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 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 40
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The difference between a fixer and a keeperPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You write, "So I'm okay with my fixer status, I think."
And yet, the point of your post seems to be you're really not ok with it any more.
It will not change...you will not change.... until you make up your mind and not 'sit on the fence' keeping all possibilities open.
You create your reality -you are responsible for who you attract and how you interact - something in you definitely is attracting men that 'need your help'...or so you think they do...
These are not children and you are not their mother. If you want your children to grow up, you have to stop mothering them.
The man who was a widower and single parent now and CEO - clearly these are obvious signs of someone who might need your help.....your form of loving and supporting them...I'm surprised you could not see before hand he would definitely be needing some extra support now.
You have to look and see what part of you is getting satisfied or loved by being needed, even just temporarily. Is it the way you feel love for or value yourself?
If you've ever been with someone who is a fixer, it is a hard shell to crack. They tend to see you as needing fixing, even when you don't, and it keeps the spotlight off them, thereby protecting themselves.
Look and see what part of you might be afraid to show your vulnerability...as margo said.
They say all life experience can be seen as 'filling containers'. When you have filled this one up, then you will be done with fixing people and will start experiencing other aspects of relationships and love. Is it full yet?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 43
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The difference between a fixer and a keeper
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:37:28 AM
As long as you tell him instead of continuing on the path then you are making progress on your codependency. I think when we are younger we mistake foolishly clinging to something that is never going to work with loyalty and support. You can be supportive without grabbing on and going down the drain with the guy for lack of a better analogy so early in the morning.

My X was a fixer-upper whom I believed a victim of circumstances what I found was that he has a victim mentality that facilitates his blaming everyone on the planet for his problems but himself. When I encountered a similar man but in a kinder, gentler version, I fairly quickly thought, I am soooo not doing this again.

Would it be better not to attract the nutjobs in the first place, well duh. Getting rid of them in a timely manner so that you don't invest any more of your precious time and affection, priceless.
 ShadowLands
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 50
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The difference between a fixer and a keeper
Posted: 3/31/2008 8:43:59 AM

You know where the healthy ones are?


Texas. When you get here give me a call.

Maybe you should be a counselor.
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