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 NorseViking869
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 26
Talking about sex before even meetingPage 2 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
I say it depends on how long it takes before you meet someone and how comfortable you and the person chatting are. I mean it is one thing for a man or even a woman to be getting all cyber after only getting to the first couple of emails;however, after a while, you get to know someone and I am sure that the tension of dying to meet someone, and the testing of boundaries is only natural.
 smokines3
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 27
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:00:15 AM
There is also nothing worse than developing feelings for someone who is completely incompatible with you in the bedroom. Sex is an integral part of a long term relationship. Everything we do is just wasting time until you make love again. Think about life, life is sex and sex is life.... sure those sicko 50 yo men who wanna suck your feet tell them to shove it, but asking about what you like, frequency, etc. is very important. I would go as far as saying if you don't get it out of the way on the first date or sooner you would be quite ignorant.
 karesse
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 28
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:08:45 AM

Slow down Speedracer, what's your rush?


I use the phrase "Whoa there Romeo.. can we take the convo back a notch? We still need to determine if there's anything between us that will keep me at your side once your prostate eventually croaks"
 SapphirePoet
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 29
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:25:30 AM
"A relationship is the price a man has to pay for sex..
Sex is the price a woman has to pay for a relationship!!"

"God... I think I'd rather die than buy into either of those theories. Or the rest of the attitude."
"The OP didn't describe such a scenario. If we're talking strictly about the IE set, then of course they're gonna talk about sex before meeting. Duh."
"I should think it's obvious who would and wouldn't be talking about sex based on what their profile says they're here for."

OMG I couldn't agree more girl!

Ladies, how about the ever popular question during the first 5 minutes of conversation......"Are you shaved?"
Oh that's always gonna make a girl get that warm and fuzzy feeling when you ask that one guys! Would you have the balls to walk up to me in a coffee shop and ask me this?
It is such a turn off and it doesn't matter who sweet or wonderful or hot I thought he was before..... He is now officially a TURD!
UH Bye Bye!
See ya and wouldn't wanna be ya!

:~()
 homeonthecoast
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 30
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:30:33 AM
Well for starters, respect is personal. What one person finds respectful, another may find disrespectful. It has a great deal to do with background, but it also includes religion, relationship history, expectations, and more. Disrespect doesn't really happen until you tell someone you find their behaviour disrespectful. Until that point, they're simple going on what they've learned so far. If someone were to bring up a topic you found unpleasant and insisted on talking about it after you expressed your feelings, now that would be disrespectful. Finding out where your boundaries are is not disrespectful, quite the opposite.

Ironically one of the ladies I know on here has a few things listed in her profile as *disrespectful*, yet when we were talking about them one day, it turned out that she didn't even understand what half of the terms were, she'd just heard them used in a negative sense. When I explained what they actually meant, it turned out that she quite enjoyed several of them... Go figure.

It's amusing that all of the focus so far seems to be on what *guys* are doing... At least half of the women I've talked with who have wanted to meet have been quite open about their sexual expectations by their initiation. It's one of the great things about talking with mature women (generally over 30), they speak their minds. If they want to know something about you, they ask, if they don't want to talk about something, they say so. If you respect them, they respect you, if not they move on to someone who will. It's one of the reasons I have so many female friends, because I have the utmost respect for them.

Ironically, I've had several ladies express their opinion that we wouldn't connect because I wasn't open to *alternatives* or aggressive enough for them. I've also had a few who wanted some form of reassurance that I could match them in the imagination department. Interestingly enough, but I'd never considered writing erotica until a lady I was seeing suggested it. So far *every* lady I've told about it has expressed interest in reading it... So much for guys being the ones with sex always on the brain. Ladies I've known, worked with and been friends with for decades put the lie to that notion.

The whole point (I hope) isn't to point fingers at people who *don't* work for you, but to find someone who *does*. :-)

I know I don't appeal to a huge range of the ladies out there, just like most of them don't appeal to me. That's why there are so many different types of us, so we can each find someone who compliments us.

Cheers.

PS: it's funny Sapphire, but the only time I've *ever* heard that question, it's been from the girls...go figure.
 Apolinary
Joined: 9/5/2007
Msg: 31
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:51:06 AM
uwishtoo_1958 wrote:
> Since WHEN is talking about how good you are at oral sex, how often
> you like sex, how big you are - considered FLIRTATIOUS ???
> I will block someone in a heartbeat if they go very far - within a few
> weeks of chatting then maybe but by then I would have already been
> talking to them on the phone. funny but two gentlemen that I met online
> NEVER brought sex up - at all - and we ended up seeing each other for a
> month before we got intimate and then it was great - and it never would
> have happened if they had brought up how great they were. It was much
> better to find out together just how great it could be.


Well, your comfort level with these things and mine might actually be
the same. But once again, this only defines our own comfort level, where
as for other folks, their comfort level might be different. That's is all.

Apolinary
 Apolinary
Joined: 9/5/2007
Msg: 32
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 2:02:41 AM

Apolinary wrote:
Slow down Speedracer, what's your rush?

karesse wrote:
> I use the phrase "Whoa there Romeo.. can we take the convo back a notch?
> We still need to determine if there's anything between us that will keep me
> at your side once your prostate eventually croaks"


ROTFL.
Apolinary
 Apolinary
Joined: 9/5/2007
Msg: 33
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 2:39:43 AM
PalomaPark wrote:
> I think women don't like to talk about sex just like men don't
> like to talk about how much money they have or don't have.


You might actually be surprise how forward some gals are in
their flirting and conversations. And at times, I've personally
found it rather refreshing and actually appreciated a gal who
would speak with a bit more candidness about such things.


homeonthecoast [msg 36] wrote: > Well for starters.....


A most excellent post. Well worth reading.

Apolinary
 thehotwhtguy
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 34
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 2:55:44 AM
Just a few notes, I believe that if you are getting to know someone in the beginning then it is a possibility sexual things should not be brought up, it certainly should not be the first thing brought up when meeting, that would explain his intentions.

Just a few things for the ladies, it would be nice if you could express to the guy that you do not think that is appropriate, and females do the same thing, I have had women ask me sexual questions when I Ask them to ask me anything they wanted to know. I am not offended depending on the question and tend to openly answer it. I Think that is part of knowing someone, is by chatting it away on what you truly want to know. Only women that tend to get offended by a sexual question, (if asked respectfully), are the one's who are stuck up about sex, haven't had much of it lately, or are so far stuck up into religion that they wouldn't even think about it. There are lots of guys who are not even worried about it per-say just asking.

I agree, it depends on the person, and if u have a high sex drive, then u want someone who does as well, do not talk to a female who does not if you do, you will never be happy. Also save the sex talk for later on, sometimes you will find out that she is truly a sex driven person, just likes to make sure he is the right guy before she opens up.

Some ladies need to stop being so prude though, cause they are thinking the same things, we just tend to ask them first.
 upstate-gal
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 35
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:24:41 AM
When sex is the topic that early, it shows you that he has no respect.

He is looking for a cyber-sex session.

I have asked many men why they do this. Do the really expect to build a serious relationship by starting with online sex talk? I have been told that they frequently get into a cyber-sex chat that way...that is why they do it. They are NOT looking for anything else...unless it leads to a quick booty call. So, the answer is that they are NOT looking for a quality woman to build a long term relationship so it doesn't matter how many women they offend in their quest for the next cyber or booty call.

I tell men...if you wouldn't say it to me in front of your mother..then don't say it at all. Respect for me isn't optional. If they persist..I block them
 Hugmeister
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 36
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:07:50 AM
Completely out of line! Time to say......"next"
 cocomimi
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 37
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:16:09 AM
Honestly i think thats something that it can be talked latter,not at the beggining....................it is such a turn off to me,when guys dont even ask for your name , but yet they are willing to tell you what they like n what not.But i cant complain honestly ...........most of the guys here are gentlemens......... thumbs ups you guys.....keep it up!!!!!!!!!!
 kathareeene
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 38
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:17:51 AM
i agree n find it disrespectful when they mention sex too soon
it to me is none of THEIR business til they KNOW ME but o well there will always be pigs out there just be glad when they mention it cause the sooner u find out what they r up to the better for u
kathi
 k1w1angel
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 39
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:22:42 AM
"This question could only have come from a woman..

God forbid, people want to find out if they are compatible before wasting their time and money


Only a man would say that

Let me tell you something Reg...there is nothing more uncomfortable then meeting somebody you've had sexual conversations with, only to find out that you have NO chemistry whatsoever.

Sorry, but thats something I stear clear of until the meet. If there's chemistry? Open season!"

Touche, how to turn me off, talk about your sexual interests in our first or second conversation, hey why wait until then, talk about it in your first 5 mins and what you want to do to me, yeah that will do it.................BYE BYE
 ________
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 40
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:31:17 AM
Be thankful there's still some interest.....


Next time you drive by a cemetary, take a moment to pause and reflect. Life is short. Enjoy every minute of life that you can.


.......and sex life is much much shorter.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 41
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:34:58 AM
I can talk about sex on an objective level and not have it "get me excited". I'm interested in sexuality as a topic.

I don't however talk to someone about sex and what I want them to do with me or how big they are or whether I like oral before meeting and even on the first meet! First impressions and all that....

Some people just take things too far. I have learned though that there are some men who can talk objectively about sex and some can't. They don't understand that the conversation is NOT about possible "sex with them", so it's usually safer just to nip the convo in the bud before he starts it.

If a woman mentions something out of the ordinary sexually (non-vanilla), most men get all excited and they haven't a clue what the activity actually entails. Men naturally boast their sexual prowess (biology).

Women by the ways of society were taught that one should wait for sex and that talking about it and doing it too soon were wrong and men were taught that "conquering" the woman and "getting her to give in" is what men do. It's a biological and societal thing (watch some movies). So, in that vein men hear a woman talking about sex and he is thinking one thing. I can talk to a man about sex objectively until the cows come home, but it doesn't mean I'm thinking of sleeping with him or ever will be.

That said, a relationship with a woman is NOT only about sex for most men. Understanding that everyone is a sexual creature and men have a different biology is important to the puzzle, but it's not all the pieces. We us are motivated by sex after all (mate and breed), I believe it's inherent.

And while I'm all for finding out if I am sexually compatible with someone I certainly don't think before meeting or even the first meeting is always the forum to discuss it.
 Fefe_FXDL
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 42
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:06:00 AM
I am only comfortable flirting if it is with a guy that I wouldn't mind if he took it seriously. I don't flirt, online or in person, with guys I am either not interested in, or haven't decided yet. If I haven't met someone face-to-face, that decision hasn't been made. But once I meet them? I'll know in about 3 seconds.

So, talking online to someone I haven't met yet? If they start talking about giving me a massage, I get creeped out.
 beachesofnc
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 43
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:23:12 AM
Gypsy....thank you for bringing this up ! I was beginning to think that I was a prude because I am totally turned off when someone approaches me with a lot of sex talk before we ever know each other. Just the other day, a man IM'd me and asked if i had been "done real good lately"....that's the crudest thing I've ever heard. He's now blocked. I don't see the point in even venturing into that type of discussion unless you've met, are getting to know each other and have some attraction. Otherwise, if the topic is that important, you're obviously just looking for a hookup and not a relationship.
 woterlily
Joined: 12/31/2007
Msg: 44
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:47:15 AM
yes, this seems to be a priority on the minds of men.
i'd let him know that he's going too fast and if he keeps at it, I'll leave him alone to do himself!!
 wondering1980
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 45
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:53:27 AM
i even consider flirting sex talk so its obvious all they want is sex if all they can do is flirt with you
 flyonthewall!
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 46
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:02:17 AM
Asking about sex in an e-mail is putting the cart before the horse.

How would a guy like it if you asked him a bunch of marriage questions before meeting him, you know: What kind of diamond ring did you have in mind? Is a religious ceremony important? Would your parents kick in if it's a large wedding? Oh, and BTW, how many kids would you like to have?

Before you meet you have no idea if there's any chemistry, if you'll want to go out on a date, if you'll date for a while and just never feel comfortable enough with each other to HAVE sex.

So why ask something of a person when you're not sure it's ever going to happen?

Oh, and also, it's creepy and rude. I'd never meet a man even for coffee who asked me about sex before a meet (or before we were at a point in the relationship that we were ready to have sex).
 waterwitch
Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 47
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:05:27 AM
The most important point I've seen raised here is that we all have different levels of comfort. What I have found to be truly refreshing is a conversation with someone who is paying attention to what my own comfort level is. I totally get the idea of trying to ascertain compatibility on multiple levels. However it IS disconcerting to have sex brought up too soon, and then pushed, as several others have stated, it is not at all a good feeling to have had an intimate conversation prior to meeting and finding absolutely zero chemistry when you do meet. Its about expectations, and women DO like some romance. We DO like to believe that you are interested in more than just getting our panties off. I read here that some of you are annoyed that women tend to view that sex is a gift. But it IS. It's a gift given by both, to be enjoyed together. To be shared together. Men are NOT the only gender graced by high sex drive, there are as many women who are totally into physical intimacy as men, we simply view it differently.
 uwishtoo_1958
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 48
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:21:56 AM

Let me tell you something Reg...there is nothing more uncomfortable then meeting somebody you've had sexual conversations with, only to find out that you have NO chemistry whatsoever.


I actually have chatted with men only to be told that our first "date" would be at a hotel or his place or mine - NOT !! and then got told by some guy that said well if the sex isnt good then the relatinship wont be either and I said uh hun you got that backwards - if the relationship is good to start with a sold foundation of friendship then any sexual issues (well most of them at least) can be easily worked out. Then I hung up on him - lol
 uwishtoo_1958
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 49
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:26:31 AM

Sex is the price a woman has to pay for a relationship!


I can only hope that the comment and others (especially the one about learning to serve ones MASTER) was meant as a total joke but if not then ok, glad we arent in the same end of the country.

But sex is NOT a price I have to pay for anything - it is something that I share with a partner that cares about me and respects me, as I do him. And one final thing here, I do it willingly, multiple times and very well. But only for those that I choose to and not because some bozo thinks it is his right when he meets me for the first time
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 50
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:47:23 AM
Maybe they have the idea that talking about it is oral sex. The disturbing thing is that if that's all they _do_ talk about, maybe that's all they _can_ talk about. Suggest some good books they can read. As one lady almost suggested even books on tantrism might be beneficial.

In a different category, I like "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce. It is available on line.



Sex is the price a woman has to pay for a relationship!

That *was* a joke, intentional or otherwise. Sex shouldn't be a price paid by anyone, it should be another pleasure adding another dimension to the relationship.
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