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 beautifuldancer400
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 99
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?Page 18 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

I married her and still miss her *sigh*.


I'm sorry to hear that. We all know it's not easy to find someone we're willing to spend our lives with.

You make a great point too about the many ways (other than sexual favors) available to show your appreciation and that you care about someone.
 Black velvet 46
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 100
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:08:17 AM
" A wonderful woman won my heart by preparing a dinner for me with her own hands, showing a lot of caring and making it clear that I mattered to her and she wanted me. I married her and still miss her"

My condolences on your loss.
 URLOVEY
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 101
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 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 102
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/1/2008 2:47:49 PM
Golconda says:

"One thing you did right was to let the guy know up front that sex is not in the picture. If women would do this, there would be a lot less problems with women complaining about men who want sex on the first few dates. "
................................................................................

You know, that's interesting, because among the many wonderful women I have known and in some cases loved, there is one who stands out in that we enjoyed a deep and enduring love without sexual intecourse. She was lesbian. Through her I met many Los Angeles lesbians, all of them intelligent achievers like her, fully at peace with themselves and delightful to be around. Everybody knew that sex was out of the picture and it set the state for very pleasant relaxed relationships without that tension. I suppose that they trusted me because they knew that she trusted me. When she died of cancer I buried her ashes and planted a tree over them and wept for months. Sexuality was there and prfound intimacy but copulation wasn't in the mix. I will always remember her with deep affection. Getting laid needn't drive your love.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 103
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:13:27 AM
Posted By: jetty65 on 5/1/2008 710 PM
Subject: Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Message: No, There are people out there that take money for sex they are called prostitutes. An expensive meal is not a ticket for sex, flowers do not get you sex, gifts do not get you sex.
A woman is only obligated to have sex with a guy if she wants too. I will not feel guilty to not giving a guy sex no matter how much he paid for the meal. If I don't want to do it I don't want to. A mature man should realize the best sex comes from a woman that is willing. A mature man should also realize that one night stands and sex on the first date are not for everyone.
...........................................................................

You are so right. And there's more. People who take anything at all from others all the time and give nothing to others are not nice people, they are professional takers, sometimes known as use-up merchants. If it's a woman who is out to get stuff - such as free meals - with no thought of giving anything to the people who provide the meals - then she is a gold-digger and as soon as a guy picks up the signals he should get out fast.

Meals, flowers whatever from one person to another do NOT carry any obligations for sex or anything else. If there is any obligation it isn't a true gift, it's just a business deal, and there's nothing inherently wrong with business deals, but let's face it, that's what prostitution is. Who needs it in personal social life? No way.

I don't like your choice of words when you say "giving a guy sex." Nobody "gives me" sex. I enjoy sex with another person and it's NOT one person "giving" it to another, it's two persons enjoying it together. If you don't WANT it then I don't want you to have a sexual experience with me. I would rather do without than go to bed if you're doing it as a duty or obligation.

If I buy you a dinner it's because I WANT to, not because I expect anything at all in return. And BTW I hope you are just as interested in buying me a dinner as I am in buying you one. No way am I going to get suckered into filling anybody's expectations just because I am male and she is female. That dinosaur stuff isn't helpful in 2008. Modern human beings treat each other as equals. There are no obligations based on gender difference, at least not in matters of sexual pleasures and paying for meals. If I WANT to buy you a meal I do and if you WANT to take me to bed I go - there are no obligations either way - just desires, not duties - end of story.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 104
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:48:02 AM
The question has an easy answer. NOTHING obligates anyone to have sex with another.

If a woman imagines that if I do nice things for her such as buying her a dinner that OBLIGATES her to sex, then I don't want her.

I want to give and receive gifts, not pay dues, and hope women will feel the same way. Not obligation but desire is the basis for sound honest fulfilling relationships.
 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 105
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Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:24:27 AM
In the days before I knew better, I was told several times, by different women, that I hadn't spent enough money on them for them to "put out." Not "I'm just not into you," or "I don't believe in sex before marriage," but "You didn't spend enough."

I came to call this the "last date parting shot," because it was the last time I bothered to take them out.

Some women will have sex if you buy them a drink, some insist you buy them a Ferrari, some insist you marry them and buy them a house. Some married women use sex to control and manipulate their husbands (first-had experience here).

If I buy a woman a dinner, it's because I'm a nice guy. Any expectations I have are based on "chemistry," not money. If I make the house payments and pay the bills, the house is in my name alone (in the very unlikely event we have kids together, my name and the kids'). If she needs a car and if I'm feeling generous, I may buy her a used Buick. She can buy her own Ferrari.
 twineagle3crows
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 106
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:14:56 PM
OK Guys this is the only thing you should do, being if your a gentleman that is . You buy Dinner for her ,go dancing etc .If you are a gentleman you shouldn't expect anything except a goodnight kiss at her door . I don't care who you are ,when dating and looking to marry this woman , then you wait till your married till you engage in sex but by this time instead of sex you are making love to your mate and everything that has been building up for the last umteen dates has come to a boil and thats when you collect . Period . Not before .....

TwinEagle3crows Ho
 CherylCake
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 107
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:09:57 PM
Since men have a higher sex drive than women(generally), they have to do more to "get" what they need. They think paying for a fancy meay will oil the pump, however all the ladies know that alls you have to do is ask us questions, then listen to what we have to say. It's the effort in communication, not the cash...so, guess what? We are NOT equal beings. We were designed with different chemicals that drive our needs. I go "Dutch" with friends. I allow the man I wish to have a romance with to pay which makes him feel more like the man. His generosity gets appreciated in nurturing ways. Of course I could afford to treat, and I do when the mood strikes, however, there's nothing more hot than a manly man whose confident to be in charge, because thewomanly woman feels trusting enough to let him. Oh, and of course she shows how ever so grateful she is later on....(when they're married) Righty right?
 mickm2006
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 108
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:21:56 PM
In response to>>>^^^^^ Nah... a cup of coffee is just a blowjob
=======
Wait a sec... I thought a 7-Eleven beverage constituted a BJ... you know... one "Big Gulp" for another?

Mike
 MajorThomas
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 109
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Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:54:42 PM
don't know. It always feels nice when you don't have to pay $70 for concert/play/activity etc. I say get all the freebies you can.

Plus you just might want to go out and do something that your date can't afford, nothing puts a dampener on things faster then if your date is worrying about how much they're going to spend.

I figure paying for the dates dinner, ice skating pass, basket ball tickets or whatever is a small price to pay for an attractive women to pay attention to you for a few hours and laugh at your silly jokes (cheaper then a geisha), plus its better then being stuck at home on a weekend night or wasting time at the Club.

I guess the only thing i require is that she acts like shes having a good time during the date if I'm paying, beyond that If I shes an good conversationalist or i get a second date or anything else its a bonus.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 110
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:04:33 PM

This guy is living caveman style or something lol

I would take that as a compliment

Yeah, but the cavemen are grieviously insulted by the comparison.
Cindy O
 simpleman20188
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 111
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:02:29 PM
While I was dating I pretty much knew we were going to be having sex before we went out on the first date.

Sometimes it was damned hard to go have a nice meal rather then to hell with it lets go fvck!

If a women truely doesn't want any obligation on a date she should pay ofr the date. If she only wants minimal obligation like being good company than they can both go dutch.

But if she expects the guy to arrange everything and cover everything then d@mned right she should use what she brought on the date (her self) to make it a fair and equitable arrangement.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 112
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:03:05 AM
Posted By: HoneyHugs on 5/20/2008 748 PM
Subject: Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Message: Hi !
I dated this guy over a month ago, we dated for a few weeks off and on, and after a night out, he started hinting around about sex, and made the comment "Well I DID spend $45 on you tonight for dinner !" I said "Ohhh..and you think that entitles you to have sex ? I'm only worth $45 ???" Needless to say he shut up real quick. He said he was only "kidding", but I told him it was downright rude , and no dinner gives a man entitlement. Some men (and in all fairness women too) just dont have a clue. I have to have feelings for someone for a relationshp to go to that level, I know sometimes the chemistry is there on that first date or two, but you have to get past that to see if there is more there worth exploring.
..................................................................................................................

Now this post raises a couple of questions about HoneyHugs.

First, the guy is obviously a creep. He must be a real jerk if, when he does something nice for her like buying her a dinner, he imagines there is an unspoken contract implied and she has an obligation to him, an obligation she never agreed to and indeed wasn't even told about. I wonder if she is seriously naive, to have gotten involved with this dude even to that point. Doesn't she have some sort of a$$hole detection radar system to keep her clear of such people?

Second, what's totally missing from her post (above) is any suggestion that she is a giving person, not just a taking person, and that she might have the desire to do anything nice for him. Now maybe she is in fact cool but if she doesn't look for ways to act with generosity toward a man from the moment they met, while allowing the man to act with generosity towards her, then she is a loser and fails to comprehend that people are equals and any man with any brains will pick up the signals and get rid of her fast.
 SimplyMeeee
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 113
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:15:49 AM
What ever happened to actually caring for someone before having sex? I know I'm not living on another planet with that attitude, but to me, with SOME emotion behind it, sex is worthwhile. With none & a quicky there is just emptyness after.
Ok, maytbe I AM on another planet......
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 114
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Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:53:41 AM

not just a taking person, and that she might have the desire to do anything nice for him.


Excuse me fra59e...define nice? Do you mean to say that doing something "nice " for a guy is having sex with him? That just seems like a politer way of being obligated doesn't it? If I go out on dates , and do my best to be fun and interesting, and my usual "nice" self..am I obligated somehow to give something more than my company and interest..and normal courtesy?

I'm certainly not forcing any man to take me out, or treat me if he wants to..

But, sex isn't something I "do" to pay a man back...it's something I share with someone I'm really into..until then, it's just dating and having fun. And there are no obligations on either side..if he doesn't like me, for whatever reason, then he shouldn't be asking me out now should he?

In my opinion, men or women who give and give and expect something in return..and don't get it...they should stop giving if it isn't appreciated..and they can't complain if they get used....

I still give because I want to..not because I expect a reward..no matter who or what I'm giving...
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 115
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:50:36 PM
Zangie says:
Do you mean to say that doing something "nice " for a guy is having sex with him? That just seems like a politer way of being obligated doesn't it? If I go out on dates , and do my best to be fun and interesting, and my usual "nice" self..am I obligated somehow to give something more than my company and interest..and normal courtesy?
..............................................................................

Any woman who doesn't know how to treat a man well without engaging in sex is a woman with a serious problem.

Surely if she spends a little time with a guy she has some idea of what gifts she might give him. If she can't figure out some way to please a guy except by spreading her legs she is a tramp. Hasn't she heard of, oh, maybe selecting a video for him? Taking him to a movie she knows he will like? Treating him to a ticket to a game? Baking him a cake? Don't laugh, I'm serious. Why do so many woman fail to see how much truth there is in the old saying about "the way to a man's heart .... ?" Hey, I married a woman who impressed me by fixing a dinner of roast duck with her own hands. I bet many males will remember a good dinner a lot longer than they remember a good night of sex.

If any woman hasn't learned how to be generous to men with anything other than her body she has really missed out on some pretty important education in how to live.

How appalling if Zangie really thinks that all a woman has to offer a man is her "company" and (maybe faked?) "interest". As for "normal courtesy," that's the gateway condition for any and every social interaction, isn't it? In my book, "not polite" means o-u-t.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 116
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Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:00:50 PM
How appalling if Zangie really thinks that all a woman has to offer a man is her "company" and (maybe faked?) "interest". As for "normal courtesy," that's the gateway condition for any and every social interaction, isn't it? In my book, "not polite" means o-u-t.


We are talking about going on dates...not being in a relationship...I really resent your implication..the point I was making was I don't owe anyone on a date sex?

I don't fake anything..and honestly, you don't know me, and your assumptions are insulting and erroneous.

My point at the end was I am a giving person...in a relationship..a first or second date is not a relationship...on those all I "owe" anyone is my company , honesty and consideration. You must really have a skewed view of women to think they fake interest and don't know how to be nice to a guy. In my world...I did all the being nice stuff..not the other way around.

Don't know how you got from my post that I was a fake and a taker...

And anyone who knows me would laugh hysterically....

EDit: And did you call me a tramp too? hahaha..
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 117
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:46:36 AM
If any woman went to bed with me NOT just because she WANTED to but because she thought she OWED me a sexual favor in return for a dinner, I would want nothing to do with her and would not want to touch her or be with her.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 118
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Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:54:14 AM
Well,talking about a few hundred dollars that's including his dinner too and riding a limo with the girl. He is El Cheapo to pay an "Escort". I beg his pardon , my sexual favor is priceless, not a plate of food,,,,,,,,, his commitment to marry me....
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 119
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:42:02 AM
Vannili says:
.................................
I beg his pardon , my sexual favor is priceless, ....
................................

WHAT? Going to bed with someone is doing him a "favor"? I hope she doesn't mean that.

Any woman who regards her sexual activity is a "favor" to be dispensed rather than a pleasure to be enjoyed won't see me around for long.

If a person has an intimate experience with me I ONLY want it if she DESIRES it and enjoys it, NOT because she imagines she is dispensing a "favor."

Every human being is a person, not a commodity.

If people enjoy each other's bodies merging with theur own the motivation can be the shared enjoyment of pleasure like play. If instead it is just fulfilment of a perceived obligation, an act of duty not of choice, I don't want it.

If it is a "favor" being given, why not be honest about the transaction and put a dollar price on it and renting out your body by the hour.

To address the topic header, no gift of mine, such as a dinner, obligates the recipient to anything at all. If it did carry an implied obligation, it would not be an actual gift at all but paymnet, or bait, like the dinner I once accepted from a salesman out to sell a product.

If a woman chooses to invite me to her bed I may accept if I see she is giving me a gift and desiring to share pleasure with me.

If she assumes my picking up the tab at a restaurant just before that is not a free gift and a shared pleasure but is a payment to rent her body after the dessert, I am outathere fast and she will spend the rest of the evening (and the rest of her life) without me in the picture. But if she wants me there, with or without the meal, and lets me know she wants me there, I am more likely to enjoy being there and more likely to stick around.
 isoU
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 120
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 8/3/2008 4:38:24 AM
Yes ...

If I work for some1 I expect to be paid !!!!!!!!!

Good reason for men NOT spending money on the first date !!!!!!

Why do women expect to be feed for free ?

I expect sex just for spending time on her ;)
 mickm2006
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 121
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 8/4/2008 3:36:40 PM
Yes........ if the woman is a call girl and the dinner is a prelude to completing a socially binding verbal contract.

Otherwise, there is no sexual quid pro quo.

Mike
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 122
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:52:09 AM
If any woman goes to bed with me out of a sense of obligation, of any kind, I don't want her.

I only want women who DESIRE things, not suppliers of a commodity. A romp in bed as play is always welcome, but never as payment for a dinner or for anything else.

Within marriage, people used to use the phrase "marital duties" to refer to the supposed obligation of a wife to spread her legs every time her husband wanted to get his rocks off. Do you realize how disgustingly cheapening and inhumane that is?

In that old-fashioned model of marriage, a wife is made into a kind of grade A substitute for masturbation. Thank the gods the Victorian era is over, and modern women are men's equals, not sex slaves or objects to be used.

A modern woman or a modern man assumes NO obligation by accepting a dinner or anything else, not even a wedding ring, unless fully informed and agreed in advance. No contract exists beyond what is voluntarily and knowingly entered into by free equals.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 123
Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligates a woman to have sex with him?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:24:14 AM


Seriously..there are a "few" guys out there that expect obligatory "anything" from just taking them down the road to the local Mikey D's...I'm serious on this!!
Now as for an exspensive dinner...same rules applies....(Who the h*ll makes these rules anyway?) There should be NO put out of any kind unless I guess it is acceptable on both sides...a lady should not be made to feel pressured into anything she's not comfortable doing....and if said gentleman went into this date and ait,etc..then he is a "rat" in my book....just my lil ol opinion....

..............................................................

That is true. And there are also women out there who expect him to pick up the check at Mikey's just because he has a thingie where she has a thangie, as if social obligations are incurred by your biology rather than by your free choice. Who the h*ll makes these rules anyway? There should be no "put out" of any kind by anybody except by voluntary free choice made by fully informed persons.
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