|Rape Role-PlayingPage 8 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)|
|And my two cents?|
ANYTHING between two (or more) consenting adults is OK.
....and the vast majority of dangers to society stem from attempting to restrict various activities between consenting adults.
Posted: 1/10/2007 9:57:45 PM
I realize that it does turn on some women, but as a survivor of a rape to me it's wrong on so many levels. If the woman knew someone who had been raped she'd realize that it's not a game.
I know someone who has been raped;
But that doesn't mean it can't be a game.
Posted: 1/10/2007 10:22:18 PM
|"Ask a woman who was raped what it felt like afterward and then re-think your stupid fantasy."|
It's not a "stupid fantasy".
And it's a fantasy that's not uncommon in women who have, actually been raped.
As for how it feels to be raped, I'm quite sure it depends a great deal on the brutality of the rape, and at least a little on the mentality of the victim. But for an example, let's take the mildest of rapes, and the victim with the sunniest of dispositions.
Say I agreed to go out with a guy. Knowing, in advance, that he's bigger than me, and that we would, for some period of time, be alone together. In other words, I'd have to be pretty naive to not admit that I know that he COULD rape me. PROBABLY wouldn't. But could.
Now, I have some options here, options that can increase my safety level to nearly 100%.
I can refuse to go out with him. Or,
I can refuse to be alone with him.
But instead, what I refuse to do is live my life that way.
Instead, I accept the risk of being date-raped.
Date raped by a guy who I liked enough to go out with in the first place.
Which means that had he not screwed up, there was a good chance I'd sleep with him anyway, eventually.
So what that type of rape would mean, to me, is that he made me have sex with him before I was ready, and he revealed himself to be a jerk before I invested the time of going on several dates with him.
Assuming that he didn't hit me, and that he didn't give me any diseases, I'd most likely be a little pissed off, but get over it faster that most guys can get over being rejected when they ask for a date in the first place.
What I don't understand is that certainly, a lot more "date rape" was going on back in the 70's, and 60's, and 50's, and 40's, and 30's. And NONE of it got reported. Nobody got arrested. And no women went around claiming that their lives were ruined by it. They GOT OVER IT.
So. When did women become so much less resilliant, that's what I want to know
Posted: 1/28/2007 9:00:50 PM
Of course, women who have not been raped also have rape-fantasies, so it's not always a defense mechanism.
Thank you ~ I was just about to state this very thing.
~OT~ I have never been raped, assaulted, violated or otherwise harmed by a stranger. But that does not mean that I have not had a rape-scene fantasy, nor does it mean that I am sick, twisted or otherwise damaged. On the other side: just because someone doesn't have those particular thoughts, doesn't necessarily mean they AREN'T sick, twisted, or damaged.
It comes down to a person's own inner desires, or maybe even fears. You simply can't pigeon-hole an answer for a person's fantasies. One man's fantasy is another man's routine...likewise, a woman may have a problem with a rape scenerio, while another woman delights in it...it's all personal preference.
Posted: 1/29/2007 8:46:09 PM
Mildest of rapes? Please tell me that you just wrote that to ruffle feathers. If you were serious, I would run, not walk to the nearest mental health institution and check yourself in.
Actually, people who refuse to admit that some rapes can be worse than others, and therefore, by definition, some rapes MUST be "better" than others--like it or not---are part of the problem.
Insisting that Horny Joe High-school-dude serve 20 years for raping his own prom date on prom night is EXACTLY the reason that a jury won't convict date-rapists. Because they don't want to ruin some guys life over a "mild" rape. Put 100 hours of community service on the table as punishment, and maybe some of these insensitive jerks wouldn't get off scott-free.
DinV also calls me ignorant for stating:
What I don't understand is that certainly, a lot more "date rape" was going on back in the 70's, and 60's, and 50's, and 40's, and 30's. And NONE of it got reported. Nobody got arrested. And no women went around claiming that their lives were ruined by it. They GOT OVER IT. What I want to know is what happened to the resilience of women?
--But he doesn't answer my question, and neither did anyone else.
Posted: 2/14/2007 1:43:23 AM
|Then she likes to be submissive,its not uncommon theres alot of women that have this fantasy just that not all play it out,things like this are normal in a d/s relationship.|
Posted: 2/14/2007 12:01:50 PM
|I can understand a woman's desire to feel dominated, but imo, the rape fantasy is taking it a step too far. I'm quite certain that any women who have actually BEEN raped and whose lives have been forever altered as a result become quite up in arms when hearing about this type of 'fantasy'. Where does it end? To what extremes do people feel they have to go to 'get off' these days? This is simply more evidence that society as a whole is walking a dangerous and convoluted path. |
btw - i thought sex is supposed to be something special - a form of connection between two people. Having fantasies about rape tells me that 'sex' and 'connection between partners' are completely disjointed for some, which is disturbing to say the least. (not saying that you have to be 'in love' with every sexual partner you have, but to throw violence into the act is a real sign that something is amiss)
Posted: 2/15/2007 1:08:31 PM
|Slow down there, Jer... |
First, I AM entitled to my opinion, n'est pas? I actually DO know women who have been raped and believe me - every one of them has a set of or some form of underlying (or obvious) issues as remnants of their encounter. What are you trying to say? Are you asserting that b/c women who have actually been raped who have fantasies about being raped all have 'normal' ways of thinking about sex? Don't you think the actual initial act itself has convoluted their thoughts in that regard to a degree? Don't you think there would be some skewing of their perspective? Rape is a criminal act, sorry to break it to you. 'Rape fantasies' and actual rape can end up having quite a fuzzy line between the two of them.
I really don't care how far back in history you can 'trace back the rape fantasy', but you have to admit - in this day and age where 'anything goes', things have gotten a little extreme. And regarding society taking the same convoluted path as they have since 'the beginning of time?' Come onnnnn~! who are trying to convince? The last 30-40 yrs have brought on new levels of debauchery (or access to it) and have twisted ppl's perspectives in many aspects in life. The medium you're using to read this right now is the most pervasive of it all. Along with this widespread access of any form of perversion one can think of (through the net) comes new levels of convolution of the mind (compare it to this 'innocuous' example: Women have developed skewed ideas of what encompasses 'beauty' because of media brainwashing. They have developed notions that they must conform to virtually unattainable standards in order to feel 'beautiful' (marketing ploys anyone?) and some do crazy things in attempt to conform to these 'standards'. Do you actually believe that this type of thing was so pervasive/ normal 100 years ago? I can assure you it was not. (in case you're wondering why i'm mentioning this at all - it's just to make you realize that things HAVE, in fact, changed dramatically in recent years and your statement that it's 'the same dangerous and convoluted path that humans have been walking since the beginning of time' is a HUGE stretch)
Also, you assume i have no experience with the topic being discussed... That's what I call jumping to conclusions. Let me tell you this: The girl to whom I lost my virginity was raped by her birth father ever since she could remember. When, in the midst of having sex w/ her (before I knew about her past), she fell into some sort of trance where she seemed a million miles away, then came to crying, I knew that she was deeply disturbed in some way mentally. She ended up living a very messed up/ promiscuous life stemming from her severely disturbing childhood, a life which I witnessed with sadness along the way until her death from overdose, which came with a letter she wrote detailing her mental trauma. She was only 33 when she died. Further, when my most recent 'girlfriend' told me to 'pull her hair (hard), slap her and choke her til she was blue in the face, she later confessed that she was, and i quote, '****ed in the head since i (she) was gang raped when I was 15'. Sorry, kids, but that's not what I would call a 'normal', healthy mindset, nor is it enjoyable to me in any qualitative way.
Have all the rape fantasies you want, kids. Hell, why not fantasize about killing a person or two - after all - it's just fantasy, right?
btw, Jer... I DID peruse the responses here and, to be blunt, was quite put off by what many ppl say. I hardly think putting forth my view on the topic makes me 'look like an idiot', but if that's what you think, then all i can say is this: I don't give a flying f*ck what you think. If you've got it 'all figured out', then by all means, live the type of life you wish. If you can't see my point(s), that's your problem, but don't attempt to plow me into the ground for having an adverse reaction to the notion of rape fantasies.
<div class="quote">I can understand a woman's desire to feel dominated, but imo, the rape fantasy is taking it a step too far. I'm quite certain that any women who have actually BEEN raped and whose lives have been forever altered as a result become quite up in arms when hearing about this type of 'fantasy'.
Then you'd better reevaluate the certainties in your life. Because many of the women who enjoy rape-play have been raped.
I bet you feel silly now for making such an assertion without even checking the thread, much less the statistics.
To what extremes do people feel they have to go to 'get off' these days?
Could you define "these days". Seems to me I can trace such activity (minimally) back to the Spartains... and that's simply the oldest I can think of off the top of my head.
This is simply more evidence that society as a whole is walking a dangerous and convoluted path.
The same one we've been on since the beginning of time.
btw - i thought sex is supposed to be something special - a form of connection between two people.
Heck, you were probably "certain" of it.
OTOH, where do you get the gall to tell me that rough-play with the woman I love isn't special and doesn't form a connection; especially since you have no experience with or understanding of it?
Having fantasies about rape tells me that 'sex' and 'connection between partners' are completely disjointed for some, which is disturbing to say the least.
Seriously, listen before you talk next time. A simple perusal of the last couple pages would have stopped you from looking like an idiot with this post.
Posted: 2/15/2007 2:02:34 PM
|Me personally.. I like being the dominator but once and awhile the dominated is always fun.. I have a little thing with asfixiation... It just gets me goin to no extent.. Call me sick and perverted.. but its true... So I guess that can be put along the rape aspects... An ex girlfriend acually introduced me to it and I have loved it ever since... The thrill of acually holding a a life in your hands, being in total control is an aphrodisiac in itself. Of course there are safe words/actions that both partners understand..|
Word I like to use is angus... easy to say. un mistakeable, and also with asfixiation havieng your hands on your partners wrists (You being the one being asfixiated) is always a good idea.. when you loose grip of your partners wrists then obvoiusly its time for them to let you go... mmmmmmmm...
Posted: 2/16/2007 10:23:20 AM
That's called an "anticdotal fallacy". Your testing methodolgy is invalid.
do you mean to say 'antidotal' or 'anecdotal'?
So you never played with toy guns or swords as a kid? You never fantasized about being Rambo, or John Wayne, or Neo from the Matrix? If so I'd say that you need a shrink.
Actually, no, i never did play with guns or swords. First of all, my parents would not allow it and second of all, I had no interest in such things. Sorry to break the mould.
So let's see:
1) Some people who were raped have unhealthy sex lives (your GF).
2) Some people who were raped have healthy sex lives (many others here)
Your conclusion: "rape causes all people to have unhealthy sex lives"..
...Rape role-play is not a criminal act, happy to break it to you.
Nice way to put words in my mouth. Sure, rape role play is not a criminal act - with that i'll agree. What i'm saying is rape is generally considered (I would hope by most) a negative occurrence and to associate it with what are to be considered 'positive' acts between consenting and caring adults is a sign that something, somewhere along the line is amiss. End of story.
p.s. You seem to enjoy repeatedly referring to me as 'an idiot'. Obviously you take these forum discussions a tad too seriously, proven by your need to pick apart my posts. If you don't like what I have to say, skip it~! Your pseudo-intellect is neither impressing nor fooling anyone.
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:00:07 PM
But hey, you've never worried about being accurate in the past, so why start now?
Har har har.
...and so, yet again, I'm being dragged through the mud for having a more conservative opinion on a topic (I was also thrown to the wolves for being opposed to threesomes). I never realized in this 'anything goes' society that 'anything goes' provided it's not conservatism.
I've adequately made my points and put forth my thoughts. Re-hashing them for you is not particularly high on my priority list for the day, so I'll bow out at this point.
by the way - if you're going to use words to make yourself appear smarter than the lot on here, try to spell them properly (ad hominem). Thanks.
Posted: 2/19/2007 11:13:55 PM
"your stupid" preempted by the "nanner nanner I can't hear you" defense. Very sophicticated.
first of all, wouldn't it be 'you're stupid'? ...and it's spelled 'sophisticated', oh great learned one.
One last time (in case you didn't catch it) - my OPINION is that women who have rape fantasies have a screw loose somewhere, in some way (kind of like you seem to have for being on my ass for no apparent reason). My 'factual' information has come from my own personal experiences - you cannot tell me, therefore, that it is NOT fact. Perception and paradigms, buddy...
I'm tired. You win. Happy?
Posted: 4/20/2007 1:37:02 AM
|Jenni i totaly agree about not doing it with someone ya just pick up.|
My wifes got the same fantasy she is happy for me to do it or a friend to do it. I do agree that its not for every woman around. My wifes been at me for years asking me when im going to do it or set it up to be done.
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:38:16 PM
|Agreed - some men like to be dominated. I, myself, would classify myself as a "switch." I like to be dominated sometimes, other times I like to be the dominant one. And, ideally, that is how my partner will be (I'm single right now). I guess my issue with "rape role playing" or the terminology and really this is what everyone is arguing about and it's really a case of semantics, but important semantics to many is that "rape" is not fun. And a "rape role play" is not "rape." It is not someone being forced to have sexual intercourse without their consent by force. It is someone PRETENDING to have sexual intercourse without their consent, playing/pretending that they're being forced, when all along, they are enjoying it, are being turned on by it and would be disappointed if it stopped. They do have the option to stop. They don't have a partner, generally, beating the shit out of them and holding a gun to their head or threatening them with any seriousness. It is a game. And it's for fun. |
And for some women who have really been raped, it is offensive because they think, "If you were raped like I was, you would know it wasn't what you are doing." However, some survivors of sexual assault go on and enjoy BDSM and are able to separate the two instances easily, usually with some good therapy in between. I am the latter.
Posted: 1/29/2008 2:53:30 PM
"any psychologist tells you when a woman has rape fantasies its because she has
guilt about sex...its a defence mechanism for women who feel ashamed or guilty about
certain acts in bed and if its forced on them they don't have those feelings"
That is soooooooooooooooooooooo stupid I will not even comment on it... but not withstanding that -- I have run into this rape-play thing quite a bit -- and I would suspect it's part of the evolutionary psychology of our species. Alpha-male and all that.... We are after all a "herding species" -- so it would seem to be a selection mechanism to isolate the most aggressive and dominate male. Just as recent studies show fairly massive dopamine release on physical conflict -- there are many concomitant co-variables that would factor in.
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:30:25 PM
, my opinion is that women who have not been raped would desire this fantasy more than a women who actually has been raped.
That is the exact opposite of the reality of every woman I know who has this fantasy. Including myself.
Edit to add some background: I do a lot of outreach, and talk to so many women, and this is so common among women who have been raped or were molested.
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:58:59 PM
Someone like that has "issues"
Also how do you know when she's "acting & enjoying it" or NOT ENJOYING it ?
Protect yourself and avoid this situation, the news media is full of examples of some guy going to jail just on an accusation of rape.
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:14:36 AM
|Um...two friends of mine tag teamed their female friend in a mock home invasion involving ski masks and a duffle bag full of neckties used to bind her to the bed and other places. It was kinda her idea, but she didn't know exactly what or exactly when.|
That was like...almost twenty years ago...she still talks about it being the best sexual escapade she's ever experienced.
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:43:13 AM
|ohdearpiglet, if you were my age and lived closer, i say come on over.|
Posted: 10/4/2008 12:25:12 PM
|for me its kind of the dominance thing. Im a very in control person in every aspect of my life however when the bedroom door closes n the lights go out i want someone else to show me whose boss. its a turn on to know that for once im not the leader n i can just enjoy myself|
Posted: 10/4/2008 2:54:39 PM
|i love this type os sex. we strip, then i try to wrestle her down and "take it" she tries to turn the tables on me ny trying to pin me down. and the more hardcore the wrestling, the more fun it is.|
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