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 Fun_Guy_Likes_To_Dance!
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 101
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or datingPage 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
This has happened to me a few times. Just getting to know someone and theres a bit of closeness, definitely attraction, doing things together, intimate at times, then suddenly she dissappears or just doesn't do any contact. It has hurt me for sure but I just move on and hope there truly is someone who isn't afraid to take a chance. I have always told myself I would get hurt heart ripped out a 100 times if I had too if it meant I'd find one great woman someday. Well hopefully its not that many times but its just part of the process I guess that people will dissappear for whatever reason. I really would like an explanation but if it doesnt come there really not much that can be done. I know I havent done that to anyone before especially after things going so well but that is me I choose not to dissappear especially if I feel I do like someone, I'd like to see if it can go somewhere. At least give it a chance and if it doesn't work out then then I can probably be more at peace with the situation. But I do agree with your theory why people dissappear its a very good thread.
 curveyone
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 102
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 11:45:41 AM
WOW, seems to me that someone has way too much time on their hands. i couldn't read all that, it was like a book.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 103
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My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 12:18:56 PM

Meet Mr. Cynical and Ms. Hurt.

I think they used to be my neighbors. Not very nice people though as he was always criticising my lawn mowing and she was always offended when her cat would come to my house for dinner


So, being human

That's really a big stretch as I usually prefer to date aliens


Mr. Happy and Ms. Friendly

Weren't they in a porn together? You know one of those 70's ones .. bow chica bow bow. I think she had a really big bush, and he was constantly hard!


Mr. Cynical is totally sure that Ms. Friendly will turn out to be psycho once he meets her

Well, she is female after all right?


Ms. Hurt, well, she knows Mr. Happy is only happy b/c he's a player

typical male


Oh shit. Now what do they do?

Go to disneyland?


Well, first of all, they freak out

Wasn't that a song by "Chic"
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!


many of us *do* recognize that we have hit gold

That's what some of the early '49ers thought, but it was only fool's gold


they also could either pick pick pick

I like watching monkeys do that to each other.


So they disappear rather than go on date 2

I bet this is kind of like dating David Copperfield


self-handicapping

works best when golfing with drunk partners


they do the damaging first

golden rule: do unto others BEFORE they do unto you!


Another way to look at it is as a test

I like tests, especially when they contain beakers and vials with things that like to explode!


So what do you think?

That there are many brands of decaffinated coffee on the market today that are just as tasty as the original


Pick this apart

Can I pick my nose instead ... seems like it might give me a whole lot more satisfaction


and if you hate thinking about stuff like this, please just don't bother to respond and tell me I"m stupid to *think*

And why would I say "Your too stupid to think." Looks to me like you are good at that stuff


and remember my education is in social psychology incl research in relationships...there *is* a reason I pick everything apart and try to form theories...I really can't help it

And my education is in Journalism, but I work as a graphic designer because I just want a job that allows me to screw around on the internet all day ... I really can't help it!

 curveyone
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 104
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 12:24:10 PM
the bottom line is who cares why they disappear? they just do. obviously they weren't that into you, etc. or they would have stayed around. i don't go around wasting my energy anymore wondering what happened to them. who cares??? NEXT!!!
 Droleci
Joined: 4/21/2004
Msg: 105
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My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:10:20 PM
lol Kaylie... That was fun.

I think that poor Mr. Happy and Ms. Friendly would eventually become Ms Hurt and Mr Cynical after long enough. :P

From my own experience, I think that my speech is much more of a detriment than any element of my personality when it comes to pursuing relationships but even still, I had no more success at it before I got sick.

I don't think that I either expect things to fail or self-sabotoge. And I rarely have the opportunity to get close enough to observe the people rejecting me to see if that is what happens in them. Then again, "Myself" has a lot of traits that women could choose to interprete as needy though so I guess I have fallen for that trap before if it was there.

But yes, your theory is valid I think. Certainly some people do self-sabotage and so should take more responsibility for their own outcomes instead of blaming other external forces... I wish that worked in my case :P
 Kra961
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 106
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:26:56 PM
Good post Kayli

I think you are very close to the truth as it's all to easy to throw up reason's why something won't work and relationships are no different in that regard. If we spent half as much time working on the reason to make in this case a relationship work as we do for giving ourselves reasons why it won't none of us would be here.
 Just_Another_Gurl
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 107
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My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:33:53 PM
Ohhhh man have I EVER done this!!! I have been both the ms hurt, and on the recieving end of mr.cynical and it is a very hard thing to deal with!

Solutions? Geesh I wish, if we could find a solution there would be a lot of much happier people out there and adjustment to future dating endeavors might be a little easier on all of us. I wish I could say I have those solutions but I don't. I am presently trying to resolve my ms. hurt inside to keep myself from running away from my current bf. I am always analyzing and comparing him with my previous experiences and because he matches NOTHING that I am used to I struggle everyday with not running from him because I am not sure how in the heck to deal with someone who treats me good, doesn't lie to me and has no expectations beyond spending time with him and giving him the same respect he gives me. I find I am trapped in a cycle of constantly waiting for the "other shoe to drop" and finding out this guy really is just the same as all the others. It is a terrible feeling and I find I am more bloody insecure now than when I was with the a$$holes I have dealt with in the past arrrrgggghhhh lol
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 108
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My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:35:27 PM
O, I forgot to post a solution ... how silly of me!

Everyone just needs to lighten up and not take life so seriously ... none of us get out of it alive!
 UR 2 girls away from 3sum
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 109
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:37:06 PM
Maybe the Dingo ate your date!
 UR 2 girls away from 3sum
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 110
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:40:10 PM
Maybe the aliens abducted him!!
 Kra961
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 111
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:40:24 PM
LOL... Blue eyed I think we all have it just takes time to recognize. I keep the hope alive at some point I'm speaking for me here its possible to get it right for the last time.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 112
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My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:43:16 PM
I have often thought that people subconciously sabotaged relationships because they were afraid of being hurt. If they did whatever damage it took to break up the relationship, then they didn't risk being the one who got hurt. It's a way for them to take control of the breakup, instead of having it happen to them while they are helpless to stop it.
 Its Better Together
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 113
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:12:22 PM
You know what Kaylie..I think that you are just "overthinking" the whole scenerio. I respect your educational background and your interest in developing theories regarding relationships...but sometimes you just gotta "keep it simple stupid".
I suppose there will always be those like yourself who feel the need to dissect and analyse every aspect of life while the rest of us clowns just jump in with wreckless abandon and live it.
I prefer the "School of Life", so hear is my theory on your subject:
(1) People go on sites such as this and start to chat, email, or talk on the phone to someone who has perked their interest.
(2) They have seen a picture(s) of this person, and find them attractive.
(3) After communicating with this person for abit and they learn more about them they now begin to form a mental image in their mind of how they percieve this person to be. (how they want them to be)
(4) They finally arrange to meet and when they do "REALITY" does not live up to their perceptions or expectations they had of that person.
(5) End of date. End of story.
 Ms.Sweet Sinful Seduction
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 114
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:23:35 PM
Wow, you really hit the nail on the head for me. I will admit I'm Miss Hurt and the last one I dated after I thought everything was going well sabotaged everything. Mr. Cynical/Mr. Emotionally Unavailable, always looking for the next best thing when it's standing right there in front of him. His loss. He wasn't all that to begin with. Truth hurts, eh dude? I'm not perfect but am working on making myself a better person each and every day. Anyways, about a solution, well, I don't have one at this point but to pick myself up, dust myself off and try yet again, after having changed my game plan, thx to some great advice from a friend.
 Just_Another_Gurl
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 115
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My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:32:25 PM
Thanks Kra!!! I am blown away by the fact that some days it seems like it would be easier to just end it than to always deal with the stress of having such a "good thing"!!! What is up with us silly humans? I keep holding on though and hope I can quiet ms, hurt enough to give this an honest go!
 stopstarin
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 116
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:40:03 PM
how about the simple version.......

people basically don't really know what they want.

the whole dating scene oozes......"maybe, kinda and sorta"

I also believe people get caught up in the whole meeting someone "excitement", and bail fast after the fact.
 submarinequeen
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 117
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:16:02 PM
I think this is exactly what happens.
What is funny, is I felt the way Ms. Hurt did for a long time, then I met this great "Happy Guy". It opened my eyes to a new reality, I had changed, so the people I met were new types of people. It felt really good.
Ok this is the funny part.
Mr. Happy Guy, ends up just disappearing after skipping out on the first webcam encounter, just saying oh hey, good news my cell phone came in I just need to pick it up.- and that was it. May until like 2 weeks ago. We chatted every day, sometimes all day long. He spoke of future plans with me amongst many other things, and I really thought I knew this guy. C'est la Vie. But I know some good guys, so just be wary, don't give up.


Sometimes I still wonder where the hell he had to go to pick up that cell phone.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 118
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My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:18:04 PM

Sometimes I still wonder where the hell he had to go to pick up that cell phone

Maybe he got in a car crash and is in the hospital, or the morgue!
 submarinequeen
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 119
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:20:47 PM
I should mention, that we never cammed. Well I had one and he had seen me way before, but I had only seen pics of him.
 stopstarin
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 120
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:22:34 PM
REALITY

is

a

PHUCKER!


 submarinequeen
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 121
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:34:44 PM

Maybe he got in a car crash and is in the hospital, or the morgue!


You know baldy, I really have considered that. Even been checking the paper. Even emailed him to say let me know you are ok.
And I hope he is.

However we had this long discussion one day and that popped up. That is partially why he was getting the cell phone. I had told him about a near miss car accident, and how I had thought afterwards that if something would have happened to me, he might think I had just blown him off , and he answered, yeah I have thought about that too.

would be ironic, but I more than likely had just been played. I don't know how that can be enjoyable for someone to lead another to believe they are working to a future long-term relationship, and just disappear....Thankfully- I don't want to know.

Too bad tho, thought he could have been "the one" ...
 Seas_the_Day
Joined: 7/20/2008
Msg: 122
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 6:52:34 PM

So what do you think? Does anyone resemble themself in what I wrote? Have any of you been 1 of the 4 people I just described???
I don't resemble any of the 4 people but it's a very well thought out post and does make sense. I've never had a great date yet so I don't know what I'd do.
 pokerandpucks
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 123
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 8:28:09 PM
Easier way to say it:

People are f-ed up.

Please buy my self help book entitled "Shut the F Up and Quit Whining!" by Dr. Pokerandpucks.
 tanzanite99901
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 124
My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:52:34 PM
It is the best theory I have heard of thus far. It makes you look back at past encounters and wonder what they were thinking or not thinking. I could think of a recent guy I talked to (not from here) and still wants to talk, but when I asked him why he chickened out on meeting, he dissapeared again.....
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 125
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My new theory on why people disappear after a great date or dating
Posted: 8/9/2008 2:53:29 AM

(OP) I have a new (to me) theory to try to explain why so many people here talk of having great first date/meets or even first months, just to have their date disappear on them...ditch them for no apparent reason when things seemed great.


I think the warning sign is when people say they want to go slow. When someone is "into you" they can't go fast enough. That doesn't mean selling the farm but it does mean seeing each other and learning about each other as soon as possible. It means spending every free moment with the person because you want to.

The chemistry has to be there. The "I want you!" feeling has to be overpowering. If it isn't and that's fairly obvious by a person's actions that's when we hear about folks disappearing. They just aren't "into you".
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