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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 51
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Yep,,,,just like a closed door, a closed mind does stop not only the bad, but the good.

 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 52
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/30/2010 10:14:04 AM
Personally, I've never viewed having fewer possibilities as a hindrance. I've always been more concerned with quality over quantity. My restrictions have served me quite well---I am no longer looking.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 53
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/30/2010 10:58:16 AM
I have no problem with people's restrictions. They want who they want, right? I'm certainly not going to argue with them about it. Do you think you'll change their mind? If someone's interested but they don't pass the criteria the object of their desire's looking for, why would they even "want" to pursue further? Move on.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 54
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/30/2010 11:06:40 AM
I can understand the normal restrictions...age..location..must not smoke, do drugs..ect.

But when I read a detailed intricate list of what a potential perfect guy must be like...
I move on.
Cus she's obviously a newbie.
and thinking God has made a custom ordered guy just for her.
She can't afford the e-hamony scam so is living the delusion on the cheap here.
:-P

We can find someone and be happy.
But often it isn't someone we may have expected.
Often it is only our own personal mirage that keeps us from that.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 55
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/30/2010 11:52:22 AM
Good points, Stray.

Relationships are all about compromise. No one will get everything they want. It comes down to understanding and tolerating the things you might not like in a partner. If those things are just too strong or too many to deal with then you should get out the moment you recognize the relationship will not be successful or long term.

But I also know people go into or stay in relationships for all kinds of reasons, and long term and stable may not be one of them. That's something only the individual can answer.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 56
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/31/2010 2:37:15 PM
Ofcourse it does! Generally speaking people can be lazy. We like things to be simple and easy most of the time. And in modern times I think we've become worse for lazyness, because most of us have lots of responsibility and we live in a fast paced world. We lead tiring lives. Not to mention conditions well some are ok, depending on what they are can be intimidating. And the more expectations and restrictions we have in life the more intimidating it can be. I desire to associate with people who are rather simple and not demanding of others. Just because I think they will be easier to get along with. That may not always be the case, but I think it's a good start. These women with long lists of conditions they expect a potential mate to adhere to I just avoid.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 57
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/31/2010 2:41:05 PM
Well.. everyone's entitled to what they want... They didn't really have any restrictions that fit me,.. so I made my own & posted them in my profile. I get a lot of women that contact me, because they know I can't contact them because of a restriction (like the "other" relationship thing..)That way it opens the door,. if I'm interested enough to step through. But,. when I look at a profile, I usually go right to the restrictions,.. if they have a laundry list,. they're useually to "tightly wrapped" for me, even if I'm not particularly restricted...Kinda a red-flag for me...and I keep going..
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 58
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/31/2010 4:42:16 PM
"when I see a long list of "must not do/want/be/haves ", I see a person that got really stung, which led to bitterness and overtly displayed ......here comes that word BAGGAGE. "

As a widow of a happy marriage, I know what works for me and what doesn't. It isn't always bitterness etc. that makes people not want to be involved with various things. It is often a person who knows what they need.

"they put up barriers before ever leaving the profile page, but I guess they do serve their purpose. "

Exactly.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 59
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/1/2010 5:12:46 AM

Yes, too many restrictions does hinder dating possibilities and not just online. When one sets the bar too high, very few are going to be able to get over it.

Very true. The exact reason I had a slew of restrictions on my profile for a LONG time. In the end, those restrictions served me very well. And my point was that I didn't want just anyone ~ I wanted someone that would potentially be a long-term relationship and for that? The bar should be VERY high. JMO
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 60
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/1/2010 8:13:58 PM
When I see a profile that's full of restrictions--especially if they're phrased in sort of a scolding way--I keep going. I can see all sorts of reasons why a woman would do that, but it's not very attractive. It gives me the impression she's pretty stuck on herself.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 61
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:07:51 PM
I'd rather see a long list of restrictions than just, "I'm interested in any warm body that's willing to write me." I prefer to know upfront if there's something about me that's a deal-breaker for him. And I'd find it odd if a 40ish guy had no deal-breakers.

I elaborate on certain issues in my profile so that guys can easily see they're all wrong for me (or I'm all wrong for them) and don't waste their time writing to me. I'm well aware that what looks bad (or good) on paper may not translate in person, which is why I have no expectations that I'll ever find a meaningful relationship from online dating. And while I might proceed with a guy in the real world I've connected with but who looks bad on paper, I'm not going to invest time getting to know someone from POF whose profile looks incompatible-- or, as is often the case, indistinguishable-- on paper.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 62
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/2/2010 6:59:32 AM
Just call me silly, but when I look at a lady's profile and her list of restrictions is longer than what she has to say about herself and they are nearly all pertaining to sex, I move on. I spent six years married to a cold fish with whom I was lucky to get sex once in a week or two. Sorry, but I don't want another one of those. I know that most women do not want to be perceived as being "Bad girls," "Ho's" "easy" or any of those other labels that are applied to women by stupid men in order to keep them in their place as 2nd class citizens, but hey, you need to temper it. I am not the only man on Pof who had a sexually frustrating marriage, so you may want to be careful about giving guys the idea that you do not like sex.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 63
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/2/2010 7:09:05 AM
"with the exception of his height. He even suggested she stop being picky and have an open mind about it, but she wouldn't have none of it."


I have no idea why so many women have a fetish about height. Most guys do not care what a woman's height is as long as they like the shape of the package and what is in it. At 5-9 I am taller than the majority of men on the planet, but I have had women shorter than I tell me that I am not tall enough. Oh well, you can't please everyone.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 64
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/2/2010 7:23:49 AM
I can understand all the restrictions, especially from older people.
Many are coming out of long term relationships and while they're
not sure what they do want all the time, they're pretty sure what they
don't want. I would think a lot of the restrictions are to possibly find
the total opposite of what they had, but I have no clue.

I hear everyday on here that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Restrictions keep them all from contacting you.

The right fishie will always find it's way through the crowd.
I'm of the opinion that one shouldn't place all their expectations in
the pond though. This is just one of many ways to meet people. I prefer
the "in real life method".

Whatever floats your boat.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 65
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/2/2010 2:49:12 PM

All depends, I'm sure if someone changed their height criteria or some other minor criteria change, I'm sure they'd be happy.

For the life of me, I don't understand why a 5'5" women needs a guy to be over 6'. But I'm sure the women who make such demands are well aware that by lowering their height requirements, they'd open up their dating pool. Yet, for some reason they don't do it so maybe that height really does make a difference to them and they wouldn't be happy with someone shorter. I suppose it's not unlike an extra 10-20 pounds, which one person wouldn't mind, the next would welcome and the next would refuse.

I can't help but notice that you consistently mention height in your posts so it's obviously a hang up for you and I can pretty much guarantee that having a major hang up about a physical feature is going to impede dating success more than the feature itself will.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 66
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/2/2010 5:59:16 PM
It's my humble opinion that having a long list like you have will limit you to the weaker minded gullable men. Any man who would be willing to bend that much, would have to be a pushover of sorts (a real nice man). And I've heard it before from women who were divorced say "he was to needy". So, my impression from that statement is, she had a nice man who was rather easy going. Those so called needy types of men probably more often than not let the women wear the pants. And then afterwards all the woman can do is ridicule and complain about him. Oh and ofcourse file for divorce.
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 67
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 10/12/2011 3:04:13 PM
Yes! I think if a person has too many restrictions when it comes to their preference in a partner...then they won't be dating much lol. I think one or two things that are deal breakers are okay and normal or looking for 2 qualities in a person.However, if you have 3894729472374923742834564564 things that are deal breakers or qualities that the person must have...then you're probably going to fail lol Besides, nobody is perfect =)
 Truly_Me
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 68
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/5/2011 3:34:47 PM
Absolutely. It never ceases to amaze me the way some people think they can find the right man/woman if they only pile on enough exclusions. I even put a note about it at the end of my profile. I'm not here to get into some exclusive club, I'm here to find someone who understands what's really important in life.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 69
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/5/2011 7:11:54 PM
"I'm here to find someone who understands what's really important in life."

Not surprised, but it's a contradiciton. Restrictions in who someone's interested in being contacted by are just a feature of the site. What is implied but not stated overtly is, someone who understands what HE feels is important in life. What anyone else thinks is important in life is as inidividual as a fingerprint.

It gets to the point is what is TOO many restrictions? Look, bottom line is, if someone has no restrictions and would meet anyone, that's their business. If someone else ticks off every restriction the site allows, how does that affect anyone else. It's rhetorical, it doesn't, but it does make fodder for other people to yap about.

Seriously, who is the best person who to decide what's important in life, other than that person. I know what's important to ME, and that's the only thing that matters. The wagging tongues don't matter, and I don't judge or wag my tongue at others pfft...who are so ignorant they don't have the same criteria as I do. I wouldn't expect that, never have, never will.

It'd be a safe bet the OP posted this out of frustration at not finding the person they are sure they deserve. And wasn't able to email members, because of their restrictions. How DARE they?
 wildandfreee
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 70
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/5/2011 11:07:51 PM
Everyone has his own way and standard of what he/she is looking for, my personal opinion about restrictions is not real, i have no dating rules , it will just restrict me to find what im looking for and the opportunity to make friends as well.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 71
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/6/2011 6:01:25 PM

It gets to the point is what is TOO many restrictions? Look, bottom line is, if someone has no restrictions and would meet anyone, that's their business. If someone else ticks off every restriction the site allows, how does that affect anyone else.

Well, pretty much anything with some entertainment/interest value to it, is worthy of it being yapped about in forums -- especially since, in the history of the forums here, there are people asking why they can't find someone great while they have tons o restrictions.

I think it's fine to have preferences a certain way -- but restrictions will cut off the blood supply down a particular avenue to some extent... I think some people can cut themselves off a bit too much for the sake of getting less emails. I think if one is a selective person, you could cut off most emails by someone's picture.

In the end, online, people do get a bit too much into check-list mode... whether they're scared of (gasp) "online" and/or they get too many emails flowing in.
 boarderdad50
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 73
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 5:41:37 AM
I think the entire point, for better or worse, to online "dating" is to have and use restrictions to weed down the thousands of people that might show up within a 100 mile radius of you.

Personally I put some preferences in for searching but dont restrict who messages me cause to be honest not many woman send the first message, but I have got a few and even though we didnt really match it was nice to get them. What the restrictions would do is save having to either write back and say thanks for the message but I'm not interested or just ignore it and leave them hanging. If they honestly have no interest in a certain age, height, weight, ect its best to just know it up front and not waste anyone's time.

Also I will say in my profile I am pretty restrictive should someone read it as I lay out a lot of my personality and what I am looking for, if that does not mesh with whoever is looking I will probably not get a reply and I am okay with that.

At the end of the day this is a numbers game but you only need / should want 1 winner, so being restrictive is okay.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 74
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 6:34:15 AM
I only place restrictions regarding things that are absolute deal-breakers for me. Doing so prevents me and the person messaging me from wasting our time when there is no chance that it will come to anything.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 75
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 9:13:11 AM
There is just something that comes across as negative when I look at a profile and there are 10 or 12 restrictions at the bottom. Even if I am able to contact, I often won't, just because of the perceived negativity.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 76
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 9:31:11 AM
The biggest restriction I have is women who have too many restrictions. For example:


I have a lot of restrictions on who can contact me, and I dont think it hinders anything. I know exactly what I want and I won't settle for anything less.

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