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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > after 40 it is really hard to find a date      Home login  
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 261
after 40 it is really hard to find a datePage 13 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Duh? Don't you think I don't know it is about appearance, hence my saying that in my post and living 52 years. I just found it rude for you to suggest what you did, as if to say that he was not good enough as he is. You would probably be offended if someone told you what you were doing wrong on a date if you get few second dates, but then I seem to have a sensitive heart and manners that work for me, things that are rare. I can be as damn touchy as I want to be.
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 262
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 12/31/2009 11:25:11 AM
There is another alternative... find the very, very small part of society that does not feel as if only a certain body shape or size equates to a person's being attractive. I just thought it was rude that you suggested he change things about his appearance, which was merely my opinion.
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 263
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 12/31/2009 11:54:30 AM
Geez, I'm about 5'11", ya think I have the only "certain body shape or size." Gosh, talk about thinking shallow. I dated and didn't have problems finding dates.

I don't agree about the beard or glasses. I didn't read what 944 enjoyed doing with his friends, dates, or free time. He has the token list, but nothing in his description about who the real he is. Now if someone says that they enjoy going to concerts where (insert list of artists he enjoys) are appearing, kewl. But that isn't what I read. That is why I said profile review. I also hate reading what someone says they are looking for. I know that (yes, still seeing the guy I was told to dump) I would not being seeing him for over a year if I had any kind of comments about what I thought I was looking for. I think the more open you are the more opportunities. That is my opinion.

This is a sighted dating site. I have yet to meet someone that was telling me about someone they went out with where they didn't describe what they looked like. Appearance does matter. The suggestions given to 944 were made by someone that thought he was helping, no ill will! There are people that can use makeovers on this site that make themselves look older and aren't in style at all, but heck, that is my opinion about them, I don't ask for opinions about my appearance, and don't offer my opinion about others. I will give generalizations though.

If you aren't dating and refuse to take the first step, the obvious visual ones, then you have no excuses. You can't blame others for your lack of effort.
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 264
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 12/31/2009 12:14:48 PM
Unfortunately, it is difficult to date after 40. I've also experienced this since joining this site. This is because all the good ones are taken. And all the good ones that are not taken seem to set their standards too high when trying to find someone to date. Also, a lot of guys refuse to date someone who has a lot of kids by different fathers. Another thing I noticed is that some women don't physically take care of themselves as the years go by, and then they expect to find a tall cute handsome guy to date them which will never realistically happen (an example of setting standards too high). A lot of women on here have plenty of opportunity to date available men. It's just that a lot of women are too picky in choosing who to date. I noticed that the ones in search of a long-term relationship are not really looking for a long-term relationship, or they simply don't respond to emails for whatever reason.
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 265
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 12/31/2009 12:17:49 PM
Not me, I date men who are not half as good looking as I am, and since I am short and plump I like men who are tall and thin, maybe my standards are not high enough?
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 266
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/5/2010 10:16:21 AM
Love the post quicksilver!!!
I am 43 and have a female housemate the same age. We get along famously..its like being married to a great partner..only we don't have sex..( sounds like most marriages anyway!)
The great thing about it is.. we can go on a date ,weekend getaway, parties.. whatever and not get grilled when we get home!!!
As the men our age are seeking younger women...I am glad they the younger men are seeking out us more mature women... and even though its definately not solid relationship stuff... it is way more fun!
Being single in my 40' a plus..been married.. had my children.. all are grown and on their own.. time for me!
What I don't understand is how these men my age.. have such small children....ages 3 and 4...I wouldn't want to get involved with a man like that anyway!!!! They will be back in diapers before they are grandparents!
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 267
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/5/2010 10:40:14 AM
I think some of them had kids with wife number two or three, or they had children with wife number one and then a surprise baby might have arrived that might have been unplanned when they were older. Some have also adopted children that their wife already had who might be younger if they married a younger woman. My brother will be 65 when his daughter graduates from high school, as he married for the first time at age 45 and she is now 7. He seems to love being a father.
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 268
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/12/2010 5:57:26 AM
"Emotionallydetached" is a cool and beautiful woman and I hope some guy half my age will discover her, she is too good to waste.

Why do men over 40 seek out the 20-somethings? Let me point out what I have noticed.

Many women who grew up in the 'fifties seem to think in terms of antiquated gender-role assumptions. Like, a guy is expected to woo them, but not vice versa.

And each person can love only one other person, and that has to be a person of the opposite sex. Funny but I don't remember when we voted to get those laws passed. Why can't life be what we choose to make it be, rather than what tradition says it is supposed to be?

Living in Europe I noticed that people are fully capable of loving many persons and that does NOT mean jumping into bed with them. Love is NOT the same as sex. Relationships do NOT have to be only one-on-one.

The American concept of "dating" meaning one-on-one relationships in social life is so childish. People should be free to enjoy the company of others in any number they choose and of whatever gender they choose.

Now I think women in their twenties today are free from a lot of the restrictive assumptions that used to apply. A modern woman is a lot more interesting than an older person who wants to listen to Lawrence Welk or go to Branson and imagines that life is about "dating" the way they used to do in high school.

The world has moved on and in my opinion life is a lot more enjoyable today. There are all kinds of people out there waiting to meet you and if you go out and make yourself visible you will encounter them, so come on girls, do NOT wait for some man to take the lead in taking you places, get out and be independent. Call your travel agent today and book a trip to Europe ALONE and spend a few weeks being on your own and risk being vulnerable and be approachable and you will be amazed how much richer your life can become.
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 269
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/13/2010 2:51:43 AM
Unfortunately, it is difficult to date after 40. I've also experienced this since joining this site. This is because all the good ones are taken.

with today's divorce rate, there are lots and lots of folks in their 40's who are single (and generally, their kids are older too). guess that's the only good thing about the divorce rate!

people are pickier than ever, it seems. i imagine the easy availability of so many people (online for example) fosters that pickiness. i have a couple of guy friends who should be real catches, yet they frequently run up against the same thing: women in the 6-7 looks range who either have no job or not very good jobs, either no or marginal education, and usually have young kids to boot who routinely blow these guys off. (they tend to keep the guys on the string to pay for stuff, but they never want to kiss or cuddle and they routinely cancel dates when some hot male bartender comes along...then they jump in the sack.) even i can't quite figure it. these guys are bare minimum 7 to 8+ (better looking than the women), tall, fairly wealthy, and quite elegant and confident. i imagine it goes both ways...probably a lot of marginal guys out there who do the same thing. i think what happens is if the person has a decent body and an ok face, they're gonna get some attention and they tend to misinterpret that to mean they can get any guy/gal and they also never seem to consider what looks they have (as i said not much above avg except maybe the body) aren't gonna last. then the guys/gals aren't gonna look and they're gonna be stuck with no career, no education...basically, no future. it seems a bit short-sighted. then again, people who don't aspire to much (and riding a well-off guy's/gal's coat tails doesn't count), tend to be somewhat short-sighted, in general. with these guy friends of mine, they were going for much younger gals, so i could understand the younger women blowing them off....but now they're both going for women who are in their late 30's/ early 40's (close to their ages) who act the same as the younger women...blowing them off as though the party will never end. it's like it doesn't occur them they're on very borrowed time if they don't have a really great career (and they don't)...5 yrs down the road, they'll be lucky to get 60+ yr olds! one of the guys is totally perplexed...he knows he should be catch, but these gals who should be thinking they hit the jackpot are just not interested. one of the gals is kind of cute, but just turned 40, decent body, but really short...and she's running around in the shortest shorts she can find (how long is that gonna last? lol) and she whips her top off all the time...just wildly parties...meanwhile, she's about to lose her house. none of it phases her. life is just one topless party and one bartender after another!!!
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 270
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:11:50 AM
^^^^^perhapes the men need to date average looking women who have good jobs, but then those women might not like them, as the men might be too concerned about appearance and money.
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 271
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:27:31 AM

fifi, you may have a good point there. you know, even though they're friends, i've sometimes thought perhaps these guys being drawn to these women reflects who the guys really are. i usually figure live and let live though. overall, admittedly, the guys are all up for the wild partying too...and it's kind of funny, cuz both of these guys act so proper and straight-laced in their professional lives (no one in their professions would believe it unless these guys ever get caught...kind of like tiger woods' squeaky clean image and look at the behind-the-scenes reality). these guys literally lead double lives. i sometimes think they've almost come to the point of thinking rules don't apply to them. anyway, all i know is they're both always perplexed. even if they are wild partiers on the sly, so are the gals and the gals just aren't as cute, well-off, educated, or anything as the guys, yet the bartenders always trump these guys. so it remains a mystery... well, maybe not; afterall, like begets like...
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 272
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/13/2010 4:26:16 AM

yep a woman at 40 should go after a man in his fifties unless he's a young kid looking to cougar hunt.

i gotta say this: women aren't that much different from men. no one wants what they perceive to be old and ugly! i'm early 40's and trust me, i am not attracted to guys in their 50's...or even past more so than i would think a guy in his early 40's would go for a woman in her 50's. why is it guys seem to think women don't mind dating old coots? we're a little more liberal than guys...we generally prefer to date people 2 or 3 yrs older to quite a lot usually date 2 or 3 yrs younger to quite a lot younger. i think if a guy is going to go younger, a gal 5 yrs younger probably won't view him as old, but if he starts pushing 10 yrs older, we're probably not too interested. if it gets to your parents' ages, it just unthinkable. i honestly think a guy might be able to reasonably expect to get a serious relationship with a woman maybe 7 or 8 yrs younger. anything more than that, it's probably not the guy she's attracted's some sort of excitement he represents (and usually involves her perceiving him as glamorous or well-off or something along those lines...seems exciting to her...but it eventually wears off & then she's sleeping with the pool boy until the old guy catches her...) at any rate, i know 4 guys i met off another dating service and being nosy, i always ask about their experiences online and then they generally open up about their exes too. all 4 of those guys were...well, without going into detail, were very well employed...and all 4 of them had married women 12 or 13 yrs their junior. (it was almost uncanny to run into 4 separate guys whose situations were almost clones of each others'.) all the wives ran with a horseshoer, another with a cop, and can't remeber what the other 2 were...but something along those lines. one of the guys was just sitting there repeating in a confused daze..."can you believe it, a cop...a cop...and i'm a ________." (btw, all due respect to "cops" wasn't me saying it...i'm simply repeating it.) point is, these women dumped their "older" husbands for cuter, younger guys who didn't have close to the positions these guys had...and none of these "older" guys were bad looking...but in every single case, once the younger wife got used to the situation to the point where she had become used to the lifestyle, all of a sudden she was faced with nothing more than an older husband. quite frankly, i was a bit surprised because even though 12-13 yrs seems like it's pushing it, i didn't think it was an *outrageous* age gap, but apparently, it was enough for the women to run off with younger, poorer studs! anyway, if that's happening to well-off, attractive "older" guys, i can only imagine what would happen to the more average older guy. actually, that's a moot point...those ex wives would never have given the average "older" guy a chance. it was the perceived excitement of the "well -off" older guy's lifestyle they were attracted to. you know, those ex wives may well have also thought they were in love with the older guy (trying to give the benefit of the doubt here) and not realized what it really was. it's easy to mistake a glamorous, exciting lifestyle for love. well, that's pretty well what happened...and even though anecdotal, i highly doubt these cases were anomalies. btw, i have no hidden agenda saying any of this...i don't care who dates whom. lastly, if you're dating older, younger, or in between, as long as everyone is happy, kudos to you. oh yeah, ain't nothing wrong with cougar hunters, either!
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 273
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/13/2010 2:27:05 PM
no need to shoot the messenger. those situations serve as succinct summations...very reflective of how people think and act. you may not like it, but it *is* the reality.

...and "ancient" is relative. it seems some men don't like to hear women aren't attracted to older men any more than men are attracted to older women. i'm sure there are occasional exceptions, but it's not the norm. i'm afraid your reaction serves mainly to underscore my point. i also believe many men don't want to face the truth; afterall, it would ruin fantasies of thinking younger people are attracted. we're just not interested. that goes for any age from 20's to 80's. we are attracted to our peers and that does include age.

just think back 10 or 20 years ago and remember how *you* viewed both men and women who were 10 to 20 yrs older than you...they seemed ancient. that has not changed. moreover, you probably also view people 10 to 20 yrs older than your current age as ancient. in general, people are going to think someone that much older is ancient relative to whatever age they may happen to be. generally, you're most likely going to seem ancient to someone more than 7 or 8 yrs younger...and that goes for both genders. i'm not sure why people even argue the point. it seems so inherently obvious. if people want to believe otherwise, it's their choice to believe as they wish. just don't act disappointed when fantasy doesn't become reality.

last point: we don't always get what we want in life. that's the harsh reality. i see a lot of lonely people in the making in these discussions. i'm certainly not suggesting "settling," but at some point, realistic thinking has to enter the picture. you may have to make a choice to remain single; perhaps some will "settle," while the few very lucky may actually get that fantasy, but, statistically, it won't be most people... the bottom line is if you wish to acheive something, you have to have the right thing to put into the equation. far too many people don't have the right variables to put into a particular equation, then they wonder why the equation doesn't work.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 274
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:07:33 PM
I tried older and younger in my 20's and found out then that I wanted someone around my age and with a similar body type. That hasn't changed since then.

I figured I could expect what I could offer.
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 275
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:38:29 PM
Regarding fluffybrain's posts, I have not observed what she has said as true except when it comes to online dating. On the internet, woman will indeed max out on the age thing at 4 yrs older, while in real life, I have observed that woman really dont care at all and will easily flex 10-12 years older in a man. Its common to see a 28-34 yr old woman date men in their upper 30's to mid 40's. Just my observation. And jeez, I dont know who fluffy has been talking to(yikes!), I havent heard of woman 10 yrs younger leaving their husbands for age reasons such as for younger men. Thats just plain nonsense. Sound slike wishful thinking on her part. LOL. Though I do believe "American " people in general tend to divorce quite easily like its nothing.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 276
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:43:37 PM
^^^A few of us point out this truth - that online dating expectations and practices are very different than the real world.

It's why I still prefer to meet someone in the real world. It's why I tried going to the POF events. It's why I joined another online group to expand my social circle.

As much as most of us prefer having the photos, in some way it works against us! The phone line dating was kinda cool. You heard someone's voice as they described themselves. Of course, there were time wasters on there as well LOL.
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 277
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:32:45 PM
this isn't rocket science. let's make it really simple. if you're way older, you're just not going to look good to someone younger. you can slice it, dice it, and rationalize it any way you want, but the truth is the truth. i'd prefer not to be quite so blatant, but let's face it, the thought of kissing, etc someone way older repulses most of us. lala land is not to change that. sorry if you're not happy with it. i didn't make it that's basic biology.

bottom line: just because someone looks good to you does not mean you look good to them. some of you need to quit deluding yourselves. take a long, hard look in the mirror, then take a long hard look at the rest of what you have to offer.

everything else aside: this subject has been studied over and over again in psychology. people attract about their own level. if, for example, you're fat, old, bald, poor, uneducated you can't expect to attract that sleek, young, hot, female ceo.

it seems some don't want to face reality. there's no point arguing further.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 278
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/14/2010 5:29:35 AM

everything else aside: this subject has been studied over and over again in psychology. people attract about their own level. if, for example, you're fat, old, bald, poor, uneducated you can't expect to attract that sleek, young, hot, female ceo.

Well apparently alot of people do. There is another thread about "leagues" and I think your comment speaks to that. There are some hot young female ceo's who would be interested in a man that most wouldn't think they would be. However, if someone does not indicate that in their profile?

I seek a man who has a similar physical body type, but I rarely get that on here. Most are overweight. In person however I do attract what I seek. I think I'm pretty clear on what I am attracted to on my profile, yet it seems nobody really reads, what a newsflash! When that happens, I get miffed because I myself follow that rule. If a man stated on his profile that he doesn't like thin women? I don't contact him. What would be THE point?
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 279
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/14/2010 8:35:56 AM

owns a gorgeous house in an upscale neighborhood,

has a great career

why do is suspect if those ^^^^^
ingredients were missing from

just met a guy here on POF who is 49. He's got all his teeth, owns a gorgeous house in an upscale neighborhood, housebroke, fun to be out with, and very active!! Decrepit? I hardly think so! He's also quite intelligent, in great health, and has a great career, a wonderful attitude, and WOW! Looks like I've got a rare one -

^^^^this list, the picture might change?

and why do i think

The "40" year olds are most like 10 years older lying through their false teeth as usual.

is so funny??!!!!!
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 280
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 1/14/2010 8:50:27 AM

fluffy: So what I get from your post (misguided and confusing as it is) is that you're 41 and it repulses you when you think of having to kiss someone 45-50 years old.

cw, i don't really care who dates whom. i mostly see a lot of irony in these discussions and i like to stir it up.

having said that, i'm not all that attracted to people much older. people younger...well, that seems like yesterday, so they don't seem as young. and i'm not talking about being attracted to the unattractive younger ones. people older...well, i'm not there yet, so it always seems further removed. i just don't like the way it looks. as i get there, however, it seems more normal.

i doubt i'm misguided. i tend to see things all too clearly. most people live their lives enamored with yet envious of the joneses (generically, the joneses are anything these people find exciting whether money, looks, position, or anything else). they have all sorts of artificial interests, values are lacking,...and blah, blah, blah. i don't particularly gravitate toward that. i've seen too much and experienced things most people never i tend to see though it. it all seems so mickey mousey after a while.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 281
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 9/24/2010 8:13:20 PM
get a convertible, get over it all. Seems to be working for me.
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 282
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 9/24/2010 9:16:57 PM
I have to agree with gideonjoe
Improve yourself on making A BETTER PERSON, you can do so much in this world today with or without a partner in life.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 283
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 9/25/2010 11:44:51 AM

1. Maintain a Strong Social Network. Get out, join clubs, be a volunteer, get involved in different organizations. The more people who "know your name" the better.

2. Maintain your physical condition. Women arent shallow, but they all appreciate at least someone who is attempting to take care of their body. I find it highly amusing when a man 1/2 my age is asking me for advice on getting "bigger" or getting in better shape.

3. Take up new hobbies and activities, and try and pick those where you may actually meet someone interesting.

4. Improve yourself. Take a class, or two or however many your current job will allow. I am going to take 2 classes next year at a local Community College.

5. Dont center your life around dating. Center your life around getting better and having some fun!

Wow! Sound advice in forums? Who would've thought??? (Couldn't agree more, especially with #5.)
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 284
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:25:25 AM
Agreed. ^^^^^Don't center your life around dating. No, it isn't hard to date in your 40's. Simply meet people and date. Enlarge your social network; get involved in volunteer/ community activities; get involved in church, etc. I meet people every day and find people to hang out with as friends, etc. I keep a very positive attitude about life in general.
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 285
after 40 it is really hard to find a date
Posted: 12/14/2010 3:32:50 PM
This just isn't always true. I'm an older gentleman in his fifties who has reached out to a good number of women in their forties and fifties, and only recieve sporadic response. I am intelligent, successful, honest, respectiful, fun loving, in good physical shape, and not at all bad looking. I'm just looking for a woman who can truthfully say the same things about herself. And THEY are hard to find.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > after 40 it is really hard to find a date