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 AUTHOR
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 61
Whatever Happens HappensPage 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
"whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement. When stating such, you are leaving things "open". Could mean sex. Could mean your gonna get pissed. Could mean ANYTHING. That's what happens when you state an open statement.

If you meant "no expectations", you probably should have stated to this MALE, "no expectations". That IS a simple statement that is right to the point. Exactley what males are capapable of understanding. Speak in morse code,,,,and you will have interpertations. You "may" have meant "no expectations" but instead you said "whatever happens, happens." See the dif????? I'm sure you do now after almost three years in the dating pool.

Personally, "whatever happens,happens" is a statement that I file with "whatever" and "possibley". Doesn't mean squat and shouldn't even be said. Of course if you are selling posters with generic cliches on them, it would be a good seller,,,,,,to women.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 62
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/6/2011 12:54:07 PM

Well in my experience, whenever a guy has said that phrase, to them it is code for "we're having sex".

Yes, I've heard it said in that way too, but usually in Joey Tribiani fashion; with an eyebrow raise and followed by "yanno what I mean"?

When I say it, I mean if something more is meant to come out of it, then it will.. if it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to. If I happen to like them enough that I have sex with them? Thats whatll happen.. if I happen to like them enough to pursue a relationship with them? Thats what'll happen.

Exactly. Same as death or finding a million dollars being possible on a date (or more accurately in this case, a "meet"), but not best expected initially.

Whatever Happens Happens = Keep Your Expectations In Check

Yes, exactly. And to be fair, before I know anyone real well, my expectations are in check as well (if there are any).

"whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement. When stating such, you are leaving things "open". Could mean sex. Could mean your gonna get pissed. Could mean ANYTHING. That's what happens when you state an open statement.

Exactly. Means anything from everything to nothing. Means "go with it".

If you meant "no expectations", you probably should have stated to this MALE, "no expectations". That IS a simple statement that is right to the point. Exactley what males are capapable of understanding. Speak in morse code,,,,and you will have interpertations. You "may" have meant "no expectations" but instead you said "whatever happens, happens." See the dif????? I'm sure you do now after almost three years in the dating pool.

I do say "no expectations" a lot, in talking, on meets, even on dates - I am a fan of saying that. I may have said it to this dude too, I don't remember. The phrase I asked about was what he caught, and interpreted it how he did, and it's the thing I remember saying at this point a couple years later.

P.S. You may mean three decades around the dating pool. I've been single and dating since I was in my early teens...

Personally, "whatever happens,happens" is a statement that I file with "whatever" and "possibley". Doesn't mean squat and shouldn't even be said. Of course if you are selling posters with generic cliches on them, it would be a good seller,,,,,,to women.

Agreed. It should go with saying that there are a million ways a first meet can go, and one should take it for what it is only - so there's no reason to point it out. I tend to say something like that as more of a conversational thing, not a warning.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 64
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/15/2013 11:29:14 AM
Thank you, I agree.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 66
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/15/2013 2:55:31 PM
The good news is, the odds of you finding a date or a relationship are better than hitting the lottery, or getting struck by lightning! (That's the good news?!) I'm joking, it's actually better than that though... 2-5 out of 100 you are attracted to are a match.

The bad news is, chances are, even if you have a relationship, it will not end up being a happy one, and the chance of breakup and divorce is likely unless you are highly educated about relationships and choose very wisely.

There are some happy relationships and marriages out there that last though, so it's not all bad news.
 lookinfouryoutoo
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 67
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History
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/15/2013 3:37:06 PM
If I say this, I am just not trying to have expectations about things. This is generally how I approach dating. Meet, get to know one another, and see where that leads us.
 Feather21
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 68
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/15/2013 8:39:46 PM
"whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement. When stating such, you are leaving things "open". Could mean sex. Could mean your gonna get pissed. Could mean ANYTHING. That's what happens when you state an open statement.

Exactly. Means anything from everything to nothing. Means "go with it".

Thanks exactly how I take, anything is possible...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 69
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 10/16/2013 8:24:32 AM
I would rather see the "whatever happens happens" in a person's intent than some of the profiles I've seen that say :"I'm looking for Prince Charming, my knight in shining armor, my soul mate to spend the rest of my life with. If you're not looking for marriage, don't bother contacting me." Whoever thinks only men are the hunters and gatherers are wrong.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 70
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/8/2014 9:08:36 AM
So it would seem that for the most part people are taking it as I would mean it when I say it. That there are no expectations, no promises, no real goal outside of getting together and going with the flow, even if it ends up where we decide we're not interested in continuing the meeting past the first 15 minutes.

Thanks for your feedback.
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/9/2014 5:16:33 AM
Whatever the phrase "whatever happens, happens" means to one person versus the next, for me it's just a matter of how shallow or ditzy or self-defeating you're being. I'd be like "duh, of course whatever happens is what happens...what doesn't happen isn't going to be what happens" or like when people say "everything happens for a reason", I think "really? everything happens for a reason? you don't say!" I want someone to show some depth and constructiveness in how they communicate, how they're looking for someone, who they are and who they're looking for, and how they're expressing it...etc.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 72
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/9/2014 9:09:32 AM

So, whatever happens happens? Sounds kinda lazy. I'd feel like I'd have to put on a thick pair of rose colored glasses, pick her up, toss her across my shoulders, and run across the relationship finish line all by myself.

If someone is describing a serious relationship with the person they're dating I'd have to agree. In my case it was more a first meet (not even really a date). It should be a given that two people may not have attraction or interest when they meet, and that there are no guarantees, but some really don't get that.
 QuietFire92
Joined: 9/1/2013
Msg: 73
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/10/2014 10:15:54 PM
Not a phrase that I would use... but for me it would simply mean that there were no expectations. If a long-term dating situation developed, fine. But if not, that would be fine too. But some people will interpret it differently. I personally can't see how... but some people have a different filter...and get a completely different message. Unfortunately creepers abound on these sites.

ALWAYS meet in a public place. Never allow anyone to meet you at your place or take you home before you have gotten to know them (several months in some cases). Unfortunately the a-holes get most of the dates because they are so aggressive...(send the most messages, etc) and women end up going out with them at some point. Women are often blinded by superficial things, and fairytale weddings...and their brains shut down for some reason. Decent men end up being just white noise... lost in the shuffle.

I wish these sites would implement a verification system (at the customers expense)...where men (and women) could be background checked...and even reviewed. Members could have badges/verification markings on their profiles. I would gladly pay money for that. The purpose would be:

1. Check for criminal records... (local and national).
2. Make sure the person is actually who they say they are and that photos match.
3. Make sure that the person isn't married.
4. Make sure that the person doesn't have a horrible dating pattern.

But in the back of my mind I am not so sure that something like that would even work... because so many women are hardwired to go for the bad boy http://www.livescience.com/20294-women-choose-bad-boys.html?utm_content=LiveScience&utm_campaign=seo%2Bblitz&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social%2Bmedia not in all cases....but in many instances this is the result, even when there are red flags all over the place telling them not to do it. Not saying this was the situation in your particular case, but I find this to be the case far too often. But I think in most horror stories about online dating...or dating in general, there were probably red flags that women either failed to see or ignored. With a background verification and review system... I think women would still ignore decent guys and go towards the danger. I don't think it would make much of a difference. But I would still like to see the websites offer that type of service anyway... would love to have that as an option.
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/11/2014 3:12:26 AM

"whatever happens,happens" is an very open statement

Yes, very diplomatic and innocuous.

is okay or content with the all possible outcomes


Means anything from everything to nothing. Means "go with it"

And needs some kind of direction. Or compass. Is lost. While some may claim that this is not a catch phrase for casual sex, a point that I'd make is that if a person is "open to all possibilities" like this and so is even open to something monogamous and long termish...I absolutely would not be interested in something monogamous and long termish with someone who is "open" in this way and not caring if they find that any more than if they find the casual hookups.

Somehow, with some of the talk like this, I can picture a type of benign predator...someone who exploits a naive young person's interest for a time, who doesn't understand the nuances of how people do and what these things can indicate, because they're being so "easy-going", not being clear about anything either way, letting them form assumptions while giving theirself plausable deniability, so the poor other person responds positively and really enjoys the turned-on-ness and what they think is going on...and then finds out that she (or he) isn't interested in anything but the sex they've had up to that point and they're actually kind of detached and impersonal, and as their way out they give a speech about "no expectations" or "no promises"..."relax, we were just going with it, babe."

isn't what you're looking for really dependent on who the other person is?

Really? That's scary. The other person wants group golden shower sessions, so you could "go with that"? The other person is socially and emotionally constipated and introverted to a pathological degree, so you could "go with that"? Somebody needs at least some degree of an intention or goal...and to be clear and honest about it with other people.

It's like what's wrong with the phrase that was used for so long "friends first" or "start out as friends".
It is claimed that "whatever happens happens" is all about the problem of people having premature expectations, and not casual sex, but something is fishy there. If it really is about the one and not the other, it should be approached or handled differently than with the phrase "whatever happens happens" because that sounds completely different, gives a completely different impression. Is too vague and meaningless. It doesn't matter if you run into others who "know what you mean", because it shouldn't be an esoteric code understood only by certain folks. "Friends first" or "start out as friends" meant things like not wanting to have sex on the first date, or that you want to form some connection or rapport with someone naturally and sex is not a foregone conclusion. But...that's just a weird unproductive way of expressing yourself. Too vague and unspecific. Really? You want to be friends? No way! I'm not going to be in a relationship with someone that I'm not friends with "first". Duh. Are you trying to say that you're not after sex? Or that you aren't open to having it on the first date? Are you trying to say that we shouldn't act like we already know and like each other...before we even know each other? Really? Der? You should really say that a little better, a little clearer. When I'm going out with someone, for the purpose including forming a friendship and not having sex within the first hour of meeting, and they say "let's start out as friends", already making her assumption along certain lines such that that needs to be said a certain way...them I am really confused. That would be fine, when it's further communicated about and cleared up...but the point is that with most people who use phrases like this, when that next step comes of further conversation and clarification, it always goes weird and you find out that they have a bit of cognitive dissonance going on, don't make sense, are a bit self-defeating and shallow...or they're not quite being honest about their intentions, which is what this stuff is often all about.

(And of course, what would the "friends first" crowd say about the whole "friendzone" bullsh!t?)
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 76
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History
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/13/2014 4:06:19 PM
Girl states: whatever happens...happens
Guy thinks: I better bring extra condoms

Girl states: beautiful day
Guy thinks: I better bring extra condoms

Girl states: let's go get a salad
Guy thinks: I better bring extra condoms

Bottom line, many guys don't listen and think what they want to think

Your comment was harmless
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 77
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History
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/14/2014 7:05:01 PM
Condom what is that? I don't believe in sex.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 78
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/15/2014 2:10:45 AM

When stating such, you are leaving things "open". Could mean sex.

COULD? LOL. That's the rule, not the exception. It means "If we mesh, sure, if the circumstances allow it. If not, not... if set for banging, let's bang."
 Flurr
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 80
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History
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/16/2014 5:37:36 PM
When I say that, I usually mean I don't really care what happens.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 82
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/16/2014 6:27:49 PM
I find the WHH phrase as a bad as the phrase "It is what it is". What else could it be?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 83
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/16/2014 7:02:35 PM

When I say that, I usually mean I don't really care what happens.

Fair enough - in this case anyway, I wasn't able to care because I hadn't met the guy yet.

I find the WHH phrase as a bad as the phrase "It is what it is". What else could it be?

Yep, I say this sometimes too - usually to people who think it's something other than what it is. "What else could it be" is exactly right - but there are people who still don't get it.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 84
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/16/2014 8:09:17 PM
I'm a believer in what ever happened, happens
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 85
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 2/16/2014 10:45:16 PM

Guys: "Whatever happens happens" is NOT a promise of sex! I can't fathom how someone would infer that, but here we are...

True. It's not a promise if a girl says it, and shouldn't be taken as one. Unless other parts of herself noticeably conflict with such a notion, it does strongly indicate Potential Possibility. Which, a guy will take over "I like to take it slow". Wanna bet which line is more statistically associated to at some clothes taken off on the 1st date? :) But no, it's not a promise. If you haven't had a 1st date/meetup yet, there are no promises about anything, really.

Ladies: "Whatever happens happens" is NOT an indication that the guy is incapable of commitment or is otherwise passive about relationships.

Yeah, in and of itself, I kind of agree with you. If, say, he has a profile that's actively looking for a relationship + "Long Term" + a profile describing himself as the type who is romantically/relationship-inclined -- I agree. But you're rarely going to find a statement of "Whatever happens happens" in such a profile as a definitive one. It's more likely to mesh with "dating but not serious" + "Friends/Dating/Hang Out".
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 87
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/2/2014 7:54:40 PM

Yup...
It's kind of like letting fate (if you believe in fate) take over. It will either work out or it won't.
Perfect attitude for dating.

You would think. I certainly find this to be a more peaceful way to date (should someone you actually like come along).
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 88
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/2/2014 9:18:31 PM
I have found again and again, that any philosophical concept or phrase is susceptible to abuse, and especially to being purposely misapplied by the more rapacious members of the planet.

That's why it's vitally important for their own sake, that each person always keep in mind that these things (concepts and philosophies and so forth) are TOOLS. And it is always the person USING the tools who has to be in charge of them, never the other way around.

Thus a phrase like "whatever happens, happens", should NEVER be used on yourself, as a reason to let someone else tell you how to live your life, or to go against your own principles.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 90
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/9/2014 8:10:23 PM
It's going to vary by person to person. To some it just means to not have any expectations and just go with what happens. But on the other end, to some people, it's leaving the door open to date one person while having sex with another.

You just have to talk to the person to find out what they mean.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 91
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 5/14/2014 4:27:37 PM
uglybetty- Yeah, the weirdo's/nut jobs happen.
The first date I went on that I met the man online, we started out messaging each other on the site (not pof), then moved to email and then the phone. He seemed normal every step of the way.
THEN we met and oh boy was he NOT normal, I ended the date early and he insisted on walking me to my car, I couldn't find a way to say no, he parked right by me.
I got in the car, locked the door and the idiot tapped on my window, when I rolled it down, he asked me if I wanted to go home with him, WHAT?! NO!
He then proceeded to threaten me, in a not so veiled manner, "you should be careful leading men on, you never know what they might do". To which I proceeded to say, "I don't know what you think you are suggesting, but if a man EVER tried to force himself on me, he better be ready for one of us to die."
With that I rolled up my window and shot out of there like a rocket.
I didn't go on a second date after that for a while.
I'm sorry it happened to you too, it's scary.
Thank goodness we both had the sense to make the first meet in public.
He asked me what I was looking for (before the meet), and I was the one who said "whatever happens, happens."
The other men I have met offline (after chatting online)were told in no uncertain terms that sex was NOT going to happen on the first date and thankfully they weren't psycho's and wanted to meet me anyway.
Having said all that, it made me more cautious, but I realize it was THAT man that was nuts, not ALL men.
Whatever happens, happens means no strings, no promises, basically it's saying go with the flow.
Anyone that takes it any other way is NOT worth your time.
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