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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 52
Whatever Happens HappensPage 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
^^^Basically I think so too. Agreed.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 53
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/30/2011 8:40:41 AM

Well excuse us for being male.

OK, maybe just this once.

As I have always understood it - it means "If we have sex sometime in the future and I disappear, don't hold it against me - I never promised you a rose garden."

Meaning -- No harm, no foul, or "Get Out of Jail FREE" card, or any other way you want to say that the people who utter this phrase want to be pre-excused for any stress they dish out.

I still think sex having anything to do with it when it wasn't mentioned is odd - but then again I'm pretty straightforward so when sex is part of the deal, I don't leave it out of the conversation, either. If it's not mentioned, that's usually because it's not relevant...again, I may be totally unique in that sense, and I don't expect people who don't know me to realize that.

However, rather than it being an excuse for any stress I might deliver, I might instead be saying (again in my case) there's nothing about dealing with me that SHOULD bring stress - especially if you don't know me that well. How can someone you know less than a month honestly have the power to cause you any stress? If any occurs it's probably safe to say you're bringing it on yourself.
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 54
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/30/2011 6:04:46 PM
Whenever I've heard it uttered I've took it to mean that the person is easy-going and willing to just go with the flow, whatever that may be.
It didn't necessarily mean that sex was on the table. But it also didn't mean that it was off it either!
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 55
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/31/2011 7:36:23 AM
I would never say whatever happens happens to someone I was really excited about.
I'd also not say, I want to take things slow, I'm not in a hurry, I'm not looking to settle
and all those other catch phrases that translate to me: You seem okei, I could be interested, but I'm not sure so I'll let you know later.

I honestly don't think these things need to be said with someone you really like.
I think they only need to be said when you think you might need an out or you're
honestly not sure how you feel about someone.

I'm not sure how I feel about convincing someone I'm worthy of their attention.
I'd rather someone know right away they'd like to know me and maybe find out
later they don't like me, rather than vice versa.

But that's just me maybe. I'm also like that when I meet people. I either like you or
I don't and I'm interested in pursing something or I'm not. I don't mind if things don't
work out, but I'd like to be excited about trying.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 56
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/31/2011 9:59:36 AM
^^^I totally agree with that, Browneyesboo. I won't say that to someone I really like either, but before I meet someone I simply can't gauge what my interest will be until I get there, so I literally meant it could go a number of ways based on our interest upon actually meeting.

I just can't be excited to meet someone I haven't yet met, I guess. The excitement for me comes from meeting them, being attracted and being curious to know more. I've met enough people from online to have that type of reaction before a face to face meeting. I remember the guy telling me he figured I was meeting him because I was interested in him romantically - which I can't wrap my head around, since I'd never actually met him TO be interested in him in that way. I'd only be able to be interested in what I hope he'd be, at most.

Agreed also that I'm pretty sure in the first couple minutes of meeting someone for the first time whether or not I'm interested. But no matter how hot a guy may look online, my attraction to him can't be determined any other way than face to face.

It's still interesting to see how different people interpret it, though.
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 57
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 1/31/2011 10:27:20 AM
The answer to the original question, given original situation, IMO, had more to do with the dating style of the guy than whether you were really proposing a direction for the date. You may have seen it as a miss-communication and he may have used it as such, but the reality is, I think in this case, he was aggressive and you where not into his aggressiveness. Basically, the guy wanted it and it didn't matter what you said he was going to try to get it.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 58
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/3/2011 8:46:21 PM
The history I personally have suffered with this phrase, and those similar to it, has been such that I tend to feel a bit hostile towards it. Too many people I've dealt with, meant that they weren't going to be responsible for their actions, or for anything that I experienced as a result of dealing with them. But I can certainly see where for others, it would be a positive, even gentle kind of encouragement to say that they are open to possibilities. But people accepting responsibility for their choices is VERY important to me, so I'd have to hear exactly HOW someone said this sort of thing, in a context, to decide what my response would be.
I have been in simple situations, such as when some friends and I were traveling to a new place, and weren't sure of how to get there, and someone said that as a light-hearted way to say that they accepted cheerfully the possibility that we might get lost, not get where we were headed, and that we'd make the best of what ever might result, and THAT'S a GREAT way to hear such a statement. In the context of an early date, as described as "we’ll do dinner and then whatever happens, happens,” where what was meant was (again) that the person was open and relaxed about what ever might occur, again, it could be nice.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 59
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/5/2011 3:47:51 PM
I didn't even notice the smoking emoticon until you pointed it out. Shows how oblivious I am to non-word items when reading, I guess.
As to your conundrum about YOUR guy who's saying "whatever happens happens," I would be confused a mite from your perspective as well. My instant blind guess, is that he's not thinking anything more than dating (i.e. that he's going to STAY with a no-commitment policy with you), mainly because of the distance. This isn't to suggest anything bad about him as a person, mind you, just that in the context of a person dealing with a long-distance situation, it would make MOST people pause and hold themselves back.
I don't see from what you said here, how I could interpret his "trying to play a power trip with" you, since as far as you've said, he hasn't ASKED anything of you except for your time. If he called for commitment from you, while withholding his own, THAT might be a power play. It sounds more that he's as undecided as you are, because of the distance.
Are you reading too much into this? In some ways (the power play/manipulative thing), I'd say yes. From what you say, you are actually more manipulating YOURSELF, than anything else, because you are attracted enough to him that you want to talk yourself into being exclusive with someone too far away to see regularly. The trouble with long-distance romance, is that either both people have to LIKE a sporadic romantic existence, or one has to decide to move at some point.
If I were a therapist, I'd suggest you put a stuffed animal, or a picture of yourself, in a chair, and sit down and argue things out. It's YOU who have to decide whether to stick with a long-distance limitation or not, before even broaching the subject of commitment with him.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 60
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/6/2011 4:28:15 AM
Thought I'd pop back in after an extended period of absence for this one..
There was a time i would have said that phrase with the innocence of the naive.. But nowadays after almost 49 years on the planet i would never say it to a guy unless i wanted him to think that "WHATEVER happens, happens."

In my newly illuminated state of realising more of 'guyspeak" i would immediately expect them to think of the possibility that sex might happen. Or at least that "she" hadn't ruled it out...

In the past 'ive had guys think i "wanted" them simply because i was being friendly in a non sexual, general sort of way. So, knowing that kind of mindset, I wouldn't be meeting them and saying," whatever happens happens. It leaves too much open to interpretation.

As you said when this thread started WIP you told him in no uncertain terms that it was just a meet and he still interpreted wrongly. It doesn't matter what you say with some guys, they will hear what they want to hear, whereas others will hear the message that was intended.

It still bugs the hell out of me though that women now have to specify that they WON'T be putting out on the first meet otherwise many guys will presume that we will...

I'm sorry, but you're wrong, bike. No one, including women, is responsible for what someone else infers. Women (and men, too) can say whatever we like. If somebody reads into it, that's his problem.

Your advice is maddeningly impractical. How exactly would a woman evaluate something she wants to say? How would she make certain that the jerk-off in front of her won't misunderstand, willfully or otherwise? You are actually advising women to take responsibility for what somebody else thinks!
Ahhhh... A refreshingly logical response.... Finally... Women are not responsible for how some horny man interprets her words...
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 61
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/6/2011 11:05:14 AM
"whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement. When stating such, you are leaving things "open". Could mean sex. Could mean your gonna get pissed. Could mean ANYTHING. That's what happens when you state an open statement.

If you meant "no expectations", you probably should have stated to this MALE, "no expectations". That IS a simple statement that is right to the point. Exactley what males are capapable of understanding. Speak in morse code,,,,and you will have interpertations. You "may" have meant "no expectations" but instead you said "whatever happens, happens." See the dif????? I'm sure you do now after almost three years in the dating pool.

Personally, "whatever happens,happens" is a statement that I file with "whatever" and "possibley". Doesn't mean squat and shouldn't even be said. Of course if you are selling posters with generic cliches on them, it would be a good seller,,,,,,to women.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 62
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/6/2011 12:54:07 PM

Well in my experience, whenever a guy has said that phrase, to them it is code for "we're having sex".

Yes, I've heard it said in that way too, but usually in Joey Tribiani fashion; with an eyebrow raise and followed by "yanno what I mean"?

When I say it, I mean if something more is meant to come out of it, then it will.. if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to. If I happen to like them enough that I have sex with them? Thats whatll happen.. if I happen to like them enough to pursue a relationship with them? Thats what'll happen.

Exactly. Same as death or finding a million dollars being possible on a date (or more accurately in this case, a "meet"), but not best expected initially.

Whatever Happens Happens = Keep Your Expectations In Check

Yes, exactly. And to be fair, before I know anyone real well, my expectations are in check as well (if there are any).

"whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement. When stating such, you are leaving things "open". Could mean sex. Could mean your gonna get pissed. Could mean ANYTHING. That's what happens when you state an open statement.

Exactly. Means anything from everything to nothing. Means "go with it".

If you meant "no expectations", you probably should have stated to this MALE, "no expectations". That IS a simple statement that is right to the point. Exactley what males are capapable of understanding. Speak in morse code,,,,and you will have interpertations. You "may" have meant "no expectations" but instead you said "whatever happens, happens." See the dif????? I'm sure you do now after almost three years in the dating pool.

I do say "no expectations" a lot, in talking, on meets, even on dates - I am a fan of saying that. I may have said it to this dude too, I don't remember. The phrase I asked about was what he caught, and interpreted it how he did, and it's the thing I remember saying at this point a couple years later.

P.S. You may mean three decades around the dating pool. I've been single and dating since I was in my early teens...

Personally, "whatever happens,happens" is a statement that I file with "whatever" and "possibley". Doesn't mean squat and shouldn't even be said. Of course if you are selling posters with generic cliches on them, it would be a good seller,,,,,,to women.

Agreed. It should go with saying that there are a million ways a first meet can go, and one should take it for what it is only - so there's no reason to point it out. I tend to say something like that as more of a conversational thing, not a warning.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 64
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/15/2013 11:29:14 AM
Thank you, I agree.
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 65
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/15/2013 2:14:01 PM
In my experience ive found that sometimes it means the guy is open to anything that may come when meeting somebody new whether its just friendship Ha,,a relationship,,or just sex..but more times it concludes if they say ya baby im down for whatever an what ever happens,,happens it means something sexual as being the out come of that meet/date or situation...
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 66
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/15/2013 2:55:31 PM
The good news is, the odds of you finding a date or a relationship are better than hitting the lottery, or getting struck by lightning! (That's the good news?!) I'm joking, it's actually better than that though... 2-5 out of 100 you are attracted to are a match.

The bad news is, chances are, even if you have a relationship, it will not end up being a happy one, and the chance of breakup and divorce is likely unless you are highly educated about relationships and choose very wisely.

There are some happy relationships and marriages out there that last though, so it's not all bad news.
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 67
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/15/2013 3:37:06 PM
If I say this, I am just not trying to have expectations about things. This is generally how I approach dating. Meet, get to know one another, and see where that leads us.
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 68
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/15/2013 8:39:46 PM
"whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement. When stating such, you are leaving things "open". Could mean sex. Could mean your gonna get pissed. Could mean ANYTHING. That's what happens when you state an open statement.

Exactly. Means anything from everything to nothing. Means "go with it".

Thanks exactly how I take, anything is possible...
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 69
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/16/2013 8:24:32 AM
I would rather see the "whatever happens happens" in a person's intent than some of the profiles I've seen that say :"I'm looking for Prince Charming, my knight in shining armor, my soul mate to spend the rest of my life with. If you're not looking for marriage, don't bother contacting me." Whoever thinks only men are the hunters and gatherers are wrong.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 70
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/8/2014 9:08:36 AM
So it would seem that for the most part people are taking it as I would mean it when I say it. That there are no expectations, no promises, no real goal outside of getting together and going with the flow, even if it ends up where we decide we're not interested in continuing the meeting past the first 15 minutes.

Thanks for your feedback.
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/9/2014 5:16:33 AM
Whatever the phrase "whatever happens, happens" means to one person versus the next, for me it's just a matter of how shallow or ditzy or self-defeating you're being. I'd be like "duh, of course whatever happens is what happens...what doesn't happen isn't going to be what happens" or like when people say "everything happens for a reason", I think "really? everything happens for a reason? you don't say!" I want someone to show some depth and constructiveness in how they communicate, how they're looking for someone, who they are and who they're looking for, and how they're expressing it...etc.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 72
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/9/2014 9:09:32 AM

So, whatever happens happens? Sounds kinda lazy. I'd feel like I'd have to put on a thick pair of rose colored glasses, pick her up, toss her across my shoulders, and run across the relationship finish line all by myself.

If someone is describing a serious relationship with the person they're dating I'd have to agree. In my case it was more a first meet (not even really a date). It should be a given that two people may not have attraction or interest when they meet, and that there are no guarantees, but some really don't get that.
Joined: 9/1/2013
Msg: 73
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/10/2014 10:15:54 PM
Not a phrase that I would use... but for me it would simply mean that there were no expectations. If a long-term dating situation developed, fine. But if not, that would be fine too. But some people will interpret it differently. I personally can't see how... but some people have a different filter...and get a completely different message. Unfortunately creepers abound on these sites.

ALWAYS meet in a public place. Never allow anyone to meet you at your place or take you home before you have gotten to know them (several months in some cases). Unfortunately the a-holes get most of the dates because they are so aggressive...(send the most messages, etc) and women end up going out with them at some point. Women are often blinded by superficial things, and fairytale weddings...and their brains shut down for some reason. Decent men end up being just white noise... lost in the shuffle.

I wish these sites would implement a verification system (at the customers expense)...where men (and women) could be background checked...and even reviewed. Members could have badges/verification markings on their profiles. I would gladly pay money for that. The purpose would be:

1. Check for criminal records... (local and national).
2. Make sure the person is actually who they say they are and that photos match.
3. Make sure that the person isn't married.
4. Make sure that the person doesn't have a horrible dating pattern.

But in the back of my mind I am not so sure that something like that would even work... because so many women are hardwired to go for the bad boy not in all cases....but in many instances this is the result, even when there are red flags all over the place telling them not to do it. Not saying this was the situation in your particular case, but I find this to be the case far too often. But I think in most horror stories about online dating...or dating in general, there were probably red flags that women either failed to see or ignored. With a background verification and review system... I think women would still ignore decent guys and go towards the danger. I don't think it would make much of a difference. But I would still like to see the websites offer that type of service anyway... would love to have that as an option.
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/11/2014 3:12:26 AM

"whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement

Yes, very diplomatic and innocuous.

is okay or content with the all possible outcomes

Means anything from everything to nothing. Means "go with it"

And needs some kind of direction. Or compass. Is lost. While some may claim that this is not a catch phrase for casual sex, a point that I'd make is that if a person is "open to all possibilities" like this and so is even open to something monogamous and long termish...I absolutely would not be interested in something monogamous and long termish with someone who is "open" in this way and not caring if they find that any more than if they find the casual hookups.

Somehow, with some of the talk like this, I can picture a type of benign predator...someone who exploits a naive young person's interest for a time, who doesn't understand the nuances of how people do and what these things can indicate, because they're being so "easy-going", not being clear about anything either way, letting them form assumptions while giving theirself plausable deniability, so the poor other person responds positively and really enjoys the turned-on-ness and what they think is going on...and then finds out that she (or he) isn't interested in anything but the sex they've had up to that point and they're actually kind of detached and impersonal, and as their way out they give a speech about "no expectations" or "no promises"..."relax, we were just going with it, babe."

isn't what you're looking for really dependent on who the other person is?

Really? That's scary. The other person wants group golden shower sessions, so you could "go with that"? The other person is socially and emotionally constipated and introverted to a pathological degree, so you could "go with that"? Somebody needs at least some degree of an intention or goal...and to be clear and honest about it with other people.

It's like what's wrong with the phrase that was used for so long "friends first" or "start out as friends".
It is claimed that "whatever happens happens" is all about the problem of people having premature expectations, and not casual sex, but something is fishy there. If it really is about the one and not the other, it should be approached or handled differently than with the phrase "whatever happens happens" because that sounds completely different, gives a completely different impression. Is too vague and meaningless. It doesn't matter if you run into others who "know what you mean", because it shouldn't be an esoteric code understood only by certain folks. "Friends first" or "start out as friends" meant things like not wanting to have sex on the first date, or that you want to form some connection or rapport with someone naturally and sex is not a foregone conclusion. But...that's just a weird unproductive way of expressing yourself. Too vague and unspecific. Really? You want to be friends? No way! I'm not going to be in a relationship with someone that I'm not friends with "first". Duh. Are you trying to say that you're not after sex? Or that you aren't open to having it on the first date? Are you trying to say that we shouldn't act like we already know and like each other...before we even know each other? Really? Der? You should really say that a little better, a little clearer. When I'm going out with someone, for the purpose including forming a friendship and not having sex within the first hour of meeting, and they say "let's start out as friends", already making her assumption along certain lines such that that needs to be said a certain way...them I am really confused. That would be fine, when it's further communicated about and cleared up...but the point is that with most people who use phrases like this, when that next step comes of further conversation and clarification, it always goes weird and you find out that they have a bit of cognitive dissonance going on, don't make sense, are a bit self-defeating and shallow...or they're not quite being honest about their intentions, which is what this stuff is often all about.

(And of course, what would the "friends first" crowd say about the whole "friendzone" bullsh!t?)
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 76
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/13/2014 4:06:19 PM
Girl states: whatever happens...happens
Guy thinks: I better bring extra condoms

Girl states: beautiful day
Guy thinks: I better bring extra condoms

Girl states: let's go get a salad
Guy thinks: I better bring extra condoms

Bottom line, many guys don't listen and think what they want to think

Your comment was harmless
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 77
view profile
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/14/2014 7:05:01 PM
Condom what is that? I don't believe in sex.
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