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 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 40
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
...Women who have been treated kindly, as a friend, and companion, made to feel needed, protected, and necessary would never not want to make love with their partner.


oh man, what a load of doggy do.

I don't know how it is now with 20 somethings but every, and I repeat EVERY marriage, relationship, or whatever I have ever been involved with or heard about the sex drive of the woman drops off 50% after she hears the L word. It drops another 40% after she hears I DO and another 10% after kids come along. This isn't a case of not being all the above, it has everything to do with desire and those ever present endorphines. Once the falling in love part wears off, so does the need to be intimate with your partner. It is chemistry.

Without fail, this has been my experience over the past 35 yrs....

What the OP is going through is just a normal routine. Break up with her, and I bet your sex life goes back to what it was before you got serious.


to all of those saying dump her, YOU ARE ****ING SCUM!!!!!!
try finding a reason why she doesnt feel like sex, im in the same situation as your girlfriend, theres always a reason, just talk NICELY and try and find out


yeah, ok, right. If the woman has a problem and doesn't discuss it with the person it affects as much as her, then that indicates a problem communicating. If she has a problem SHE should bring it to her partner's attention and if she can't or won't? Then the OP is better off finding someone more compatible.

If you are in the same situation as the OP's gf, then might I suggest you say to your partner: hey listen hon, I know you want to have sex with me all the time but I don't because.......and then go with it. Why does HE have to pry it out of her (or you for that matter)?

BTW: I had more than one gf who was like this. She had a problem (real or imagined) got moody, shut the hell up, and it took forever (like 5 hrs) to find out just what the hell was wrong and by that time, I was so frustrated it turned into a big fight. 9 times out of 10 what turned into a major blowout could have been resolved immediately and since they were typically extremely minor, could have been nothing in the end.

For eg: I was in Port Dalhousie with an ex once. We had a great meal, great time playing pool, ended up at the Ports Mansion (if that is still around). We were sitting there having a drink, enjoying the night when all of a sudden she shut up, COMPLETELY.....4 hours of begging cajoling, yelling, her storming off into the woods she finally came out with it: She said to me: IF YOU WANT THAT WAITRESS YOU WERE STARING AT WHY DON'T YOU GO F*CK HER? I said what the hell are you talking about? She said you were staring at the blond waitress..I thought and thought and thought, then it dawned on me: I wasn't staring at the *&()*&@ waitress, there was gang of guys hanging out at the table she was serving and a buddy and I met them when we were there and I was trying to remember their names......DAMN.

So no, hiding your fricken problem and making HIM drag it out of you solves NOTHING
 SmellOfPoop
Joined: 6/8/2007
Msg: 41
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:23:31 PM
The reality is, this will never get better. Your relationship may continue to the point of marriage and you, like many before you, will believe that somehow - through marriage - you will grow stronger and the sex will get better (or will exist at all). This is a pipe dream. If your sex life is bad now, chances are will continue to get worse.
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 43
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:36:27 PM
Can???? it WILL get worse if marriage is on the horizon lol
 nameunknown
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 44
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:59:09 PM
I really think there are only two possible answers to this question.
1) she loves sex but just not with you because you're not good at it or
2) another more serious part of your relationship is in the crapper and it's making her feel insecure about the whole relationship so she has a hard time having sex with you.
My suggestion: sit her down and ask her why she doesn't want it as much as you however this is not a question that you should be posing to her right after she has denied you. Then it's more like you are accusing her of being a bad person who is denying you something and she will get defensive right away. Serious issues like this one should never be brought up while in the midst of conflict. You have to have this kind of conversation when you are both in a moment of contentment. If no such moment exists then it's time for you to make your exit.
 dportrait
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 47
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:57:29 PM
I have been in this situation - it sucks.

If you are making an effort and have tried talking to her about it but are not getting anywhere... you won't have to dump her. She will do it for you eventually. She knows that her behaviour is destructive and chooses not to change it, theres not much you can do about it...

Sorry
 oceangirlnla1
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 48
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/22/2008 11:35:08 PM
I think there are a lot of the pieces to the story missing here. We are only getting his point of view. I see her enjoying or loving sex but there is some other problem on her mind and he is not caring enough to probably even ask. If he sat down and actually "talked" to her to find out what is going on instead of just doing the "guy" attitude about sex he might get to the root of the problem and they would be enjoying a great sex life.

I would suggest reading "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". It is a great book on just trying to get an idea where the opposite sex is coming from. I have a feeling that he isn't "listening" to her nor fulfilling her other needs. He needs to understand that woman have a great a need to be love, held, cuddled with, listened to, felt wanted and just understood. And the sex or should I say "intimacy" with the man who fulfills all of these other needs will find her "asking" more than once a week.

The other point is for her to feel wanted, love, appreciated, and secure to open herself up to intimacy, he needs to show her that he only wants her and not have an ad up on a dating site. She can never take him seriously if he can't show her how much he loves her and cares about her by taking his ad off and focusing on her.

It not some sort of power struggle or control. She just wants the love and respect she deserves and when he gives her that, intimacy on a more regular basis will just fall into place....
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 50
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:57:20 AM
A couple of things:
1) Crazy girl? Hate to break it to you but you're 19, of course your sex drive will change. It does for everyone. There are many factors that will affect it: kids, mortgage, job responsibility, bills, marriage (that's a biggie lol)......
2) I agree, there is more to the story than her just not wanting sex as often as he does, but whatever it is, the OP DID say he brought it up to her and her answer was "go find someone that will ____ you as much as you want.

Now all the ladies are saying "oh, learn how to appreciate her and love every inch of her and read a book on how to communicate with her...". Hey, communication is a two way street, she already knows there is a problem why can't SHE bring it up to HIM and say: Listen hon, the reason I don't want to have sex with you as often as you like is because of.....? What the hell's wrong with that?

Oh yeah, that's right, women don't communicate that way. They give out vague signals, hints, leave signs all around them and as men, we have to interpret these signals.....hey just tell us what the heck's wrong!!!

Dude, you probably left the toilet seat up too often and she read that as you not respecting every inch of her being and not addressing her needs to be cherished lol....
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 51
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:27:10 AM

erm rentahusband i did not ask for advice so dont give it.


Hmm that was advice? It wasn't advice, it was just a head's up as to what you may encounter in your future and sorry sunshine, if you post comments in a public forum, be prepared to receive comments on them.

If you don't want people to comment on what you post? Don't post them in public....see that's what a public discussion forum is: public discussion.
 passionteman
Joined: 3/7/2005
Msg: 52
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:54:59 AM
I would actually start to put her in the mood for it slowly, touching the hair and smelling her neck and shoulders and telling her all the good stuff she wants to hear and see how she responds and then take it from there.

But......

If she keeps on refusing, she has got a problem and you need a new girl.
 oceangirlnla1
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 54
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:01:54 AM
It truly amazes me how many people just give up so easily. You can see just by the posts on this thread how men and women are so different and also age group responses.

OP needs to ask himself , do I really love this woman enough to take the time to sit down and have a heart to heart. To open up myself beyond the sex and find out what truly is wrong. Or am I just into her for the sex only and she isn't putting out so I'll complain on a forum and ask permission to just move on.

Sex and intimacy is very important to me and I feel it is the number one topic of conversation among men and women. We all have complaints about sex. Not enough, too much, he/she is great in bed so I want more, she/he isn't good in bed, did we please each other, will we have it again soon, can I never have it again with that person and so on...

I have found in previous relationships that men (this is only my experience) will say they have a high sex drive, want it all the time, and will be this great lover, when in fact they are saying that only at the time when they are horny and when they aren't horny it all changes. I am sure it is the same for many women. It's all talk in the beginning to impress the other to want them and then life settles in and it changes.

You have "sex" (short term, selfish, non emotional, just get me off) and then you have "love and passion with intimacy" (giving, long term, wanting more, emotional, intoxicating, ecstasy)
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 55
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:29:43 AM
Oceangirl, you make some good points but I tend to disagree with your statement "men only want sex when they're horny...".

I for one often have sex with my partners when I feel the need to be closer to them for whatever reason.

Now we get into the labels of sex/making love etc. No matter how you break it down or attach a label to it, it's still sex. There's all kinds of different sex, just like there's all kinds of reasons to HAVE sex.

I think the major difference between the way men and women look at it is that women tend to put too much emotional attachments to the act, everytime. I find that the more "modern" woman realizes that sex can be many things and doesn't always have to come with emotional baggage. Hence why many men complain that their partner's sex drive decreases immensely after the L word is spoken or the words "I do". I find that many women tend to need or want sex once they have emotional committment from a guy and with guys (for the most part) always want it......(like that saying goes: even bad sex is good lol).
 oceangirlnla1
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 56
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:18:35 AM
rentahusband...well, your statement of "even bad sex is good" is from a man's point of view. It's pretty much a given a man is going to "get off" on good or bad sex. But for women, we are more complicated creatures. If men and women were both "hard wired" the same life would be pretty boring. God created both of us in different ways to add balance and also, add intrigue and adventure....

Unfortunately, life and love can become complicated and it changes everything as we see from all of the posts and the OP.
 Pete73052
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 57
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:29:16 AM

If men and women were both "hard wired" the same life would be pretty boring. God created both of us in different ways to add balance and also, add intrigue and adventure....


Then how do you explain gays and lesbians? I get your point though...


Unfortunately, life and love can become complicated and it changes everything...


Absolutely. I think as *individuals*, we have to make decisions about our compatibility with our prospective partners - regardless of gender. Not all people have the same libido... there are hot and cold lovers in both genders. Additionally, since (until proven otherwise) we're pretty complex human beings, our sexual appetite can fluctuate depending on many factors - not the least of which is how we're getting along with our partner. Two people with healthy libidos can easily find themselves not in the mood if other aspects of the relationship suffer. In such cases, partners with good communication skills are likely to do as well or better than partners with compatible sex drives. So while too compatible can be boring, compatibility in just the right places will ultimately strengthen any relationship.
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 58
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 1:15:54 PM

yes i can point u in the right direction...
i had this same problem... and it was an easy fix for me... when she doesnt want sex back off and speak her love language... do somthing for her... women are natural care givers but they dont want to feel used... she knows u want sex and and believe me if u do this she will be wanting it 3 times a day!!! let her fall asleep while rubbing her back with not a hint of presure that u would like a favor in return... it will change ur life... and dont tell her that ur doing this.... just remember woo her but not a hint of presure.


I've got an easier solution: just break up with her. I my experience that brings back the sex drive 10 fold (or at least back to what it was before you told her you love her).....seriously. Every relationship I ever had where the sex died after being together 6 months or so, the week after we broke up we were at it like two bunnies on viagara.....
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 60
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:08:16 PM
I miss sex. :( LOL


I hear walmart had them it on sale last week! I even think there was a coupon in their latest flyer!!

(btw: i say this when people say to me "get a life" I would, but by the time I got to walmart they were all sold out!!! lol)

On a more serious note however, I feel for you, I really do. I guess that's why I never get (or have yet to be) involved with someone I know that I will always be hot for. I tell you, every long term relationship I was ever in, I was as hot for them on the last day as I was on the first day.
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 62
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Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:42:17 PM
..... but now I'm left thinking I'll have cobwebs *there* forever...lol!


which reminds me of:

You know how guys have names for their "parts"? Like big willy, the one eyed snake, buster, brutus, The Big Guy, etc etc etc?

Well, goes to show you how much women are different than men, all women use the same name: There, as in:
THERE oh THERE right THERE omg THERE...LOL

(sorry, couldn't resist)
 StrangerInTheHouse
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 65
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:39:19 PM
sounds like she doesn't want sex as much as you...

Whether you stay with her depends on how much you like it... but it could cause you to go astray.

Tough decision most of us older guys have gone through.. with mixed results... but here's something you should know: If she's pushing you away now at your young age, there's a good chance she'll do it even more so later.

Truth: alot of people don't get into sex that much. You could wind up leading a double life if you hook up long term with this person: your emotional life with them and your sex life with someone else.

I hate to tell you that, but someone should.
 alexfromwest
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 70
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/28/2008 2:38:10 AM
its possible she has something on her mind like marriage or new guy or shopping.
ask her.communication is the key
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 71
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:50:51 AM
She compromises very well; My friend had this problem with his girlfriend and eventually she made compromises, and they have more sex and he does some things that make her feel better outside the bedroom. Relationships are about compromise.

This lady is not even willing to talk about it. You need to get good at masturbation, or leave her. Having sex 2-3 times a week in normal. If I were in the situation, I would talk to her and if she wouldn't talk about it, I would tell her we had some nice times, but I'm outta hear like a newborn.
 Masked_Hero
Joined: 12/14/2003
Msg: 72
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:07:28 AM
What is there to discuss ?? She gave you the green light to find sombody that will give you all the sex you want... If that was me I'd make sure when she came from work, she 'll see me in the bed with another chick ! She should be careful what she wishes for.. But then again for her to say that to you she must know you don't have balls to do it. Hope your not one of them "Nice guys" that women just abuse and make suffer thru a relationship. Good luck with that Bro
 beautifuldancer400
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 74
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 4/28/2008 12:33:28 PM

When she kicks your azz to the curb don't come back to us CRAZIES and say we didn't see it comming.....



LMAO
 SheKnowsWhatSheNeeds
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 75
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 5/7/2008 3:44:43 PM
That really sucks...
Hell...I wish my bf wanted it more lol I could go for 2-3 times day...never mind in a week...
I'd say...find someone else as passionate as you...this obviously isn't going to get much better...just worse...
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 80
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 12/2/2010 9:35:52 PM
stacey, ignore apollo, he has stated in other threads that he broke up with his ex for not wanting sex even though she had CANCER. He believes that even if someone is sick as a dog, they should put out for his "needs".
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 82
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:37:50 PM
Obviously I brought this up to her. She storms out and tells me I should find a girl I can **** all the time, and she isn't that girl...
--------------------------------------------------
After you heard you're lady is telling you this, what she just told you means she can't fulfill what you want and she refuses to do that. Talk to her first and work it out, if it's not going anywhere, time to find someone else that can.
 0p0p
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 83
Girlfriend gets mad for me wanting sex, I get sad for not getting any in the first place.
Posted: 6/23/2011 9:43:13 PM
damn my man tom petty said best "it's time to move on, it's time to get going, what lies ahead I have no way of knowin" ......the only reason men and women interact is sex to recreate....all the rest is just a circus freak sideshow!
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