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Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 401
Talking about sex before even meetingPage 17 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
Talking about sex before even meeting suggests they cannot think with their big head (on top their shoulders). That's all they probably want.

That's a definite red flag. I sometimes get the same thing. How do these idiots know they are not talking to Lorena Bobbitt?
 Knittin Kitten
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 402
view profile
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/1/2009 6:39:37 PM
I just got an IM from someone on here. I clicked on his profile to see who I was going to be talking to, and saw a shirtless man, peering into his cam, and he was up North, in the cold country!!!

I had noticed that he had 2 black labs and I commented on that, but, then, said to him that I hoped he had pants on, because I had already had 3 nekked ones today and I noticed that he looked as though he was going to stand up.

He said yes, changed back to a picture, and apologized. I continued to message him, but noticed that there were no replies, so I went to his profile and was going to drop him a line.
To my great surprise, the message that came up was, "This person has blocked you from contacting him, go back to your incoming messages."

Now, do you guys think I made a boo boo by guessing EXACTLY what he had in mind when he messaged me? Well, I think I hit the nail on the head....It was a bit surprising, but now I'm laughing...he wasn't gonna waste any time with a prude.

I think we need a new emote....A RED FLAG!

Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 403
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/1/2009 6:46:30 PM
My opinion is this:

I think if you don't want to have hot chatting sessions, or to feel obligated to have sex upon meeting the person, or if you just simply want to be mysterious and just lead them through knowing your first before sex (the right order of things if you want a relationship to mean more than wham bam thank you ma'am), then don't talk about sex. If all they want is sex and you try to talk about other things, and you end up saying you don't want to have sex until marriage, they leave. the saying goes "resist temptation and the devil will flee from you" and you save yourself lots of agony this way. Really what they are saying is: "I am on here to only get laid and I don't really care who you are, I am a desperate loser looking for some action, ONLY. And if you don't give it to me, I'll get it elsewhere"

However if you DO want to have hot chatting sessions, and you want to have sex urgently, and you want to sort out these details now because it's really important to get the sex, and then if there's anything left over after that, fine or who really cares??? then talk about sex right from the start. Because that's all you'll get. But don't expect that anything else.
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 404
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/1/2009 6:48:21 PM
I don't think you have to avoid the subject at all cost....but esp if we just met or have been talking for a week (and it really depends also on the dynamics)...I would really appreciate if the conversations were not dominated by talk about sex. It all goes into knowing how to conduct one's self.

How the person goes about it determines how much of a turn off it will be...but my guy right now did not discuss sex when we were just talking and I appreciated that ( I was surprised at how much of a freak he is as he was a perfect gentleman when we were first talking ) . Of course he would insinuate stuff once in a while that was flirty and you had to kind of think about it....but that was regular flirting. He never full on asked about fantasies, fave positions and all that.I find such talk to be so immature, like when one is 16 and sex is this big novelty.

Once we are dating or a little more serious than just talking, then you can ask me all those questions and I will gladly answer and perhaps even show you but BEFORE just makes me think you are immature, have a one track mind, are overly horny or just don't know how to carry on a decent conversation like a mature, classy adult.
 Knittin Kitten
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 405
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/1/2009 7:06:09 PM
Well, I didn't even get to a discussion about anything (including his black labs..)... , all I had to do was tell him that I hoped he had pants on and he was outta there...

Can't complain, it's the sneaky ones that break yer heart!

 Ear to hear
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 406
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/2/2009 5:58:39 AM
While Im not here for the normal dating thing...Nothing surprises me....and yes without me bringing up the subject...I have been instructed on a womans likes and dis-likes on the subject....I usually dont proceed with those as they dont impress me....I on the other hand as a general rule...wont talk on the subject unless we meet and see about some kind of
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 407
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/6/2009 12:37:50 PM
I am far from a prude, but if I a man I never met starts talking to me via instant message or e-mail, that would send in the red flags ... and I would block his a$$! and end all contacts with him...Flirting is harmless until it gets vulgar... There is a huge difference between "real" opposed to "internet" flirting...I would rather be flirted with in person....
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 408
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/6/2009 2:39:08 PM
Im totally with you on this. Im not looking for a casual relationship or friends with benefits or anything else and if one reference is made to sec I swerve it to be honest (and believe me Im no prude lol). It sounds harsh but Im not interested and I like to chat a bit first get to feel I know someone just a little bit and take it from there. I did meet a guy once who made a lot of references to sex and I just thought it was light hearted banter although it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I was wrong not to listen to my instinct though. He was a plain and simple user and we were completely after different things so now I really watch out for that stuff. My choice!
Joined: 11/5/2008
Msg: 409
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/6/2009 3:02:04 PM
I am comfortable when it comes to sex, but if a guy talks about it too much when we first start talking then it kinda throws up a red flag for me. I mean maybe wait until we've gone out a few times before you tell me about all your fantasies,desires,and turn ons. I had a guy email me before we'd met face-to-face and tell me about his fantasy of watching his gf do another guy. Yet in the same breath he told me he wanted to date and take things slow. Generally if all a guy can do when I first talk to him is talk about sex rather then getting to know about my personality, I move on to someone else.
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 410
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/6/2009 3:12:01 PM

If someone I'm getting to know brings it up OFTEN and doesn't talk about much else... then he's a turd.

Well said!!
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 411
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 2/6/2009 4:29:28 PM
Thank you for heads up in this thread after viewing only 2 pages.

I'm old fashion gal and agrees with the author!

I like to get to know the person intellectually, and be emotionally connected before I ever put out. For me there's no need to rush things. The attraction for me has to be absolutely there!

Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 412
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 7:51:22 AM
Your not a prude, some people obviously want to connect on that level and want to get straight to the point and make it known.

Some people are definatley on line for sex and see it as the number one priority for meeting someone. It doesnt matter how much you express that you are not on the site for that purpose they simply don't compute.

Women are obvioulsy up for it or the men wouldnt be so straight forward, hang up on them and keep looking, your in controll of who you are and what you want.......
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 413
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 8:02:03 AM
If both parties are comfy with discussing sex whats the biggie? I want to know what he expects and I want him to know what I expect in the bedroom as well as out of it!
I think talking openly about your desires just avoids let downs ,if you dont agree online then you wont agree in person.
But sometimes you totally agree and much more is discussed ,,then wooo let the fire start,I personally think it adds excitment to a potental very good begining:P
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 414
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 8:09:59 AM
To explain this better, its not that we dont want to have sex, its that we would like to get to know who we are having sex with first, you can't actually do that over the net or the phone

Everybody is different, some people have self respect and class and other's, well they have a lot of one night stands and STD is on the increase not the decrease.........

To each their own, Prude is not applicable in this instant, Intelligent, repectfull, cautious and I could go on and on,

Most men will sleep with the woman they are not interested in as soon as they can so they can ditch her, because they know that is going no where.

If a man is interested and wants to be with you and intends to do the right thing then it is not an issue and he does his best to respect you and behave like a gentleman so you will keep seeing him. Admittedly they dont like waiting, but at the same time the build up is exciting

When two people are compatable and have good communcation and want to take care of each other sex is never an issue.

Avoid desperate people they are desperate for a reason.
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 415
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 8:21:46 AM
Why talk about sex when you might meet and find each other totally unattractive? Then one or both people look silly and possibly embarrassed, as they were all into this fantasy that the other person was hot and totally sexual, then they meet and cannot wait to get away from the person, muchless have sex with him/her.
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 416
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 9:32:44 AM
Talking about sex before meeting...
Thats a quick delete showing his true colours at the start. No thanks I know were thats going.If thats what you want carry on.It wont include me sheesh..
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 417
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 11:22:44 AM
I used to think'no way, not until the relationship gets heavy'. Lately though I think you should discuss it early in dating. I would want to know if we are on the same track on sex. Just lately I met one woman on POF, and after several e-mail found out she wants sex right off the bat. Do you agree with the same thing on sex, is one of you into kinky sex, more people than just the two of you. I'm no prude, waiting until marriage, but I at least want to have a committed, exclusive, and loving relationship. Not casual. I like to cuddle and make out, even sleep together, but sex is something I'll wait on. Even skinny dipping or full body massages do not have to be sexual.

Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 418
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 12:12:30 PM
If that's what both parties are seeking and clearly specified that in their profiles, that's one thing. But for someone to make references to sex with a complete stranger, when the other person did nothing to initiate that, then it's a matter of violating the other person's boundaries, and is way disrespectful. I have made it clear in any given profile that I am not seeking a "friends with benefits" scenario, and if someone is looking for a quick roll in the hay then they should move on. Yet, I have had men send me extremely sexually explicit e-mails. I have had a few (who contacted me through other sites) send photos of their weenies! I, too, am no prude. But that was way out of line, and a complete turnoff. When you think about it, it's a form of cyber assault. So you are not being unreasonable, or a prude.
Joined: 10/8/2008
Msg: 419
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 2:00:18 PM
Adrian you are soooo right
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 420
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 3:18:36 PM
before meeting is a bit pushy. although as others have said, if you've talked on the phone and started to connect and flirt, there may be sexual innuendo. But telling someone you haven't met what you like, don't like, takes all the intimacy out of sex. for those who say its good to know if you're a match sexually, imo meeting and seeing if there's attraction tells you much more.
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 421
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 5:52:41 PM
Personally if a guy talks about sex on here to me, thats a goodbye. Sex is a topic for two mature adults to discuss when they meet and before they are ready to take that step. I also think its an age thing, I cant say many men over 35 on her have opened up with a line about sex. Maybe some guys dont know what else to say or talk about though, and in some exceptions maybe he feels like thats just what he is suppost to do. If I do happen to strike upon one of these conversations, that guy will just never meet me because then he may already just know more about me then what i want him to and then i would also feel obligated to ingadge in sexual activites. So guys, drop the talk, you dont need to impress us we are just flattered to picked up to talk to.
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 422
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 6:11:11 PM
OP I completely agree with you. That should come much later in conversations after you have gotten to know each other.
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 423
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 6:19:43 PM
I think everyone on this site is about sex. At least the men I've met, e-mailed, IM'd, talked with one the phone. They are in it to get laid, period! They really think I am available just like a free prostitute! So they talk about sex or they don't, it doesn't matter. When I meet them it's obvious they aren't real nice people that I'd choose to meet and date! The one I did date was a mistake. He wouldn't even get off the site while we were sleeping together. He had to keep looking for other women every day. Sex addict's paradise. It's like they get off the porn site, on to POF and expect the same only live! The pictures I see on here look like leering perverts to me now. This site is gross and I can't believe anybody meets someone and falls in love and gets married! That does not make sense based on the number of people I have talked to.
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 424
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 3/29/2009 6:39:49 PM
This is a subject I'm really torn on. I think talking about sex before getting deeply involved could be one of the most beneficial and least utilized aspects of online dating.

That being said, unlike a lot of other things, this is one area where I always let the woman take the lead. I may inject some innuendo into a conversation when things are loosening up a bit, but I won't cross the line until she has. This is often disappointing, as more often than not we never get to it.

One of my biggest fears is ending up having feelings for a woman who doesn't talk about sex - ever. I had one of those once, and it was horrible! Not only would she not tell me what she wanted or liked, but if I tried to tell her anything - even in the heat of the moment - she shut down completely. On those few occasions when I could get her to say anything about it outside the bedroom (and I tried much more frequently than it happened), all she'd ever say was that I should just know what she wanted and should use subtle physical clues to tell her what I wanted - but absolutely no moving her into position. Sheesh! Never again!

Then there's the chance that she isn't interested in doing something I find to be critical to lovemaking, or vice versa. The question of libido or sexual interest is also important. All of these are things it would be much better to know upfront. They could easily be make-or-break.

I think when you're young and just beginning to explore your own sexuality, it's a good idea to go slowly and discover what you like and dislike. Once you hit your mid-twenties or so, I think you have a pretty good idea what you're comfortable with and what you want. Would it really hurt anything to get that out in the open and avoid wasting weeks or months getting to know someone just to find you're not even on the same page?

Here's a couple things elen1951 said which I'd like to dispute. (Hers was the message right before I started to write this three hours ago but got interrupted.)

But telling someone you haven't met what you like, don't like, takes all the intimacy out of sex.

The physical act of sex itself and the opening up and learning learning to trust the other person is what I see as intimacy. Talk is just talk. If it could take away from intimacy, wouldn't it be gone the first time you talked about it in person?

for those who say its good to know if you're a match sexually, imo meeting and seeing if there's attraction tells you much more.

Meeting is hugely important for determining attraction. I agree. There's no reason to worry about sexual compatibility if there's no attraction. Conversely, there's no reason to worry about attraction if there's no sexual compatibility. Just like there's no reason to have sex with someone you're not attracted to, why even bother to meet someone you know will be a disappointment in bed (or who you know you'll disappoint)?

Just to reiterate, I always allow my potential partner to set the pace on this matter. I do wish more would choose to open up about these things sooner, though.
Joined: 1/8/2009
Msg: 425
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:24:32 PM
I don't have any answers to this question, but I have some observations. Occasionally, I will connect with a guy who sounds like my man. But with the first communication, it goes downhill. He gets to a place in the conversation where it's trash talk.
Over the top, explicit, crap, and it's pretty obvious he's been third party way too much. Don't these men understand that there is a lot more to good sex than geometry and anatomy? I suspect that the more the men need to talk about it- the less interesting they are in the first person.
Anyone else want to weigh in on this?
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