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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?      Home login  
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 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 69
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?Page 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
"I'm here to find someone who understands what's really important in life."

Not surprised, but it's a contradiciton. Restrictions in who someone's interested in being contacted by are just a feature of the site. What is implied but not stated overtly is, someone who understands what HE feels is important in life. What anyone else thinks is important in life is as inidividual as a fingerprint.

It gets to the point is what is TOO many restrictions? Look, bottom line is, if someone has no restrictions and would meet anyone, that's their business. If someone else ticks off every restriction the site allows, how does that affect anyone else. It's rhetorical, it doesn't, but it does make fodder for other people to yap about.

Seriously, who is the best person who to decide what's important in life, other than that person. I know what's important to ME, and that's the only thing that matters. The wagging tongues don't matter, and I don't judge or wag my tongue at others pfft...who are so ignorant they don't have the same criteria as I do. I wouldn't expect that, never have, never will.

It'd be a safe bet the OP posted this out of frustration at not finding the person they are sure they deserve. And wasn't able to email members, because of their restrictions. How DARE they?
 wildandfreee
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 70
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/5/2011 11:07:51 PM
Everyone has his own way and standard of what he/she is looking for, my personal opinion about restrictions is not real, i have no dating rules , it will just restrict me to find what im looking for and the opportunity to make friends as well.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 71
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/6/2011 6:01:25 PM

It gets to the point is what is TOO many restrictions? Look, bottom line is, if someone has no restrictions and would meet anyone, that's their business. If someone else ticks off every restriction the site allows, how does that affect anyone else.

Well, pretty much anything with some entertainment/interest value to it, is worthy of it being yapped about in forums -- especially since, in the history of the forums here, there are people asking why they can't find someone great while they have tons o restrictions.

I think it's fine to have preferences a certain way -- but restrictions will cut off the blood supply down a particular avenue to some extent... I think some people can cut themselves off a bit too much for the sake of getting less emails. I think if one is a selective person, you could cut off most emails by someone's picture.

In the end, online, people do get a bit too much into check-list mode... whether they're scared of (gasp) "online" and/or they get too many emails flowing in.
 boarderdad50
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 73
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 5:41:37 AM
I think the entire point, for better or worse, to online "dating" is to have and use restrictions to weed down the thousands of people that might show up within a 100 mile radius of you.

Personally I put some preferences in for searching but dont restrict who messages me cause to be honest not many woman send the first message, but I have got a few and even though we didnt really match it was nice to get them. What the restrictions would do is save having to either write back and say thanks for the message but I'm not interested or just ignore it and leave them hanging. If they honestly have no interest in a certain age, height, weight, ect its best to just know it up front and not waste anyone's time.

Also I will say in my profile I am pretty restrictive should someone read it as I lay out a lot of my personality and what I am looking for, if that does not mesh with whoever is looking I will probably not get a reply and I am okay with that.

At the end of the day this is a numbers game but you only need / should want 1 winner, so being restrictive is okay.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 74
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 6:34:15 AM
I only place restrictions regarding things that are absolute deal-breakers for me. Doing so prevents me and the person messaging me from wasting our time when there is no chance that it will come to anything.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 75
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 9:13:11 AM
There is just something that comes across as negative when I look at a profile and there are 10 or 12 restrictions at the bottom. Even if I am able to contact, I often won't, just because of the perceived negativity.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 76
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 9:31:11 AM
The biggest restriction I have is women who have too many restrictions. For example:


I have a lot of restrictions on who can contact me, and I dont think it hinders anything. I know exactly what I want and I won't settle for anything less.

 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 77
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 9:43:23 AM

I really get a kick out of womens profiles that have every restriction they can have but says they are looking for friends. Good luck with that. I especially like this restriction from a woman looking for friends: Must not have messaged others looking for intimate encounters or sex. If all you are looking for is friends WTF DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE. Just sayin.

Actually, it does make a difference. At various times in the past, I've had no restrictions at all in who could send me messages. But by far the most messages I ever got were from the under 40 men who sent the 'wanna f*ck' messages. Or they'd want to chat - and it was always cybersex. It just gets boring after awhile - there are a limited number of ways to say the same thing over and over (not to mention how creepy it is to get a message like that from someone with my son's name). Now I have an age limit of 45, and not having messaged others looking for intimate encounters. That's it, no restrictions on gender or distance, and I do get messages from all over the place from both men and women.

But the funniest one I've seen was on another site, a man was looking for a wife to help run his farm. He said she had to live within 10 miles, because he didn't have time for all that courting BS. All I could think of was if his farm had been in his family for as many generations as he said, he should have already known everyone within 10 miles!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 78
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 10:38:13 AM
Well, if the fact that I got contacted by and met women I couldn't contact is any indication, then I'd have to say at least a few women go overboard. Some are plainly ridiculous.

Even if I am able to contact, I often won't, just because of the perceived negativity.

Yeah, I always got the impression those women were either really dense or they were just getting started with their list of expectations. Icouldn't see a plus side, except perhaps that I was adequately alerted.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 79
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 12:14:04 PM

But the funniest one I've seen was on another site, a man was looking for a wife to help run his farm. He said she had to live within 10 miles, because he didn't have time for all that courting BS. All I could think of was if his farm had been in his family for as many generations as he said, he should have already known everyone within 10 miles!


Maybe he wants to break the chain and tradition of marrying cousins. Or his cousins are ugly, and he wants a woman who has all of her teeth.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 80
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/7/2011 2:03:01 PM
~OT~ My restrictions may have hindered my options, but the email I do receive hinders interest much more than any restriction can. Three times in the past week I've received unsolicited "advice" in first contact emails regarding my personal restrictions. What did those guys get in return? Block, block, block. If you don't like someone's restrictions? Click the back button and move on along. At least that's how I view it.
 Truly_Me
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 81
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/11/2011 3:44:59 PM

There is just something that comes across as negative when I look at a profile and there are 10 or 12 restrictions at the bottom. Even if I am able to contact, I often won't, just because of the perceived negativity.


You said it. Talk about unattractive!
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 82
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/11/2011 6:47:04 PM
There was one I saw that was pretty funny. I don't remember how many other restrictions he had, or even if he had any others. He said that anyone who contacted him must have a photo, and it was his prerogative. He also didn't have one himself, which he said was his right according to the POF rules. Like, WTF?
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 83
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/11/2011 6:57:54 PM

You cant force people to talk to people that they have no interest in.

it's not about somehow being forced to talk to the men you DON'T want to talk to. it's about missing the chance to talk to the men you DO want to talk to.

restrictions may make inbox management less work, but it defeats the purpose if they screen out the desirable men too, for silly reasons like a difference in interpretation of the dating goal of 'friendship,' or the belief that only losers will be eliminated by the 200-character rule.

online dating involves drudgery, but isn't finding the love of your life worth that?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 84
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/11/2011 7:26:06 PM
What's crazy about restrictions is if you're meeting people to date the old fashion way in real life, the amount of restrictions are very small: must be at least halfway good looking and is able to carry on a conversation. But once people get behind a computer screen suddenly everybody has a thousands restrictions and must haves, and there is a 20 step process to get to the point of actually meeting and talking in person.

And even if you go through all of the hoops and tests to get the face-to-face part, there are more rules to follow if it's an internet date/meet. If you meet someone the old fashion non-computer way, you meet for dinner usually. talk to the person for whatever length of time and either plan more dates or say "we're not a match". When meeting someone from the internet, women plan an escape strategy in advance in case things go wrong, meetings must be in a public well lit place for safety reasons, and it's usually restricted to about 20 minutes. If thing work out and there's mutual attraction, then things are allowed to progress to normal dating without having to have body guards and a swat team.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 86
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/12/2011 10:41:29 AM

But once people get behind a computer screen suddenly everybody has a thousands restrictions and must haves, and there is a 20 step process to get to the point of actually meeting and talking in person.

So very true. People get into "checklist" mode. To attractive & socially outgoing folks (IRL), there's still At Least a thin fog of semi-embarrassment doing the "online thing". Their "standards" are higher than In Real Life, usually without them knowing it, and usually to a notably high degree.

When meeting someone from the internet, women plan an escape strategy in advance in case things go wrong, meetings must be in a public well lit place for safety reasons, and it's usually restricted to about 20 minutes.

Yeah, it's kind of funny that if you originally met someone at the bar, you will rarely if ever walk into that when it comes to a date/meetup after the fact. Again, it's the stigma of the "online thing". Many shield their Shyness, a byproduct of the stigma of the "online thing", by playing the "safety" card.

IRL, there's also a difference of requirements/preferences. If someone meets someone thru a friend-of-a-friend at the bar VS someone who has no connections to their friends but generates convo at the bar with them, their "requirements" are less with the friend-of-a-friend... even though we all know there's not a lack of weirdos/unmatchables within anyone's direct & indirect social circle.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 87
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/13/2011 12:49:08 AM

In my opinion the love of my life is someone I must be attracted to and isnt 50 years older than me hence why im glad they have filters

more attentive readers will have noted that no one is suggesting doing away with all restrictions. the idea is that some are more likely to be self-defeating than others.
 ricanfreaknphenom
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 88
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/13/2011 4:57:50 AM
Ive seen so many restrictions on profiles that Im wondering if the person theyre looking for is even human.
Like this one> Man must not think about sex all the time.
The nerve of them
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 89
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/13/2011 5:07:11 AM

Ive seen so many restrictions on profiles that Im wondering if the person theyre looking for is even human.
Like this one> Man must not think about sex all the time.
The nerve of them

Same thing on some men's profiles. They use every mail filter including the shortest mileage, and they add another list in their bio - gotta be interested in this, gotta do that, a dozen or more musts and must nots... I think they like the IDEA of looking for someone, they just don't want to risk FINDING anyone.
 Truly_Me
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 90
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/26/2011 3:33:37 PM
Someone probably mentioned this already, but just receiving a message doesn't mean you have to have a long email exchange with the person who sent it. If you get a message that doesn't interest you, all you have to say is, "No, thanks." And that's only if you want to be polite. For those who send rude messages, there's always the block option. I mean, is it really that hard?

Kari, it's good to know it's not just women using every possible mail restriction. I'll bet that the men who do it don't stay on the site very long, though.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 91
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/26/2011 4:01:23 PM
I don't use too many restrictions, primarily because I participate on these forums and it's fun to email a few comments off the record to other posters.

The question posed by the OP pretty much answers itself. Yes, restrictions do limit possibilities. But that's the point. Not all possibilities are good...

If I get filtered out by someone's email restrictions, c'est la vie. There are plenty of other people on this site to exchange a few notes with.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 95
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/27/2011 6:19:45 PM
^^^I'd be careful about what I say, Albelian is engaged to someone he met on this site, he's thoughtful in his postings and he's usually bang on, PLUS, he's a moderator. And he's not a loser, cruiser or user as you're so fond of saying. If you had less restrictions on your profile you might have some folks point a few details out to you. All of the comments above coming from someone with their third profile in a month, must be a loser, cruiser and user to have to change it up all the time.

I don't have many restrictions on my profile, I want to be open to chat with those forumites of the same gender and from far away places. I also don't want to discount an interesting fellow because he lives over 100km away. I also don't have a negative profile - you know those: don't contact me if you're a player, all men are pigs, etc. Makes someone look like an idiot and not everyone out there is like your last dating/relationship partner.
 milder_bill
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 96
Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/11/2012 11:04:34 AM
The only restriction that really bothers me is the "must not have contacted someone in this category one"
Now you aren't just judging me, your judging someone else.

That's just petty.

I also dislike hearing people complain that they can't find someone when they have effectively restricted anyone who might be interested in them.
 lawyerjim
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 97
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/11/2012 2:31:06 PM
There is definitely a happy medium with restrictions. If a woman has too many restrictions I do get turned off even though I meet those restrictions. It makes you believe they are not open minded or willing to accept someone who is not 100% perfect. Kinda shows how they are not very mature or out of touch with reality. We all know no one is 100% perfect and some of those imperfections are extremely cute and attractive in their own way.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 98
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Do you think having TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS hinders possibilities?
Posted: 11/14/2012 6:21:06 PM

Grandmabooboo

Who are these people that are messaging you when you dont want them to... On dating sites,, why not just block and delete them....simple......Dating sites are not the place for genuine people and have deteriorated over the last few years to losers, cruiSers and users, from what I hear... I have only been involved the last few months and met 3 but now prefer the forums....


LOL! Someone (a female actually) emailed me to say that she liked the comment I'd made on this thread....and I'd totally forgotten about it...so I had to come and see what I said! LOL!

So, to clairfy my position on this topic, I have to admit that I've been online for over 21 YEARS! :-) Yup, clear back in the days when your only choices were Compuserve, Prodigy or the infamous...AOL. Needless to say, few around here have witnessed the changes to the internet that I've lived through. Not meaning at all to be offensive to anyone...I stand by my comment that the average IQ of online users HAS indeed dropped....significantly. Look....way back when, (1992) it cost us $2.95 per HOUR to be "online". PLUS, there was NO IRC chat and even getting "online" took a fair amount of knowledge. There was no online shopping....in fact, I'm talking about the days BEFORE Windows 1....you know...back when we upgraded our 286s with a 40 MEG hard drive and said dumb things like....I'll NEVER use that much drive space! LOL! So, lets face facts here....20 years ago....when you were online, you had a pool largely made of those who were similarly interested in technology, not entertained by bar hopping, generally had similar IQs, AND who had the financial means to pay for what was a VERY expensive form of entertainment. It was not at all unusual for me to spend $500-$600 per MONTH to be "online". (save any snotty comments.....I assure you I can well afford to spend that and more on my monthly entertainment budget) The POINT IS....that the "dating pool" was already "restricted" by both financial status, intellect, and similar interests.
Circa 1996, when the first "unlimited" internet plans began to surface, and with the introduction of "mIRC", almost overnight ever yawhoo who had a 10 yr old who could turn on the computer for them was online.
Historically however, "blocking" was NOT as easy as it is TODAY. Used to be, the only way to "block" anyone....was to block EVERYONE. Of my 21 years online, I've spent probably 17 of those years with hidden profiles, snippy profiles, profiles designed to discourage men from writting to me....etc. Now that I'm 60 yrs old, it's not nearly so much an issue, but 20 yrs ago ANYTIME I posted an honest profile, within 24 hours I'd have over 200 emails! Having been reared to be polite and courteous...and always send my "thank yous" I felt compelled to write personal responses to EVERY single email that I'd received.
If I had the time or energy, I could list probably 40 examples of reasons why I sincerely believe that "restrictions" are perfect fine. I shutter to think of the "possibilities" that I DIDN'T get to see through, simply because I was so stupidly polite that I felt obligated to respond to every nut job out there with a tactful response...but "no thanks". Had I understood all those years ago that it's OK to have "restrictions"...and to IGNORE those who ignore YOUR restrictions...I MIGHT have actually found someone with whom I COULD have developed a relationship.

A friend of mine, male, who I did date for a short time, commented one evening at an "online party" that he admired how I "held court". I had no idea what he was talking about....so he explained that he admired the way that I had no less than 50 different men at the party, all believing that they had a chance with me. I talked to EVERYONE...I was NICE to everyone, I was tactful, I was polite, I accept people as human beings even when I know that there is NO possibility of a "relationship". What was truly happening however, was that I was unintentionally, and inadvertently hurting men by allowing them to believe that they did indeed..."have a chance". In other words.....I was a "game player"....BUT.....I didn't KNOW that....had never INTENDED to be that...and wasn't in fact that kind of person....at all.

I still don't see ANY problem whatsoever when a man has "restrictions" on his profile. Personally.....when he states his age requirements are 40-55 yrs....Ok...so what? More often than not, the people with those "restrictions" will still email some women who are OVER or UNDER those ages. I've been "the exception" in many cases....and my feelings about that are, that I do NOT want someone who is willing to "lower their standards" on my behalf.

I believe that a good many things we all do "hinders possibilities"....but "restrictions" are no more or no less a hinderance to dating than any of the other things which dictate romantic possibilities.....like, health issue, finances, dependents, geographic location, work schedules..... As far as I'm concerned....the more honest someone is about what they like and don't like....the better. If some of their dislikes lands on me.....better sooner than later.
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