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 AUTHOR
 sin2gether2
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 36
How to deal with partner's promiscuous pastPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Men who have lots of sexual partners and haven't settled for one of them before often wait for a "virginal" type of woman to settle with.
I've seen this before.
So he might actually treat you like a princess. If he is good to you, that is great.
I actually feel bad for the other women he is possibly still talking to. He is using them and treating them badly.
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 37
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:08:55 AM
I knew that I was "all grown-up" when I was able to allow other people to be themselves, make their own decisions, maintain their own relationships, and recognize that I also have those same rights and deserve that same respect.

If someone isn't able to both allow those rights and expect those same rights, perhaps they should reconsider being in any relationship until they come to terms with these aspects needed for the development and maintenance of a relationship.

Best.

ACP
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 38
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:53:08 AM
You and only you have some serous insecurity issues about this. Get over it. What you are going to do with the way you are acting, is that he will put you in a notch, get rid of you and move on. So if he is claiming to be faithful to you and your relationship, honor it, regardless of how many women he had slept with in the past. If you don't, you will be the past.
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 39
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:23:10 AM
Op, I agree with the others who say to leave the past where it belongs. There is not a thing you can do to change it, so enjoy what you have with him now...and by the sounds of it, you were the one who was able to tame this guy, so instead of shedding tears over something you can not change anyway...there is no point in fighting over his past.

Now, if he has a promiscuous present, then you have every right to be concerned, to cry, and to be angry.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 40
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:31:49 AM

And a person is going to get a lot more experience from having a lot of quality and experimental sex with one person then they will having one-night stands with multiple people.


Bingo! Well said.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 42
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:22:23 PM
Sorry someday one; I should be flowery and say sweet things like, ah he's changed; what a sweet boy; so loving; he really does love you and every time he screwed those other 30 girls, he was really just thinking of you. ahhh

I've taught teenagers for over 10 years and I see whats up. I've coached high school boys for 5. The american adult is literally clueless about what the generation is doing. Instead of people trying to be soft and fluffy, we should care enough about eachother to be honest. There has never been more sleazy behavior in people under 25 than in this decade.

your totally right; I'm so sorry; lol; whatever; your point of view is so ultra liberal and naive but I didnt' say anything because thats your thing. Everyone has a right to speak their mind. But Since you attacked me I then had to say it. i'm not a tra la la person who believes in God and lets everyone off and everything is all good. 25% of teenage girls have STD's. This is the latest from the national institute of health; for males its more; this guy is exposed to 30 girls and all their lovers. That means she's being exposed to possibly hundreds of people sexually; You can be everyones friend. I respect what you do, and you can do whatever you want. I wish I had a tape recorder and let girls and women hear what young college and high school guys say behind their back. Most young guys are dogs. We need to stop being cool adults and being peoples buddies, and try to help people by being honest. Our country is a mess, and its because its all good. No it isn't all good; there is still right and wrong.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 43
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:42:09 PM
You want to know why men are dogs women? You want to know why jerks never change? Because you keep taking them back. You reward their behavior with forgiveness and you'll believe anything that comes out of our mouths when your into us.

Its funny how most of the sympathetic posters are female, and the harsh ones are male. Females will believe anything and we guys know what dogs many men are. Some really good posts.


First of all why are you quoting your boyfriend like he was a truth machine. He was screwing anything that walked and lied about it and never told you. You think he's telling you the truth now. The truth is he can say and do whatever he wants because your never leaving him, so I dont know why you even posted this. Maybe you wanted people to feel sorry for you or believe you. Its sad you think this is what a healthy love is.

To be honest it doesnt' matter what anyone says. This girl is obsessed with this guy. Its very classic. He doesnt' want her, he just doesnt' want anyone else to have her because he knows she worships him and will never leave. This is a very dysfunctional situation that happens thousands of times every day and I'd bet my last $5 saying this is a train wreck in the making.

P.S. I guess we should allow most of the criminals out because they say they've changed and they cry and they seem to mean it. I mean wasn't that in the past? We should let sex offenders and murderers and adulterers do whatever they want. I mean the past is the past isn't it? Lets let them off and not judge them for the past. It's all good. Good grief. Thats whats wrong with our country. You can predict future behavior by past actions. If there is a pattern of behavior, then the odds of it continuing are incredibly high. This is a young girl and this guy is not the prince of England or anything special. Your telling an insecure girl without any self esteem that is being treated like a dog, to stay in an extremely unhealthy situation, to forgive him. She's not healthy enough to be in a relationship, and this guy is a dog and cant' spell relationship. You don't cheat on someone 30 times and then say, "my bad". This girl needs to grow up and be a secure person before being in a relationship. Neither one is healthy and some are saying, ah it will be ok. No it wont. Stop being cool adults and being buddies and start telling the truth to people.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 49
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History
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:20:43 AM
1. he didn't have to tell you....so why did he? it would have been much easier for him to keep this part of himself in the past and hidden from you......so what was his motive in telling you? either he felt proud of his 'achievements', or he told you because he felt if you were going to become close (as it seems you both have), that he felt it was the honorable thing to do and show you this was/is part of him (so you would not have any illusions about him....ahem....).

2. the other question is, and another poster asked, but you haven't answered yet is how old is he? you're 22, but i'm thinking if he's in his 30's - say he's had 10 sexually active years - well, that averages 3 women a year, and some (or many) were one night stands. it makes one wonder why he couldn't and didn't form or want to form longer term relationships with any or some of these women. if he's in his 20's, or near your age, then it really sounds like he's been truly promiscuous, as you say, and then i would wonder why he thinks you are different, or his behavior will be different now.

3. i was in a relationship where i had a more active sexual past than my partner and it was a source of concern for both of us when we realized there was quite a difference. he was one who was a virgin when he married and had just a four mini sexual relationships since his divorce 8 years earlier. from the minute we both spoke of this difference, it seemed he was viewing me differently, as though i should be ashamed, and i was viewing him as someone who had too little experience. and, in fact, that was part of the downfall in our relationship - we just couldn't match in that area.

4. if you really can't accept his past, or if you're deep down not trusting him, you're going to have to face your fears by looking at your beliefs and values as honestly as you can, and then decide to either move on, or stay with him (for now, cuz that's all we really know) and explore this relationship further. wishing he didn't have his past is not reality, as you know. holding it against him also will not achieve anything positive.

5. trust your intincts. is this the sort of person you envisioned you would fall in love with? do you love him? do you trust him? is this the kind of person you envisioned would fall in love with you?

6. bottom line - is there more potential for love or pain in this relationship? and are you coming from love, or from fear? recognizing that can be a great help in seeing and finding your truth.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 52
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:12:01 AM
Thanks for correcting me; I came off a 24 hour work shift and didnt' read it right.

What you have to realize though that if he slept with 30, he slept with more than that. Also you are being exposed to ALL of the women, and ALL of the partners those 30 women have ever had.

The National Institute of Health latest medical stats show 25% of teenage girls have an STD. Good Luck.
 danieljarvis
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 54
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:39:32 PM
your only in to him because other women or women in general find him attractive,that's not very original and you deserve everything you get
ps.i hate dominant males
 Mirage111
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 55
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:44:54 PM
why are you stressing over that which is beyond your control...accept it or move on. You will only drive the person you supposdly care about away. Its your issue, grow up, and sounds like you are not ready for a committed relationship yourself..deal with that.
 danieljarvis
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 70
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/20/2008 5:46:48 PM
jay girl you are living on a cloud with a silver lining,i hope that the real world knocks on your door soon
ps.i hate pub sluts
 danieljarvis
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 77
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:06:46 PM
the positive equal the negitives no matter who you are
 ZokyC
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 83
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/30/2011 4:07:28 PM
Well find some job to keep you busy so you don't think much of your partner. Something which requires a lot of travel so you don't see him much.

One which comes to mind is Secretary of State
 Friendly widow
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 86
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History
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 4/30/2011 8:26:12 PM
Yet another very old thread brought back! Has anyone else noticed that the OP is still here-seeking intimate encounters!
 Friendly widow
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 91
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History
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 5/1/2011 5:44:19 AM
Clearly that is precisely what she is trying to do with a profile looking for intimate encounters!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 92
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 5/1/2011 6:55:42 AM
I see a huge problem here. And the whole thing stems out of resentment and jealousy. When you resent what another person did, particularly things that they didn't do to you, but had done in the past, it's a mute point because it has nothing to do with you and cannot be either corrected for feel sorry for such actions. Second when you are also jealous that you haven't had more previous partners, what it does is that it poisons your thinking, to the point that you are going to wish that you were not in that relationship, so eventually you may sabotage the relationship or cheat on him.

With that said. I grant the OP one thing. I have female friends. But these female friends became that after we dated and realize that there was not sexual attraction but we had other things in common. Now, a person that you had SEX with, it's a different thing. This may be someone that you no longer see as relationship material, but there is in one or they other the possibility of additional sexual attraction. So while I advocate to have friends of the opposite sex, I also advocate that one should honor how the other partner feels about having around, or having contact, with people we have slept with. I know PLENTY of women that feel very uncomfortable about this. I also know plenty of guys that while saying first that they didn't care, when it came time to make a more serious commitment, they put as a stipulation that if they should not have contact with people they slept with before, so should the woman. So, while we all may claim to be or want to be very mature about this, or "Secure", the reality is that most of the time, it's uncomfortable for our partner to keep contact with people we had sex with.

So, if your bf, wants to put his money where his mouth is, he should cut contact with the women he slept with, yet keep the ones that are simply friends. And if that takes place, the OP needs to realize that the past is in the past.
 Friendly widow
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 96
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History
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 5/1/2011 8:59:09 AM
Good post Outmind! I am currently in a friendship with a fellow with whom I had a very brief fling. He decided for obvious reasons that he could not continue the fling but wanted to stay in touch as friends.So far that is working well for both of us.However it is possible that we will not be able to sustain the friendship long term.Only time will tell-but for now it is good!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 97
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History
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 5/1/2011 9:48:43 AM
Msg.#1 :


<div class="quote"> somebody please tell me that I'm an idiot!

Yessss you are an idiot!!! How did you know that he sleep with number 30 something women ??? Of course he told you ,right??? He can not afford to get a cable TV ,to watch Soap Opera so he is making you a drama queen by disclosing his love life past..
And he was your first relationship,first kiss ect, if his kisses are like brand new and his son of a gun is working fine,(like brand new) then there is NO problem about his past....I'll take back what I said that you 're an idiot. On a second thought NAH........


<div class="quote"> How to with partner's promiscuous past

Honestly ,I would not be concern about his past , but I would be concern that he is not giving me a HIV or VD.
 Friendly widow
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 100
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How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 5/1/2011 11:08:37 AM
OP has clearly moved on from the time when this thread began. Hope she is getting a chuckle from the current posts!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 102
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History
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 5/1/2011 11:24:31 AM
We love each other a great deal but his past is so difficult to deal with specially since he still maintains contact with some of his previous one night stand.


Sorry to be blunt , if a person loves someone he knows his moral obligation to her(/him, )for he 'll value you like his self.,for his self is the most important in his life.. He is not a child that you 'll tell him "to be rid of his one night stands or lovers, he'll automatically do it...
They way I understand your post is you 're having problem with the present not the past. Specially with yourself.

Your BF is not a good one and I believe you,,,,, but putting in black and white for strangers to degrade you
somebody tell me that I 'm an idiot!
" NOT CUTE AT ALL"
Here is the truth you attract others of what you are .. As they said >birds with the same feathers flock together..

ps
Msg. 1 I know it is a game ,you are looking for some loopholes on some postes to attack them....lol
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 103
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How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 5/1/2011 11:41:38 AM

I just have massive trust issues with men due to past abuse so I think it's mainly me as opposed to him when it comes to issues in our relationship.


The issue seems to be yours, not his.

You have two choices;
a. Overcome it,
b. Not, and feel this way, making you and your beau totally uncomfortable and ill at ease.

Your choice. He has not abused you, why should he pay for it?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 120
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 5/2/2011 10:12:45 AM

I'm happy for both you and your potential future baggage.


Preferably Samsonite, and right now Delta let's you bring the first one regardless of size for free.

That is awesome.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 125
How to deal with partner's promiscuous past
Posted: 5/2/2011 2:29:24 PM
You find it hard to accept his past? Well, you for one would see clearly that you did (or did not do) becuae it felt right for you to do that, right? And now even though he too did what had felt right to him, you feel unfomfortable and feel you need to accept it? Remember, you are now in a league with others who have had different views and feelings on what they were ready to do so, now's the time for you to see aned face that and continue doing what feels right for you.

If his past is too much for you to deal with then, leave him and find another guy who has been with fewer women. But at the same time if you do do that, you will be sheltering yourself from life's reality and will choose to run away from personal growth.
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