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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?      Home login  
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 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 254
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?Page 17 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

I never said murder wasn't a big deal. I said the social stigma attached to rape is even more harmful than murder.


Again...NO!!! If you believe that to be true, I'm sorry but that is just NOT even credible....



If you're accused of rape, not convicted mind you, just accused, say goodbye to most of your friends, your job, anyone you might be currently dating, and if it gets out to the general public you'll likely have to change your name and move cities to avoid the hatred that will pour your way.


And...your point is????
Already addressed this, and sorry if anyone finds it "closed-minded" and or "offensive" but I REALLY don't know too many ACTUAL cases where someone who was totally innocent as in just walking down the street minding his own business and all of a SUDDEN...was accused of rape!!!

Usually there's a questionable scenario, a psycho ex or woman that was randomly picked up etc. there has to be at least SOMETHING for a legal system whether here or in the US to level charges at someone for rape....

While, ONE MORE TIME, I never said that it doesn't happen, the percentages are low and frankly even with all of this apparent "power" in women's hands to "ruin"men's lives I find it interesting that each and EVERY DAY all over the world there are countless numbers of women being raped who are AFRAID to come forward and accuse ANYBODY just BECAUSE OF HOW THE LEGAL SYSTEM WORKS....

If you think it's bad for some guy to be accused, imagine ...just for a MINUTE, what it's like to be physically violated/injured/degraded/humiliated and then have to go and suffer interrogation by skeptical police while recounting your story and re-living it, over and over and OVER again...
Not being able to shower or clean the stink of your rapist off and on top of THAT, you then get to be violated yet AGAIN, while a doctor collects evidence, that will probably NEVER be seen in a court of law,...THEN, you get to explain to a prosecutor one more time your story and get interrogated AGAIN, and then you get to tell YOUR family and friends who will ultimately, somehow, some way, allude to the "fact" that perhaps YOU could have prevented it. Then, if you're lucky enough to work somewhere that actually HAS benefits of any kind, you get to take off work for a while at 1/2 your pay because you're terrified to leave your house, unless, of course, it happened THERE, then THAT'S a whole OTHER set of problems...
Then you get to possibly lose your job because you really can't "keep taking time off" to recover, never mind for all of the court appearances, etc and you get to try and come up with a plausible LIE to tell your co-workers, who PROBABLY already KNOW what happened, because there are "leaks" don't you know...
Did I mention how you now startle at pretty much EVERY sound because your nerves are on "hypervigilant" for an indefinite period of time....AND you get an average of 3-4, if you're LUCKY hours of sleep at night, because THAT'S when all is quiet enough for your OWN mind to go over and over and OVER it all, AGAIN...Because that's how PTSD works...
Not to mention how ALL of your relationships suffer and may even break down completely because the strain of dealing with you and your, (by now) full-blown PTSD +depression and possible suicidal ideation thrown in there just for FUN, because you can't even IMAGINE a day when you WON'T feel like a piece of garbage...
Add to that the financial burdens of lost time at work and lost functioning at home, possible venereal diseases that you have to "wait and see" for a few MONTHS to see if you've caught, like a REALLY nasty Christmas present...
Oh, did I mention that sex has become a thing of the past because the most SIMPLE of touches can make your skin CRAWL and fill you with disgust, not exactly "enticing" for your partner, which is why many rape victims lose their primary relationships along the way as well....
And THEN, after going through ALL of that for oh,about a YEAR or two where you can't even START to try and heal, then you get to find out that th guy cut a deal for a lesser charge, you will NEVER get your day in court and guess what?He's going to be back out there on the street in a few hours....

So...once again...we ALL have our problems, no?
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 255
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/12/2014 2:25:04 PM

Again...NO!!! If you believe that to be true, I'm sorry but that is just NOT even credible....


People have knee-jerk emotional reactions when it comes to rape, that seem to trump any other crime you can be accused of (regardless of conviction).


And...your point is????
Already addressed this, and sorry if anyone finds it "closed-minded" and or "offensive" but I REALLY don't know too many ACTUAL cases where someone who was totally innocent as in just walking down the street minding his own business and all of a SUDDEN...was accused of rape!!!


Correct. Most of the time the man knows the woman, likely had sex with her, she regretted it (or needed an excuse not to be late for work or something) and accuses him of rape. No, this does not happen the majority of the time in rape cases, but it absolutely does happen.


Usually there's a questionable scenario, a psycho ex or woman that was randomly picked up etc. there has to be at least SOMETHING for a legal system whether here or in the US to level charges at someone for rape....


I just gave three examples earlier where there wasn't a single shred of reasoning to accuse the man of rape. There are countless others I can link you to. no, there isn't always a valid reason at all. Sometimes woman are just insane and use the state to crush men, for whatever reason.


While, ONE MORE TIME, I never said that it doesn't happen, the percentages are low and frankly even with all of this apparent "power" in women's hands to "ruin"men's lives I find it interesting that each and EVERY DAY all over the world there are countless numbers of women being raped who are AFRAID to come forward and accuse ANYBODY just BECAUSE OF HOW THE LEGAL SYSTEM WORKS....


How the legal system works? What do you mean? How can you change it? You need evidence to convict someone of any crime, rape included. Unless you're advocating we toss a bunch of innocent people in prison in order to get all the actual rapists?


If you think it's bad for some guy to be accused, imagine ...just for a MINUTE, what it's like to be physically violated/injured/degraded/humiliated and then have to go and suffer interrogation by skeptical police while recounting your story and re-living it, over and over and OVER again...


Yep, that would be horrific, and I can't truly imagine it. What I can imagine, however, is spending 25 years or more in prison because some insane girl accused you of rape and you were convicted falsely. That is untold levels worse.


allude to the "fact" that perhaps YOU could have prevented it.


Oh, I'm sorry, are you the type who doesn't carry any method of self-defense around and thinks there isn't anything you could have done? No, rape is not your fault, but there are absolutely methods you can employ to defend yourself. A tazer, pepper spray, even a handgun. All valid and important methods to protect yourself from all crime, not just rape.


Did I mention how you now startle at pretty much EVERY sound because your nerves are on "hypervigilant" for an indefinite period of time....AND you get an average of 3-4, if you're LUCKY hours of sleep at night, because THAT'S when all is quiet enough for your OWN mind to go over and over and OVER it all, AGAIN...Because that's how PTSD works...
Not to mention how ALL of your relationships suffer and may even break down completely because the strain of dealing with you and your, (by now) full-blown PTSD +depression and possible suicidal ideation thrown in there just for FUN, because you can't even IMAGINE a day when you WON'T feel like a piece of garbage...
Add to that the financial burdens of lost time at work and lost functioning at home, possible venereal diseases that you have to "wait and see" for a few MONTHS to see if you've caught, like a REALLY nasty Christmas present...
Oh, did I mention that sex has become a thing of the past because the most SIMPLE of touches can make your skin CRAWL and fill you with disgust, not exactly "enticing" for your partner, which is why many rape victims lose their primary relationships along the way as well....
And THEN, after going through ALL of that for oh,about a YEAR or two where you can't even START to try and heal, then you get to find out that th guy cut a deal for a lesser charge, you will NEVER get your day in court and guess what?He's going to be back out there on the street in a few hours....

So...once again...we ALL have our problems, no?


I am not disagreeing with anything there. Being raped is truly horrific. There just isn't much that can change about it without making innocent men suffer. Unless you have some other idea?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 256
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/12/2014 3:42:10 PM
@articlife

I was going to go on and refute what you had to say...but you know what?
You are entitled to think whatever you want...
You are just repeating yourself, as am I, and it's obvious that yourself as well as many other men have jumped onto this "bandwagon" of feeling "persecuted" for "being male" in today's world...
I find it really interesting that women have actually been persecuted since the beginning of human society in MYRIAD ways and continue to be TODAY...
(Heard about the 10 year old girl that's going to be "honour killed" because she was raped?
Heard of THAT happening to a man lately???? Oh and PLEASE show me ANY man that has ended up in jail for 25 YEARS for any RAPE...I WOULD love TO SEE that!!! lol)
Yet here are men, who have had it pretty much ALL their own way with the exception of the last what? I'll be generous and say maybe 30-50 years....?

And the absolute OUTRAGE, to me is frankly, unbelievable....Especially from someone such as yourself who has NO children and has NEVER been married....
While I have every sympathy for those men 'taken to the cleaners' by vindictive exes, and men denied their rights as fathers when they are willing to be present, and yes, even those men falsely accused of rape...
All of that still pales in comparison to the absolute HORRORS that many women face at the hands of men even today...on a daily basis...and that includes here in the West...
As for Western society, what I believe to be an even more disturbing problem than that, is this erroneous belief that "women have all of the power"...

Without negating ANY man's right to view it that way due to his own experience, I am living, 24/7 in a woman's body in what is STILL a man's world and will see things according to my own experience...as a WOMAN. NOT as a man perceives a woman's experience, but as a woman who actually IS experiencing the world....
And it's obvious to me that from what I hear from the men in here, alone, that nothing LESS than a return to "safe" gender territory will do as a solution to the "problem"...
As I haven't heard a SINGLE suggestion in here that DOESN'T somehow involve robbing women of hard fought for rights to protect themselves from the behaviour of men...so that men are somehow treated more "equally"...

With that, I'm not going to be commenting any further here, no point really....Not my job to try and change the mind and/or beliefs of anybody else...or what they perceive as their reality.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 257
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/12/2014 3:55:28 PM
I'm not even sure what you really want. I asked a simple question, how would you change this legal system you seem to think is unfair to those who were truly raped, how would you change it, without increasing false rape accusations / convictions on innocent men? If you have an idea to this, I'm all ears. Otherwise there really isn't much to say.

And you're right, in most of history women were not treated equally. But this doesn't really have to do with rape, that's an act of violence and can occur to men too. Besides, women are not unequal today, even though this hasn't been the case for much more than half a century.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 258
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/12/2014 4:40:27 PM
How about YOU tell ME how the system should be changed, you as a MAN are the one with a problem with it...,no?

As for women being equal today... if you believe THAT and you've just said so, even in the face of MOUNTAINS of evidence to the contrary...there really IS nothing more to say....

Take it easy there....
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 259
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/12/2014 5:43:19 PM
I don't want to derail this thread, so I won't discuss equality further here.

I wouldn't change the system, because I'd have no idea how to make it better without upsetting the balance of innocent people put away. All I wanted was that everyone acknowledges how sensitive rape is for everyone involved.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 260
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/12/2014 6:21:02 PM
And that really seems to be the crux of the matter...that so far most men on here are more concerned with the very small minority of men in the world who are adversely affected by the act of rape, while conveniently ignoring the reality of the MILLIONS of women's lives that it affects each and EVERY DAY worldwide....

I would really like for everyone to acknowledge that, too....

Guess neither of us are going to get what we want,huh?
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 261
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/12/2014 6:24:33 PM
I do acknowledge it though. Several times I have entirely agreed with you that rape is a horrific act and when true, it has to be taken very seriously. all I am saying is that false rape accusations are not a myth and they are quite frequent (far more than any other type of crime). You've failed to acknowledge this is a serious issue for us.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 262
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/13/2014 2:32:09 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Nope,never failed to acknowledge it is a serious issue for men....

What I HAVE done is say that it is NOT as serious an issue as the raping of women happening all over the WORLD even as we debate the issue...

THAT as I see it is the problem here...

You, as well as other men here, are saying that men being falsely accused is as major an issue as the rape of women...

Let me be perfectly clear...

I do not believe that it IS...and the actual numbers from reliable sources, support that...

And most DEFINITELY NOT to the point of removing the little protection that women actually DO get. from the legal system currently in place...

So no...
I am NOT refuting that there ARE men that are falsely accused...
I am NOT refuting that an accusation MAY have disastrous consequences for the man who is falsely accused...( although actual EVIDENCE of that with the exception of a very FEW "high profile" cases is sorely lacking, in which case you can blame the media for the "ruination", there)

What I AM saying is that if you think that the minority, in this case men who are falsely accused, should be "protected" over and above the MAJORITY of women who are victims of this crime, especially if that in ANY way means that the FEW "rights" to legal recourse that women have gained are now to be compromised, then NO I DON'T agree...

And probably never will....
Life isn't fair...and women have known THAT since the dawn of humanity....I guess men are just now learning about how it actually feels to be discriminated against solely on the basis of gender...
Welcome to the world of women.
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 263
Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/13/2014 2:37:43 AM
Double standard for sure! A woman piles a teen with booze and drugs and has intercourse with him and the public turns their heads and shrugs.. A man, does it, he`s a convict and automatically assumed he`s a pervert... Its accepted for a woman, not a man...
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 264
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Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/13/2014 5:51:15 AM
Dee, I am not saying that being falsely accused of rape happens more often than women who are genuinely raped, only that it's never discussed or acknowledged as a serious issue.

I'm not saying they should be "protected". You can't protect from this. Just like you can't throw more rapists in jail. The system we have seems to be the best it can be, the only way to change things is either making it harder to convict, or easier. One way or another there are people who suffer. Just don't forget that false rape claims do occur and often for the most petty of reasons.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 265
Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/18/2014 6:26:53 AM

Double standard for sure!
A woman piles a teen with booze and drugs and has intercourse with him and the public turns their heads and shrugs
A man, does it, he`s a convict and automatically assumed he`s a pervert.


Seriously? Your going to defend men's "right" to be respected as anything more than sick just because women rape less, are convicted less because they rape less?


Its accepted for a woman, not a man...


No it's not! It's just more acceptable to males when a woman "takes charge" in bed because we are usually the submissive ones.When a man is rape he reports it less than a woman as he's even more ashamed he couldn't protect himself than if a woman is raped.
Or worse,he's fine with it as all he see's it as is sex with an aggressive female.

It's FAR from acceptable for EITHER SEX TO RAPE,MOLEST or SEXUALLY ABUSE ANYONE!!!!

There are more convicted female sexual offenders out there than you even know about so why the generalizations to defend your gender?

Hope this makes you feel better knowing that women get caught and held accountable too! They are PERVERTS who are convicted and no one's turning a blind eye to women raping/exploiting males,especially not teens, as long as they report it and don't walk around the hallways high fiving their buddies for getting in the teachers pants!

http://www.canadiancrc.com/FEMALE_TEACHER_SEX_OFFENDERS-SEXUAL_ASSAULT_Female_Sexual_Predators-RAPE_MALES.aspx
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 266
Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/18/2014 6:41:44 AM
She can withdraw consent but, the guy is experiencing a methamphetamine high at that point in time so the probability for him to pull out is decreased because his judgement is clouded by reward.

You see, debates like this is why religion prohibits pre-marital sex. In Islam, you get hanged for rape but you have to marry a woman to be able to have sex with her. You can imagine how hard it is to build a rape case against your husband because he came home from work on a good friday and decided to have sex with his wife xD

...and knowing that if the wife is found guilty of building a false case against him, she is hanged at his place xD

You're just undermining your own democracy by adopting this ideology. Men are your friends...we're not here to rape you. The last thing we want is for bitter ex's to file rape cases for revenge...because if her case is false, no penalty, so why not try it?
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 267
Is It Rape If She Consents and Changes Her Mind During the Act?
Posted: 11/18/2014 7:15:57 AM

What I AM saying is that if you think that the minority, in this case men who are falsely accused, should be "protected" over and above the MAJORITY of women who are victims of this crime, especially if that in ANY way means that the FEW "rights" to legal recourse that women have gained are now to be compromised, then NO I DON'T agree...


Why should men be protected, I think they shouldn't be protected at all. If the woman's case is real, the man gets 20 years, if the woman's case is found to be false, the woman gets 20 years.

Simple. Why you complicate your lives?
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