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 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 249
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dadsPage 8 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Margo darling, from a handful of posts I've read thus far, you appear to be the smartest people in this forum.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 261
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:00:16 AM
I truly believe that it is my son's best interest to protect him from any a-hole that could behave this way. I could care less about that BS father's-movement crap "but it's his biological father". That's their only response to why he has a right to be in my son's life. In my case, that man is only one step beyond a sperm donor. Anybody want to tell me that I am wrong?

Well, yes, you're wrong, but you're also angry, jaded, bitter and have some unresolved issues.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 263
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/10/2008 11:10:02 AM
re msg #274
Let me see, you are punishing your son's father by having him have his son for 3 nights a week. He has done this for 4 months and it is all "just show" as far as you are concerned.

Sounds like MUCH more than a sperm donor to me, so I call your opinion *wrong*. OBVIOUSLY, I do not know the man so cannot say... but my wild stab at a guess here is he HAS parental feelings that go way beyond "just looking good". I'd also say by this time he has earned "the right" to be in his son's life, if indeed that was ever a "right" he needed to earn. Sounds like, after a false start, the man is stepping up to the plate and you resent it.

Just what is it you are protecting your son from? A man who had the audacity not to love you any more? That is a painful thing for you, but is quite separate from your son's reality. If I had to call it... I'd say it is time for you to get over it.
 wbishop
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 275
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:09:26 AM
I have the wonderful privelidge of spending 15 days a month with my 6 yr old daughter, does that make me a "part-time" dad? does that make my ex a "part-time" mom? I think it just makes us parents who are trying to be fair to each other and to our little girl. I would never belittle the difficulties of being a single mother, they are endless! however we dad's do run into a few ourselves, the biggest being a society that treats us as second class parents with almost no rights. For the first 3 months after our split I kept my daughter full time my ex did not even visit, and I have immense respect for full time single fathers. there are so many ways that they are treated poorly. for instance most places do not have changing tables in the mens restrooms and lets face it most of them are disgusting! who would want to change a baby in one? One of the hardest parts for me was that Ashtyn had just turned 4 and was not big enough to handle everything in the bathroom by herself but most places do not have unisex facilities for single parents so I had to take her into the mens room. I realize that a single mom with a son has a similar problem but the women are not lined up against a wall exposed to the child like in a mens room.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 280
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:10:55 PM
Chatty-smiles,
I agree with you but there are some determined trolls on this thread so I am warning you that you might be slammed. I am sure there are others reading this who feel the same but can't speak up due to fear of retaliation.

Ah yes, anyone that disagrees with your opinion must be a troll. And THAT, my friends, is truly the sign of a critical thinker.
 dreamboat333
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 291
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:28:10 AM
The whole reason moms take children in divorces is because our jacked up legal system runs on what other judges have done with cases in the past than on what's best in the present.

There was actually a judge in the hills of Arkansas somewhere, who said that because, when he was a boy on the farm, and he "...never saw no baby calf follow the bull but they always followed the mamma - he always gives custody to the mamma..."

This has been passed down from judge to judge, ruling to ruling and so now, men are literally treated like cattle (as are our kids and former spouses).

This has become known as "...the child of tender age..." theory. We can't ask the child of tender age what they want to do, and we can't remove the child of tender age from the mother... and how about this one, I know you've all heard it before... we need to protect what is "...in the best interest of the child..."

Well - these times are changing. Fathers are uniting to take back the God given right to father their children and are rising up against this effort to emasculate America by systematically extracting fathers from the lives of their children.

We can send kids to die oversees in a war for words like freedom and democracy - then we whipe our feet off on the very same constitution we pretend to defend when it comes to removing children from their fathers here in USA!


The U.S. Supreme Court implied that "a (once) married father who is separated or divorced from a mother and is no longer living with his child" could not constitutionally be treated differently from a currently married father living with his child. Quilloin v. Walcott, 98 S Ct 549; 434 US 246, 255^Q56, (1978).



Father enjoys the right to associate with his children which is guaranteed by this amendment (First) as incorporated in Amendment 14, or which is embodied in the concept of "liberty" as that word is used in the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment and Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment. Mabra v. Schmidt, 356 F Supp 620; DC, WI (1973).



The United States Supreme Court held that the "old notion" that "generally it is the man's primary responsibility to provide a home and its essentials" can no longer justify a statute that discriminates on the basis of gender. No longer is the female destined solely for the home and the rearing of the family, and only the male for the marketplace and the world of ideas. Stanton v. Stanton, 421 US 7, 10; 95 S Ct 1373, 1376, (1975).


Men - FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT.
 bubahotep2020
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 301
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:02:13 PM
butter cup I am sorry but the arrogance of your statements astonish me

"I think it would be super cool if a man was willing to join a support group."
insinuateing that no man is willing to join a support group, well when its named single MOMS no wonder you dont get many men. Have you looked and seen how many single dad programs are out there? more then you would imagine.

" If so, I'd love to meet that rare gem because I have a lot of respect for a man willing to interspect and consider himself for improvement in the areas of relationships."
Just outta curiosity why is it the man who needs to consider himself for improvement? I dont think men have the market cornered on being bad at relationships there are people on both sides of that fence lol.

"That said, there is not much of a market for mens' support group or even parenting groups for men." this has a glimmer of truth in that it was rare for a man to gain custiodial care of a child, the courts would go to great lengths to even allow an addict mother to retain her custody. Well now chica the times are changing and it is no longer a sure thing that if you are the woman you will automaticly get custodial care. And there are more support groups for single fathers all over the country. One of which is fathersrights.org if i remember the site address correctly.

" And if a man came into our support group, woman would not feel safe sharing gender issues (or issues about the dad) if any man were present."
Is that your own personal bias maybe?

And who are you to determine if i am a single father or a part time dad ( btw that term part-time dad is very insulting because it implies that I stop being a dad when my daughter leaves my home, does my ex stop being a mother?) I am a father a dad I dont need anything else in front of those two words. labeling me in any other manner is insulting.

just because a parent regardless of gender does not have full 100% custody does not make them less of a parent. What makes some one less of a parent is if they do not provide emotional support let alone financial support.

While on paper I am told i have 42% custody I still have my daughter every week for a little less then half the week and I also have her every summer. That adds up to more then 50% but by your logic I guess I am still just a part time dad.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 308
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:33:23 PM
^^^ I know what you mean, lovelifeHAzip. There are other dating sites that ask your child status with options that include......No.....Yes.....Yes, sometimes....Yes, living at home.....Yes, not living at home. An indescribable feeling of pain shoots through you when you have to check that last box.



~ds~
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 310
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:33:22 AM
I can't believe how childish and petty this thread is. Too funny!
 bubahotep2020
Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 313
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:49:26 PM
"I am a full-time dad...three year old son and a one year old daughter.....when I am not working I am home with my kids. I know it sounds odd a 22 year old with his kids all the time but it is true and it is very difficult to find time to do anything without my children....any male who see's his kids everyother weekend and calls himself a SINGLE FATHER is just fooling himself.

Its a long story why I have my children but I will tell everyone that I would never trade any moment (good or bad) I spend with them. In my oppinion your not a single DAD unless you have primary custody or a dead beat mother (in my case right now).

Its a sad thing to think about or even talk about but I only hope that one day I find someone that will be willing and wanting to spend her life with me and my children."

ellioc2004 your situation blows and I feel for you bub, but Calling me a part time dad would get you a swift kick in the huevos and maybe a headbutt thrown in lol. While I cannot speak for all, I will speak for myself. I have my daughter every weekend and most of the summer. Am I still labeled by you a part time dad? So in other words I stop being a father when my daughter leaves my home?

If you like it or not I AM a single father I spend as much time as possible with my daughter, more then what is written on the divorce decree "the ex goes on her little trips with her gf" I attend PTA meetings, I bake brownies, I help with homework, I take her to the hospital when she is sick "ex will not take her to the hospital", and a myrad of other things that make a parent a parent. But according to you if I dont have a piece of paper that says primary custody I am a nobody just basicly an overglorified nanny so that the ex can go out. Thanks bub for setting mens parental rights back 2 generations.
 deletedpost
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 330
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:43:01 PM
Alrighty .. some of these posts are getting nasty.

Isn't the definition of a single dad simply a dad thats single....full time or part time..... thats the definition isn't it.

A buddy of mine actually left his wife because of her temper and control issues. Ive seen it personally... broken plates... slashed furniture... yelling .. cutting up the father in front of the children..... horrible environment for kids. She couldn't see past her petty reason for her anger and see the damage she was causing. If you can't control your temper the kids loose ... all the time ...regardless of the reason..bottom line...

Personally i dont care if he was banging her sister or the babysiter.. (he wasn't.. she was just parinoid) absolutely nothing gives her the right to do that to the kids. Complete idiot.

Now despite all this they now both have joint custody... Shes proffesionally employed and a good co-providor for the kids but emotionally toxic. He wishes he could have full custody but until she fully self destructs ... he doesnt have a chance.

He takes the kids to daycare and picks them up. Buys their clothes and toys.. takes them out socializing. Has them stay over every other week.

Now.... is he not a single dad.
 okieman1963
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 337
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/12/2008 8:29:38 AM
I have more rescpect now then i ever have for moms period.....Im a full time dad..Ive had them fulltime for a year and half now...havnt heard or seen there mother in a year,this is fine with me ,but very hard on my kids...specially my doughtor who is 9 As far as being a fulltime parent..we defintly stay buzy...Im fortunate that im self employed and can make my own schedule...does make things a little easier...Plus thank god school started...yee haw....I never thought id end up raising my kids myself...but hear i am...Id like to mention also that my doughtor has cancer....was diagnosed at age 2 with a brain tumor...shes been thru it all....kemo radiation...and plenty of visits to childrens hospital....they say theres no remmission for her type of cancer,but shes proving them wrong...she doing great and just started the third grade...does great and made the honor role last year.....The cancer has left her slightly handicaped on her left side...but it dosnt stop her one bit....Wow im really rambling on...sorry...I acually got on here to meet women, not ramble on in these forums..lol I guess what im really trying to say is that parenting is tuff whether your a man or women.....fulltime or part time...married or single.....as far as the dead beat dads and moms out there....you suck........................For The rest of you......take care ........did i metion school started ,,,,,Yee Haww..............
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 341
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:00:41 AM
Isn't time to end this pity party? Lol!

 billyray1971
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 344
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:29:27 PM
Single mom's have the hardest time due to challenges unique to being a mother in this society.

you try fighting the leagal system when you are a man and the mother does not want you to have contact with your childreen. it is very hard and costly and some people mothers will play the system so that the farther child bond is broken. this then means that you get to see your child for two hours with someone watching you.

i do not tink that men a put in a priveliged position and i do not aprove for any parent being a part time parent. if you have childreen then should be a 50/50 split. you have a responsablity to your childreen for life not just for christmass.
 billyray1971
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 345
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:42:38 PM
I think it would be super cool if a man was willing to join a support group.

i am involve with running a support group that mainly men come to that are gowing through the pain of seperation and devorce. and very person ing that group is conserned about their childreen. it is called families need fathers.
 billyray1971
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 346
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:43:53 PM
sorry i forgot to say this group is uk wide and has been running since 1979
 HeyItsLogan
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 354
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:40:37 PM
I consider myself a single dad. I'm a dad, and i'm single...so i think the phrase single dad fits.

I have my son on weekends fri-sun. I pay entirely for his school and i pay his mother child support. I would love to have my son full time and have told his mother that he could come live with me and she could come get him on weekends. This way she could focus on school or whatever she wants to do without having my son in the way. That and the fact that she drops him off at school at 8 in the morning and picks him up at 5pm and 3 days of the week she has night classes where my mom ends up watching him from 6-10.
She doesn't want to give him up. She thinks it would make her look like a bad mother. I don't want to take him away from her because I think its best that both parents have an active role in the childs life..... so....for now i guess i'm a part time dad, but that change the fact that i'm a single dad.

Anyone who thinks that because a father doesn't have his child full time cares or loves their child less than someone who does have them full time is shallow and naive.

There are plenty of single dads who have hardly any social life because they give up their weekends to be with their kids. Myself included.

I know plenty of single moms who say the whole reason they want to have the kids during the week is so they could have their weekends free to go out and party, and collect child support.

But i'm not on here calling all "full time moms" gold digging sluts because i know to think that would be judgemental and untrue in most cases.
 thatusernameistaken
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 374
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/13/2009 2:44:05 PM
I want to post in this thread just to get a reply from Tealwood. Love it!

Do me next! Do me next!

Single father, primary residency of two children (66.6%), she pays no child support, I pay $1300 a month in spousal support. wheeeee!

The "single father" tag seems to still be a new one to a lot of people. Most people always refer to the mother as the single parent and to the guy as the divorced guy who has kids; as if to imply they aren't fathers.
 thatusernameistaken
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 378
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/14/2009 9:06:25 AM

But that $1,300 does seem steep and very unfair! It could be worse......she might still be living with you?


Indeed my good man, indeed. She has requested an increase to $2500.oo/month in the courts now, but we'll see how that goes. I tried the lump sum amount, but we couldn't agree on a number of course.

As for paying for the sugar I got....... wouldn't that make her a prostitute???
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 381
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/14/2009 11:26:32 AM

If you have the child over 50% of the time why do either of you have to pay child support?


I have my kids 50% of the time at least. While the child support is very reasonable as my ex does not view C/S as an additional income but rather assistance in providing for the kids, why I pay it in this instance is because of this.

Their mom works in a factory that provides good health benefits worthy of keeping the kids on her plan as opposed to mine. I figure C/S helps with covering half of the premiums that come out of her check.

Their mom pays the school lunches. Assistance with that.

Since both of my children are daughters, I defer to their mom's taste in clothing. She's a terrible shopper in that she overspends on their clothes, but still they do have pretty clothes.
 nick52567
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 384
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/14/2009 5:59:25 PM
now hear this,ive been a single dad for about6 years of three beautiful kids.i work 12 hours a day three days, i bring my kids to almost all there doctor appointments, i cook ,clean, bath go to all their baseball games,soccor,concertstake them to ammusment parks,parks,the beach.i aiso get up in the morning do my kids hair feed them and take them to school[thay missed about1 or 2 days of schoolthis year]i also carry all health insurance on them.i love my kids very much and i wouldnt change a thing.i find your letters very insulting lady. a very good dad nick
 nooner_98010
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 390
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/15/2009 12:12:41 PM
I think it all comes down to motive: if a guy says he's a "Single Dad" to get a date with a "Single Mom", well that's just not right. And the OP has a valid point.

On the other hand, he's letting everyone know that he's got some 1st priority obligations: his cash supply is going somewhere else, his weeknights are all about homework and PTA and bedtime stories and his weekends are probably going to be some kid's sport or activity. No matter what his motive, and no matter whether he's 24/7 or 48/2.

I have 2 daughters (17, 10) 24/7. I'm 53 years old. To be honest, I'm not sure what my motive was when I put that "Single Dad" on my profile.

The reality is that most women interested in dating a 53 year old guy are thinking about traveling, weekend getaways, adult get-togethers - they've already spent their time raising kids and want to get-a-life or have-a-life of their own. It's a red light indicator. But it's also honest - and it's fair. She deserves her time in the sun. I'm going to be running around doing kid stuff. If a woman is interested in me, she needs to know that.
 pentopaper
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 391
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My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/15/2009 4:28:31 PM
I am a full time dad but my little brother says that because i only have 1 child that im still not a real parent so i guess its all in how you preceeve things.
I am more than willing to join a support group Ill take all the help i can get. But unfourtanitlly they dont exist for us men if anybody knows of one in the Calhoun,Rome,Dalton area contact me.
Larry
 CCCNO
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 395
My beef about PART TIME dads who identify as SINGLE dads
Posted: 5/17/2009 11:30:32 PM
The court systems the set rules. For divorced parents.
A typically divorce . Woman loses control of her husband. Uses children to control husband. Husband loses parenting and family life with his kids. Kids and father are only part time now. Father pays child support. Single father , wants to reset his life again. Will seek new life with new kids and his ex kid( part time). By court system. You do not likeUS court system??????

You do not like sole ownership of children????


You should have thought and consider this before divorce. Do not wine and complain.

After after math of situation.

Live with it and move on. Divorced woman with kids( no longer a big demand with men......too much baggage)
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