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 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 248
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dadsPage 4 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
^^^ "Maybe it's just the sour apples that tend to ruin things for the rest of the good people out there "

Euphimism for generalizing, wouldn't you say? "Sour apples" = deadbeat parents irregardless their gender...... "Tend to ruin things" = act in a manner seemingly incomprehensible to the majority..... "The good people" = those who did not act in said manner, but due to the generalization, are thus categorized. Almost goes into the realm of stereotyping, don't you think, cutiekimmie?


~ds~
 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 249
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:13:19 PM
Margo darling, from a handful of posts I've read thus far, you appear to be the smartest people in this forum.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 261
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:00:16 AM
I truly believe that it is my son's best interest to protect him from any a-hole that could behave this way. I could care less about that BS father's-movement crap "but it's his biological father". That's their only response to why he has a right to be in my son's life. In my case, that man is only one step beyond a sperm donor. Anybody want to tell me that I am wrong?

Well, yes, you're wrong, but you're also angry, jaded, bitter and have some unresolved issues.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 263
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:10:02 AM
re msg #274
Let me see, you are punishing your son's father by having him have his son for 3 nights a week. He has done this for 4 months and it is all "just show" as far as you are concerned.

Sounds like MUCH more than a sperm donor to me, so I call your opinion *wrong*. OBVIOUSLY, I do not know the man so cannot say... but my wild stab at a guess here is he HAS parental feelings that go way beyond "just looking good". I'd also say by this time he has earned "the right" to be in his son's life, if indeed that was ever a "right" he needed to earn. Sounds like, after a false start, the man is stepping up to the plate and you resent it.

Just what is it you are protecting your son from? A man who had the audacity not to love you any more? That is a painful thing for you, but is quite separate from your son's reality. If I had to call it... I'd say it is time for you to get over it.
 happyboi
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 266
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:49:37 PM
I am kind of surprised this thread has gone on so long. Besides for 3 women, that have serious issues with their ex's, and by extension, men in general, it seems that pretty much everyone is in agreement. By internet standards, that is pretty much unanimous. :-)
 wbishop
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 275
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:09:26 AM
I have the wonderful privelidge of spending 15 days a month with my 6 yr old daughter, does that make me a "part-time" dad? does that make my ex a "part-time" mom? I think it just makes us parents who are trying to be fair to each other and to our little girl. I would never belittle the difficulties of being a single mother, they are endless! however we dad's do run into a few ourselves, the biggest being a society that treats us as second class parents with almost no rights. For the first 3 months after our split I kept my daughter full time my ex did not even visit, and I have immense respect for full time single fathers. there are so many ways that they are treated poorly. for instance most places do not have changing tables in the mens restrooms and lets face it most of them are disgusting! who would want to change a baby in one? One of the hardest parts for me was that Ashtyn had just turned 4 and was not big enough to handle everything in the bathroom by herself but most places do not have unisex facilities for single parents so I had to take her into the mens room. I realize that a single mom with a son has a similar problem but the women are not lined up against a wall exposed to the child like in a mens room.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 280
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:10:55 PM
Chatty-smiles,
I agree with you but there are some determined trolls on this thread so I am warning you that you might be slammed. I am sure there are others reading this who feel the same but can't speak up due to fear of retaliation.

Ah yes, anyone that disagrees with your opinion must be a troll. And THAT, my friends, is truly the sign of a critical thinker.
 damage0073
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 284
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:38:40 AM
Chatty, the person that you describe at the end of your post is a piss poor parent, I feel bad for those children. My rebuttal to the rest of your statement is, since a mother is not there every single day, due to weekend visitation with dad, is she also a part time parent? Or is it just weekday stuff that is taken into consideration when labeling a part time parent vs a single parent?

Butter, by defination of forum troll, I will go ahead and say that you fall into that category.
 dreamboat333
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 291
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:28:10 AM
The whole reason moms take children in divorces is because our jacked up legal system runs on what other judges have done with cases in the past than on what's best in the present.

There was actually a judge in the hills of Arkansas somewhere, who said that because, when he was a boy on the farm, and he "...never saw no baby calf follow the bull but they always followed the mamma - he always gives custody to the mamma..."

This has been passed down from judge to judge, ruling to ruling and so now, men are literally treated like cattle (as are our kids and former spouses).

This has become known as "...the child of tender age..." theory. We can't ask the child of tender age what they want to do, and we can't remove the child of tender age from the mother... and how about this one, I know you've all heard it before... we need to protect what is "...in the best interest of the child..."

Well - these times are changing. Fathers are uniting to take back the God given right to father their children and are rising up against this effort to emasculate America by systematically extracting fathers from the lives of their children.

We can send kids to die oversees in a war for words like freedom and democracy - then we whipe our feet off on the very same constitution we pretend to defend when it comes to removing children from their fathers here in USA!


The U.S. Supreme Court implied that "a (once) married father who is separated or divorced from a mother and is no longer living with his child" could not constitutionally be treated differently from a currently married father living with his child. Quilloin v. Walcott, 98 S Ct 549; 434 US 246, 255^Q56, (1978).



Father enjoys the right to associate with his children which is guaranteed by this amendment (First) as incorporated in Amendment 14, or which is embodied in the concept of "liberty" as that word is used in the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment and Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment. Mabra v. Schmidt, 356 F Supp 620; DC, WI (1973).



The United States Supreme Court held that the "old notion" that "generally it is the man's primary responsibility to provide a home and its essentials" can no longer justify a statute that discriminates on the basis of gender. No longer is the female destined solely for the home and the rearing of the family, and only the male for the marketplace and the world of ideas. Stanton v. Stanton, 421 US 7, 10; 95 S Ct 1373, 1376, (1975).


Men - FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT.
 bubahotep2020
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 301
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:02:13 PM
butter cup I am sorry but the arrogance of your statements astonish me

"I think it would be super cool if a man was willing to join a support group."
insinuateing that no man is willing to join a support group, well when its named single MOMS no wonder you dont get many men. Have you looked and seen how many single dad programs are out there? more then you would imagine.

" If so, I'd love to meet that rare gem because I have a lot of respect for a man willing to interspect and consider himself for improvement in the areas of relationships."
Just outta curiosity why is it the man who needs to consider himself for improvement? I dont think men have the market cornered on being bad at relationships there are people on both sides of that fence lol.

"That said, there is not much of a market for mens' support group or even parenting groups for men." this has a glimmer of truth in that it was rare for a man to gain custiodial care of a child, the courts would go to great lengths to even allow an addict mother to retain her custody. Well now chica the times are changing and it is no longer a sure thing that if you are the woman you will automaticly get custodial care. And there are more support groups for single fathers all over the country. One of which is fathersrights.org if i remember the site address correctly.

" And if a man came into our support group, woman would not feel safe sharing gender issues (or issues about the dad) if any man were present."
Is that your own personal bias maybe?

And who are you to determine if i am a single father or a part time dad ( btw that term part-time dad is very insulting because it implies that I stop being a dad when my daughter leaves my home, does my ex stop being a mother?) I am a father a dad I dont need anything else in front of those two words. labeling me in any other manner is insulting.

just because a parent regardless of gender does not have full 100% custody does not make them less of a parent. What makes some one less of a parent is if they do not provide emotional support let alone financial support.

While on paper I am told i have 42% custody I still have my daughter every week for a little less then half the week and I also have her every summer. That adds up to more then 50% but by your logic I guess I am still just a part time dad.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 308
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:33:23 PM
^^^ I know what you mean, lovelifeHAzip. There are other dating sites that ask your child status with options that include......No.....Yes.....Yes, sometimes....Yes, living at home.....Yes, not living at home. An indescribable feeling of pain shoots through you when you have to check that last box.



~ds~
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 310
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:33:22 AM
I can't believe how childish and petty this thread is. Too funny!
 bubahotep2020
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 313
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:49:26 PM
"I am a full-time dad...three year old son and a one year old daughter.....when I am not working I am home with my kids. I know it sounds odd a 22 year old with his kids all the time but it is true and it is very difficult to find time to do anything without my children....any male who see's his kids everyother weekend and calls himself a SINGLE FATHER is just fooling himself.

Its a long story why I have my children but I will tell everyone that I would never trade any moment (good or bad) I spend with them. In my oppinion your not a single DAD unless you have primary custody or a dead beat mother (in my case right now).

Its a sad thing to think about or even talk about but I only hope that one day I find someone that will be willing and wanting to spend her life with me and my children."

ellioc2004 your situation blows and I feel for you bub, but Calling me a part time dad would get you a swift kick in the huevos and maybe a headbutt thrown in lol. While I cannot speak for all, I will speak for myself. I have my daughter every weekend and most of the summer. Am I still labeled by you a part time dad? So in other words I stop being a father when my daughter leaves my home?

If you like it or not I AM a single father I spend as much time as possible with my daughter, more then what is written on the divorce decree "the ex goes on her little trips with her gf" I attend PTA meetings, I bake brownies, I help with homework, I take her to the hospital when she is sick "ex will not take her to the hospital", and a myrad of other things that make a parent a parent. But according to you if I dont have a piece of paper that says primary custody I am a nobody just basicly an overglorified nanny so that the ex can go out. Thanks bub for setting mens parental rights back 2 generations.
 deletedpost
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 330
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:43:01 PM
Alrighty .. some of these posts are getting nasty.

Isn't the definition of a single dad simply a dad thats single....full time or part time..... thats the definition isn't it.

A buddy of mine actually left his wife because of her temper and control issues. Ive seen it personally... broken plates... slashed furniture... yelling .. cutting up the father in front of the children..... horrible environment for kids. She couldn't see past her petty reason for her anger and see the damage she was causing. If you can't control your temper the kids loose ... all the time ...regardless of the reason..bottom line...

Personally i dont care if he was banging her sister or the babysiter.. (he wasn't.. she was just parinoid) absolutely nothing gives her the right to do that to the kids. Complete idiot.

Now despite all this they now both have joint custody... Shes proffesionally employed and a good co-providor for the kids but emotionally toxic. He wishes he could have full custody but until she fully self destructs ... he doesnt have a chance.

He takes the kids to daycare and picks them up. Buys their clothes and toys.. takes them out socializing. Has them stay over every other week.

Now.... is he not a single dad.
 okieman1963
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 337
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/12/2008 8:29:38 AM
I have more rescpect now then i ever have for moms period.....Im a full time dad..Ive had them fulltime for a year and half now...havnt heard or seen there mother in a year,this is fine with me ,but very hard on my kids...specially my doughtor who is 9 As far as being a fulltime parent..we defintly stay buzy...Im fortunate that im self employed and can make my own schedule...does make things a little easier...Plus thank god school started...yee haw....I never thought id end up raising my kids myself...but hear i am...Id like to mention also that my doughtor has cancer....was diagnosed at age 2 with a brain tumor...shes been thru it all....kemo radiation...and plenty of visits to childrens hospital....they say theres no remmission for her type of cancer,but shes proving them wrong...she doing great and just started the third grade...does great and made the honor role last year.....The cancer has left her slightly handicaped on her left side...but it dosnt stop her one bit....Wow im really rambling on...sorry...I acually got on here to meet women, not ramble on in these forums..lol I guess what im really trying to say is that parenting is tuff whether your a man or women.....fulltime or part time...married or single.....as far as the dead beat dads and moms out there....you suck........................For The rest of you......take care ........did i metion school started ,,,,,Yee Haww..............
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 341
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:00:41 AM
Isn't time to end this pity party? Lol!

 billyray1971
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 344
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:29:27 PM
Single mom's have the hardest time due to challenges unique to being a mother in this society.

you try fighting the leagal system when you are a man and the mother does not want you to have contact with your childreen. it is very hard and costly and some people mothers will play the system so that the farther child bond is broken. this then means that you get to see your child for two hours with someone watching you.

i do not tink that men a put in a priveliged position and i do not aprove for any parent being a part time parent. if you have childreen then should be a 50/50 split. you have a responsablity to your childreen for life not just for christmass.
 billyray1971
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 345
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:42:38 PM
I think it would be super cool if a man was willing to join a support group.

i am involve with running a support group that mainly men come to that are gowing through the pain of seperation and devorce. and very person ing that group is conserned about their childreen. it is called families need fathers.
 billyray1971
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 346
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:43:53 PM
sorry i forgot to say this group is uk wide and has been running since 1979
 TxBluEyes74
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 349
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/16/2008 3:44:28 PM

I was at my single mom's group today


There's your first mistake. Most single parents are doing it without the help of wanna be mothers sitting around drinking tea, having a men bashing party.. BTW hope you kids are at school as you attend these stupid meetings


and we all had a beef about single dad's who lament on the challenges of single parenting, when in reality some only contribute some cash and/or have the kids some of the time.


Could you provide an example for us. Because my babies mother does NOTHING with out my help. My child is covered under my medical insurance and pharmacy benefits, therefore I choose what doctor she sees, what hospital she goes too, I pay for her school clothing, I attend every parent/teacher meeting. Why I'm out busting my ass, supporting my daughter, her mother stays home, collects money from the state for being a full time student at college. Yet I will never critize her, because college is very important and I give her kudos for doing it. But she has full custody, but I'm just as important in my daughters life as she is to mine, and I find your thread obtuse, full of ingroance, lacking evidence to any reasonable measure.
 HeyItsLogan
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 354
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:40:37 PM
I consider myself a single dad. I'm a dad, and i'm single...so i think the phrase single dad fits.

I have my son on weekends fri-sun. I pay entirely for his school and i pay his mother child support. I would love to have my son full time and have told his mother that he could come live with me and she could come get him on weekends. This way she could focus on school or whatever she wants to do without having my son in the way. That and the fact that she drops him off at school at 8 in the morning and picks him up at 5pm and 3 days of the week she has night classes where my mom ends up watching him from 6-10.
She doesn't want to give him up. She thinks it would make her look like a bad mother. I don't want to take him away from her because I think its best that both parents have an active role in the childs life..... so....for now i guess i'm a part time dad, but that change the fact that i'm a single dad.

Anyone who thinks that because a father doesn't have his child full time cares or loves their child less than someone who does have them full time is shallow and naive.

There are plenty of single dads who have hardly any social life because they give up their weekends to be with their kids. Myself included.

I know plenty of single moms who say the whole reason they want to have the kids during the week is so they could have their weekends free to go out and party, and collect child support.

But i'm not on here calling all "full time moms" gold digging sluts because i know to think that would be judgemental and untrue in most cases.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 357
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:41:07 AM

You poisonous witch to label all 'part time' fathers as lazy and uncontributing...


You shouldn't worry......the the poor little girls went home because she did not have enough...or anyone to support her!

Perhaps her knitting circle who are all of the same ilk all support her premise...but she did seem to lack support here?

And she was unable to articulate a decent arguement so she left to the provincial page...and now seems silent?

But feel free to jump in if she ever returns and spouts more trash or foolish illogical comments?
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 361
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:20:05 PM

I'm a father first. I have two boys that are everything to me. they live with me most of the time. I feel that as a single parent my first priority is their protection.


Your profile states one thing? And your post?


I am a full time dad. No part time every other weekend crap here.


So when you talk about the differences you might also like to consider the single parents who sit on the sidelines and perhaps wish they were allowed or able to be more involved and not the part time weekend only parent.


But that's not all you get to date or see the lady or man in your life but maybe once every other weekend if the other parent doesn't give you some lame excuse for not being able to deal with the kids that weekend (again) !!!


So you dont know any babysitters?


I hope I helped you with your quest to educate the moaning part timers. Like you I have no patience for the sad stories of the so called single parent that only works the weekend shift. too easy!!!


It has been over 6yrs now and it has been very rewarding and I would never have it any other way.

So what could be worse. the moaning custodial parent or the moaning ncp? I have no patience for custodial parents who sit and talk how difficult it is being a custodial parent. I make or made a choice to be the custodial parent and in fact spend probably double the amount of time with my children than you do. But that was a choice as I wanted to see them achieve or have opportunities based on education and athletic abilities.

But you are right the role of full time custodial parent is not for everyone. The cooking and laundry not just for yourself but for everyone is a little more difficult than the part time parent. But then it could also be worse.....my ex could still be part of the household and then I really would be unhappy and miserable.

But why do you feel the need to suggest you are so much better?
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 365
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:33:38 PM
You should understand something.

I have 2 children. One is here basically full time...((this year away 9 nights...last year about 3 nights ))..and the other about 75%. I understand getting up in the middle of the night when they are sick and then having to go to work without perhaps getting a full nights rest. I understand getting up and making the lunches and getting them up for school. Or calling now from the highway to insure they are off for school on time. I understand being the one to drive them to their after school activities. Last summer I probably did about 12,000km's for soccer. And I understand the pain or anguish when they look out and do not see both parents so we simply adjust and insure the time we do have is that much better.

I also understand and have gone through the children being upset when they talk or ask why their mother has at times seemed more interested in her life than spending time with them. And rather than get upset about it I treasure the added experience and time we can share together as an abbreviated family of 3.

I sit in the drivers seat and with the children as we determine the direction that we are choosing to go. I still find offensive any time a custodial parent denigrates or marginalize the contribution of a ncp. Not everyone is capable or suitable to be the parent our children requires from us. I suggest any contribution they have to offer is better than nothing. Yet I also envy the custodial parent who never see's their ex...as perhaps that may make things easier....but that would just be for me?

At times in the past i was resentful when my ex would take only one child at a time but i realized that was what was best and each child spent quality time with her...as opposed to more stressful or angry environment when they were both together for a few days or an evening.


then complain to anyone with an ear that RAISING children is tough,


I suggest being a single father raising children is easy. What is hard is raising your children and trying to maintain a strong healthy marriage in today's society!

And woman perhaps make it easy for single fathers with custody to succeed. LOL....after all woman have such low expectation of our ability we cannot help but succeed.

But any custodial parent when faced with an ex who does not live up to their expectation.......should take a pill and and realize the time they spend with their children can never be measured. And the ones who are not involved will never make up that time. It take 2 to tango and create our children and be it one or be it two participating or active parents.....at the end of the day whining or crying about what they do or do not do compared to you....is only

Petty
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