You may not LIKE it -- you may hiss and call 33%-50% of women out there call girls, but I'm just giving you the explanation. And plus, I wouldn't say it's fair to call a gal "sexually liberated" if she is disgusted at the thought of ever having sex on a casual under any non-relationship-to-be circumstance.

So you have just agreed with me. Many people/men don't want the relationship, they just want the benefits; FWB or FB .

No, I was saying there isn't COURTING involved. It isn't a guy trying to buy his way to a woman's heart and her being the judge and him being the contestant. That method is fine to some degree for a society where women for the most part don't work and make babies, and guys bring home the bacon. That changes when things are on an equal playing field -- no use for a guy to put on a dog & pony show to "prove himself". And due to being on an equal playing field, they're not into jumping into a relationship and may call things "just dating". It's just a different environment -- not totally FWB.

Maybe if they'd invest their time in pursuing quality relationships rather than jumping from bed to bed there wouldn't be as many brick walls.

Not everyone is in a situation to tend to the field of the dating scene to go relationship-hunting. Expect particular folks at certain stages to be celibate for say, 2-5 years? They'd be a called girl or jiggilo if they weren't?

Also, sure, people want to jump into relationships -- they are more apt to fall into a potential TRAP of a non-quality relationship, because they want to be in one. People tend to be wiser to not want to jump into one so readily and keep it on a casual level for at least a bit, notably with people busier nowadays, and things being more equal so there is more "window shopping" in this age of information.

How do these two people reach the point of discovering if they "REALLY" dig each other? By jumping into the sack with each other in the first 2-3 hours of their acquaintance?

Due to your past bad experiences, you're going B&W and turning non-fancy-aura-courtship with banging away with a random person in the bar bathroom as THE form of 'dating'. I'm saying that the old-school way of "courtship" is, for a very understandable reason, not much around anymore. Courtship is the guy proving-himself to a gal and trying to impress her to be an item. It's turned into an equal field, but no, that does not mean people just boink and hop from bed to bed.

Bottom line: If you're being thought of as a brick wall by a lot of people, that issue is yours, not guys. A brick wall is someone right off the bat, who isn't expressive about themselves and keeps their cards at bay too much (ie reporter-esque).

Saying that maybe if guys stop sleeping around with anything that moves or come on to women with an obnoxious sexual overtone, there wouldn't be brick-walled girls is funny (all guys are not like that). Reminds me of a gal who wrote in the forums about expecting guys to pay for everything on every date and to be taken to fancy places. Why? Because she had to support her ex-boyfriend and other guys (her past). Therefore, due to her past, she expects new guys to 'make up for it'. Talk about thinking the world revolves around them -- as if society has to come out to prove something to someone because they were involved in the bad side of things in the past!

Not tooo many women are brick-wall uptight ones -- they should just be tossed (bad personality and/or attitude underneath they have). When running into that type of gal, who is like that as her whole persona (not right after a horrid line was used), I'm sure guys will say and do things for last-ditch/why-not reasons because they see the situation as non-matching anyway... the type of guys you describe is a type of guy -- not all guys at all.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 35
Courtship
Posted: 10/11/2010 7:54:50 AM
To me, courtship is just a chance to show her a little about who I am and what I'm about. Basically just be myself and answer all her questions honestly, and ask some of my own.
Only difference is, once we're dating, we go dutch more often, while in courtship I pretty much pay.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Courtship
Posted: 10/11/2010 10:40:37 AM
Courtship is often seen today as rather a quaint notion that hearkens back to a slower pace, but for some folks the process suits them, because their comfort level is about taking things slower.

I see courtship merely as the expected 'hoop' that men needed to jump in order to get into the game. Further it was closely aligned with societal expectations about how 'respectable' men and women considering romance were supposed to act.

Now both sexes are equally able to enter into a relationship, dictated solely by terms that they agree on and on their own interest, and while there is some suggestion that women are considered loose if they avail themselves of an opportunity---it's not a permanently damning situation, because adherence to a widespread code of respectable dating behavior is not generally open or available for all to see.

It's more or less private so if one wants to act in a particular way now and again, they are able to do so without a community of people witnessing every step of it---not so true when courtship was an expected process a few decades ago.

This particular man's 'bait' is laying it out there rather quickly, and it doesn't jive with what you're about so therefore he comes across to you as being more crude and of more baser instincts. I suggest that those 'instincts' were there in courtship as well, but that societal pressures tamed their more 'overt' expressions....

I see that you'd personally prefer not see or perhaps acknowledge those 'intentions' at this early juncture, but for other women, some will find and appreciate his particular 'bait' inviting and to them-->game on.

This suggests that some people seem to want to match on 'styles' of engagement...but I do wonder, if it's merely about style? What if you find the guy impossibly attractive to you---would you even question the pace of how it was going if it were the same level of reciprocity were there?

Exterior concerns or 'flags' like this one seem to be only emerge, if one is generally disinterested anyway.

Otherwise I tend to think if you were both of the same mind and 'feeling it'... the keeping up appearances ..or following some sort of slow reveal for each and every dating partner (just because that's the way to do it...or the way courtship dictated it be done) would nowadays get kicked to the curb every once-in-while.

In some instances and with some people it's okay to get carried away...a bit dontcha think? jmo.

edited
 Sleekvision
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 37
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History
Courtship
Posted: 1/27/2011 3:34:09 PM
You aren't wrong to want courtship. I had some guy IM me and try to show me his dangle bits. LOL!! I think a lot of guys have lost the idea of courting.
If you aren't comfortable with the conversation then you should say so. set your boundaries.
 Sleekvision
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 38
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History
Courtship
Posted: 1/27/2011 3:52:23 PM
I just want to tell you I agree with what you've said. I think some have lost that I want to get to know you and gone right to I want to sex you up. Then they wonder why they are alone at in their mid 40's.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 39
Courtship
Posted: 1/27/2011 10:21:45 PM
I rarely im and when I do it is almost always from someone that I have already emailed.
When one pops up and I do not know this person, I just don't get it.
I may look at their profile after, and write a note.
As far as courtship, this is just part of this drive up society where people expect immediate gratification.
Fortunately these type of people are very easy to spot.
If someone tries to make a move on me immediatly and it happens alot, I just clarify who I am and what I am looking for. If they continue than I will probably never see them again.

I am not afraid of telling someone that I am not the red cross relief stand.
I expect someones respect and courting, so I can make up my mind.
I have not met one person that was that hot, that I would take whatever I got from them.
 sunnydee66
Joined: 7/7/2010
Msg: 40
Courtship
Posted: 2/11/2011 9:57:38 AM
A good foundation is built on the truth.
 navycanuck
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 41
Courtship
Posted: 2/11/2011 10:52:54 PM
If a guy is asking you about sexual fantasies before he gets to know you as a person; then he is nothing more than a pig and has no respect for a woman.
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