Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 216
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stablePage 13 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
most people (men and women) just aren't attracted to what they perceive as irresponsible bums. financial stability also reflects other values in life: tenacity, work ethic, ability to defer gratification, ambition, drive. i have those qualities and i expect them in my friends, family, colleagues, mates, etc.. moreover, i worked long and hard to get the degrees i have and to get the career i have. i gravitate towards peers (in all aspects of my life)- plain and simple. men who aren't peers and who don't have core values similar to mine turn me off. there's nothing more to it.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 218
view profile
History
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:07:28 PM
If that soul mate that lives is Michigan is my husband and he lose his job and our house is reposes that is a different story, I will do my best to help him. But if he lose his job and his house soul mate or no soulmate I won't date him , myself is a enough baggage for me to take care and I don't need another baggage....lol
 redkatt
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 221
view profile
History
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:46:34 AM
This is my take on this subject for what it's worth.

I have dated well off men, I have dated not so well off men but I have given them all an equal shot. From this experience I have learned that for it to work for me a man must bring what I bring to the table and that there is nothing wrong with that expectation.
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 223
view profile
History
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 9:14:56 AM
Amen sister!

I've heard..."how people treat money is how they treat their relationships"
Of course bad things happen to good people, and that's terrible.
But you really do need to have your own act together before you can make a relationship work.
 DDTlike007
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 224
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 11:01:59 AM
if your soulmate is in a financial distress like getting laid off from a job
or his business tanked or gone belly up,then you should stick by him no matter whats going on,for thick or thin you should stick with him,if you are a true soulmate with him.after all a pack of wolves sticks together no matter what ,so we should'nt be any less different.
 FloridaMusicMan
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 227
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 11:28:58 AM
SOOOOOOOOO many Narrow minded people in one place wow.Continue to place materalist values above happiness,continue to work every second of your life for things that do not matter when life is done.Some of us understand that the ONLY thing worth having is LOVE.In whatever form it comes,soulmate,true love,unconditional love.Happiness can and is only found when you find LOVE.So please continue to rationalize your "Baggage""Failed Relationships""Inept Partner" on financial ruin.materalist,possessions.When your end comes and it will the thing you wish you had is love,only love. Happy Fishing.
 callwilliam2
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 229
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:06:10 PM

I sit and browse through these profiles, looking for that special someone, and at least 50 percent or more are looking for their soulmate who is financial stable. Good god what planet are you people on ?


Look, let's be realistic. You're a man. And what women look for is whatever they consider a complete man.

Many women want a man who can hold down a job at the very least. That is just something that is practical and contributes to successful operation of a household (cost of housing, electricity, water, insurance and all that kind of stuff).

They probably would like to see job stability. They want to see and know that a man, if not rich, can at least hold down a job. This is the planet we all live on, and a lot of people want structure and consistency in their own lives and consistent behavior from their soul-mate.
 Invictus01
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 230
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:23:46 PM
While I understand the whole "love is blind" concept.... there surely are limits to everything. For example, chances of me falling in love with a crackhead are pretty slim.

DISCLAIMER : The above sentence is just an example and in no shape or form I'm trying to imply that all financilly unstable people are crackheads.
 stircrazee
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 231
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/3/2008 11:23:43 AM
Well said, music man!
I think it's horrible to be so materialistic. You're not taking it with you when you drop dead, so what's the point? I live by this motto: I would rather live in a one bedroom apartment for the rest of my life be happy & in love than live in the biggest mansion, with diamonds one every finger & be miserable. And I can take care of myself, I am not looking for some guy to take care of me....my mama taught me better than that
 Lisa Colburn
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 236
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 11:52:45 AM
To Falling Ember Response to Tarashea


It's pretty clear that men and women are different creatures and do not value the same traits. It's even clearer that we're all individuals.


This is a non-sequitur. Tarashea clearly stated, and correctly so, that Materialism afflicts women far more than men, in fact the disparity is enormous. It is more of a Cultural/Gender programming ( or mis-programming ) than it is a gender-only thing.


You don't value a financially stable partner, while a woman may not value a height-weight-proportionate mate. To each their own. Why judge someone on their mating criteria when you have some of your own?


The difference my dear is that Materialism, or wanting a financially "stable" partner has its roots in and is solely a selfish and superficial desire. As opposed to tarashea's not wanting to hook up with someone engaged in behaviors that will lead to physical and emotional trauma, and even death.

As was observed in another thread Heart disease is the #1 Killer of women, and the primary cause of HD in women is being overweight. Being overweight is a choice. Not wanting to date a drug addict, or a smoker, or anyone engaged in willful behaviors of choice that will lead to serious medical consequences terminating in an early and painful death is not to be compared to a woman who wants a partner who is finaicially "stable", or who is "white collar", or who is financially successful. In short, you are comaparing apples amd oranges.

The definition of "financially stable" is also not universal. The correct definition is "does one live within ones means". However, as was observed several pages earlier in this thread, most women do not stop at this, and invariably in a profile where a woman says she wants someone "financially stable", she then goes on to show her real colors and expands and adds to the correct definition by making some other "bimbo" comment, proving she is interested in more than "does the guy live within his means".

You have done so yourself in this very post - if all you were interested in was someone who lives within his means, thats fine. But of course like most materialistic women, you go further, and show your true colors thusly:


....or be content with our kids eating crap because we can't afford organic.


Now not only do you want a man who lives within his means, you have to have one with Bucks $$$ so as to maintain a lifestyle of choice by eating organic as opposed to normal regularr foods. And PLEASE spare me your futile attempts at rationalizing your behavior, your talking to a Psychologsit deary, not one of your coffee-clatch neighborhood moms.

I shant address in this thread the erroneous belief that today's non-organic foods are light-yrs worse than organics, I will simply close by saying its a materialistic choice, much like saying you need a man that can afford a Saab or a Mercedes because you have the idea ( mistaken ) that they are safer than an American ( and therefore cheaper ) car.

If you are in the Atlanta area I shall be pleased to offer you several numbers of very good, highly educated therapists and/or scientists in the area that you might want to consider talking to about your fringe beliefs.

Lisa
 Del Monty !
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 239
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:24:21 PM
Wyatt Earp lived in Los Angeles until his death in 1929. By his side in his home was his "live in" companion of 47 years.....Ms.Josephine Marcus. His wife, Mattie Earp had become a drug addict and had wandered off into the Arizona wilderness desert in 1881.....never to be seen again. Her addiction was depicted in the movie "Tombstone." She probably died lost somewhere in the vast wilderness.... of Lord knows what...exposure...starvation...etc. Wyatt Earp was interviewed at his home in L.A. for a book "Tombstone" that was written in 1927 .....and Ms.Marcus helped corroborate many of the events that occured between 1880 and 1882. I have that great antique book . It is fantastic reading that deals with many of the events depicted in the movie. A mostly fictional love story ? I think not.....and 47 years speaks for itself ! Yes....the movie "Tombstone" did take some Hollywood liberties.....but much of the soulmate love between Wyatt and Josephine Marcus is very true. Just my two cents worth.....and that concludes today's history lesson !! Class dismissed !! LOL !!!
 flyboy114
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 243
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/5/2008 12:22:48 AM
Ember

It is interesting how over the course of a few pages the actual topic of discussion can change fully......sort of like having a story told "down the line" and seeing if it is the same story when it gets to the end........

But this certainly is a highly subjective discussion and there are no right answers. You might know what you want for yourself, a parent might know what they think is best for their child, but that doesn't make them right. It doesn't make them wrong either. An XBox might not be your idea for a child, but is an XBox bad? I'm not picking on you, honestly. It just demonstrates the highly subjective nature of the discussion and the sometimes humorous results that occur when people try to objectify a subjective thing.

BTW, I don't think Lisa criticised organic food at all. She just made a point that non-organic is not all bad.......
 flyboy114
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 244
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/5/2008 12:53:00 AM

But I think some people's ''souls'' are sometimes very [midly put] earthy.


How very well put.
 jillrosefun
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 245
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/5/2008 1:10:04 AM
Whats money got to do with being happy. As long as the rent/house payments/bills are paid, who cares. Be happy in life is what it should be about.
 cando9998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Msg: 246
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/5/2008 9:52:33 AM
Marriage and long term relationships are built on trust and love. However, the top 2 reasons people get divorced are sex and money. Sex is the only thing different between you and a roomate. On the other hand, money problems can put so much stress on relationships that you can't see the forest for the trees. Trust me, it can be a tailspin when corporate America intervenes and you have to take a job for less money for awhile and you pay for it. That doesn't mean you need to go look for someone with money. It means need to look for someone with stability. There are so many people that are living one paycheck or two from bankruptcy. I would say the biggest question is the level of debt someone has. So, make sure the person you are with is financially responsible or be willing to accept the risk. I can't tell you the number of people this happened too. That's coming from someone who got divorced over it, because it went on too long and we never fought. Now I am putting my life back together. Good luck.
 3b83
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 248
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:11:55 PM
I am not being holy or preachy, but I feel like this. When God made Eve, Adam already had a place to live( the garden) A job(tending the garden and the animals) and she wouldnt ever go hungry( you may eat from all these trees except from the tree of good and evil) Enough said. If God did it like that who are we to argue?
 marlitatx
Joined: 1/26/2012
Msg: 250
view profile
History
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:30:23 AM
It's not that easy,
I'm a single mom with 3 teens, 2 dogs, a car and mortgage, financially I get by and pay my bills - do I get to shop and take vacations - NO!
I just broke up with someone about a month ago whom I fell for we got along great when we were together, it was a beautiful relationship but up front I knew there were issues but I wanted to stick it out and give it a chance. We dated for about 4 months...at first he did not have a running vehicle, he would have to take the bus/train which was fine. I could get past that bacause I had a running car. The next thing was he would text me almost weekly that he wasn't sure if he could afford to go out, or he could not pay his rent and take care of the 1 animal he did have. This was almost weekly! I would just be supportive but would never give him any money - it would be so unfair of him to take my money anyway!!! So the straw that broke the camel back was he texted me and said he could not pay his cell phone bill so his phone was going to be turned off for a few days - What?? Now really say all you want about money and how it doesn't matter and love should conquer all - well I don't care how much someone makes but I can't date someone who can't take care of simple responsibilities. So Yes I may add "looking for financially stable" on my profile, with a good reason to do so!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 251
view profile
History
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:47:07 AM
^^^^^^^^^^


but up front I knew there were issues but I wanted to stick it out and give it a chance


So you knew this guy was not financially stable, yet, you wanted to stick it out and give it a chance.

You do realize, don't you, that what you write in your profile is not going to have any impact on who contacts you or how your relationships turn out? The only thing that influences the outcome of relationships or who you end up with is your own behavior and the choices you make.

You can write in your profile only financial stable men until you're blue in the face. Until you learn to say no to the ones that don't meet your requirements, you will end up with the same thing over and over again.

 Pinayto
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 252
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:56:14 AM
I don't think the OP is still alive... err coming here but:

what if your "soul mate" is NOT financial stable

Then he is NOT my "soul mate" then...


And FYI The titanic is NOT a true love story.... if you are referring to Jack and Rose love story... in fact that's the only fiction plot line of the movie.
 Gwynevier
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 253
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:09:43 PM
Well I think that is pretty crappy!
Myself and colleagues were Wiped Out Financially 2 years ago by our boss who actually hacked into our bank accounts and Wiped Us Out! He is now sitting in prison and Not One of us will ever see a dime of our money back! I have yet to recover from it.
So, YES I am financially crapped Out! That does not change my intelligence or make me irresponsible. I'm sitting here because of One Crook! In this economy, I am having a VERY hard time finding another job. I am insulted by your comments!

But, I do agree that if someone is thinking along Your lines....He is Definitely Not my Soul Mate.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 254
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 2/6/2012 2:19:03 PM
The first guy i dated after my divorce was financially devastated by divorce. He didnt talk about it tho. He was in the middle of his house getting repoed when we were dating.

BUT.. he kept us relatively casual.. and his situation was never an issue. What was an issue is that he kept me at arms length.. :P.. I assume he was more worried about getting on his feet than reeling me in.

Which is how it should be.. I have been financially devastated in the last few years.. and I am lucky to still have a house.. i would not care if a man took me on picnics rather than spend lots of money on me.
 marlitatx
Joined: 1/26/2012
Msg: 255
view profile
History
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 2/6/2012 4:01:18 PM
Yes, I know it took 4 months because I knew him from high school and we already had a bond, we came from the same neighborhood and we were friends back then so I gave him a chance. This is the first and only time I have ever dealt with money as an issue - and the guy is 42! He's really angry with me and I do feel guilty about ending it but I made the right decision for me and my kids.
 CheBoluda
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 256
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 2/6/2012 6:26:40 PM
I have never been "financially stable", and never will be; therefore, in the interest of non-hypocrisy, I don't require it in my partner.
 Arata_na_Yoake
Joined: 1/25/2012
Msg: 257
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:49:31 PM
People put too big a focus on income. We're in the USA, we're leagues ahead of developing countries where the poor are truly left behind (I'm from Vietnam). I've got a comfortable professional job and even I don't care that much about my financial situation.

I never spend outside my means and I'm not irresponsible with my finances. If you really think about it though, is all that money going to help much when the world gets closer and closer to a nuclear holocaust?

I'm personally rooting for a zombie apocalypse.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 258
what if your soul mate is NOT financial stable
Posted: 2/7/2012 9:21:08 AM
What you described is infatuation. True love is, for example, taking care of a partner when he/she is ill. True love is a commitment. The "I love you if..." is not love, it's payment for services rendered.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >