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Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 16
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My bf disappears when I have my son......Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Talk to him and let him tell you his real thoughts, and not just what you may want to hear.......

Many of us come from broken homes ourselves, and remember the pain and heartache when our parents dated others, slept with them, even married them, and then moved on to the next one........

For some of us, family is very private and personal, and others are only allowed in when totally right and understood by all concerned. You seem to be looking to him for what he should do for you and your child, but maybe you need to look more to yourself and what you need to do for that child while another may be in your life.

There is no need to point fingers or accuse another in something like this, but much more to have an open and frank discussion about what is, why it is, and what should be done about it......

Just my opinion.........
Joined: 7/3/2005
Msg: 17
My bf disappears when I have my son......
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:33:17 AM
OP, obviously, alot of people have been in this situation. For me, the lack of respect my ex's son gave his mother that he got from his father's family made it hard for me to want to be around her little boy. It bothered me that her boy would treat her that way.

One option that I haven't seen yet is that there doesn't have to be a close relationship between your beau and your boy, as long as they can get along, most importantly depending on how long they need to be together. I haven't seen how old your son is but, and I'm going to give the extremes and you need to figure out where in the middle you are to figure out if this is an option or not. If you have a newborn, long term is that the 2 of them need to form a relationship for the next 15-20 years together. Something needs to get better if it's going to last that long. If your son is already 18 (probably not because your only 33), he will be off on his own soon and it won't be an issue.

The key is, are you willing to wait until your child is out of the picture whether it's 15 years, 10 years, maybe only 5 years or less. If not, the obvious solution is that you and your boyfriend need to talk.

Probably not much help but another thought.
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 18
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My bf disappears when I have my son......
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:52:38 PM
I think that he is being rather thoughtful.. and he sounds like a pretty good fellow from this.. because he seems to be protecting your child from getting emotionally involved with him till he knows where this is headed.

It is difficult on children to bond with a boyfriend or girlfriend of a parent only to have them leave when they break up.
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 19
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My bf disappears when I have my son......
Posted: 5/24/2008 11:26:24 PM
Fleur had it right

Perhaps he's right in not spending time with your son since if you break up the kids lose a friend as well
If you become engaged then that's the time to spend time together
I think there are too many single mothers without much sense, their priorities are all out of whack. He's your kid, no one else's. You should be protecting and raising them not worrying about what your play partner does or thinks. When they're 18 you can do whatever the hell you want.

You already got divorced and left them minus one parent, who is now part time. On second thought yea introduce him to any guy you meet he needs to get used to losing attachments let's traumatize him further.
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 21
My bf disappears when I have my son......
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:51:20 AM
its all about the sex...hmmmm
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 22
My bf disappears when I have my son......
Posted: 5/25/2008 9:56:42 AM
You should sit down with him and talk to him about how he feels about not just hanging out with you but with you and your son sometimes. ask him why it seems like he is avoiding coming over when its you and your little one.
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 23
My bf disappears when I have my son......
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:10:26 PM
Wow you sure dont waste time; Anyways it's obvious you have some issues on choosing a good guy. You've been boyfriend and girlfriend for 8 months so it's obvious the other guy was just a fling or something.

your BF wants you; not the kid; Its not his and to be honest I would never date a person in your situation because I would wonder what were you thinking. P.S. use protection!!!!!

This relationship is probably not going to work. He's not into your past and present situation but is more into you and having sex with you.

Train wreck. You need to stop dating for a while and get your life and future straight.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
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My bf disappears when I have my son......
Posted: 5/25/2008 3:54:41 PM

It's my guess that the kid is probably misbehaving when your boyfriend is around. Whether it be out of 'jealousy' because mom hasn't established effective 'parent/child' boundaries.....or because the kid has assumed HE is the boss, and mom goes along with it.

That was my initial thought too. I've seen lots of divorced parents (both mothers and fathers), who let kids get away with bloody murder, because they feel guilty about the divorce, and the kid(s) winds up running the household. It is about establishing boundaries, and mom or dad has to clearly let the children know what is and isn't acceptable behavior. In my experience, nothing has made me lose respect for a single mom quicker than one who is overly indulgent with a badly misbehaving child. I've seen 9 year old boys call their mom a witch, tell her dinner sucks and throw mashed potatoes at her, and she just told him to eat his dinner. No wonder I didn't want to be around that too often.
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