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 Tarrylea
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 51
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You might even find it enjoyable right there in the cemetary. If it kills me just bury me with the smile on my face.
 dmr48
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 52
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:52:31 AM
So when is the best time to broach the subject, because it is or should be a very important part of a relationship? Like it or not, it is one of the basics of any good relationship. How long do we dance around the subject? I have dated women for a time only to find that they think a libido is something they wear. I agree that if that is all they are talking about, there is a problem. But I also think if we cannot, as adults, broach the subject in an effort to find someone that may be compatible, then there is another problem.
I once asked a good female friend, during a conversation on relationship problems she was having, is she really enjoyed sex, and she responded that she did, especially if it was every 2-3 weeks.......good thing to know.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 53
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:59:21 AM
It IS up to you to define your worth, values, attitudes and be willing to become a magnet for those who resonate with you at your level. It will narrow the field but it will also spare you the feeling and experience of being used for sex without heart and soul.


That's interesting. I've found myself narrowing my field alot by having a lengthier (sp) profile. Then I wrestled with the fact whether quality was the way to go vs quantity - the idea being that somewhere in that quantity there might be some quality. I'm still wrestling with it lol.

As for the sex part - I'm looking to bring my sex life to a higher level and that requires trust, intimacy and yes commitment. I've been narrowing my field over the past few years in that respect. But in order to discuss my "level" there needs to be some chemistry, understanding, maturity, mutual respect and the reality that we have extended beyond a few casual dates.

Flirting and such is one thing (fun is fun), but casual sex is not on my menu so much so why bother discussing it casually, unless purely for educational or debate purposes?


So when is the best time to broach the subject, because it is or should be a very important part of a relationship? Like it or not, it is one of the basics of any good relationship. How long do we dance around the subject?


A smart woman will let you know. It's impossible to place timelines on things such as familiarity between two people.
 elegant4563
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 54
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:14:16 AM
You girls on on this web-site the lowest self-esteem I have ever seen in females. If you want to prostitute yourself---------then hit the streets.

Sex should only be between two people that love each other, and are committed to each other. Not on the first date (if you MUST have sex on the first date----again hit the streets).

Where is your self esteeem? Where is you character? Why? Why do you modern girls have such low self esteem-----why can't you gals call the shots of your relationshiops? Why do you gals feel like that you have to act like "**** dogs" in heat to attract a man? There's much more to a good relationship and marriage than constant sex.

Why are you gals so insecure in your relationships with men?

Think about it!

elegant4563
 Jen3407
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 55
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:24:03 AM
Be careful.If your not comfortable about tell em excuse me but i am not really comfortable discussing this at this time . And if you believe that u need to know someones a while before that topic should come ups feel free let em knows . Its better than doing s omething that u may regret an hate yourself for the rest of your life .
 snslln08
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 56
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:24:42 AM
Okay, it seems that this debate is split right down the middle. If the sexual inuindos and flurtatious bantter is mutual than there is not a problem. If it turns you off, turn the other person off. If we are on this site we are all adults. Most of us have had sexual encounters before so sex is nothing new to us. We are not getting any younger here. Let's have fun and as they used to say in the 60's "if it feels good, do it." If it bothers, you don't. It's really that simple.
 Jen3407
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 57
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:29:34 AM
THANK YOU elegant4563
Thanks for them words . Its true to many women let themselfs be mistreateds an not respected . I am glad i am going wait till i find someone i truly love an truly loves me backs .
 Clover4
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 58
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:32:34 AM
No, Gypsy, you are not a prude - they are crude !!!!! However, there are many many sleazy women who are really only interested in sex and they make it very difficult for people like you and I to meet the right man. Let's look at it this way - if all he feels he's worth is a ONE-night stand, then he obviously places little value on himself, and therefore is absolutely of no value to you. How's that for summing up?
 waterwitch
Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 59
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:45:25 AM
Clover4, you have very aptly summed it up! I think somehow some men miss that concept - they are worth more than a one night stand too! (at least, I hope so...)
 NoseyNeighbor
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 60
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:18:46 AM

However, there are many many sleazy women who are really only interested in sex...


Just curious.....how would you know that? Any citations?

I'm thinking it has more to do with men's attitudes towards women rather than hordes of female sex seekers.
 galonthemt
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 61
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:43:06 AM
Helloooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
elegant4563 You have made a very broad statement there. I think most of the women on this thread have stated that they are not into talking sex too early.....and certainly not HAVING it on the first date.
I'm your age and have met a lot of lovely very moral younger women on here.

And your judging by your moral compass, which is fine...but each person has their own morality and are not here to be judeged by you.
 k0nfyo0zed
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 62
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:22:28 AM
Talking about sex has never really bothered me.

I'm a little bit less forthcoming about sex regarding me specifically (i.e. I will do xyz to you, and want you to do abc to me), but sex in general is a broad topic, and something most people can relate to.

Personally I find it to be a fascinating topic, and not in a pervish way. I think the science of it, the psychology involved and all that, is very interesting. But then again, I was talked out of going to college to be a sexual therapist.

If it's not something you're comfortable with discussing, let the other person know. If they don't respect your wishes, I think that's a sign that they aren't worth your time.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 63
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:34:06 AM
No, I don't think you are a prude. I've shied away from a couple of people who wanted to talk about that kind of stuff in the first conversation. It's just not an appropriate topic for a first conversation with someone. But look at it this way, it does pretty much help you weed out the ones who are only looking for one thing...they "out" themselves pretty well with that kind of behavior.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 64
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:47:33 AM
If the attraction is there, and most know that right at the start, some discussion of potential sex, most likely will happen.

It does not have to be specific, but much more boundary setting, rules, over all views, etc., and I do think when single and looking for others to enjoy, that sex is just another element of conversation, and that thought process.....

Most that I meet will let me know if they are attracted to me during that first meeting, and ask me if I am to them as well. Once that is established, the boundaries expand significantly if both want to know each other much better, and spend more time with one another. This is when you have that first touch, kiss, and discussion about what you believe in when it comes to romance, sex, and relationships.

Just my opinion........
 susie january..
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 65
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:11:18 AM
dera gypsycookie. i must agree with you , ive only been on pof 5 weeks and had my laptop 6 weeks, but ive been in contacted with a few men now, 2are really sincere and genuine and im still in touch with them, the other 5 or 6 discusted me, one when i emailed him called me a f-----g dirty c----t whore, and then emailed he was only joking, well i think its not nice, im a down to earth person and like a joke and a laugh but som people talk filth, if they want that ive told them to join the dirty chat line, they can do it all they want on there, maaybe thats todays society, but im 43, and i like to get to no someone before i jump into bed with them, lets face it if thats all you have in a relationship is sex, it wont go very far, so gypsycookie stick to your guns and morals, there are som nice fellas trust me just keep emailing and have some fun, nice to have met you any way, emaill if you want to talk again and it wont be dirty talk i can promise you that? have a greay evening from susiejanuary in tun wells.
 truenough
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 66
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:25:52 AM
I believe there are sites that cater to people that just want that aren't there, just like my dear old grandma used to say... best get your heads together before your tails....
 discoafternoon
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 67
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:36:21 AM

Yes, and no. That is, I appreciate what you're saying here. And yet at the same
time, this is a dating site, not the 4H club, and any gal who doesn't want any
flirtatious talk is perhaps otherwise best to more clearly state their reason for
being here as looking for "friends", or "talk/email", or "hang out", or "activity
partner." And beyond that, it is simply a matter of degree to which we each
feel comfortable talking about matters like sex.


The thing is, many times it isn't "flirtatious talk." It's during the first conversation and the guy jumps in, telling me all about what he likes sexually and wants to know what I like. This is usually even before I know much about him at all. Perhaps it would be different if it were someone I had talked to more than once and had even somewhat of an interest in. But it isn't.

I can't say for sure that it happens the same way for other ladies on here, but I'm willing to guess it does, at least sometimes.
 PoeticBliss
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 68
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:15:19 PM
This happens to me alot .... you just have to weed them out-- if they push sex too fast they're slime ball players.... if they are patient and show interest in actually carrying on a real conversation and getting to know you as a person FIRST before wanting to jump your bones, then go for it!

Believe it or not I personally think some men do it to see how loose you are... testing you.

Happy fishin'
 Namaste70
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 69
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:03:04 PM
I've learned to just hit the delete button. One even sent a sexual first e-mail yesterday...something along the lines of dominating me in the bedroom.

The sad part of it is ladies at his age (40-something) if that wasn't working for him, he would have changed his tactic already. Positive reinforcement?
 Laneagan
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 70
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:17:29 PM
Saphirepoet please email me and we can exchage some poetry....
 TouchofXTC
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 71
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:51:49 PM
hmmm..throughout my lifelong dating experiences, I think I have touched a lil bit on the topic of sex when talking on phone even before meeting the person. I don't mean like in the first 10 minutes of talking but over time but before meeting.
 NorseViking869
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 72
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:16:01 PM

I've learned to just hit the delete button. One even sent a sexual first e-mail yesterday...something along the lines of dominating me in the bedroom.

The sad part of it is ladies at his age (40-something) if that wasn't working for him, he would have changed his tactic already. Positive reinforcement?


It is sad but true. For all you ladies in the forum complaining about it, there are probably 10 women for each of you that do not mind and infact think it is a complement. why would a man like that need to change something that works for him.

Anyways, to each is own. Like I said before and will say again, I can understand being sickened by a guy like that whome you never talked to even once sending you that kinda email. (DELETED) However, if you are chsatting for an extended time and still havent met, I can see two people mutually sharing fantasies, turn ons and turn offs. If you chatted that long and havent had a date yet, it is only natural to be courious and test the boundaries a bit.
 knipknip
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 73
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 1:49:48 AM


PeterC ::: If your comfy talking and its on an even keel, then I like too, as it alows you to avoid a potential disaster.

Low sex drive, high sex drive, prudish ideals, heavy bdsm wants.

I think its best to sort those basic thing out before you go off for a meet !

Yup. I agree!!! I certainly would like to have a 'discussion' (NOT sex talk ) to get a few things cleared up BEFORE we even met.
 Knittin Kitten
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 74
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:23:15 AM
Well, Reggieboy, I guess ya made it pretty clear what YOU'RE all about....Now we all know....Don't worry, you're not alone.....But, at least you're truthful about it.

KK
 okeedokee444
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 75
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:39:58 AM
I actually find Innuendos and/or double entendre's to be more better in conversation than actual sex talk.
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