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 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 9
Dating someone slightly developmentally disabledPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)



what is normal, anyhow?


Knowing that "Normal" is a mask of bullshit pulled over our heads called political correctness. Going deeper and realizing its a form of thought / speech control.
 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 10
Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 4/9/2008 8:27:04 PM

Aren't most all men devopmentally disabled to some degree or another??

Only the ones who date you.
 luminye
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 24
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 8/3/2008 12:57:23 AM
IM sorry i have to say something to this...
When a person has a disability of some kind, its not retarded. They are considered to be special needs. Just because they may seem different to you, does not mean that they are still a very unique person. You see, you touched on a very sensitive subject here for me. Six years ago, i gave birth to a son that has panhypopituitarism. His body doesnt produce hormones, i give him growth hormone shots and his other hormones orally each day. He has to have this to live for the rest of his life. The doctors done told me that he would not be able to have children because he also has a micro genitals. Also, they think he may have a syndrome, but you couldnt tell because he looks normal. As a mother, i would hope that when he is grown up and wants to have a relationship that someone out there would look past all of his medical disabilities and love him for who he is and what he can be. Im sorry some of you may think that some disabled people would cause you awkwardness in a relationship, i dont think i can sit and judge because they are different. Maybe because i do have a disabled child and i see through different eyes.
 supernovastunnah
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 26
Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 8/3/2008 11:41:32 PM
i dont think i could...it would be very hard to ever break up with them and sexually it would feel wrong.
 beautifulsc
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 30
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 8/4/2008 2:50:03 AM
Oh my....by all means don't pass him up. My late husband had cerebral palsy. We were married for 18 years. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. When we first started dating, I was curious about his condition; so I asked him what was wrong. He gladly told me what cerebral palsy was. He had no problems with it, and he even told me if he had the chance to change his condition, with surgery, he wouldn't! He was handsome, and confident, and the sweetest guy I had ever met. We went on to have a son who is the spitting image of his dad. No, my son doesn't have cerebral palsy, but he is also handsome, intelligent, and confident. My husband died at the age of 40. He died of an aneurysm that was totally unrelated to his cerebral palsy. There has not been another man who could hold a candle to him. He was a truly special guy, and I miss him very much. I am so glad I had the good sense to overlook his disability. He was also a proud man, and he worked very hard to support us. I am one very lucky woman to have had him in my life.
 Just 4 You
Joined: 1/25/2005
Msg: 32
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 4/6/2009 6:05:16 AM
Back when I was 42, I dated a 40 year old woman with a very slight mental disability that I met through the Special Olympics. I have Epilepsy and we saw each other as equals. We know we each have limitations, but we enjoyed going out together. Many times, we'd be sitting in a coffee shop and she'd complain there's no love seats, so she'd come sit on my lap instead.

In the Swimming Pool, she started making the moves onto me, feeling my body then the front of my swimsuit, then putting my hands on hers where she wanted to be touched. Eventually it lead to the bedroom at my place. When her parents found out, they called the Police.

The Legal System claimed that she was tested and the results gave her a Grade 8 Intelligence Level, giving her the mind of a 13 year old, and children can't give consent. Therefore I'm guilty for having sex with a minor (even though she's 40). But due to my disability giving me a Grade 10 intelligence level (Age 15), I was also declaired under age, so no charges.

Instead I got sent to a 12 week Sex Offenders Program to learn why it's wrong for people with disabilities to have sex.
Doesn't matter how unfair you think it sounds. In Canada, it's illegal (if you get caught)!
 CurseOfMillhaven
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 33
Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:38:07 AM
I made out with a chick in a wheelchair once.
 LuvU4Now
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 36
Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 4/6/2009 1:16:49 PM
Dating a friggin' retard? Good lord. You even have to ask. OMG!
 hurricane hanna
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 40
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 5/7/2009 3:39:21 PM
That is for sure TXWheels.

If a person has a disability, it isn't necessarily like 'taking advantage of them' to be involved with them. A person with a disability, even if they are quite handicapped intellectually, once they are of legal age, they have the same right as anyone else to have sex and relationships.

It would just be hoped that anyone who got involved with a person who had diminished capacity, that they didn't take advantage of them, lie to them, be unconcerned about them getting a sexually transmitted disease or hurting their feelings.

Messing with someone's underage child - well - generally, parents of young people with disabilities tend to be fairly...no...extremely...serious about looking out for them, and getting involved with an underage disabled person is a good way to get in a whole world of hurt.

As far as would I date a person with an intellectual limitation, of course I would. Sure a lot better than dating someone who calls people names like 'retard'.

A man I know actually tried, at least, to date a woman who was more than moderately retarded. She had her own apartment, had a job, was active in her church, and had a very rich, full and very adult life. She kept in touch with relatives and had a good many friends in the world. I got to meet this lady a half dozen times and she was wonderful to talk to.

She always seemed to remember how people felt. My old cat had just died the first day I met her, and the next time I saw her, she looked at me for a little while, thought hard, and said, 'You're the lady who loves animals'. She actually was wonderful to talk to. She had a great memory for things that had happened in her family and was actually rather sought after for parties and get-togethers. She rarely spent an evening at home.

Her family had discussed relationships with her well before she reached her 18th birthday, and she told my friend very plainly and clearly that she was not at all interested in having intimacy with a guy who 'doesn't care about me'. She also proceeded to tell him how she KNEW he didn't really care about her. 'When I talk your face looks like you don't like how I talk'. She told him, 'I want a guy who loves ME for ME'. And that was the last time he saw her.

I had a friend who was actually quite disabled mentally. In fact, he was profoundly retarded, and autistic. He could not write more than his name, and he could barely read a few words. Yet he was one of the most loved people I have ever known. Two thousand people came to his funeral, and people stood there and sobbed their eyes out - men, women, kids, everyone loved Jon. He was one of most incredible people I ever met in my entire life. He inspired love in others and inspired people to be their best. The time I spent with him was some of the best time in my entire life.

People are kidding themselves if they think every single mentally disabled person is 'childlike' and 'naive' and 'stupid'. Many of them have been very carefully educated by their parents, teachers and those who love them, and many of them have a pretty damn sharp understanding of the world and the people in it.

I'm sure the people calling people 'retards' realize full well how rude that is, and how nasty it is to call people names. They just like to think they are better than everyone else.

There are all sorts of disabilites that can affect the brain. One disability that is really sad, is the inability to have respect for others, or to have a feeling of understanding for those who are different.

People who suffer from this sort of sad and very limiting disability miss out a lot in life, and the sad truth is that their brain never finished maturing into the adult form of brain, and that's why they talk like that.

In most cases, people who are 'mentally retarded' or 'developmentally disabled' are just not as quick at learning things as average. It might take them more time to do something or to learn a new skill. There isn't any 'typical type of person' and there is no 'typical type of problem' such people have. Everyone is different and an individual. Some people have problems doing one thing, other people have problems doing other things.

Disabilities can just be how the person is born, or can be acquired. Friend of mine was in a car accident and got a Traumatic Brain Injury, now has difficulty remembering, planning and evaluating information he gets, but on the other hand, he still can recall phone numbers, addresses, and historical facts, and everything that happened with all his family members and friends over the years.

Relationships and loving people is not always about someone who is 'perfect', or looks like a model, or would make your girlfriends go 'ooh!' Sometimes people's feelings are based on very, very superficial traits or attributes of a person. Sometimes there is a lot more to a person than those things.

 hurricane hanna
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 44
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 5/7/2009 6:15:55 PM
"If your son is very successful in some areas and having great difficulty in others, this indicates something more along the lines of a learning disability, or a communication disorder."

Not really. That's pretty typical of most people with mental retardation (developmental disability, a newer term, is meant to indicate that the cause is likely in how the brain developed, 'mental retardation' just reflected how a person did on an IQ or similar test, but that's all 'developmental disability' really means too).

Most people with 'mental retardation' or whatever one wants to call it, have things they can do easily and things that are hard for them to do.

'Mental retardation' refers only to how someone scores on a single test or a set of similar tests, not to what cognitive, etc disorders they have, which are tested and diagnosed separately.

Most people's abilities, in fact, are quite uneven - even normal people.

'Mental retardation' goes on one 'axis' of diagnosis...other issues go on other 'axes' of the diagnosis, there's a total of 4 axes.

Degree of mental retardation is given categories that have varied over time, but the ranges given to each category haven't changed very much over time, despite lots of fussing over nomenclature.

As one of my 'mentally retarded' friends said, 'I'm slow, not stupid, ya know'. There is a difference. How a person scores on a test and what 'category' their score falls under isn't the entire measure of a person.
 hurricane hanna
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 45
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 5/10/2009 4:51:43 AM
"Unless they tell you, how do you know?"

I think most people can tell if someone has an intellectual disability, and needs more time to work things out or understand what's happening. One might not know the exact name of the disability or exactly how it affects the person in detail, but one can usually tell.

Keeping in mind that the vast majority of people who have 'disabilities' function in a very normal range and do normal things, with very few limitations, make their own decisions, live as full adults.

I think it's best to let the person tell you when they feel is the right time, and in the way they want to. There is no reason to tell you a lot of detail unless they feel the relationship might become more involved.

'Developmental disability' is basically a medical condition. If I'm just going out for a sandwhich with someone I don't give them my medical history.

I'd also like to mention that while most people have mild disabilities only and make their own decisions about friends and relationships, if the person is so severely disabled intellectually that they can't evaluate whether a person intends to harm or hurt them, and are just friendly to anyone without fully understanding the difficulties of that, there is very often going to be a guardian or guardian-like person in their life who is going to try to look out for their best interests. If that is the case, anyone really owes it to the guardian to respect the care and caution the guardian has for looking out for the person.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 46
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 5/10/2009 5:51:28 AM

He has had seizures in public places, where strangers stare, and tell me to move him "out of the way'.


I felt like someone punched me in the stomach when I read that.
 Maximianus
Joined: 2/13/2011
Msg: 48
Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 10/21/2011 5:21:24 PM
Well, I'm mentally disabled and it's frustrating. No normal person wants to date you because they treat you like a child, and you can't have a intelligent conversation with somebody else who's mentally disabled.
 magicgirl2
Joined: 5/17/2016
Msg: 50
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 10/10/2016 8:56:02 AM
I have a mild cognitive disability and it really hard to find guys to date. I don't know what wrong with me because I am not that bad but I do have a disability.
 magicgirl2
Joined: 5/17/2016
Msg: 51
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 10/13/2016 8:00:24 PM
Can someone commented on my post.
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 52
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 10/14/2016 10:49:59 AM
^^^ I'm not sure what you need from people in terms of commenting.

From what I've read in the preceding comments before I got to yours, life isn't fair for some people, and other people have an outstanding lack of empathy towards them. I feel sad after reading them.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 53
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 10/14/2016 8:19:32 PM
Not everything is what it seems. I dated a man for a couple of years and thought things seemed off...but like you said full time job, functioned well. Only to realize there was personality disorders. I have a son born at 1lb. 11oz and is slow (IQ 59) yet functions very well. If you can see past these flaws (Or what ever one would call them) and can find the love you want then who cares....no one is perfect.
 Tempered_Soul
Joined: 10/18/2013
Msg: 54
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 11/28/2016 5:21:42 AM
I have a high functioning version of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I do very well for myself. I have a series of jobs, I'm going to school for an IT related field, I have a car and I'm well loved in my community. However, living a life where I was constantly abused, taken advantage of and manipulated gave me lots of baggage that I had to overcome. My advice would be this: If the disability doesn't affect their job performance or their ability to fend and provide for themselves, jump at it. You will learn a lot from dating them if they learned to overcome their disability. You'll probably have a partner who has lots of courage, strength, substance and empathy.

But be warned, you will have a lot of ignorant people who will mock your partner's abilities or treat your partner like a child. Don't try to go out of your way to disprove them, let your partner's actions speak for themselves.
 waveguy
Joined: 12/2/2010
Msg: 55
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 2/16/2017 5:00:40 AM
I HAVE SLIGHT ISSUES MYSELF, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY, BUT HOW DO i SEARCH FOR THOSE CHARACTERISTICS IN A WOMAN ON POF... AND THEN THERE IS THE DISTANCE FACTOR. POF COSTANTLT AND WITHOUT A REASON SAYS " THIS MEMBER DOES NOT ACCEPT MESSGES FROM CERTAIN USERS" THT LEAVES ME CLUELESS AS TO WHAT .'
 IMayBeCrazy_But
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 56
Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 2/16/2017 10:08:59 AM
There's a site called "nolongerlonely.com " specifically for people with mental health issues.

Soo many dating sites. I think I might check out "tallfreinds.com"

Here. I think the only way to find someone with the same kinda issues is to add whatever it is to your interests...then click on it...it will bring up a list of folks with the "same interest" as you.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 57
Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 2/16/2017 6:16:26 PM

There's a site called "nolongerlonely.com " specifically for people with mental health issues.


Match should buy it and merge it with POF.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 58
Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 2/16/2017 6:53:08 PM
tiggertoes- You have given SOME information,but you don't say WHAT is going on.
What are we talking here?
You already said he has a job and is a parent, so I'm thinking he might have Asperger's?
Asperger's is largely misunderstood, it falls under the spectrum of Autism, but it isn't the same thing.
People with Asperger's can, and do, hold jobs and have relationships.
There is a wealth of information concerning Asperger's online.
IF this is what he has, you need to just go ahead and find out.
There IS a way to bring it up kindly, maybe mention that you have a "friend" that has Asperger's and talk about it a little, see if he opens up and confirms that is what he has?
However, I'm not a fan of the passive/aggressive route.
I would just ask him.
If he has it, he has dealt with this all his life. It's all about HOW you ask. Maybe something along the lines of "I am having a GREAT time with you, I enjoy your company, but there are some things I am wondering about" Then say one or two things you have noticed that is causing you to wonder.
I can't know his reaction, for sure, but he will probably be releaved to know that you are enjoying his company, but just want to know and then he can tell you.
Compassion and understanding go a long way, so does honesty.
Talk with him and let us know how it turns out, I hope this works out, for BOTH of you. :)
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 59
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 2/23/2017 10:34:53 PM
I did date someone who was like this. I really didn't recognize it at first. Then I thought he was just a little slow. Eventually, I realized he couldn't read and that he had ADHD, and other problems. I found people to help him with some of the problems, but...well... I'm not sure if it was our personalities, his problems or our problems or what.....but....let's just say I refer to it as the relationship from hell and leave it at that.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 60
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Dating someone slightly developmentally disabled
Posted: 2/24/2017 7:06:41 PM

I realized he couldn't read


More people that you would imagine can't read.
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