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Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 16
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is moving in before saying the big L a good idea?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I had been with my g/f for 14 months and I heard her say the L word just once. We were in the loving mood and I asked her "what?" and she just went quiet on me. I can still remember that and it was maybe less than a year ago. I don`t think I said the L word but I may have said something like I care for you. Anyways she asked if I thought about moving in together I told her maybe in 6 months we could talk later. I don`t know if that was partly the cause of our breakup or my uncommitting to her proposal.
I like living in my home and I know that she wouldn`t move to my side of the city. But the I love you was never said to each other. After she brokeup with me in my house I said to her I quote "you never said you loved me" and she replied "but I cared for you ". Caring and loving are totally to different things and I now feel that should I have said the L word and moved in with her maybe I`d still be out the door. That is why I am somewhat scared of relationships and I do want someone in my life.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 23
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is moving in before saying the big L a good idea?
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:55:15 AM
Let me answer your question OP by expressing my opinion regarding moving in with someone. To me, I would never marry someone that I didn't live with first. That being said however, I would never move in together with a gal unless we had long term plans that included getting married. I have never seen living with someone as a "let's try this out" kind of experiment; the commitment is already there the way I look at it. So yes, obviously for those types of feelings to be present, "the big L" would have been expressed long before either of us started packing up boxes.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
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is moving in before saying the big L a good idea?
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:18:16 PM
I know I wouldn't dream of it..........unless he had his own bedroom and was paying me I told my daughter "if you love and want to marry him, don't EVER live with him first"! Most of the time it goes SOUR QUICKLY after moving day.............!
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 29
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is moving in before saying the big L a good idea?
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:57:07 PM
ah, the word thing. these are two separate questions really. some say it all the time and really don't do it. others do it but have a hard time saying it. for some love must mean marriage and they take it step by step. if they are like this, you must see absolute demonstrations of love. i myself feel strongly about the word, my manfriend chokes it up now and then. i checked it out with a good male therapist friend of mine who explained that love language varies. my man does act in a loving way, and i have had the words whispered in my ear by totally manipulative, lying rogues! so you have to discuss what the word means between you and what is his difficulty in saying the word.

if you believe that he does love you, then the question is should two people who "just" love each other live together? that is very different for different people and varies by values, community and age. only you can make the latter decision. i know many long term, death due us part couples, who for various reasons will not marry. on the other hand i know married couples who cheat, so it's not all that simple a question. if you do not marry, then you should discuss power of attorney, living will, shared property and what happens if you die. not fun questions , but these are on auto pilot when you marry and have implications as to how you each view the various components. there is no right answer, there is only your own answer.
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