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Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 9
Men in their 30's with no childrenPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am 48 and no children. It isn't that I didn't want them. First wife found out she could not, and the second was a DES baby and developed Cancer after her two sons were born.

Do I miss not having any? Sometimes, but I figure there are enough homeless / orphaned kids in the world without adding to the population. Adoption is always an option.

I would say that if you wanted kids just to carry on the family name is a little old fashioned for today. You have to want them, love them and nurture them, not just have them for a purpose.
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 11
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/9/2008 10:27:08 PM
Smacks a brother on the side of the head:

YOU'VE WON. An older man can easily attract a younger female of child rearing qualities, and trust another old ****er, Thats exactly what I did. Found a nice farm girl, 10 years younger, good family, family oriented, and happy as hell.

I can't possibly tell you how good your position is until you heal over the next year. Best advice: Get a small town escort (cheap) every 2 weeks until your head is clear.

Good luck.
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 20
view profile
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:21:16 AM
....I'm alone with my thoughts of why I ended it with her....I now want kids. I feel guilty for ending my marriage for the want of children...

Well, for the average Joe, I feel for you. I became a father at 35. You are still "fairly" young (hek, you aren't 58 at posting this). The answer to your question is "Two Fold", ie, a generic or living question, and then the specifics of your case (no I"m not a Dr, I just look like one) no particular order:

1. For now, focus on BECOMING SUPERMAN! This would not be a time to drink, buy an ATV, have looser friends, nor spend $1000 on Xbox360 and games....
2. This is the time to improve your physical, spiritual, and mental health. VIGOROUS EXERCISE 3X PER WEEK is a great antidepressant and chick magnet (see Consumer Reports, 2002 vol.?)
3. Start cultivating yourself TO BE A GREAT HUSBAND AND FATHER. Read books about relationships, dating, courtship, marriage, and father hood. Don't go home after work at the auto shop, don't crack a beer, and don't watch stupid TV shows.
4. SAVE MONEY....babies and their mommas are $$$. Can you stash $3000 in savings (plus your retirement accts) BEFORE you meet a woman? ITS HARD WORK, ARE YOU WORTH IT?
5. (see 3). Make your home and you look good. Maybe fix the yard (get rid of the junk and just keep one "collector car"), borrow a carpet and upholstery shampooer , wash and paint walls, GROW A GARDEN and houseplants (if you have 3 big stinky dogs, don't get anymore).

6. Learn to be SPIRITUAL AND HUMBLE, and or religious. So you can deal with the nutcase broad (and I mean that in a nice way) you get hot for.
7. There is no shortage of people in the world, HAVE ONE OR TWO KIDS AT MOST, and maybe....FIND A GAL WITH A COUPLE YOUNGINS..instant family, extra income there, and GET ALONG WITH THE -EX (all of them).
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 22
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:57:00 PM
Hello Clay,

I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with your desires. Blood is thicker then water. I'm 36 and have two fine children and God willing will have more yet.

I read your profile and I noticed you are a Lutheran. A fine tradition. I'm a Catholic myself. One of the foundations of any Christian marriage is that the husband and wife are OPEN to the possibility of children. The Catholic church is staunchly opposed to divorce. However one of the partners refusing to be open to the possibility of children would be grounds for annulment.

Hold your head high. Take care of your business and your home and everything else will fall into place. I'm sure your exposed to gorgeous women every day. One of them is bound to be interested. Half the guys I know that are in their twenties are miserably out of shape. There's no reason us guys in our mid/late 30's can't compete with them!

Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 23
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:43:36 PM
I read your post three times to make sure I read it right, sadly I did. I find it just shocking how anyone could end their family(marriage. 6 of one,half dozen of the other) because she couldn't/wouldn't have children.

She is with someone else? Seems sometimes the victim does in fact come out ahead. About all I can say about this without getting my post deleted.
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 27
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:41:46 AM
I think you need to look at this from his point of view, he's not being that unreasonable.

Anyway, do you think it would've been fair on her if he just forced himself to be with her instead? What about the fact that he'd feel completely miserable the whole of his life, always wanting to leave and be with someone who he can have kids with?

Unreasonable is not exactly the term I would use. Sick and twisted would come much closer. To destroy your family, to leave the woman you claim to love because she can't have children, gives me chills down my back just thinking about it.

To the OP, if you truly love her and you think she loves you, the best thing you could do would be get on your hands and knees and beg for forgiveness, and maybe you would have a chance to save your family. Honestly you are a bad risk as who knows what you will consider more important than your family in the future(assuming another woman will want to become a family with you).

Does anyone truly love anyone or is that just a bad joke?
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 28
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:19:13 AM
OP, it sounds like you've learned a lot about yourself and what you really want in life from this marriage. Get your divorce, spend some time alone to reflect and how you can do better next time. You are 38 and can still have children if it is right. Best to you.
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 29
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:53:10 PM
I thought about this after I made this post, and what would be true justice, would be for him to one day marry a woman that wanted children, a woman that he loved more than life itself, only to have something happen to where he couldn't have children, and have the new wife divorce him because of it. Then learn that his first wife is happily married to someone else.

I just can't understand how so many people can think it is right for someone to destroy their family just because no children can come of it. What happened to the idea of truly loving the person you are married to?
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 30
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:55:34 PM

Blood is thicker then water.

I have heared this all of my life and don't understand what it means. I don't remotely understand what it has to do with this situation.

Blood is thicker than water,
ok, paste is thicker than blood.
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 32
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:41:01 PM
Yes of course there are people that can be happy without children or being married.
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 39
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:31:08 PM

Be happy you are a man and can have children until you die! I know you asked for sympathy, but it is hard for me to be sympathetic to a man wanting children. Biologically you are ahead in many ways. If you really want children, you did the right thing. There are many women who want children and you should not have too hard of a time finding a partner.

I had a great ex-boyfriend, but he did not want children and I did. I am closing in on 38 and I do want children. I know I made the right decision to break-up with him, because I would have come to resent him for not having children with me.

You did the right thing

There is a huge difference between a boyfriend/girlfriend vs. husband/wife. I just find it shocking how many people think it is ok that this male threw his family out the door because she could not have children.

I don't care what anyone says what he did was just wrong. Not only to his wife, but to the children she brought into the marriage. I could not imagine being this selfish. Hopefully her and the children will one day be ok, and be able to fully put this nightmare behind them. Hopefully once they are divorced she will be able to have a real family, not one that depends on her ability to reproduce.

OP, I really can't say much to you, as I can not wish you good luck after the shameful way you threw your wife to the curb. I'll just say in life you reap what you sow. So it doesn't look too good for your future!!!
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 40
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:17:38 PM
35m 6'2 built/broad blu eyed dirty blond hair irish....... im your guy :)
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 42
view profile
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:42:36 PM
OP: I don't think you did anything wrong. You changed, you grew older, wiser, and you felt the biological clock ticking. Men do have a clock, we are still after all animals. Hell, I felt this a couple years ago when I held my best friends kid. She said "hold her" and I really didn't know what to do. But after a while I got the hang of it and started to think I want to hear someone say "Dad" one day and I am 33.
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 44
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/15/2008 8:11:15 PM
scottyMc a farmer whose crops have been lost because of a storm, has done no wrong. A male that throws his wife out because she can't or won't have children, I really can't express what I think of that. Actually I can, I just shouldn't!!!

As I said in another post, I would love to see him one day marry another woman that he loved more than life itself, a woman that wants children, only to have something happen where he can't have children. Then she leaves him, and at about the same time, he finds out that his x wife(the one he throw out like she was yesterday's garbage) has married again to a man that truly loves her and that they are very happy. That would be fair!!!
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 47
view profile
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:22:51 PM
I am over 30 and have no children and plan to keep it that way. I like kids but I am seldom around them so its hard for me to relate to them. Also children is a major responsibility. Right now where I am at with my life, with my job and going back to school, that takes up a good portion of my time. Also I like it where when I have time and funds avaliable I can go out to dinner with friends or get together with them and have good times. Its hard to do that with children. Thats just my take.
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 49
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:15:18 PM
o/~Tiiiimeeeee is on my side o/~ Yes it isssss....
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 53
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:20:00 PM

Interesting how the ex-wife' shortcomings get conveniently ignored. He said that she would not let him be a real "father" to her children. Don't you think that *may* have contributed to them growing apart? I'll bet it at least contributed to his wanting children of how own. My only criticism of him is that he should've found out early in the relationship what role he'd be able to play with her children once married. His assumption that he would be a "real dad" with her blessing was perhaps the biggest mistake of his marriage. (Live and learn). I bet next relationship he'll have all that ironed out all up front and will know exactly what hes getting in to. However, I don't blame him one bit for leaving her. Think about it, he really didnt get much out of that kids of his own, but she would not allow him even a decent step parent realtionship ....just an outsider looking in. She brought a family to him but didn't let him be a part of it. (except where maybe his paycheck was concerened).
She only offered herself and nothing more. Talk about misrepresentation...!

In the first place this was a marriage, not just a relationship.
He knew up front she could't have kids.
Heaven forbid maybe she married him because she loved him, not because she was looking for a father for her children.
Seems to me that him and her were a family. Every husband and wife are a family, with or without children.
Seems to me he didn't want a family just wanted a woman to breed with.
She only offered herself and nothing more? That is what you are meant to bring to a marriage. If the man I loved brought that to a marriage, I would be happy beyond words. I would not expect anything else.
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 55
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:43:41 AM
I know some people who have adopted, and I think in the back of everyone's mind, but especially the man's, there is a concern about what you mention at first....but, especially if you adopt one early, YOU are there for the middle of the night thing, YOU are there to get puked on, peed on, and scratched, YOU are there to watch the first steps, kiss the first boo-boo, and hear the first words, and YOU are the father, period. There are also open adoptions, and you could concievably be present at the birth inthat instance.

I think your first priority should be getting comfortable with yourself, then you should focus on finding a woman who rocks your world, and then, figure it out about the kids. People whose sole guiding principle is ahving a baby rarely turn out to be adequate parents, in my opinion. (too over-protective, too much their friend, not parent enough,e tc, etc)
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 56
view profile
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:27:54 PM
Well I think everyone here just about is focusing on the fact that he ended the marage because he wanted a child, one real big thing your missing here, is marage is a two way street…..

He states this::::: failed to mention that we also were fighting on a regular basis, mainly about her kids. She has 3 from a previous relationship and one of the main tensions we had was her not letting me discipline kids. I mean if she wanted me to be her children's step father, I could not be a partial step father, it was all the way or not at all. She also would undermine my authority by not punishing the kids for things I felt they needed to be punished for. It was a major source of tension to me and for whatever reason, she said she would never change and that was that.

NOW the way I see it, this is more why he ended it as anyone would in there right mind,, it’s DOA on that alone…………………….trust me I have been there my self and tried for many years to over look it… did it work, NO, why, it’s not a two way street and your only staying hoping things will change.. so stop focusing one the one thing of a person changing his or her mind.

I have one son fro my first mirage back in 1983 and remarried again in 1998 to a gal that said she did not want any children, I also told her I want to develop and live on my country property, and if that is what she wanted then we would get married, as I also said, before we married, I don’t want you coming back in 3 to 5 years saying you want to move to town.

Well 6 months after we got married she said she did not know if she wanted any children, I told her, please make up your mind before I turn 40, well one year later she started bugging to move to town. I would not here of that one, after all I made that very clear before we married.

Well in summer of 2006 she started running around, yes I have lots of proof, she started moving stuff out of the house behind my back thinking I would not notice, hum thinks I’m dumb. One morning in November she was heading out the door at a time I could never get her to get up to do anything at all, was very unlike her. I told her not to bother coming back, she replied what your sick of me, I said no not at all but do you really think I don’t know what your doing? To make a long story short.

She left and has never returned, one day she said to me, if I did not tell her the if she did not decide to have a child before I turned 40 it would be to late, we would still be together. I said this is the first I heard, she said I know but it was to late to say anything because I was past 40, I said you could not talk to me? She said why it was to late. So a 9 year marriage and family was down the drain, She is Catholic and to date she site in that Catholic, and as you may or may not know, c Catholic church is staunchly opposed to divorce.
Hypocrite just as I feel she was in our mirage. A child was never out of question in my mind, making her happy was.

That’s my two cents, best to ya
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 57
Men in their 30's with no children
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:44:46 AM
Clay brother, don’t get down on yourself and don’t question your heart. Some guys never want kids and never have doubts; you are clearly not one of those guys. At 38 you are still young to be having kids and because of your age you will be poised to be a better father than guys who have kids in the early ‘20s. You are not selfish at all, I feel you did the right thing better to find out now than to come to the realization at 48 or 50 years old. Use POF to find someone that absolutely wants to have kids and you’ll find what you are looking for in life. God bless.

Follow your heart, for a heart is by its very nature is selfish, it has to be in order to keep you alive. - RAMoreno
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