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Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 25
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Good man says goodbyePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
AMEN!!!! It's sort of like being left on the island of misfit toys.... sounds as if shes the lucky one!! Best to you both !!!
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 26
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:11:43 AM
maybe that was your problem...this IS REAL LIFE...NOT A GAME
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 29
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:42:53 PM

I started hanging out at the boards here, listening to advice about what women want. And it honestly scared me. Looks, money, security are the order of the day. In fact, no one really talks much about love.

Ya. Well, if you'd stayed away from the "nice guys" threads, you might actually have noticed that that is what the losermen are *saying* women want (any excuse for not succeeding is a *good* excuse. . . . ). From a woman's POV, it's boring and sucky to be told all the time what you're after by doods who canNOT seem to get a klew.

#3 ~~ might be true if there weren't so many new vibrant sane and ready peeps joining daily. . . .

Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 30
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:38:41 AM
One of biggest compaints with men posting on these sites is please, please get a good picture of yourself. I would only date a blue collar guy if he read the business section of the paper and didn't consider a trip to an art museum as a threat to his masculinity.

Young folks always take good picures. Those us with white hair have a lighting problem with our whole, cotton-pickin head. Don't seek out women who are above you in education and intellect.

I have met several men over the years by on line dating. The last one I was in love with lost his job and moved back to CA. He wanted me to come but I own a business, home, real estate that needs to be developed. I'm not "liquid" and I'm not 25 years old. And, he wasn't drop dead handsome. The important issue in our relationship was I COULD TALK TO HIM . . . . ..
Joined: 10/16/2007
Msg: 31
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:12:02 AM
I've been on the PAID sites ........... they don't offer anymore than POF and it's free! There are just as many losers on the paid as here. I've personally caught 4 fraudulent men off the Paid sites ........... live and learn ......... I live in a small community and the "fish" just aren't here. This site gives me the opportunity to meet different people ........if it works great ... if not its not the end of the world ...... The Key is our own Expectations.......
Oh and By the Way ........ I'm very Out Going and have no trouble meeting people ..... I just need more people to meet
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 32
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Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:52:43 PM
"POF is to dating websites as the bargain bin at the Dollar General store is to department stores. We're all a bunch of scratch and dents, sometimes with parts of us missing in mind, heart, or body. We've tossed ourselves in here in hopes that ultimately, we won't be written off and dumped as trash. Maybe, someone clever and thoughtful, while rummaging around in here, will see the value and beauty in one of us, inherent in all of us, that only a little attention and TLC will reveal to its potential for living a loving life."

OMG, I love this post.
You took the thoughts right out of my mind.

Thank you.
and I hate calling you this....dirtyoldbassturd!
You Rock!

 Miss G
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 34
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 10:38:22 AM
Op, Bashing all POF females who were not attracted isn't..... nice. And now we're going to take a lesson on how we missed out? You're W I T H somebody now. Maybe nice girls don't date guys who already have girlfriends. Point taken. Nice is a matter of opinion.
 circe 1
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 39
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 1:53:04 PM
I actually find this post very patronizing. I have been contacted by several men and all them have been very nice, but I haven't yet felt the overwhelming chemistry that I deserve to find and that is a must in every relationship. Perhaps the women you contacted didn't feel that chemistry. It's not their fault. You are assuming that every female should leap at the chance to be with you, but it doesn't work that way. There is an implication in your post that we all should have thrown ourselves at you because you're a nice guy and that we are somehow lacking as a result. Did it ever occur to you that the women you wanted just didn't feel that attraction? Why do you assume they should? A wee bit arrogant don't you think? Anyway good luck to you, but don't blame the women here for how they FEEL. Chemistry is either there or it isn't...and it's nobody's fault.
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 41
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:02:06 PM
I experienced all the same frustrations with internet dating, and with PoF, at one time or another. But, thankfully, i actually met someone, and can honestly say, it really had little to do with the effort i made in the intial process. She wanted to meet me, and went out of her way to do so. When the lady really likes what she see's and is talking to, it makes a world of difference (for both sides) the problems that you experience, the lack of communication, desire, motivation, once those items are covered because that other person really, really, likes you, then the disappointment goes with it. I think internet dating sites are pretty much like anything else, if a person really likes you, enough so to go for it, then all the reasons why these sites dont work go away, and all the satisfaction of being in a great relationship fills in. A year after meeting my fish it just gets better and better, and this site happens to be where we met through, but its all about chemistry, and desire, that can only be created between two people that are meant to be together or seem very compatible either way........
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 43
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Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/30/2008 3:10:53 PM

Chemistry is either there or it isn't...and it's nobody's fault.

I have to grant you credit for writing such an honest profile, because any man who contacts you certainly can't say he didn't know what he's getting into. Over-50 women with attitudes like yours are enough to send anyone screaming for the exits. Who are you to call someone else arrogant?
 circe 1
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 45
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:29:19 AM
With regards to Message 49....speak for yourself. Chemistry would never blind me to issues of character. Perhaps it did when I was younger, but that is how we learn - by making mistakes. I know I have. And it is not almost always the 'bad boys' that women are attracted to, and it is presumptuous to suggest that. And I certainly would not date a man who had a criminal past, no sir. I always screen potential partners very carefully, and am very specific in my profile about the kind of man I want. And being a 'bad boy' doesn't cut it. Whether we like it or not, chemistry (or as one psychologist put it - the 'vibrations' between people) is essential to a love relationship. I have dated men who were wonderful but I did not feel the 'spark' necessary for a romantic relationhip. Again, it's nobody's fault. Just because I don't feel the spark doesn't mean there is something wrong with the man. Sure you can date nice guys but if you don't want to have sex with them, then what is the point??? Because, if you don't, then they are just friends, not potential lovers. As I said earlier, I have been lucky to have been contacted by wonderful men here every day. But when I view their photos I haven't felt that 'vibration'. Don't you think I want to??? Unfortunately, it's not something that grows on you. It is present from the start, and that is what compels me to want to see them again and know more. I tried going out with one man who pursued me relentlessly and I ignored my lack of attraction to him and we met anyway. Sure enough, the chemistry wasn't there and it was very awkward. And I ended up feeling guilty, which is ridiculous. So when my intuition tells me after viewing photos and e mails that there is no spark, I trust my intuition and no one gets hurt. You refer to all women as ****es. If that is how you feel then why are you here? With that attitude you'd be better off with a dog.
As for the man who sent Message 47...I don't know what 'attitude' you are talking about. Because I acknowledge the importance of chemistry? As for my age, what has that got to do with anything? And as for men running for the exits, not one has yet. My only problem is the line up at the entrance. And once I feel attraction to one of them, that guy will go to the front of the line. I am glad my profile lets men know what they are 'getting into'. Thanks for reminding me that I have succeeded. And what they would get, as my profile has detailed, is a nice woman who is not interested in looks, money or their occupation. Only in the man's character. Keep your vicious comments to yourself.
I still maintain that being a 'nice guy' does not automatically make you win the romance lottery. Women have to have more. And yes, I think anyone who believes that being 'nice' = entitlement is arrogant.
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 46
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Good man says goodbye
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:13:10 AM
Hey fouthempire. Well written piece for what it's worth. Glad to hear you met someone who you can share your time with. Wonderful!

I am a big fan of POF actually. I met my best friend on here and now I've met someone else who is proving to be a great benefit to my life (as I am to hers). I am using POF as a way to make friends. By removing the pressure of seeking out a significant other I'm able to just be relaxed and hang out with new people, thus expanding my group of friends and therefore expanding my chances of meeting new people outside of my usual social circles. The more people you know and the more social support you have, the more you go out in social situations thereby increasing the number of new people you are introduced to. POF is not always a means to an end, it's just a small part of a more elaborate social networking strategy.

POF is great. It's free and there are many many MANY amazing people on here who can benefit your life just as richly in a platonic relationship.

Have fun and once again fouthempire, congratulations on meeting someone special. Oh and great user name by the way. Take care.
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 47
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:35:15 PM
W H A T !???

Scratch and Dent?? Well, Im sorry you look at yourself that way, I sure dont see myself that way! Like being on the Island of No Return or In Rudolphs Land of Misfit Toys..right??

What makes you say such a rotten thing , just because you dont have to pay a fee? WOW! what an attitude!
Some people dont have all the money in the world, not always in their ballpark, and yet they make the best of it....You would never know how much some people make because of all the giving they do.

ANYHOW, maybe you just need an attitude adjustment. :) take care
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 49
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/6/2008 4:04:11 PM
Interesting thread indeed. Firstly fouthempire, I was sorry to hear that your experience here was less than you expected.
I think any on-line dating forum holds some uncertainties. Meeting people on-line is such an unsure thing, and as you've mentioned "until you meet face to face, none of this really counts". This couldn't be truer.

On the other hand, I think there are varying levels of participation on this or any site, as is the case in real life. It might be an idea to have a tick-box area, denoting..."I'm here to: a) chat on the phone or e-mail, b) make new friends and get acquainted, c) find someone like-minded, that I could possibly spend some time with d) find Mr/Ms right and spend the rest of our lives together. After all, some people likely do spend their time here, really to pass the time. Other's seriously think they will find their soulmate? Maybe it's just a crapshoot.

I read somewhere in the thread that we are scratched and dented, and quite honestly, that is also true. No one is perfect. I felt a little awkward, for in fact, I put that line in my profile, but quickly added, that with tlc and a little rubbing, the scratches would disappear. I'm not sure anyone can go through life, without a little abrasion here and there. Again, life is just a problem-solving journey. There is no doubt we will reach the final destination, but more importantly, it's really about what you did along the way.

I also referenced the automobile analogy in my profile, not to be smart or uppety, but rather I was hoping to demonstrate, that I have an automotive bent and have used that to demonstrate levity. I recall a teacher of creative writing once telling me: "show don't tell". I could have said, "I like cars" or "I have a sense of humour". I think the right person would pick up on both of my intentions. If I have to explain it...I suspect we'd not get along. It's like the line "I am honest". Well the truth will validate that, quite soon enough.

There are some who've made it their goal to find "someone" and get off here. Cudos to them. There are other's who've been here for EVER...and are still complaining. Isn't that just life? and a reflection of the spectrum of people that occupy the earth????

And my last comment is simply this: You cannot be all things to all people. There are some who would appreciate you/me/or a funny profile. And there are others who would not. Oh, well, don't lose any sleep over that. It's uniqueness and individuality that makes us all special to someone.

I'm happy you found yours, whether on here on the real world really isn't significant.
All the best to you both in your relationship and your future endeavours, and to everyone on this site.
 forever always
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 50
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Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/6/2008 4:22:52 PM you and also you sound wonderful to me and the qualityou possess should be enough for any woman who is serious about wanting a good man lilke may GOD be wiht you take care and above all GOD BLESS...AND P.S. i COULD NOT HAVE SIAD THE SAME THING ANY BETTER AND YOU DID A GREAT JOB...YOU GO GUY...FOREVER ALWAYS
Joined: 11/20/2006
Msg: 51
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/6/2008 4:39:41 PM
OP, you make a lot of points, but remember, you can't catch any fish if you ain't got your bait in the water. I've been on here a long time and have only met a couple of women that I actually wanted to go out with, but I am a picky little fish myself.
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 52
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:08:11 PM
Oh my gosh, you are a disgrutled man aren't you, women have the same complaints about men, you have to find the right one and work with each other, stop and think about what the other person is thinking and feeling.
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 54
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:25:06 PM
Dude, if it was that simple to find a mate we wouldn't have all these dating site and match makers, and so on..... I have been doing the on-line dating for three years now. It takes time. Where else are you going to meet people? I work full time. That leaves very little free time. Get real. Be patient.
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 57
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/25/2008 6:45:14 PM
Idiots...!!!! all of em....!!!!, hmmm, you must get around a lot to know every woman in the world. Men ask women not to compare them with their last or not to expect them to act like every other man acts, well women don't like to be generalized either, as in "all women on here..." You don't know all women on here, and if you say all women on here, then you are talking about me and I don't appreciate it, and I bet a lot of other women don't appreciate it either!!! Good man? Why don't you leave that decision to a real woman to decide. And if you just get a hi or a bye have you ever considered someone wanted to make contact with you but she is very busy at the moment? I work in customer service and sometimes people can be so rude and short in their conversation. I get aggrivated and mad, but I have to remind myself, you never know what someone is going through in their life, their mother may have just died, they may have just been through physical violence and are looking for a friend, they may have just lost their job and come home and see your message and want to make contact but do not feel like talking about getting it on, see what I mean? I am not being mean or a smartmouth, just letting you know where the other side is coming from sometimes.
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 61
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 3:00:00 PM
I am trying to delete my profile off this side and my software won't take. I have had it with dating sites. I agree with the person who wrote good man says goodbye. I have given up on women. I have meet some nice women on these sites but that is usually as far as it goes. They say they want a nice guy and money doesen't matter but they want a Donald Trump to pull up in a limousine with a bag full of money and take them out on the town. The worse date I had and I hope she sees this write up was with a banker that lived about forty minutes away from my house. We spoke off an on for a year and than started calling each other more. I thought we were getting along good. Finally we agreed to meet. It was a Saturday night and when we meet she said she had a long day and was tired and acted like she was doing me a favor by meeting me. It was a nice bar restaurant and we ordered drinks. From the moment we ordered drinks it was one cut down after another. I didn't know enough about mixed drinks she said. I should have been paying for the drinks and dinner with a bank card and not cash. I hadn't traveled enough like she did. Her EXHUSBAND was a swell guy. When I asked her why her hubby and her were divorced she basically told me to mind my own business. One cut down after another all night long. Of course no thanks that I paid for the expensive dinner and drinks. I followed her to some hunkey tong bar and when we walked in she hugged every male in the bar and basically ignored me. She had cut me down the whole evening and some of these guys she was hugging looked like escapees from a federal prison. What taste. We parted ways and the next day she send me an email telling me to go four letter word myself blaming me because it was a rotten evening. I told her lucks of luck finding a male she needed it. Another women I meet on internet dating I thought we were getting along good and she wrote to me telling me she had just gone out with me to make her current boyfriend jealous and not to take it personally. She was real religious and would pray for me even though she lived with alot of different guys. Other women I meet have had kids but the kids kept them like a puppet on a string. Mommy can't you get back with dad. Mommy I need this mommy I need that and these were grown kids. Please POF delete my profile. I can always masturbate.
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 62
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 3:41:39 PM
A person that is your equal is very hard to find. All of us have our flaws----you can't make it to adulthood without them.

I am completely honest about myself to anyone that I communicate with. I weigh more than I should, have a hard time trusting, have a complicated work schedule that leaves me with less free time than I like, and it is hard to meet someone that is willing to overcome those things to get to know me. I'm not a prize by any means, but I don't need a man with money, and I tend to go for loyalty over looks anyday. BUT the guys that write me almost instantly start talking about sex. That's not the main reason I am here----if so, I would be posting on a sex site.

I'm fairly new to this and have talked with some nice guys, even met one and we seem to hit it off, but the sex talk just isn't going to make me want to meet a guy that writes me. When they write to you about sex almost immediately, it makes me think that I am just one of many.
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 63
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Good man says goodbye
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:54:05 PM
I honestly did not read this entire thread. Just the replies from the cute women and the disgruntled man, because everyone was pointing to him.

I agree that alot of people (men and women) enjoy the attention, but most are sincerely looking for whatever they are advertising for.

I get enough attention here and on several other sites. I'm not sure why. I certainly think I am average looking and a little above average intelligence-wise.

There is something artificial about the entire "online" dating process. I think alot of women (at least at my age) are looking for Mr. Perfect and the guys are looking for a beautiful woman who gives good **** and doesn't complain about much.

Anyway, somewhere between those two extremes is where man and woman meet.

I met someone on a web site (Yahoo). I stayed with her for 2.3 years. It was a good relationship in most respects, and I met her online.

What I have found mostly in my life is that the women who want to spend time with me are always just a notch below what I'm looking for (and I'm not talking just looks) and the one's I like, are looking for guys one notch above what they can get (or keep).

So, it's a matter of adjusting expectations. If I lowered my expectations one notch, I'd have 20 women just dying to be with me. But this time around, I'm holding out, taking my time, and learning to be comfortable being alone. I'd rather be alone than settle.

Maybe I'll end up alone, but I'm OK with that. It's not my preferred situation, but it is OK if that's how I end up.
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 65
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Good man says goodbye
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:53:01 AM
What a shame,. sorry to hear about your negativ experience. I have to disagree on some of it. Not all women are built like that way. Im very glad that you met somebody and wish you so much happiness. Good luck.
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 66
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 4/12/2009 11:16:44 AM
POF is just ONE way to meet a person, if this is your one and only search place then you need to expand your horizons and use some imagination. I don't think internet dating really works in terms of the BIG picture but its an outlet and a means to 'feel' like you are doing something in terms of the 'search' for the right person. We can't all be out there in bars/the gym/grocery store/whatever/ all the time, its an easy way to market yourself from the comfort of your own home.

I have been on this site for a while and can't say that I've really had any success in meeting anyone...I have written/chatted and met up with women from this site but nothing has worked out and for me that is the basic sign of success. Does that mean that I'll give up? No, it does mean that I'll not take it as seriously.
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 68
Good man says goodbye
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:03:19 PM
Im glad i read this article. It explains exactly how i feel. Except i wouldent have been able to to express it as clearly at all. Everyones so picky. Or maybe they are used to being picky. heres a tip. stay single for a year or 2. youll know what you want when it happens.
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