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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 51
Talking about sex before even meetingPage 3 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
Just wanted to hear others opinion regarding this topic.
I have seen an over abundance of people who want to tell me all about their sexual likes and dislikes and what they want to do to do me even before meeting me. Am I being a prude by thinking that this is disprespectful???


Personally, I wouldn't do it, but then again, I wouldn't talk to someone a month before meeting her. I don't think it's necessarily disrespectful. It could be but it could also be that the person wants to know in advance whether he is sexually compatible with you. For example, I don't really get off to B&D, so if someone really wanted that to be a major part of her sex life, we'd probably not be compatible.


This behavior tells me that the person who is doing that isnt someone who isnt really interested in me as a person but what is between my legs and how that can help them.
Please discuss!


At the risk of stating the obvious, if it weren't for sex, the gender of the person seeking your friendship would be irrelevant. Being interested in YOU as a WOMAN has something to do with sex no matter how much people try to pretend otherwise in order to appear to be ``above'' that.
 hippychic9
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 52
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:49:05 PM
I think it is natural ... when I have been spaeking with some one for months ... talk of sex and likes/dislikes can be both beneficial and telling to me... have just bee n through this also ... it can be a good thing

I have no problem with it. Having said that, I do not want a man to be crude or gross either... in a straigh forward sensible manner ... well thats okay. I am a very up-front person and very vocal !

Peace to all
 LovesandLaughs
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 53
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 3:04:17 PM
I love to laugh and joke around and sometimes this might include a few innuendos...but I think blatantly talking about sex before two people meet is just inappropriate on many levels.

First, it gives the impression that sex is the goal in meeting and if it isn't, then someone may be very disappointed and feel like they have been led on (I can't count the number of times I have showed up ready for love and the man has just wanted to have coffee, LOL, I'm SO KIDDING ).

Second, I believe that if the goal is a relationship, too much talk of sex can prevent conversation about anything else.

Third, if the guy is talking about his sexual likes/dislikes, then he is probably talking about prior experiences which equal past relationships which is kind of a turn-off. It also spoils the spontaneity of the sex that may come later and since likes/dislikes can vary from experience-to-experience (read partner-to-partner), it is sort of irrelevant to discuss it anyways.

After meeting, absolutely talk about it.
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 5:55:54 PM
It's funny my latest experience with this was. I don't remember who initiated the first contact. But she definately started the the double entendre sexual innuendo stuff. I had no problem with it. I enjoyed the banter so much I figured. I would ask her for for a picture . So I could put a face to who I was chatting with. Well lo and behold haven't heard from her since. So as been said many times before. There is both good and bad people on both sides of the gender pool on here.
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 56
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:16:13 PM
No you arent being a prude.
Big turn off for me.
As another poster said, you dont walk up to strangers in the street and talk sexually or tell what knickers your into.
I am a person NOT some strangers piece of Meat.
If thats what you both want then thats fine go for it, but stick to the profiles that are after the same thing dont borther others who are after friendship or a more serious partner.
 Frankycadillac
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 57
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:55:52 PM
Part of my skepticism with online dating is that for a year or two of talking, it can't make up for 5 minutes of face to face contact.

Its a thing called chemistry, and people can tell if they have it relatively quickly in person.

Talking about sex before bein in the same room? absurd.
 fixitfred
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 58
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 1:13:22 PM

i could imagine what he gonna do to me if i ended up sleeping with him
Have sex like you talked about? If he goes overboard that should tell you something. Don't assume if he brings it up thats all he has on his mind.

I also, as previously mentioned, like to test people to gauge their tolerance level. Women don't like talking about sex and can do without it. The chances of them meeting a guy that actually doesn't like sex is very slim. The chances of men meeting a woman that doesn't like sex is a lot higher. There are even woman that don't merely dislike sex they hate it. I've said it before but a little screening and a little tolerance go a long way.

Women go overboard with their reactions from pre-conceived notions and misconceptions sometimes. Although some are justified, keep an open mind. Just because something is brought up doesn't mean that's all they think about. If I brought up movies does that mean that's all I think about(no not porn, not exclusively anyway). If I mentioned cooking does that also mean I'm obsessed and like to cook all the time (no fat jokes).
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 59
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:38:01 PM
First, I must note that I did not "wade through" all the pages of this thread, but read a few.

I have found that approximately 8 out of 10 of the guys I've been in contact with on POF and one other site - of which I am no longer a member - want to go to the sex talk within the 2nd or 3rd IM. A few wait til the first phone call, but only a few. I am far from a prude! What I am looking for is a lasting, committed relationship - not just a jump in the sack. I am hoping that one day I will connect with a man who wants to actually meet, spend time getting to know one another in a dating relationship, then take it to the next level if that is what we both desire.

If a man asks me if I have a webcam, I immediately tell him that I am not interested in further contact as I am not comfortable with either webcam sex or viewing his body parts on camera. Only once has a man apologized and said he was just "testing the waters." I told him that my hesitance has nothing to do with a lack of sex drive, and everything to do with my discomfort.
 jetty65
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 60
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:39:03 PM
I have had a couple bring it up right off the bat and I thought it was a little rude. I don't know them at all, don't even know if we will hit it off when we do meet. So I think talking about sex before you even meet is jumping the gun a bit.

I also had a guy who wanted something else not sure what he wanted but its all he talked about didn't ask even how was my day. Or what kind of work I did or anything else about me. He didn't give a shit all he cared about was what he wanted from a woman.

What guys fail to realize sometimes is if a woman is truely into you. The sex will be great.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 61
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:47:15 AM
As if a woman has nothing to do with sex, takes two to tango and if a man is not into sex the way I am the relationship is not perfect, but sex is part of a relationship not all of it. I still find it tacky for a man to ask blatant sexual questions before meeting someone in person.
 fixitfred
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 62
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:53:35 PM

a red flag of a potential abuser for I go to Domestic Survivor meetings.
Not knowing about your situation I need to tread lightly but "RED FLAG", You're kidding right? Is this what you talk about at your survivor meetings? It's good to talk about it but sometimes going to meetings make you focus on the very thing you are trying to get over and may even define you. Move on (no, not dot org)


Most men are just looking for sex
This statement always bothers me. This may be true for many men but women usually go overboard and think ALL men are just looking for sex and the trigger is asking about it. Handle the questions, don't avoid it and assume the worse. We use our experiences to guide us but don't make them into blinders.


and they do not care about we as woman and human beings
Sorry but this is close to psycobable and I suspect may have come from your meetings. Do women care about men and our needs to keep out masculinity intact? I think todays society with overblown womens lib feminazi's may be partly responsible for creating some violence and mistreatment of women by lesser men.


we are not prudes we are genuine ladies........do not change.....
We do not know what you are until we inquire. I was married to a prude for many many years and will not do that again and will do my best to determine what you are before I go any further.



What guys fail to realize sometimes is if a woman is truely into you. The sex will be great.
In a perfect world yes but if you are a woman that enjoys sex you may have difficulty believing they're are woman that hate sex. I just want to make a determination without sending up RED FLAG'S.



I think its important to find out about sexual compatability, not necessarily before you meet but prefer that issues like that get aired early on. Low libido people and high libido people are never gonna live happily ever after and then theres the small matter of size, no biggie to some but an enormous problem for others lol.. I should be so lucky haha..
Every once in a while the reasonable voice of logic is heard. Women that say things like this though, scare me.
 TampaLady007
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 63
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:19:47 PM
I know how to have sex .Any animal can do it.But it takes an adult to have a relationship.
Sex is a very beautiful part of a loving relationship.
If sex is all they want to know about this gives me some very important about how I can expect to be treated if I were to get involved.
Don't they know that we could almost anyone to service us?
That is the easy part.Finding a gentleman is very difficult.
Am looking to meet a GENTLEMAN that will treat me with RESPECT.
If anyone I am just starting to talk with on the internet or in person starts talking about sex
I am GONE .I will not listen to Jr High School talk.Am wanting much more than an erection.
 ImFenMattDamon
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 64
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:06:10 PM
Yeah, i think by a certain age, you've decided whether you are a man or a woman, if you like to go straight for the sex compatibility or the relationship compatibility first. When you're 19,20 I think you are more willing to entertain trying what is not your personal style.

After you learn which is your style, you don't really change back and forth too much, and you just should not date a man/woman who is of the other style at all.

B1tch and complain all you want on the forums, if a woman doesn't like to talk about sex before meeting or have sex on the first or second date, you wont convince her. Just like if a woman likes to be sure of a sexual connection, she'll probably hook up before she falls for a guy, just to make sure that, when she does, the sex is good.

The OP is 41, so, guys, no ones going to convince her to change her style.

Let's just call a truce on the prude/slut wars and respect different relating styles, K?
 Nicegirl2021
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 65
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:39:52 PM
You hit the nail on the head the word is players lots of em.
 suziq0126
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 66
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:50:07 PM
amen sister. it is disrespectful!!! i'm with ya 100% i am totally turned off by that and i LOVE sex-light years away from being a prude, to the point of being a nymphomaniac! but, when they bring it up long before you are "feeling" it, or not even sure if you're gonna be "feeling" it with them at all-it's a total turn off. a real deal breaker. totally shallow, too.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 67
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:28:25 AM
Loz Hunter, indehills put up a thread about his situation and he is absolutely right, he would have been better off having this conversation before he ever met the woman. She appeared totally normal sexually and then two months in he found she was grappling with the legacy of sexual abuse and he hung in with her for two years having sex a whopping four times because by the time he found this out, he had feelings for her and felt like a shit leaving the relationship without trying to help her work through it. As many of us said in that thread, I suspect if he tells a woman about this experience, she is not going to be offended if he brings this up earlier than he would have three years ago.

Back to this thread, in general, it depends on the context of the conversation and what is discussed. I don't remember if we had the conversation before we met, I think it was a bit down the line, but one of the guys I dated had been in a very cool marriage sexually, and one of the things we discussed was what each of us wanted in a mate, the deal breakers either way, and one of the topics amongst financial and emotional needs, was sexual. This is actually an intelligent conversation to have with anyone that one feels might be long-term material, allows both parties to get their deal breakers on the table.

If this seems one among many topics in trying to find out what people have in common and whether they might be compatible and is not graphically disgusting I don't think I would get my back up about it. If it seems to be the individual's focus I think it would bother me but then again, part of it would probably be determined by whether I am "attracted" to the guy and if he has ANYTHING else to say.
 kim318
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 68
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 11:45:51 AM
I think guys wanna see if you will go there and if you will by phone or e-mail then they are guessing you probably may be a sure thing when they meet you..............
 Shaun2112
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 69
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:58:26 PM
cyber sex is for 16 year olds... if you're an adult and you get off on chatting with someone over the internet, then you have a problem... lol
 Boricua Papi
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 70
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/5/2008 1:49:54 PM
Just enjoy online meeting and dating.Once you hit 6-0 there won't even be horny guys for you! So enjoy while you are still young and wild!
 fibus
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 71
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:19:05 AM
No. I don't think so. And I don't bring it up it up unless it seems appropriate.
But keep this in mind are you looking for a monk?
Is it appropriate for a woman to be on a dating site to find a man that is celibate?
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 72
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:20:45 AM
I am very open about that before meeting. It is a way to see if u will click sexually. I am talking about likes and dislikes, not what I want to do to someone or them to me. That is disrespectful.
 Sharzi
Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 73
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/7/2008 8:26:46 AM
OP....

That's a total turn off for me. I'd like there to be some mystery about sex. I've had guys tell me every detail of what they like to do, how they would "rock my world," and ask me what my fantasy is. They've asked what I'm wearing, asked me to stand up and parade around for them on cam, and so on.

What ever happened to letting a relationship evolve? Actually, if someone is talking like that before you even meet, chances are there is not going to be a relationship because their focus is on what's in their pants instead of what's in their head or their heart.

Sharzi
 TravelingHomebody
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 74
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Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:05:49 AM
Yeah, I think this is an appropriate topic only once you've become fairly close. Like when it looks like one or the other of you might be contemplating marriage and sexual compatability is set to become a huge issue.
 50Love
Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 75
Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:17:04 AM
Yes, I think it is a great idea talking about what is going to or not going to happen on your first or second or third date !!! If you are not in a position to discuss the matter I would bring that up front on the first phone call and lay down the rules. Sometimes, what happens, happens.....
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