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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 The Ogre of POF
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 26
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
And this is your personal view point, there is no scientific data to back it up, as there is no official scientific term "blink center" beyond your own conjuring of it. Now, each of us starts out dating with an open mind, it is with experience that people become fearful and begin to raise the bar higher and higher. This is called being jaded, some move to the point of being mysogonists.

Perhaps if one were to spend more time letting go of their past and being more open minded and less time making up new terms as to why they are jaded then one would have more success in dating.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 27
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/27/2010 11:31:03 AM

So is this about not restricting yourself so you can meet more people?

Obvioualy, the idea is to try to restrict one's self to meeting people whose interest in meeting you matches your interest in meeting them. The question is whether or not the automatic filtering supplied by the site does that or whether it acts as an impediment. There's no doubt that it restricts the number of people who can contact you. If I had set my filters to exclude talk/email or set my age filter at 25-39 (which is what I state in my profile as my age range), for example, I would never have met my fiancee.

On the other hand, I got contacted by women I could not have contacted, which if their filtering was any indication of what they were looking for, should never have happened. Personally, I think my profile was the best way to filter out people with whom I wouldn't be compatible. For the most part, women who contacted me or who replied to my messages, were a good match to what was in my profile which allowed for a lot more leeway than the mail filters allow (none). Filtering people out and filtering people out intelligently are not the same thing.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 28
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/27/2010 11:42:59 AM

do you think that having too many restrictions hinders our dating possibilities? Do you sometimes look at a persons profile with a lot of restrictions and go "Get Real!"? Do you see a lot of people you would love to contact except for one small thing restricting you?





Well, i have never pursued dates on the internet but in real life people have "restrictions" as well. I have no problem with someone with too many restrictions and yes they cut out a lot of potentially good people, at the same time they "know" what they want. Like I said before it's cool to have "tons" of restrictions just know that there's a good chance nobody in your "lifetime" may not meet them and don't complain.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 29
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/27/2010 12:56:10 PM
About restrictions, it's amusing how many people think their
restrictions are the only ones that count. Take mine for instance -
they're the best. Why? Because they really do appear to weed
out most of the weird email. Yanno, the ones like "how big are your tits?"

 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 30
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/27/2010 5:40:44 PM
What?!?! Jinx, you can't really mean they don't!!
Say it isn't so.

BTW, did I tell you about the guy that wrote a few
months ago that is 2 yrs older than me, but had his
age restriction 3 yrs younger than me? I held him
to his age restrictions and told him I was too old for him.

 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 31
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/27/2010 6:00:09 PM
Of course it limits possibilities, that's what it's supposed to do.

So the question is, is limiting possibilities what you want to do or not?

Restrictions limit based on well defined parameters, so none of the people who meet those limitations can contact you. If that' s what you prefer then that's what you should do. If you've limited it so much you don't ever get contacted, then maybe you want to reconsider.

You can change your restrictions as often as you care to.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 32
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/27/2010 9:36:16 PM
I think that generally men and women live in different realities on dating sites and because of this different strategies are employed to deal with email.

Guys generally don't receive much email and not much in the way of offensive or mass email spammers. Meanwhile some guys send out tons to everything that has a picture anyplace in the world.

Cute girls like Jinx have tons of guys who don't read profiles, live far away and just plain crazy and offensive hit her all day long. I've seen it with a couple of female friends. Some form of management of incoming messages has to be used.

If we can all try to see the other genders side of things, we wouldn't have to have threads like this but at the same time who new this until you read the forums. That's why I like them, you can learn a bit amongst all the rabble on here.

I don't send out many emails because I'm trying to look for the right person, not just a body to fill a space. I think the email on here should have more limits on amounts just to curb this kind of thing.
 velopedian
Joined: 11/4/2009
Msg: 33
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/27/2010 9:39:01 PM
i always wonder about the people who have a list of 15-16 restrictions, are they really serious about finding someone?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 34
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/27/2010 9:53:38 PM
true1, to yourself, be careful what you wish for... Remember, always greener... IS why most of us are still here.

We crave the false feeling of having a bit more control in the second greatest challenge of life- finding a compatible long-term SO relationship. S


"Seeking love is like chasing a butterfly.. Beautiful when it is free to flutter around the flowers, but delicate enough that grasping for it can damage its wings... Become a bright healthy rose exuding natural fragrances in the sunlight, and the butterfly may just surprise you by alighting on your petals..." S
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 35
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/27/2010 10:20:46 PM
I don't keep restrictions on my profile, for the most part. I remember when I first joined POF, I had the IE filters intact. However, after a while, I started posting a few provocative images and I had to cease using the IE filters. I couldn't have those filters on my page, yet keeping provocative images on my profile because it would have been contradicting.

I always laugh at profiles with a number of restrictions. Frankly, I think having too many restrictions is ridiculous.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 36
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/28/2010 9:46:15 AM

Must be female and must not have messaged users looking for an intimate encounter. Female because I have more friends than I can spare time for in order to keep a meaningful friendship. No intimate encounters because I don't want to go on a date with someone who's had a 3-way last weekend.

Good luck with the latter, since ``must not have messaged users looking for an intimate encounter or sex,'' means a woman who has sent messages to people listed as ``Intimate Encounter'' or ``Other Relationship'' less than 8 times AND who didn't delete her profile and create a new one to circumvent that issue. Wouldn't be easier to just ask her about her sexual proclivities?
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 37
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/28/2010 9:59:50 AM
~OT~ It might hinder my options, but my restrictions have certainly cut out the silliness that used to land in my in-box. Whether or not it hurts my options here on POF doesn't matter to me in the least. This is just ONE option for meeting/dating and I stopped placing too much faith in this site LONG ago. I do still meet/date from here if/when I choose to do so. JMO
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 38
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/28/2010 2:51:04 PM
I agree with jinx. I believe most fairly attractive women really have no choice but to put up a bunch of restrictions on this site in order to get a manageable amount of mail...

...which just goes to prove yet again that this site is set up in a fairly screwy manner. At least as far as trying to match two people who are right for each other and may not realize it at first. It may be set up quite well for Markus to earn revenue, on the other hand, but that's not the same thing as getting people together, despite the site's stated goal.

A better, but probably revenue-reducing, setup would be for people to be unable to email each other until both agreed to do so. You see someone's profile, like what that person has to say, and request an opportunity to communicate with that person. That person can accept or decline, based entirely on what's in your profile. And it's a "one-and-done" situation, so the rejector won't wake up the next morning to another request from the same person who was just rejected. This would have the same effect as POF restrictions in the sense that it would vastly reduce unwanted (including rude) initial communication, but it would also allow a person who thinks "My upper age limit should be 40" to check out a 45-year-old's profile and say, "You know, I don't mind giving that guy a chance even if he is a little older than I'm used to," whereas on POF that is impossible, because the 45-year-old would not even be able let the woman with a 40 year age limit know he's interested.

Some pay sites are set up that way, because pay sites aren't remotely concerned about page views and only care about revenue, which is usually accumulated by giving the users what they want rather than giving the advertisers what they want.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 39
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/29/2010 7:17:50 AM
...which just goes to prove yet again that this site is set up in a fairly screwy manner.

Not really. It's set up to reflect its underlying revenue model, just like any other dating site. Getting people together is only a side effect that has some bearing on attracting members. The only real question is whether you want to choose your dates, wait for people to choose you and/or let a computer make choices for you. My fiancee joined pof at a friend's suggestion after she complained to her friend that eHarmony kept trying to match her with guys in whom she had zero interest in even meeting. It was easier for her to do whatever she did on pof to find more compatible matches.

Some pay sites are set up that way, because pay sites aren't remotely concerned about page views and only care about revenue, which is usually accumulated by giving the users what they want rather than giving the advertisers what they want.

On the contrary, if your revenue depends on members paying fees, then a dating sire has a lot of incentive to not do a lot to help users find matches for long term relationships. As soon as two members get into a relationship, they have no reason to keep paying fees. At least a revenue model based on page views would be designed in a way to get members to view as many profiles as possible. If a person wants to sit back and wait for messages that are heavily filtered by a computer program, that's fine as long as that person doesn't also complain about the low quality of the people he/she ends up meeting.

It's their prerogative to put up restrictions... so who's to say they're wrong?

No one, until they start complaining that they aren't finding people they want to date. When they do that, then they are doing something wrong.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 40
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/29/2010 12:29:40 PM
"On the contrary, if your revenue depends on members paying fees, then a dating sire has a lot of incentive to not do a lot to help users find matches for long term relationships. "

That's true to an extent -- but if users are paying money and feel they are getting nothing for it, most will almost certainly cancel their memberships. There's really not a lot a regular dating site can do to keep its full members from connecting and eventually leaving the site because their experience was successful. That's just the business they're in -- they have to just constantly find new customers, one way or the other.

eHarmony and Chemistry are quite different from, say, Match or Singlesnet or Hot Or Not -- theoretically they COULD hinder the matching process. Yet, you have to give eHarmony credit, considering they will actually REJECT people before they take their money if they don't think they can match them, so I tend to doubt they are hindering the matching process if they are leaving all that other money on the table. Somehow they've made their revenue model work while attempting to accomplish what their users want them to accomplish.

Which is not to say POF can do the same thing. Although I think it's possible for SOME free site to have a revenue model that attempts to give users what they want.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 41
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/29/2010 4:25:50 PM

There's really not a lot a regular dating site can do to keep its full members from connecting and eventually leaving the site because their experience was successful. That's just the business they're in -- they have to just constantly find new customers, one way or the other.

That doesn't mean they are going to put a lot of effort into making the process efficient.

Yet, you have to give eHarmony credit, considering they will actually REJECT people before they take their money if they don't think they can match them,

I find it hard to believe they would reject anyone unless they thought a particlular person is a legal liability, e.g., a registered sex offender.

Although I think it's possible for SOME free site to have a revenue model that attempts to give users what they want.

pof could very easily add a useful feature. Posting some statistics in members' profiles like, reply to first contact ratio and reply to read/delete to unread/delete ratios would be very useful. However, that would probably be bad for business.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 42
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/29/2010 10:11:01 PM
Some guys, all who do NOT qualifly, think I have too many restrictions.
I can NOT be with someone who does not appeal to me and does NOT have the qualifications I desire.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 43
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/29/2010 10:17:34 PM
^^^But see, you don't give oral. Such a killer restriction.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 44
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/30/2010 12:24:07 AM
The last 2 posts are getting "off subject" here.
In answer to both of you, I do NOT engage in ANY oral contact.
Now, lets get back on subject here and not on the subject of my restrictions, but the real subject of the OP.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 45
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/30/2010 5:16:05 AM

The last 2 posts are getting "off subject" here.


Actually, my post is "on topic." This thread is about restrictions, and I merely pointed out that YOU not participating in sexual oral activities is a "restriction" that is more than enough to weed out the unwanted.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 46
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/30/2010 9:24:21 AM
no intimate encounters, no smoking no friendship, no talk and email,75kms!!!!!, these things are insane ,
i do not have casual sex, but i want to once i know and like the woman i am corresponding with via email
and the 76 k is just stupid
too many restrictions, is a red flag, it shows me that the woman is a control freak
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 47
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/30/2010 3:48:16 PM
no intimate encounters, no smoking no friendship, no talk
and email,75kms!!!!!, these things are insane


Egads, this isn't rocket science. YOU have restrictions on your
own profile. It doesn't matter if you don't like a person's
restrictions. The point is that it is the right of the person with
restrictions to do what they think is best for them -
just like you did.


Cute girls like Jinx have tons of guys who don't read profiles,
live far away and just plain crazy and offensive hit her all day long.
I've seen it with a couple of female friends. Some form of management
of incoming messages has to be used.


The reality is that a woman doesn't even have to be cute for these
guys to be contacting her. Restrictions are not just for the pretty.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 48
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 6/30/2010 4:35:28 PM
"O wad some Power the giftie gie us, To see oursels as ithers see us!" Burns


Hair length could be one of the restrictions that DO increase chances of SO connections.

Hair length on a woman matters more than most people admit. It's a cave man thing maybe, bop em and drag em back to the cave by the hair. ;)

Actually, it is a natural softening of the overall appearance, seemingly more approachable and nuturing, drawing in the unsuspecting... S

 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 49
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/30/2010 8:16:14 AM
Actually people can want whatever they choose and be as picky as they want to be, so long as they don't complain about the lack of options. When what you want/prefer is less important than having to be part of a couple, you'll adjust your preferences.

Not all who never find what they want are lonely - there are people who don't care to date just to have company. They are fine single and don't care if they stay that way forever if what they want never materializes. So why should the people who aren't what they want pay attention or care? Strange.

I never wonder why people are picky, mostly because I don't care who eliminates me as a possibility. Those who aren't into me are by default not my type, so it's all not that big a deal. I only tend to focus on people I have a mutual interest with...always have.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 50
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/30/2010 8:17:53 AM
"People with restrictions like that will always be lonely. And it serves them right, too."

Restrictions serve us to prevent getting into a bad next relationship. We know what it takes to have a good relationship, because we have had good relationships.

ps Don't forget that some of us are never lonely.
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