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 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 218
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dadsPage 3 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Nicely done, Capitano. I was going to call her on the plethora of crap that was in her post, but you did well. I loved this part:


If he doesn't love her, she can't love their children, herself, or him right. It's all connected.


So...if a man doesn't love her, she is incapable of loving her own child. Too funny!
 SpecialHeartedLady
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 219
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:03:32 PM
You guys don't see the big picture. I was speaking from what men seem to want and from a Christian point of view on some of it. The rest is coming out of factual data.

Men want to be in charge and in control. They compete for it all the time, which is a cultural thing that they refuse to get a backbone going to challenge it.

They want that control and religiously speaking, men are supposed to be the leaders.

How does a leader lead? By example of course.

What are the rules? Take care of all those under you of course, just like in the military, those at the top eat last, etc.

What do those under a man need? LOVE and so on, other things I outlined above

Why do they need them? Because the woman is raising the family and no longer has the options a man has...for life... and the woman NEEDS to feel loved because that's how God made women. If the man doesn't do his job/part/promise to LOVE--which is the first thing that comes out of the marriage mouth at the alter... she can't love back, and she can't love herself, and she can't love the children like needs to be done.

Things have to START somewhere. Since men seem to be the leaders, are supposed to be, whatever the reasons... they need to START that ball rolling and keep it going.

Sure there are women who don't respond... but I'd bet my favorite things that the man is not taking care of her womanly/wifely needs and so she feels trapped and unloved, etc... she cannot reciprocate what he needs because he didn't fill up her love tank.

That's life, not sexism.

Let me add that yeah the man sacrifices. Sure, anyone who goes to work sacrifices. What I'm saying is that this life is about survival. A woman who is not in the workforce full-time in an expertise, and putting work first won't be able to catch up. She will most likely end up divorced and caring for the children with 25% less to do it on and very few options to do it, while the man will live at a quality of life that is more than 25% better. It pays for a man to divorce his wife. It doesn't work like that. Statistics support that too... IRS ones and so on. It's all there. Go read it.

Oh, and the possiblitiy that more women file for divorce than men... think about how that happens. I know of so many couples where the male insisted the wife file the papers because HE wanted the divorce. It's one of men's tricks so that they can feel like babies and like "oh... she was a bitch, she XYZ... and then divorced me, oh... i didn't do anything wrong..." bla bla bla bla bla.

Where did those statistics come from? Court houses? Ok... was any digging and research done to ask those women anything? No.

Got to think outside the box and more into reality.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 220
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:15:19 PM
Why do they need them? Because the woman is raising the family and no longer has the options a man has...for life... and the woman NEEDS to feel loved because that's how God made women. If the man doesn't do his job/part/promise to LOVE--which is the first thing that comes out of the marriage mouth at the alter... she can't love back, and she can't love herself, and she can't love the children like needs to be done.

Things have to START somewhere. Since men seem to be the leaders, are supposed to be, whatever the reasons... they need to START that ball rolling and keep it going.

Sure there are women who don't respond... but I'd bet my favorite things that the man is not taking care of her womanly/wifely needs and so she feels trapped and unloved, etc... she cannot reciprocate what he needs because he didn't fill up her love tank.

Oh, and the possiblitiy that more women file for divorce than men... think about how that happens. I know of so many couples where the male insisted the wife file the papers because HE wanted the divorce. It's one of men's tricks so that they can feel like babies and like "oh... she was a bitch, she XYZ... and then divorced me, oh... i didn't do anything wrong..." bla bla bla bla bla.

Where did those statistics come from? Court houses? Ok... was any digging and research done to ask those women anything? No.

Yes, women are the weakest and most delicate creatures on the planet. Any wrongdoing must have originated from the evil deeds or negligence that only men are capable of. Too funny!

I guess you're agreeing that single mothers must be poor parents since they are unloved and must not be adequately taking care of their children. Someone call Social Services on the next single mother you see!

By the way, any educated individual would know that stats can be skewed to whichever way suits the author's intent. I just love when a rank amateur claims they know something based upon some statistical evidence they dug up from one of their man-bashing or lesbian advocacy sites.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 221
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:17:07 PM
specialheartedlady msg #220: "If you don't like my responses, don't read them. I don't care, as you can tell"

Seems you do care, as you continue to try to defend your position and your responses whenever someone attempts to refute them or point out how nonsensical they are. Those are your opinions....you're entitled to them. I would venture a guess you are in a very small minority (especially based on posts/responses in this thread from both genders). Sounds as if you belong to the same women's group as the OP, or a sister chapter thereof. W.I.M.


~ds~
 SpecialHeartedLady
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 222
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:20:08 PM
DUH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

You are taking what I am saying way out of context Ticktock...
 SpecialHeartedLady
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 223
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:20:48 PM
I don't care if YOU read them or like them. I care about the content and the issues. There's a difference.

Clearly, most people on here can't think.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 225
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:31:56 PM
^^^Well said...would add...and perpetuated by the man bashing "women's groups" they choose to associate with. Wonder if they spent as much time and effort in their pre-divorce counseling as they do these?! Highly unlikely...but, that's JMO.


~ds~
 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 227
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:43:16 PM

^^^specialheartedlady...
sexist comment #1: "If men would just do their jobs, there wouldn't be so many broken families."

sexist comment #2: "as far as support, the arrow is pointing to the misgivings of men and the destruction that falls upon families as a result"

sexist comment #3: "women end up picking up most of the slack"

sexist comment #4: "men need to pay up for life. They made a promise and most of the time, they don't keep it"

sexist comment #5: "Men want to be in charge and all that... but don't do their job"

sexist comment #6: "Men need to pay that support until age 22 for that child, and pay enough alimony to support the woman since she had to give up her life-in a sense-to raise his children"

sexist comment #7: "cause if they were being good men, there would most likely not be a broken family"

You're right....whatever.


David, the biggest losers (regardless of gender) in life always blame someone else for their own misery. Much easier than taking responsiblity for ones actions / best possible destiny.

Description of above: "Victim mentality."
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 229
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:53:42 PM
^^^Speak away hooked & happy....this isn't "Ask a Guy" afterall.....

Lucky Vet: "David, the biggest losers (regardless of gender) in life always blame someone else for their own misery. Much easier than taking responsiblity for ones actions / best possible destiny."

I know, I know....that's the sisterhood I gave the acronym to earlier (W.I.M. = Woe Is Me). Apologies to everyone....I just can't get it...can't comprehend it....really not sure I even believe it....that someone would/could be so narrow....still not sure that this wasn't intended as some kind of troll post. Ahhh well....just like on Castaway....I'm here til' that porta-pottie wall washes ashore.


~ds~
 SpecialHeartedLady
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 230
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:42:08 PM
yeah well, after all this judgement and not thinking on most of your parts i think this thread should be deleted. it's way off topic anyway. :modhammer:
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 232
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/8/2008 8:52:09 PM
"yeah well, after all this judgement and not thinking on most of your parts i think this thread should be deleted. it's way off topic anyway."

Au contraire (sp?) specialhrtdldy....it continues (as long as you continue to post) to be the gender bashing thread that it started out as in the original post by ms. buttercups. Perhaps you should get back on topic by identifying your "beef about part time Dads who identify as single Dads"? Then, we can get back to the judging YOU hold dear to YOUR heart and continue this nonsense.


~ds~
 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 236
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:27:12 AM

know, I know....that's the sisterhood I gave the acronym to earlier (W.I.M. = Woe Is Me). Apologies to everyone....I just can't get it...can't comprehend it....really not sure I even believe it....that someone would/could be so narrow....still not sure that this wasn't intended as some kind of troll post. Ahhh well....just like on Castaway....I'm here til' that porta-pottie wall washes ashore.


David, I see no need to apologize, you are spot on, and the truth often hurts. What most fail to realize is the forces at play create women like the one in question. Media, school system indoctrination, and endless nanny state gov't agencies destroying the very fabric that once held us all together.

I'm lucky enough to travel abroad to various countries on business. The difference there is night and day. No tension, no contempt, no anger towards each other.
Everyone valued and respected for the important role they play within the family and society. This spreads from the many "have nots" to the few "haves" I encounter.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 238
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:37:42 PM
Capitano, for some reason, I don't think that's the response OP was looking for....come on, have some sympathy, dude!


~ds~
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 242
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:01:20 PM
(muttering to self... why am I doing this?)

The thing of it that really got to me was that I was completely unaware of how undervalued mothering (or highly involved fathering) until I had children in my charge.

OK, a couple of things leap out at me from this post.
Again with the expectations... who is undervaluing you as a mother?
Why should you care or not care whether or not anyone or everyone was placing the same value on parenting as you do?
Isn't what is most important is the value you place on your own life and the contributions you make?

Unless, feeling undervalued is giving you some juice here. Is it?

I wonder, do you see the hypocrisy in your own judgments?
On the one hand, I sense you moan how your contributions are undervalued... yet you see absolutely nothing amiss with how you undervalue fathering... unless you judge it to be worthy.


When a woman does as it is expected of her she gives up a lot of herself to her family sacrificing her own needs and career.

Whose expectations are you speaking of? Your own? Societies?

When a man does as expected of him, he is not giving up a lot of himself? not sacrificing his own needs? and sometimes, yes, not sacrificing his own career?

OP, I really do not appreciate you pulling the gender line on this one. Parenting is a demanding job. Very hard to do from an imposed distance as well as the day-to-day grind.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 243
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/9/2008 7:33:55 PM
^^^ (muttering to self... why am I doing this?)

I can empathize with you Margo....believe me....this, I know to be true.


~ds~
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 245
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:15:19 PM
^^^ "Doesn,t matter if I,M called a single parent or whatever in the end it,s the kids that matter that,s all"

And there it is.


~ds~
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 248
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:54:25 PM
^^^ "Maybe it's just the sour apples that tend to ruin things for the rest of the good people out there "

Euphimism for generalizing, wouldn't you say? "Sour apples" = deadbeat parents irregardless their gender...... "Tend to ruin things" = act in a manner seemingly incomprehensible to the majority..... "The good people" = those who did not act in said manner, but due to the generalization, are thus categorized. Almost goes into the realm of stereotyping, don't you think, cutiekimmie?


~ds~
 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 249
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:13:19 PM
Margo darling, from a handful of posts I've read thus far, you appear to be the smartest people in this forum.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 261
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:00:16 AM
I truly believe that it is my son's best interest to protect him from any a-hole that could behave this way. I could care less about that BS father's-movement crap "but it's his biological father". That's their only response to why he has a right to be in my son's life. In my case, that man is only one step beyond a sperm donor. Anybody want to tell me that I am wrong?

Well, yes, you're wrong, but you're also angry, jaded, bitter and have some unresolved issues.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 263
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:10:02 AM
re msg #274
Let me see, you are punishing your son's father by having him have his son for 3 nights a week. He has done this for 4 months and it is all "just show" as far as you are concerned.

Sounds like MUCH more than a sperm donor to me, so I call your opinion *wrong*. OBVIOUSLY, I do not know the man so cannot say... but my wild stab at a guess here is he HAS parental feelings that go way beyond "just looking good". I'd also say by this time he has earned "the right" to be in his son's life, if indeed that was ever a "right" he needed to earn. Sounds like, after a false start, the man is stepping up to the plate and you resent it.

Just what is it you are protecting your son from? A man who had the audacity not to love you any more? That is a painful thing for you, but is quite separate from your son's reality. If I had to call it... I'd say it is time for you to get over it.
 wbishop
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 275
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:09:26 AM
I have the wonderful privelidge of spending 15 days a month with my 6 yr old daughter, does that make me a "part-time" dad? does that make my ex a "part-time" mom? I think it just makes us parents who are trying to be fair to each other and to our little girl. I would never belittle the difficulties of being a single mother, they are endless! however we dad's do run into a few ourselves, the biggest being a society that treats us as second class parents with almost no rights. For the first 3 months after our split I kept my daughter full time my ex did not even visit, and I have immense respect for full time single fathers. there are so many ways that they are treated poorly. for instance most places do not have changing tables in the mens restrooms and lets face it most of them are disgusting! who would want to change a baby in one? One of the hardest parts for me was that Ashtyn had just turned 4 and was not big enough to handle everything in the bathroom by herself but most places do not have unisex facilities for single parents so I had to take her into the mens room. I realize that a single mom with a son has a similar problem but the women are not lined up against a wall exposed to the child like in a mens room.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 280
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:10:55 PM
Chatty-smiles,
I agree with you but there are some determined trolls on this thread so I am warning you that you might be slammed. I am sure there are others reading this who feel the same but can't speak up due to fear of retaliation.

Ah yes, anyone that disagrees with your opinion must be a troll. And THAT, my friends, is truly the sign of a critical thinker.
 dreamboat333
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 291
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:28:10 AM
The whole reason moms take children in divorces is because our jacked up legal system runs on what other judges have done with cases in the past than on what's best in the present.

There was actually a judge in the hills of Arkansas somewhere, who said that because, when he was a boy on the farm, and he "...never saw no baby calf follow the bull but they always followed the mamma - he always gives custody to the mamma..."

This has been passed down from judge to judge, ruling to ruling and so now, men are literally treated like cattle (as are our kids and former spouses).

This has become known as "...the child of tender age..." theory. We can't ask the child of tender age what they want to do, and we can't remove the child of tender age from the mother... and how about this one, I know you've all heard it before... we need to protect what is "...in the best interest of the child..."

Well - these times are changing. Fathers are uniting to take back the God given right to father their children and are rising up against this effort to emasculate America by systematically extracting fathers from the lives of their children.

We can send kids to die oversees in a war for words like freedom and democracy - then we whipe our feet off on the very same constitution we pretend to defend when it comes to removing children from their fathers here in USA!


The U.S. Supreme Court implied that "a (once) married father who is separated or divorced from a mother and is no longer living with his child" could not constitutionally be treated differently from a currently married father living with his child. Quilloin v. Walcott, 98 S Ct 549; 434 US 246, 255^Q56, (1978).



Father enjoys the right to associate with his children which is guaranteed by this amendment (First) as incorporated in Amendment 14, or which is embodied in the concept of "liberty" as that word is used in the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment and Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment. Mabra v. Schmidt, 356 F Supp 620; DC, WI (1973).



The United States Supreme Court held that the "old notion" that "generally it is the man's primary responsibility to provide a home and its essentials" can no longer justify a statute that discriminates on the basis of gender. No longer is the female destined solely for the home and the rearing of the family, and only the male for the marketplace and the world of ideas. Stanton v. Stanton, 421 US 7, 10; 95 S Ct 1373, 1376, (1975).


Men - FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT.
 bubahotep2020
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 301
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:02:13 PM
butter cup I am sorry but the arrogance of your statements astonish me

"I think it would be super cool if a man was willing to join a support group."
insinuateing that no man is willing to join a support group, well when its named single MOMS no wonder you dont get many men. Have you looked and seen how many single dad programs are out there? more then you would imagine.

" If so, I'd love to meet that rare gem because I have a lot of respect for a man willing to interspect and consider himself for improvement in the areas of relationships."
Just outta curiosity why is it the man who needs to consider himself for improvement? I dont think men have the market cornered on being bad at relationships there are people on both sides of that fence lol.

"That said, there is not much of a market for mens' support group or even parenting groups for men." this has a glimmer of truth in that it was rare for a man to gain custiodial care of a child, the courts would go to great lengths to even allow an addict mother to retain her custody. Well now chica the times are changing and it is no longer a sure thing that if you are the woman you will automaticly get custodial care. And there are more support groups for single fathers all over the country. One of which is fathersrights.org if i remember the site address correctly.

" And if a man came into our support group, woman would not feel safe sharing gender issues (or issues about the dad) if any man were present."
Is that your own personal bias maybe?

And who are you to determine if i am a single father or a part time dad ( btw that term part-time dad is very insulting because it implies that I stop being a dad when my daughter leaves my home, does my ex stop being a mother?) I am a father a dad I dont need anything else in front of those two words. labeling me in any other manner is insulting.

just because a parent regardless of gender does not have full 100% custody does not make them less of a parent. What makes some one less of a parent is if they do not provide emotional support let alone financial support.

While on paper I am told i have 42% custody I still have my daughter every week for a little less then half the week and I also have her every summer. That adds up to more then 50% but by your logic I guess I am still just a part time dad.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 308
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:33:23 PM
^^^ I know what you mean, lovelifeHAzip. There are other dating sites that ask your child status with options that include......No.....Yes.....Yes, sometimes....Yes, living at home.....Yes, not living at home. An indescribable feeling of pain shoots through you when you have to check that last box.



~ds~
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