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Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 178
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a PartnerPage 7 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
It takes great courage to stay within an abusive marriage


tremendous strength to leave.

The relief and weight lifted from your shoulders when you become "you" again is priceless.



Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 179
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:53:38 AM
I have been mentally, emotionally and physically abused by three of my husbands. One mentally and emotionally, the second mentally and emotionally and the third all three....Wow!

My children suffered from my indescretions and still struggle in relationship issues. I've felt deep guilt and shame as a result of it, even though I, myself was a victim.

I love who I am now...a much stronger woman deep in wisdom and much, much more aware of the possibility for that to happen again.

I've received counseling and have read several books on the topic, have come to an understanding of the way people think and behave and am much happier now than I have ever been.

Each man was charming, intelligent, but in street ways, not in true deep wisdom. None of them had a love for God or followed any tenet other than their own manmade one from their own imagination.

I'm now hoping some day to meet a man who is deep and caring, who is aware each and every day of his temporal existance and his need for guidance from an Eternal God. I want a tender man with morals and respect for women. I want a man who respected his parents and his mother and sisters in particular, who loves children and is a provider and protector.

I can and do make it quite well on my own and am a very strong woman, I could physically take a man down now because of the self defense classes I've taken, I am financially stable and surprise myself daily at how many issues in life I handle so very well and God has truly blessed me with an exceptional body.

My best wishes to you and my truest sympathy. Life can and will get better and you will survive, not just survive, but take the past by the horns and make it work for you. Don't remain a victim, be a winner in every respect.
Joined: 2/13/2009
Msg: 181
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:28:35 AM
To add more to my postMy 15 yr old daughter went to his home after the split His son 23 had flirted heavy with her. He already had a girlfreind 16 with a baby16 months old from another guy. They always told new people she was 23. She drank a great deal with them. She was a bad mother . The baby was a burdon when I met the girl.The guys always her offered her pot, drinks . She said all three were so creepy.They If I phoned there to check on her theyd lie that she wasnt there when she was. They took her places I`D NEVER APPROVE OF! Insisted they buy my 14 yr old a prostitute for his birthday. Sick! Always shot at the Canadian geese , beaver, neighbors dog. On Kal lake. Fire cracker thrown into schools of fish. Always threatened with guns.Have many threatening texts saved fro the nephew.In the summer the ex attacked my daughter 15 at the time. She asked him to be polite to us he was fighting with his son oiver a ski boat his son bought. He claimed it was his boat. He always claimed he bought !he owned every! He always wanted power and control! His attack on my daughter was witnessed by a off duty cop and his retired probation wife. they got us to safety. He had huge issues of erectile disfunction and no matter how supportive I was he raged it was my fault.The ex had a huge issue with the sons girlfreind always spoke he had to get rid of the ****!He wanted his son back . The three guys always belittle the girl for weight gain said shes going to look like shit in the summer.The son tried to control her! Like the father did to me .wE AS FEMALES WERE ALL TWO TIMED ON! Neither of us were letting it happen! THE THREE WERE CLUNG TO EACH OTHERS HIP! NO! FEMALE CAME FIRST NO MATTER WHAT !. THEY WOULD DROP FEMALES LIKE A HOT POTATOE IF ONE OF THEM WANTED TO DO SOMETHING ELSE.i NSURANCE SCAMS THEY TRUMPED UP! TO PAY RENT. THE NEPHEWS MOTOR BIKE SCAM.TO SUPPORT A COCAINE DRINKING HABIT. THERE ARE STILL KIDS AROUND THESE GUYS AND ITS A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE ONE KILLS SOME ONE!
Joined: 2/13/2009
Msg: 182
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 10:27:57 AM
 daydream angel
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 183
view profile
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 12:43:27 PM
Its a long road back to becoming" you" again.Most of the puzzel pieces have been rounded ,parts missing,picture roughed up.
I went through a spell where I played this game of testing your love. "hes mad now , is he gonna hit me or love me his time"sick game ,I know butI did this sabatoging my relationships for years .Not knowing I was doing it.Sometimes the guys would pass the test for a while but eventualy many tierd of the game quick.I did counceling and had to learn to trust in love all over again.
I occasionaly run into a person being abused and believe it or not you can sense the abuse radiating off them.You cant hide it from a fellow former abusee you see the hurt ,pain,shame. You want to grab them and run .Become a hero and save them all.You cant. Them leaving is their choice .They have to make that decission on their own. when your outside lookin in ,it looks like the obvious choice . But inside looking out ,its a scary big step.
You have many calling abuse , crying wolf when they are unfaithful themselves and causing extra tenssion in the relationship. Claiming abuse is the reason. You make the ones realy abused live worse .The athorities have delt with so many women with false claims they dont believe the abusee unless they see blood. or witness it.
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 185
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/12/2009 2:54:15 PM
Hey I stayed with a woman who cheated multiple times and even married her. I still consider what she did to be mentally abusive, however I do know that I was just stupid too. The other emotional abuse came from her after we were married. Why did I stay in it ? Because I had to *make* this relationship *work*. DUH!!

I'm willing to bet many believe they can make things work that they can't and that's why they stay in such crappy situations regardless of gender.

Many think that men don't get victimized by abuse either and that's just not true. It happens, we just don't hear about it all that much. Society (and threads like this - sorry for saying so, but it's true) would have all women fearful of ALL men due to the acts of a few real jerks. It's the old "one bad banana ruins the bunch" attitude. Hopefully many of you realize how unreasonable and unrealistic that way of thinking is.

I wish all of you who were victims the best and hope you learn that not ALL of us are like that.

 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 186
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/14/2009 9:12:45 PM
my ex wife would constantly accuse me of looking at women and lusting after them. i didn't like walking on eggshells. but she would imagine all these scenarios with women and belittle me. nothing could be further from the truth. i adored her. it took years for me to stop loving her after the divorce. of course she found a lover from work and was cheating on me. she married him 10 days after our divorce was final. i didn't date for years after ward.
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 188
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 1:04:54 AM
It boggles my mind when I hear of men/women who stayed in abusive relationships. It's like staying where one isn't wanted. And it makes me wonder if they got into the relationship because they didn't think anyone else would want them so they settled for less.

 Call me Ginny
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 189
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 5:40:01 AM
"You may ask why I didn't leave sooner, but believe me when you're in that kind of relationship it's not that simple. These kind of people, since I've learnt, are very clever, and it is a gradual process of manipulation they weave over you. It's not something that happens straightaway. It is a mind control game to them."

Sweetina, Congratulations on your escape. i understand how hard it is to pull oneself togehter to pull away.

"It is due to the fact they wear you down so bad mentally that you start beleiving it ...

oskyangel, You also have gained a lot of insight from your experiences.

I applaud all women who have survived abusive relationships and not allowe dit to crush them.

My story was similer. My ex exploited my insecurities and beat me down mentally until I felt no selfworth. I suspect he was mentally unbalanced himself.

His motivation was financial. I had a greater income and perks like free air travel. He quit his job the day we married and when I did break away, threatened to sue me for alimony. Women aren't the only gold diggers out there.

I ended up giving up two houses, three antique cars, and all the monet I had to get him out of my life; it was either that or shoot him, and I wasn't about to give him my future.

Good luck sweetie, better days are coming. Be strong and try hard not to let your experiences keep you from finding a loving man who will treat you as you deserve.

Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 190
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 11:54:28 AM
Abusive relationships are hard to overcome! I personally have been there and its hard! Its a place I will never again go!
 Illinois Gal
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 191
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 12:05:15 PM
Abuse comes in many forms.. Beware of sheep in wolfes clothing. Oh I care about you, don't want to hurt you. One time talking about the word and God and the next few min, talking about sex, all his sexual experiences with his ex.. What he was looking for..all about him. I got out of that one fast.
Mental abuse is sometimes harder to get over than physical, some one hits you, don't give them the chance to do it again. But the pain does go away, the other lingers on., so watch for the tell tale signs, and get out of the relationship.
Joined: 10/15/2008
Msg: 193
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/15/2009 3:22:07 PM
hmmm that could be misconstrued as a mean thing but perhaps url etting ur insecurity and the fact that u, by ur own admission are heavy, add more sting to the best friend is heavy..i lovem like a brother, we crack jokes and sumtimes who knows..maybe we go to far but we all know its just bs one is perfect, and we all have our faults and flaws...enjoy life more and if the weight thing bothers u, they try to do something about it..i am sure ur beautiful...especially to him
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 200
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/16/2009 10:29:29 PM
Yes, Yes, Yes. I realize I am a jerk magnet. My counselor says they seek women out, like me. Kind, sympathetic, giving, nurturing. Then they test my love. How much will I put up with? I am ashamed to say, I have put up with a lot.
We lived on a private farm. Gates all locked at 5 p.m. I was locked in every evening.
He had the key to get out. When he came in the door, I had no idea what would happen. Is he in a good mood, was he mad about something at work? Was the house clean enough, the meal good enough? This was the 3rd chance he had. Yes, I actually went back for more. Bruises on my neck, my back, my arms, all covered up, so noone would see. The blows to my self esteem were the worst. Now I look for this, in every guy I date. That's why I dont date anymore. Too many show signs way too early of this type of controlling, manipulation. Fortunately, for those of us that know the true signs, we are able to distinquish the real, from the fake or unhealthy affections, and can cut it off in the early stages. We have learned bullsh**. And know it when we see it. If I have to be alone the rest of my life, at least I will know, I didnt allow another person to abuse me.
Sometimes, I think I will never put this behind me. There is just too much of it. Counselor after counselor have said, I am strong, independent. I wonder though. I think I am paranoid, scared to allow another person mean so much to me, to have that much "hold" over me, that I could accept that kind of treatment and actually forgive it.
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 201
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/16/2009 10:38:35 PM
Yep, sure was. But try to get some one to believe you when you're the guy and you're the victim. My ex was a master at verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. I lost a lot of friends when we got divorced because it just had to be MY fault. Over the years most of them appologised after having some experience with her and finding out first hand what a bi.tch she can be.
Joined: 3/4/2009
Msg: 202
view profile
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:54:04 PM
YES!! This persons profile appears to be "somewhat normal" long story short, the only way I got away from him was to use a "hidden" straight blade to keep him from hitting me; and thank God I had a cell phone he didn't know about. He was loving, kind, considerate, funny, etc; until after a few days he started drinking and between 1:30 p.m. and 5pm God help you, his personality changed so drastically that he would abuse you mentally, physically, sexually. I lived through a physical and mental abuse marriage many years ago, thought I "knew it all" all the "signs" etc; but this guy was smooth. For any lady's out there, ALWAYS CHECK THEIR CRIMINAL HISTORY! Turns out this guy has 13 past charges against him, mostly for physical abuse, check fraud, thier profiles are NOT what they say! Yes, I was stupid for not checking these things out before I went with him to his home, No, I am not a "whoe", I was just another lonely person out there looking for a decent man. THERE AREN'T ANY Left. Ladies, PLEASE, check their criminal records or any other records you can get a hold of, DON'T GO TO THEIR HOMES at least not until you have known them on a public basis for at least 3 months. CHECK OUT where they say they work or what they say they do; be cautious, my bruises, my scars, especially mentally of the abuse will take me another 4 or 5 years to get over. I can't believe I was so fkn stupid!!! Just be aware! THOSE PROFILES ARE BULLSHIT! Check EVERYTHING out about them before you go anywhere private or alone with them. They are not all safe!!!!! I am still learning how to use a computer believe it or not or I swear I would post this everywhere for all women, I have his name, his address, his phone number, his social security number if anyone wants it!!!! I will gladly forward this via mail or other sources. If you know how to post this message for all women, please do so!!! NO one deserves what I went through. Peace and love to all; JUST BE SAFE in your choices.
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 203
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:57:54 PM
I have been both mentally and physically abused by exes. I did not stick around, either. Yes, they are conivving.

That is one of the red flags I see with men on this site, too. If you disagree with some, they flip it around to make us the bad guy. It's manipulation.
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 205
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 4/25/2009 8:56:32 AM
Reading these stories just makes me cry and hurt for all of us...i met a man who i thought was amazing and made him my world...the man i loved so much i found out had a violent streak thru him....

one morning he came home after work and i was up to greet him with my little girl and all i asked was why are you an hour late i was worried wish you would of called(it was snowing like a bugger) and he flipped out grabbed my neck and had me backwards over the back deck while my 8 yo stood there in fear...he told me i was a liar a beetch and worthless....i was so terrified i didnt fight back i couldnt he is so much bigger than me...after about 10 minutes he let me go....i walked into the house and he had a bag of raw hamberger and he started throwing it in my face piece by piece telling me i was a lazy old ugly piece of shit and i couldnt do anything right...i just stood there and took it....

i forgave him for all this but it never stopped he got mad one day and grabbed me and threw me on the bed and began his verbal assults on his eyes no matter what i did it was never good enuf...he bad mouthed me to his mother his friends and to me...he isolated me from my friends from my family living here was like walkin on shattered glass one wrong move and youd get cut....then one day he started his crap again and he left to go party with a friend like always and of course i wasnt good enuf to be seen with had it i snapped inside and i kicked him out bought bolts for the doors and text him...of course he ignored it he knew that i was useless and would let him back...he was wrong...

he came home the next morning and broke in and was walkin around like he was mr big sheet...saying you brought me here you cant make me not leaving...i had opened the blinds in the living room and sat in a chair...i had asked my mom to come up and just sit up the street while he got his stuff to make sure i was gonna be ok...i told sitting right here in front of the window...and someone is watching us right now...kinda deflated his ego bubble.... right about then a cop drove down the road (thank god)and he was under the impression i had called them....i took advantage of that and said im asking you to leave if you dont then i will have someone make you leave....the look on his face was priceless

bout then the phone rang and it was a telemareter and i said yes this is *****im fine right now no please just keep watching i dont need you here yet...he though it was dispatch calling to check on me...he left and its been 2 months hes now with a girl 15 years younger and running wild...god have mercy on her soul

to all those who had the strengh to get out and stay out those who still are in these situations....RUN and DONT look back...this is not love on either side...its simply fear and fear...they intimidate...hugs
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 207
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 5/23/2009 8:37:01 AM
Nothing aids your confidence like a big protective dog that has your back. My dog wouldnt let an angry man close to me. :) Having lived in many cities, it's nice to have a drink on the sidewalk at night with your dog too, and when people want to fight with eachother they stay away from you and your dog. Dogs are more visable than guns and excellect protection for a single woman. If you are a dog lover that is.
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 208
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 5/25/2009 12:28:08 AM
I am actually in one of those situations. I dated the guy throughout elementary, junior high and part of high school and I left him because he was abusive. About 8 months ago he told me he changed... I believed it of course.

Not even a month later, I was back on the ground with his hands around my neck. For the past 6-7 months, there hasn't been a day when he doesn't hit me for some reason. And I read other posts about people saying he hit me three times and that was it... if only I was strong enough to do that...

Finally, 2 days ago I called the police and only because he did it right in front of my daughter. I feel so bad because he is in jail now and he will be in there for a while... but I know it was the right thing.

I have never let out my full story of what he does to me or says to me but trust me ladies (and men) that it only gets worse. The cops told me that, my counselor told me and so did my dv advocate and I told them that it couldn't get worse. Boy was I wrong!!

I know that I am not as strong as I used to be, I know I will never be the same and I know that I have a tendency to go back to these men but I do hope someday I can get the help I need and that ONE friend who can sit and listen without being judgemental.

It is hard to leave, and if you have a heart like mine, it can hurt to put them in jail, but it is for his sake, and yours. Be safe everyone.
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 209
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 5/25/2009 4:15:16 AM
" I know i will never be the same"
No you will never be the same. My ex sounds like all of these guys rolled into one. The final straw was when he put a hunting knife to my throat and threatened to kill me. It did cut me --- not serious thank god---- but then he went after my stepfather who stepped in. After six years of this kind of violence on a daily basis, I couldn't stay anymore. After years of therapy I learned I would never be the same. Enough time has passed for me to realize I am better. Not fully healed, but better. It has been 8 years and I still check doorways looking for exits, even in my own home. So it never fully goes away. As for being stronger, I only have to look at the small scar on my neck to remind myself and know thatI will never be in another relationship like that ever.
As for the men who wrote in,I wish more of you would speak out as well. I lost a very good friend who is in an abusive relationship. When the police are called, he is the one that gets arrested. People don't believe him either. There is a lot of physical and mental abuse in their relationship. I was there for him for two years before I had to stop because of the emotional toll it was taking on me. It was the hardest thing I had to do.
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 211
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 5/25/2009 11:38:40 AM
I can so relate to all of these posts, but instead of it being a boyfriend, it's my father. Yes, I moved in with him a year ago, and he verbally abused me and physically too as a child, and he is verbally and emotionally doing it again. In all my relationships, not one man was abusive cause I wouldn't take it, but I never got past dating in most relationships, never lived with a man, never been married, and I might be honest in saying I just am too scared to let any man get that close and thus have that kind of power over me. (in my head) So, it's definitely screwed up my life. I am in the process of secretly looking at apartments to get away from my father, who is holding onto me with an iron grip. Saying I am too sick with diabetes to have friends or live on my own. He imposes a harsh curfew of 5 pm on the one day a week I am allowed to go out, and his whole family says I am ungrateful to him even though I am paying more than my share of the rent, etc. I just don't feel like me anymore, or a shadow of my former self, and even being stuck in a hospital bed is better than this. I sometimes dream of getting sick enough to get in a hospital so I can just tell them, "help me, help me, get me out of here."

So, yeah, I definitely can sympathize with everything that everyone has been going through here.

Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 212
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Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:58:42 AM
Tina I can relate to what you are experiencing after that relationship I was in my lastr abusive relationship 7 years ago and at times i still have flashbacks I dont know How I didn't end up hospitaliseed or worse cause when the police busted in the door I was brusises from head to toe the trip to the hospital showed no broken brones but the emotional damage has been hell to work trough it stays with you and I always consider myself lucky cause my abuser killed his next victim I don'ty think you will Ever be 100percent again cause that sticks with you but you will get better what really helps me is my volunteer time at the battered womens shelter
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 213
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:37:28 PM
My ex husband was verbally abusive to me for about 15 of our 17 married years. Always telling me how stupid I was or how fat I was or some other junk like this. This always came about after he'd been drinking which occurred on an almost daily basis. I became a hermit in my own home, retreating to my bedroom whenever I was at home. When he knew I'd had enough and was making preparations to get him out of my house, the abuse turned physical. I'm sorry that my children had to witness the two of us tussling in the house and me eventually pushing him down the steps and out of the house. That time it turned physical, I fought back because it made me so mad.

We are divorced now and I'd never ever put up with that again!!!
 Call me Ginny
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 214
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:46:14 PM
In msg 189 I related sympathetically about the OPs situation and the similarities to my first husband. Since then I read a thread about "gaslighting" and realized I have landed in another abusive relationship, albeit of a much subtler nature.

It seems we are doomed to repeat our failures until we get help to see them for what they are. And the first step is to recognize the signs.

Some very kind ladies here gave me sources for help and I thank them again.
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 215
Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:20:09 PM

you are right about not seeing the outcome of what's happening when it's happening. I was in the situation once. There was one incident that occured a year into our choppy relationship. I didn't stay. Emotionally I escaped first and it took a couple of weeks for me to back away from our routine without arousing conflict with him again. I didn't leave immediately because of that manipulative weaving over you (like the pity they make you feel for them in my case) but it was soon after and before he got the chance to do it to me again. I thought I loved him but after he struck me with closed fists until my entire face was busted, I realized I didn't. I don't have it in me to forgive or trust someone who concealed that he was capable of doing that to me as long as he did.

I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and truly hope that you learn to chanel that anxiety about feeling trapped into faith that God will deliver you.

Be blessed.
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