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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 126
Whatever Happens HappensPage 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

the phrase genially means anything is possible so go prepared for a variety of things that could happen

I agree that if we like each other and want to explore possibilities, this is pretty much on the money. If we're BOTH not sure we're interested yet, tho - what else could that mean?
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 127
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:06:44 PM
^^^ "If we're BOTH not sure we're interested yet, tho - what else could that mean?"

That it's at least the teeniest tiniest remotest possibility that "whatever" could happen depending on what happens (how it goes). Without clear definition as to what the "whatever" is or is not, nothing is excluded.

JMO


~ds~
 tigerlily1
Joined: 12/20/2007
Msg: 128
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:39:35 AM
I think it is clear that we all mean and interperet the english language so differently that once you undetstand that, a great deal of time and effort needs to go into talking and making sure we understand what the other person is actually saying rather than assuming or guessing..........

such a short phrase seems to mean something different to so many people and as it is one I have been known to use I can see the misinterperation.........
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 129
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:16:22 AM

I think it is clear that we all mean and interperet the english language so differently that once you undetstand that, a great deal of time and effort needs to go into talking and making sure we understand what the other person is actually saying rather than assuming or guessing..........


In many cases it is much quicker and kinder to just be direct and honest in your communications. It's really not that difficult to tell someone "It was nice talking with you but I don't feel that we have any potential for a relationship" or even "I'm not attracted to you physically".

Many of the dating problems that women complain about on the forums can be avoided by being direct and honest when communicating to men.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 130
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:24:37 AM
^^^The phrase in question was used by me before the meeting, and that was the context it was in. I didn't know I wasn't interested at that point (I suspected, but thought it might have been too judgemental before a meeting to make that decision).

I made it clear before meeting several times that it was only to determine interest and could end up being JUST a beer between two strangers and nothing more. Trust me, once I knew I wasn't attracted and when he asked me about it - I couldn't have been more clear about it - and I told him 8 different ways. The only mistake I see I made (and I did it thinking I was being polite) was not leaving the guy there after about 15 minutes.

In the future, it might be safer to cut things short as soon as I know there's no point, even if that's 10 minutes later - it's pretty clear that staying for the duration sends the wrong message.
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 131
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:33:08 AM

I couldn't have been more clear about it - and I told him 8 different ways. The only mistake I see I made (and I did it thinking I was being polite) was not leaving the guy there after about 15 minutes.


If you really did communicate directly and clearly, then the guy is dumber than a brick. You should have excused yourself after 15 minutes if you clearly had no interest. It's much kinder to tell people you aren't interested than it is to keep then hoping and wondering.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 132
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:17:21 AM

You should have excused yourself after 15 minutes if you clearly had no interest. It's much kinder to tell people you aren't interested than it is to keep then hoping and wondering.

Point taken. I don't know why I thought it would be nice to continue the rest of the night, I figured the guy would understand that regardless of interest, it's what was planned - I guess I read too many "why don't women give men a decent chance?" threads where it was clear men thought women judged and dismissed too quickly.

It was courtesy on my part, of course - I wasn't going to find out anything that would make much difference early on. So I learned something, that's cool.

From now on, even if it's a 30 minute meeting, I'll leave as soon as I know there's no chance...
 grkboy
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 133
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/30/2008 12:37:15 PM

Point taken. I don't know why I thought it would be nice to continue the rest of the night, I figured the guy would understand that regardless of interest, it's what was planned - I guess I read too many "why don't women give men a decent chance?" threads where it was clear men thought women judged and dismissed too quickly.

It was courtesy on my part, of course - I wasn't going to find out anything that would make much difference early on. So I learned something, that's cool.

From now on, even if it's a 30 minute meeting, I'll leave as soon as I know there's no chance...


I think too many people believe the first date from someone on a dating site is the possible beginning of a relationship.

I don't have a problem if a woman is into me at one point, but then loses interest the next day...just don't accept a date invitation then from me knowing this will never go anywhere.

I don't have a problem if I'm out on a first date with a girl and she isn't interested shortly after meeting me. This is why I keep first dates with online girls simple. Coffee and chit-chat. The only goal is to see if the real-life chemistry will be the same as the online chemistry.

If she's not feeling it, then I think it's polite to see things til the end of the date...give things a shot. Sometimes the nerves and insecurities set in and you don't feel anything, but when the comfort level comes in, feelings could come in...or at least interest to pursue further.

I think it's silly when people go out on first dates from an online site and expect there to be sparks and fireworks and love in the air. I just go out on the idea of seeing if we have a chemistry and click like that. Too many others go out thinking they might have found someone, but then get frustrated and/or disappointed when they see this person isn't what they hoped or things aren't moving fast enough.

Betty's on the right logic...just go out and keep it simple and friendly. Let things happen naturally if they will and don't be irked or mad if they don't.
 fishbill
Joined: 3/19/2005
Msg: 134
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:13:02 PM
"""Thanks so much guys for answering before reading the thread so answers aren't biased and then reading to discuss...so far it's interesting what the responses have been, and it's really a small margin of men that immediately figure it means something sexual...most seem to take it how I meant it.""

No problemo. Nothing in the POF rules say we need to read a thread or know what we are talking about. That's one reason I HAVE ASKED FOR A PLUS, NEUTRAL, MINUS (hot or not) kinda voting thing on each post. Like many other forums.

Otherwise, "whatever happens happens" is "lowbrow talk", I could not find that quote in Bartletts (or Walgreens). It only means something significant to insignificant people, not you of course. That is not a "phrase" I use, I like to use complete sentences, that reference an ongoing conversation between another (It could even be someone that lives in my head, that no one ever sees, except me, but I am still courteous and communicate clearly with that person).
 sanchezzz
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 135
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:23:21 PM
I made sure not to read what anyone else had to say before I answered you...It means to me, that there is no way to see what the future holds, so let's go from here and see. It also seems to denote to me that whomever is saying it is not certain about how they feel about you , and that although they may be hopeful, they are probably slightly doubtful.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 136
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/1/2008 8:26:17 AM

I think too many people believe the first date from someone on a dating site is the possible beginning of a relationship.

I do too - some people seem to sort of "latch" onto certain things as proof they're on the way to not being single much longer. Sort of odd to me, but whatever I guess.

I don't have a problem if a woman is into me at one point, but then loses interest the next day...just don't accept a date invitation then from me knowing this will never go anywhere.

Fair enough. Same here, unless both don't have romantic interest but still are ok with hanging out, but I admit this rarely happens (mutual interest or disinterest).

I don't have a problem if I'm out on a first date with a girl and she isn't interested shortly after meeting me. This is why I keep first dates with online girls simple. Coffee and chit-chat. The only goal is to see if the real-life chemistry will be the same as the online chemistry.

Agreed - I find people tend to be defensive or don't see why I usually keep it short and low key - but it's because I know after 10 minutes someone will probably know they don't want to continue.

If she's not feeling it, then I think it's polite to see things til the end of the date...give things a shot. Sometimes the nerves and insecurities set in and you don't feel anything, but when the comfort level comes in, feelings could come in...or at least interest to pursue further.

I thought it would be less rude, and I can totally hang out with someone as planned whether they like me or not, whether I like them or not, etc.

I think it's silly when people go out on first dates from an online site and expect there to be sparks and fireworks and love in the air. I just go out on the idea of seeing if we have a chemistry and click like that. Too many others go out thinking they might have found someone, but then get frustrated and/or disappointed when they see this person isn't what they hoped or things aren't moving fast enough.

Ain't that the truth. I don't look for fireworks, but I do look for attraction and interest in wanting to know more. If I don't feel that (or they don't) - I just move on.

Betty's on the right logic...just go out and keep it simple and friendly. Let things happen naturally if they will and don't be irked or mad if they don't.

Thanks. I'm usually good with that, it's the people I meet that seem to have a problem with it, but that's cause I don't take disinterest personally - it happens, and will happen often if you plan on "dating" or meeting new people.

I made sure not to read what anyone else had to say before I answered you...It means to me, that there is no way to see what the future holds, so let's go from here and see. It also seems to denote to me that whomever is saying it is not certain about how they feel about you , and that although they may be hopeful, they are probably slightly doubtful.

Sanchezzz, right on the money. Thanks.
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 137
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:50:29 PM
What ever happens happens, means when 2 meet in person and there's sparks and attraction, then maybe there will be a second date to know each other well. Doesnt matter who asked who for the second date, if both willing to meet for the second time , then that's probably the beginning or starting to develop a relationaship.
 RaidernDC
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 138
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:09:56 PM

In general, to me it means I have no expectations, no demands, nothing.

There it is right there. I have used this phrase a lot and I am sure my single friends use this phrase. This phrase does not assume sex. It doesn't exclude it either. It is basically both people taking things as they come.

The last part about asking for sex after you had already said you weren't interested and then bringing up that you had said whatever happens happens was just game. He probably figured the first no was uncertainty on your part. He was trying to close the deal and wanted to see if he could make you feel guilty about "leading him on."

Now you are very sexy, so if you put the flirt on at all, he probably was a little worked up, which made it harder for him to hear no. That's sounds like a pretty interesting evening.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 139
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:07:12 PM
^^^Yeah it was pretty interesting, and I agree at this point that it's got a different meaning for everyone...some guys will hear "dry wall" and think of sex...oh well.

I am QUITE sure he took basic friendliness and politeness for flirting...I know there was no way I gave him any indication I was interested, I tend to talk in disclaimer and I know I was doing that in phone conversations long before we actually met.

I now make sure to e-mail all information to friends before going out...that way if I am raped/killed at least the authorities have some info. But to be safe, I just won't schedule any more night meetings (outside of someone stopping somewhere where I am out with friends already).

I did two things wrong - the night thing and not going with my gut - I had a weird feeling, but thought I was just being too judgemental. Live and learn (even after 40 years)...
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 140
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:54:23 PM

...some guys will hear "dry wall" and think of sex...oh well.


It does seem like there are a lot of guys out there that are pretty desperate for sex.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 141
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/21/2008 1:24:30 PM
now make sure to e-mail all information to friends before going out...that way if I am raped/killed at least the authorities have some info. But to be safe, I just won't schedule any more night meetings (outside of someone stopping somewhere where I am out with friends already). -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
Or leave a note on your fridge or under the pillow, so when you get home, just toss it. Or, I suppose your way is fine too, a lot of people tell there friends "I'm going on a date tomorrow with a new person, etc".
 TheDirtyBen
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 142
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 11/15/2008 2:22:17 PM
Maybe I'm not like the typical guy? I don't EXPECT sex when going into a date.

Don't get me wrong. It's nice when it happens. And if I'm attracted to the other person, I hope that it happens.

But I don't push for it.

In fact, I think that I probably could have MORE sex if I were assertive about it.

However, I try to gauge the situation and signals. And I'm not always that good at reading smoke signals.

Very, very, very rarely have I used the subject phrase.
Most likely, it would be used if a lot of the pre-meet talks had repeatedly transitioned around sex-talk.
If a woman were to use that phrase, it would tell me that she is not necessarily against having sex, if everything happens right.


BTW, what happened to UglyBetty??
 wildernesskitty
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 143
Women Just As Guilty These Days
Posted: 11/15/2008 5:09:42 PM
That phrase means "open ended". If there's alcohol involved, then it could get .......

Men usually use it to proceed as far as you let them, and count on the alcohol and your loneliness to wear you down. SORRY BOYS, but you are hunters - u know some of u are like this.

Women use it as a vague answer so the men won't "automatically" think they're getting anything.

Solution: eliminate alcohol from 1st and possibly 2nd (GASP) meeting, and make them short, and IN PUBLIC. Honestly, we all enjoy sex, but that phrase is a dangerous one.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 144
"Whatever Happens, Happens"
Posted: 11/18/2008 5:40:18 AM

Maybe I'm not like the typical guy? I don't EXPECT sex when going into a date.

Nor should you, or she - in fact I believe no expectation of anything is best when going in to a "meet". It's not even a date to me unless/until I know and like the guy and have actual interest in wanting to know more.

Don't get me wrong. It's nice when it happens. And if I'm attracted to the other person, I hope that it happens.

But I don't push for it.

In fact, I think that I probably could have MORE sex if I were assertive about it.

I think hope mixed with shots/drinks can sometimes become an expectation...even the hope is misplaced with a total stranger...then again I'm not a guy. I suspect they 'd hope they end up having sex while riding alone in a taxi.

However, I try to gauge the situation and signals. And I'm not always that good at reading smoke signals.

I agree it's better to assume nothing's happening unless told otherwise.

Very, very, very rarely have I used the subject phrase.
Most likely, it would be used if a lot of the pre-meet talks had repeatedly transitioned around sex-talk.
If a woman were to use that phrase, it would tell me that she is not necessarily against having sex, if everything happens right.

I'm starting to think that anything said in a vague fashion, a man will interpret as sexual...which is fine and all, but may lead to a lot of dissapointment. *shrug*

BTW, what happened to UglyBetty??

She may yet make a comeback.

That phrase means "open ended". If there's alcohol involved, then it could get .......

Or not. Why does open ended HAVE to mean sex? It could mean basket weaving just as easily.

Men usually use it to proceed as far as you let them, and count on the alcohol and your loneliness to wear you down. SORRY BOYS, but you are hunters - u know some of u are like this.

And that's fine - they'll get nowhere, and get over it...if they feel they need to torture themselves, women can't do much about that.

Women use it as a vague answer so the men won't "automatically" think they're getting anything.

Yes, but I believe we're referring to basic initial interest, at that point sex isn't even a consideration for most of us.

Solution: eliminate alcohol from 1st and possibly 2nd (GASP) meeting, and make them short, and IN PUBLIC. Honestly, we all enjoy sex, but that phrase is a dangerous one.

I do agree that an afternoon coffee has less confusion to it for a guy then a drink at 8 pm. Until meeting a guy a couple times, I suppose a half hour to an hour between two other things I am doing during the day is better and sends a better message of time constraint.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 145
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Whatever Happens, Happens
Posted: 11/18/2008 5:50:06 AM
Heh. You started this thread when you were Ugly Betty!
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 146
Whatever Happens, Happens
Posted: 11/18/2008 6:34:34 AM
Well I had decided what the phrase "Whatever happens, happens" meant to me from the reading of the OP, but I hate to follow the flock so I read the posts. Its' amazing to me that only one other person actually got it almost exactly the way I was thinking. so many others turned it into something all about sex. Others called it a vague response. Others used it as a way to keep open minded.

Gnuru75 in Message #73/ Page 3 closed his post with this statement.


So if I hear this, or say this, the meaning is only relevant to the specific conversation or question and it's delivery.


Example: Guy says....So perhaps we can have a bite to eat and then maybe we could go back to my place and snuggle on the couch and watch a movie?

Girl says....Whatever happens, happens.

I'd say that this guy has reason to believe that sex is a possibility, however the girl may think she has left her options open. In this instance, I'd say the girl has answered dangerously unless she is prepared to deal with his disappointment later.

I don't believe that the phrase is vague. I would say that it is a non-committal way to leave the options open in regards to any question asked.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 147
Whatever Happens, Happens
Posted: 11/18/2008 6:58:19 AM
^^^Exactly - to me (unless someone hints at something sexual, or something similar) it means "expect nothing outside of x".

If I am planning on meeting a guy, it means "we're meeting, and nothing beyond that should be expected; i.e. - "the outcome of this even cannot be determined, so why project on it?".

How sex gets thrown in there is beyond me (unless a guy asks if there will be sex directly and I respond with that phrase).

Heh. You started this thread when you were Ugly Betty!

I know, I changed identities whilst it continued...lol
 MissEmpress
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 148
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 11/18/2008 7:38:50 AM
Based on my experience: when men say this, they usually mean "I will make a concerted effort to 'fall into bed' with you, but don't worry although I am trying my hardest...it's whatever happens happens" . I find they usually say it as a means to set my mind at ease (or so they think) about us being intimate. They say it beforehand so that when they do try...I guess I'm supposed to feel subconsciously more relaxed about it, like oh this is no pressure...whatever happens happens.

I don't say this to guys...but if I am talking to my friends about a guy and me and him going out or the possibility of us doing something then for me it means....we'll see how I feel and what happens happens. I don't really plan on doing anything, but I think that thought alone makes you more okay about it happening if it should. Come to think of this...I rarely ever say this phrase in reference to situations like that.
 mystery_mike
Joined: 10/8/2008
Msg: 149
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 11/18/2008 10:08:25 PM
When you hear or say this in regards to meeting/getting to know someone, what does it mean to you or what do you mean by it? And be candid - it's not a trick question, I really want to know what goes thru your head when it's uttered.


It depends. If they say this about the first meeting before we actually meet, I only think it means they are in favor of an open-ended date with no fixed agenda. they wanna go with the flow. whatever happens, happens in terms of where we go throughout the evening. how are some guys confusing this with thinking the girl wants action is a bit silly. you don't even know her, lol.

But if I hear this after going out a couple times with someone and theres mutual chemistry between us, I can see how it can be taken as being open to sex. Actions speak louder then words tho...ladies have much better ways of letting you know :)
 TheDirtyBen
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 150
Whatever Happens, Happens
Posted: 11/19/2008 4:12:26 PM

I don't believe that the phrase is vague. I would say that it is a non-committal way to leave the options open in regards to any question asked.


Shirley: In a man's mind, vague and non-committal are synonymous. You can easily substitute the words "non-committal", for the word "vague" in your sentence above.
I don't doubt that there may be a difference between the two, in a woman's mind. But remember, men perceive fewer colors in the spectrum than women. So, it's reasonable to assume that we would tend to miss subtle differences that may be blatantly apparent to women.
Besides, even specific statements are sometimes subject to interpretation. Guys can be talking about cars and understand female/sexual inferences!
So, why even risk coming across as being misleading?


In fact, I think that I probably could have MORE sex if I were assertive about it.


djchickie: I think that I may have been misunderstood here. When I'm, in the moment, I have a tendency to overlook some women's subtle nuances, body language, etc. It's only later on, when I'm reflecting, that it sometimes occurs to me that she'd been hinting around at more. So, if I'd "paid attention" more and responded to them cues, then the date may have transpired differently.

Funny thing is, though. When I'm not as interested in the date. Then I tend to see the subtleties like giant billboards. But when I am VERY interested in the date, then the subtleties are more those little 4" markers alongside of the highway, and you're doing 70 MPH.

:::shrugs::: I think that someone got my wiring backwards back at the manufacturer!
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