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 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 104
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35, No Kids, Never MarriedPage 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Good thread. I'm 40, never married and no children. It's not that I don't want a family, I do. I love kids and being married is something I'm looking forward to. Now, I'm not looking for perfection. I'm just old school. I don't want to have kids out of wedlock. I was in a very long term relationship, but there were complications that prevented us from marrying or having kids. I think I've done the right thing by waiting. I'm a firm believer in a two parent home. I'm not putting anyone else down who have done things differently. To each his own.

The point I'm making is don't sweat it. If a woman wants to judge you for not irresponsibly knocking some girl up, or not marrying when you haven't found the right one, then forget about her. It says more about her than it does you. The devil is always in the details. If her attention span isn't long enough to get to know you and find out why you've never married or had children, then that shows you why she is a single mom. Be thankful you found out about her bad decision making skills before you developed any feelings for her. You have to ask yourself; what is wrong with a woman who doesn't want to get to know a mature, gainfully employed(I'm assuming), single man that she doesn't have to share with any child support receiving ex wives? If you guys hit it off she has you all to herself. And, if she has kids, then your resources and time go to helping her with them. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you have a "dating handicap." Live your life and you'll meet someone who appreciates you.

Lateef
 Toymaker61
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 115
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:04:21 AM
Speaking from my own experience, this has not been an issue with me. Yes, I was married for almost 10 years and have been divorced for almost 4. I married later in life (I was 34 my ex was 36) at first we tried to have a baby for almost 2 years and it never happened. About 4 years into the marriage she started developing bi-polar disease. Her mental disease and refusal to seek out medical care were the main reasons we got divorced.

Now in hindsight, I can see it was the right move not to have any children with her. We haven't spoken in almost three years and quite frankly, I dont want her in my life.

So as far as people making snap judgements (without having all the facts) it is probably best to just let their comments go in one ear and out the other.
 TravelingHomebody
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 116
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35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:06:46 AM
I dunno. C.S. Lewis was nearly 60 before he married, and a lot of women would have considred him quite a catch, so being long-term single isn't necessarily a sign of anything other than not having me the right person yet.
 ob1kanobee
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 122
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:25:26 PM
I'm 37, divorced and have no kids. This is one area in my life where I stuck by my gut feelings and did not let anyone stray me different and I'm glad I did. I have come to the conclusion that if i don't have a child of my own by the age of 40 then it probably won't happen for me.
I am not opposed to being a father to a woman's children from another relationship though.
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 124
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:36:21 PM
I fit the description of someone who's in his late 30s, with no kids, and never married.

I've got to admit that in some ways I regret the fact that I haven't yet married, or had kids.
However,
-I certainly don't regret that I haven't dealt with the drama of divorce or failed relationships.
-I don't regret that I have never dragged innocent children through the drama of a parent's seperation, or bitter cusody battle.
-I do not regret that I did not bring children into the world before I was financially able to support them.



I've been told by some (mostly single moms) that men who reach their mid thirties and and don't have kids and/or have never been married are by definition, commitment-phobes.
I don't think you're a commitment-phobe.
You're likely just more responsible.
 TodaysCatch
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 126
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35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:31:16 PM

40 years old and still single huh! that's shocking. Whatever will their neighbours think. So holding out is a bad thing and we should all just rush out and hook up with the first person we date and end up in miserable relationships or in the divorce courts so that we don't reach the dreaded age of 40 and not have a husband? Here's me at 42 thinking I was having a good life, despite not being in a relationship. I'll check down the launderette tonight and see if I can find some guy to help me rectify the situation quickly before anyone else notices


Good for you. You probably ARE living the good life, and those that chose another path are simply jealous. Who knows - maybe you'll soon be someone's favorite free-spirited aunt, like Auntie Mame. Then you'll get quality kiddie time (if and when you want it) with few parental responsibilities. Not a bad life, if you ask me.
 pbear511
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 127
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:18:04 PM
well..one of my "make or breaks" for a potential gf is that she has to be good around my kids. it's helpful to see how she is with her own.
i know you were asking this from the other side of things but i think it plays both ways.
 Van_the_man_Unusual
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 128
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:48:34 AM
Someone was concerned how I would handle being around her kids because I've never had any of my own. Even though I haven't, I helped raise my nephew the 1st seven years of his life(his dad was a lifetime jailbird) and I've worked with youth every summer for the last 23 years.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 130
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:39:55 AM
I'm 34 this year. Never married and definitely no kids. I wouldn't date a single mom either :)
 xxXKageXxx
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 134
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 6/30/2008 2:38:48 PM
I'm 22, and I knew at a very early age(elementary school age) that I never wanted to be married or have kids. What I wanted was to be single and rich. Life should be about having the most fun out of YOUR life. Keyword IS your. If kids and being married helps you in that goal, all the power to you, but for some of us, kids and marriage would put a damper on that life and ruin our fun.


Now, lots of people might say I have a "Fear of commitment", or some other lame BS excuse that people use to get the rouge who doesn't want to conform to society's views of how you should be by the time you are a certain age. All it is is heard mentality to pressure everyone into being alike and having that "family unit" News flash, we're not all alike, nor should we be. Kids, regardless of what the majority may think, are not all that great. I knew this even as a child that children put a hamper on things, more so then make it better.

I'm also a very selfish person. My life is just that, mine and I want what I want out of it and don't want to live it for others.


My belief is that you get one life, one shot, so you have to make it a good one. I don't believe in the afterlife, and the thought of becoming bug food after I die is a great motivator to life my life on my terms and get the most out it it.

Does this mean I would never get married? No. But I would only marry someone if it benefited me. By "Benefit me" I mean if I met a woman, and she enhanced my life enough that it was better, then I would marry her to help ensure we are together. Cause now I am getting something out of the deal, and she is helping me live my life to the fullest. Would I have kids? If it made her happy. Would I prefer no kids? you bet. Like I said though, if I did have kids it would be for her cause she wanted to and I want to make her life for filling and wonderful like she has helped with mine.


Hopefully my response will be regarded well, as I tried to give, maybe, a less thought of perspective. But just live your life how it makes sense to you, and don't live it how everyone else does. Enjoy life, even if for you, it means marriage and kids.

:)
 komodo
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 136
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35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:30:17 PM
Well after reading all this I've learned that I'm either a player, unsuitable for dating or a closet homosexual. I'm 42, never married & no kids. After reading all these posts I'd say my life is over ! No, I'd say I'm lucky not to have made the wrong choices and married the wrong person. I've never wanted to raise a baseball team from multiple partners...... That kind of life experience wouldn't be my first choice.

ain't stereo typing wonderful.

Stay Casual

No penguins were harmed in the making of this email
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 137
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:55:54 PM

1.is he gay?
2.is he a pedophile?
3.what is he running from?
Rather stupid, and completely unfounded, assumptions to make of a person who you know nothing about.
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 139
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:26:14 PM
excuse me how would you know if MY assumptions were unfounded.
excuse me
Did you actually have any evidence that a person, who you may have been refering to, was gay, or a pedophile, or was running from something?

If you didn't have any evidence, your assumptions are unfounded.

"Pedophile" is a pretty serious accusation to claim of anyone if you have no basis for the accusation.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 141
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35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:08:48 AM
It's because we've looked forever but can't find a woman that's willing to commit or be faithful. Typical of women to flip it around to mean there's something wrong with the man though.
 OHBBWn2OTK
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 145
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35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:12:48 PM
This forum has opened my eyes. I am wary of dating a man who is 40 something, never married and never had kids. Sometimes they want to start a family, when I am done having kids.

If a man is single, due to taking care of his parents, or was divorced after marriage, that tells me that he knows that any relationship is give and take. That is is okay to argue and still like someone. I think that is admirable.

However, I have met men who are single, never married and their longest relationship was nine months, a decade ago. That speaks of not understanding commitment, or not sticking around if things get a little messy. Messy happens.

A man who has never had kids doesn't usually understand the babysitter issue, is more free to be spontaneous, they don't understand the worries and the joys that come from being a parent. They don't understand the schedule conflicts involved, that kids might get sick while on a date, or that the kids' play is more important than a date. They don't have to set an example for impressoinable children.

I have been single a while, and I know that I am more set in my ways than I used to be. Single, unmarried, non parents tend to be selfcentered. And rightly so, they don't have others depending on them.
 The Artful Codger
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 153
46, never married, no kids...
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:17:33 AM
46, never married, no kids, not broken, loving life, time flies, shit happens, no regrets.
 medic32506
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 155
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46, never married, no kids...
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:10:34 PM
wel I am with most of the guys... I am 35, never been married, and no children.. I am one that wants to start a family. Usually the women I have found cheat, or do not want to commit, cannot handle the schedule I work, or I am not the perfect man for them or so they think.... 1 date is enough to know if that person is perfect for them? that is interesting if it is.. I know it takes me a few dates to know if we are compatible...

medic
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 164
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 7/22/2008 5:13:56 AM
I work in a retail store . I see moms leave the kids in the toy asle and go shopping else ware . sounds like a book " 35 no kids and never been married . "
 Dmana3172
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 166
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 8/4/2008 2:16:24 PM
I'm 35, never married, never met a girlfriend even when I was a teenager. Until I find that special someone who will come to me and pick me as the right person, I will never be married. I'm saddened and I just don't know what to do if there was someone at a eat out restaraunt or in shopping mall. I'm disabled since I have profound hearing loss, and I'm not sociable enough to communicate with other people. But yes, I do talk, and just to say hi and hi all the time.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 169
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35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 8/4/2008 6:34:07 PM
I've been told by some (mostly single moms) that men who reach their mid thirties and and don't have kids and/or have never been married are by definition, commitment-phobes. Since I'm in my mid thirties, don't have kids, and haven't been married, I've been told that I have what constitutes a dating handicap

I'm 47 and have no kids and never married. Perhaps it's not commitment-phobia (per se) but rather a level-headed decision not to marry just anyone that comes along simply to comform to a societal "norm". Think divorce statistics.

Some men believe single moms are damaged goods as they aren't the godsend (to relationships) they want to think they are. What man in their right mind would raise another man's kid??

If we're a "dating handicap", then single moms are financial handicaps.
 vdubdavo
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 171
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 8/4/2008 6:43:41 PM
Personally I think people rush into things way too quick.
I know people who have been married multiple times, it seems like they never learn or want the easy out when things get tough.

I cant speak for anyone else but I was taught that marriage was a union before God and is to be taken as the ultimate commitment.
I am 41 and have never been married nor do I have children. However its not for fear of commitment or kids. It is the respect that I have for that commitment that tells me to keep searching until both my heart and my head tell me I have found the "one".
 Kat0219
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 172
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35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 8/4/2008 7:37:19 PM
It has been proven more & more that people just don't have any time.

Everyone is waiting longer to get married and/or have families. They are either focusing on their career or education.

Many years ago you would have 3 kids by now. But now, maybe one.

You’re doing ok.

Besides, it's not an age thing, it's a comfort thing. If you’re not ready, don't rush. It only causes problems.


 ChicagoStyle
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 173
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35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:25:18 AM
So, what if you simply don't want to get married and simply don't want any kids of your own but have no problem dating someone that already has kids and/or that has been married before?
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 174
35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:52:31 AM

I have often thought of opening a pagan nunnery. Since there are none, the tenets of the order would be entirely up to me--with input from the first acolytes.

Or, maybe a tribe of new Amazons!


This is a fabulous idea.

The only way to improve on it would be if the men who are 35 (and over) and have not married or spawned yet created their own tribe. Then the New Amazons could mingle with the New (whatever the men's tribe name themselves) and there would be bliss all over.


Has anyone even thought that maybe the ones making these assumptions have something wrong with them?


Oh I know for a fact that this is the case.


If I saw a profile of a 35 yrs person with no kids and never been married I would wonder why....most people think that there must be reason.


This is part of the problem. There IS a reason... there always is. For everything. The problem is that people ALWAYS assume it's a fault of some kind. They could not find someone to marry them, they couldn't find someone to spawn with, they're hard to deal with, they fear commitment, etc.

More often than not, the reason is nothing more than an unwillingness to screw up such a major important choice.

You think people feel bad over not doing something just because it's expected? No. They feel 1000 times worse when they make a bad choice out of some sort of obligation... or on someone else's timetable.


However bad this is for men I can virtually guarantee that its worse for women.


You're right, however, men are getting the same attitude these days, too. Well.. we wanted equality, right? Heh.

I love to mess with these people who say things like this to us un-spawned, un-married folks. Because every time I've been accused of being phobic, it's been by people who are miserable in their married and parenting choices. Without fail.

My blissfully married and spawning pals could really give a $hit why I'm not hitched and knocked up. In fact, unless they wanna visit or it's my birthday.. I'd wager that they barely give me and my status any thought at all.

Those of us not married and making babies aren't scared to do so, we just want to be as certain as possible that we're doing it with the right person and for the best possible reasons. If we fear anything.. it's what we witness... becoming miserable people who should've made better choices.
 be thankful
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 175
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35, No Kids, Never Married
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:05:01 AM
i never been married,and have one child...funny how you are "congradulated" on getting married..but no one cares if you stay out of a bad marriage..you should get presents for that too..
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