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 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 390
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?Page 13 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
What's gone wrong between the sexes in the West in beyond the scope of this post, but you really ought to stop blaming men for it; that's just a very sad example of the fool siding with the knave.

Interesting point, and you're totally correct in there being other sides to the story. But, in MY experience, too darn many men are practically worthless. It appalls me when I see a woman supporting a perfectly capable boyfriend setting at home playing video games. I realize there's lots of words I should put in there about the ill husband, guy truly trying to find work, etc. But, you folks know the ones I'm talking about.


If you doubt me, travel to climes where men really do treat women badly: no spousal maintenance, child support, spousal assault, make her walk behind them, and so on. You'll find the women in those countries are as sweet as all get out.

Been there, done that, many times. But that ain't no argument I want to get into. I'll let others take that one on.

And, thanks Anita.

Oh, and Cindy, there was no insult intended with usage of 'herd' or 'pack', it's just fun to use the designations for groups of animals. Herd of goats, pack of wolves, pride of lions, covey of quail, or my very most favorite, murder of crows.

I just love those terms.
 soicat
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 391
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 4:21:37 PM

The polite man in public can send pretty filthy stuff when posting from behind a monitor. What F is saying is the sleaze factor in online dating creates cynicism and distrust.


Anita, the women to whom Freud is unattractive, perhaps even threatening, IRL are, for the most part, not involved in online dating. Really, only a scant handful of people are at any given time.

I'm not even convinced that the men online are as scoundrelly as is routinely depicted in these threads. I mean really, who are these guys? What's their motivation? What possesses them to torment aging gals with their prurient importunings? To say nothing of the fact that we regularly get attractive ladies posting here, amid all the whining and outrage, to say that they aren't getting many first contacts at all and have never received a naughty pic.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 392
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 4:45:25 PM
I have never understood why women go out in herds, This makes approching one of them
impossible ... I've tried .!..You have to woo the whole group, to get just one ..!! wtf ??
If I do manage to cull one away from the group. I start out already pizzed at her,
for making me go thru that ordeal.

I think, if women learned to communicate honestly ,there would be less need for 'herds"

I have no problems approching women .... but ,
I longer waste time on women that make the process too difficult
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 393
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:58:29 PM
Wow, what a great post. I know that I have been insulted and asked for my phone number in the first message, asked for pictures and other rude and vulgar emails as well. I disagree with the comment that women over 40 need to put up with this nonsense.. this must be coming for one of the very men we loathe. I try to avoid the Pretty boys who think they are better than they actually are, some have looks, but rotten souls. I had the rare pleasure of going out for a meet and greet with a really sweet guy tonight. I do not know if it will go anywhere, however, he kind of restored my faith that there are some really nice gentleman out there. For a change he wasn't what I refer to as a "sad sack" either. He was kind sweet, funny and personable. Wow what a change from the ones before him. So ladies, they do exist out there and no, sorry I met him from a different site. I wanted to say there are some good men out there and I am over 50! ( he is cute too) For those who have read some of my posts, yes he bought my drinks, yes he was a gentleman and yes I hope he doesn't disappear.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 394
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 8:01:58 PM
why promote the battle between the sexes? Not all women are the same & not all men are the same. I know what the deal is...if I go out w/ bags, ugly friends & c7ckblockers, no one will approach me, no matter how low cut my blouse is or how long & big my hair is!

Women can be other women's worst enemies when it comes to meeting men...

And men come in all flavors & types, so do women...

I like men. I like sex. I like sex w/ men, but in a relationship. Many of the women I know say : "Harumph- he wants sex..." "harumph, he didn't fall all over me on the 1st meet" (when they used a 10 year old pic that was heavily photoshopped & now they weigh 50 lbs more as in the case of a certain ugly friend.) And I am supposed to side w/ these women? Oh yes U.F., not only should he fawn all over you & propose w/ a 10K diamond, but do it w/ purely no sexual interest EVER!

As far as hostility goes- I am equal opportunity- I am starting to despise women like the aforementioned way more than any UPSman I ever met on a dating site!
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 395
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 8:12:35 PM
I agree with Blonde Angel.

I know women like this.

And also know women - one not yet on the dating scene who said this week she will only date a man if...

He owns his own home and has no debts not even a mortgage.
Must have lots of money in the bank.
It has to be a nice home.
Has a nice car.
Has a good job that earns at least as much as her ex husband - 6 figures
No children but willing to accept her children.
He of course must pay and she will only go out to a nice restaurant for a meal - translation = expensive.
Would only be interested in a long term relationship with the aim of marriage.
He must be able to fix things and be willing to do all her home maintenance for free.

She by the way has not had sex in over 2 years if I believe what she tells me.
And would not be interested in seeing a man who wants sex.
Says she is past that part of her life.

Now any man who approched her could be in for a shock.

I am still waiting to be approached by a man when I am out.
Boo Hoo Woe is me.

I was taught by my mum - if a man asks you to dance - always accept - and be gracious to him. If you want nothing more - thank him once the dance is finished and go back to where you were.

In recent years I have not been asked to dance and I generally need to ask at least 6 men before they will join me on the dance floor - and these are at weddings, functions, dinner dances, balls, a band at a club, bush dance where ever.

All of the men I have dated since my divorce whom I have met in real life I have made the first move and invited them to spend time with me.

Maybe women like us are scary.




Edit re below.
That is what I told her.
 greybear63
Joined: 2/9/2013
Msg: 397
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:24:50 PM
I'm not so sure that those of us are Afraid to approach women but as aussiesealady
stated a lot of women on here have a Huge Laundry list of Must Haves or put things like "Bring Your A Game" - "Make Me Laugh" and it makes you stop and think that she is just too much work , Frankly they are looking for the Million Dollar man here in the scratch and dent isle.
and truthfully those guys aren't going to be here on an on line dating site
Not that there aren't a lot of perfectly great people here you just can't set your sights too high!
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 398
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:11:45 PM

He owns his own home and has no debts not even a mortgage.
Must have lots of money in the bank.
It has to be a nice home.
Has a nice car.
Has a good job that earns at least as much as her ex husband - 6 figures
No children but willing to accept her children.
He of course must pay and she will only go out to a nice restaurant for a meal - translation = expensive.
Would only be interested in a long term relationship with the aim of marriage.
He must be able to fix things and be willing to do all her home maintenance for free.


I see so much of this in women nowadays. Maybe the divorce jaded me, but I don't think so.

Now I just get more satisfaction from the juicy/messy burgers that I barbecue for dinner. Avocado everywhere; oh the humanity.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 399
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:13:12 AM

I see so much of this in women nowadays. Maybe the divorce jaded me, but I don't think so.

Now I just get more satisfaction from the juicy/messy burgers that I barbecue for dinner. Avocado everywhere; oh the humanity.

I see it in both genders...
Now I just get more satisfaction from the 8 cats I own & my big poufy hair...I am so laid back now when it comes to men & feel like I don't even care anymore, am happy on my own.

Now they r coming to get me in real life, quite ironic.

announcement over the loudspeaker in Walmart: Aisle 7 has a normal woman, nice looking & friendly...
This is going to be an interesting spring!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 400
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 10:43:04 AM
Let me clear up a couple of misperceptions...


Oh, and Cindy, there was no insult intended with usage of 'herd' or 'pack', it's just fun to use the designations for groups of animals. Herd of goats, pack of wolves, pride of lions, covey of quail, or my very most favorite, murder of crows.

Freudian, I was not insulted-I was simply stating what I do. But I also wanted to agree that it can very much feel like
the world is geared to couplehood, not single people. I had absolutely not intent to convey a feeling of being insulted. LOL-I like "murder of crows" too.


I'm not even convinced that the men online are as scoundrelly as is routinely depicted in these threads. I mean really, who are these guys?

I honestly have to say that I've encountered very little really reprehensible or sleazy behavior...but there are enough women saying that they have experienced this,that I don't think we can discount it.


I have never understood why women go out in herds,

Me either, and I AM one...


Clearly, the only thing accomplished by approaching a woman is to provoke outrage.

I guess I didn't make it clear enough- it's NOT about being approached. And it ain't about outrage. Sounds to me like some men just want interpret ANY statement(from a woman) that isn't an outright asskiss- as outraged. If I were ever to be actually outraged about something-there would be HEADLINES about the state of Michigan being in flames,LOL.

I was responding to another poster who was trooting out that "you women are too picky" and implying that our AGE diminishes our right to say "no thanks" to a guy we feel no interest in,and the insinuation that choosing not to date men we don't WANT TO DATE will surely provide to us lonely, bitter, insane older years.
I know a lot of very content-even happy-older couples who have been mmarried for 50,50, 60 years. But I also know quite a few long-term married couples that are not so happy,but feel like they cannot terminate their marriage. And then there are those I know who married again after divorce or death of spouse, who are not happy either-but something in their lives or their perceptions of how the world works-caused them to marry someone because it was "better than being alone". (Don't misunderstand/mis-interpret that statement to mean that NO 2nd or subsequent marriage can be happy, of course there are happy 2nd marriages, but most of those occurred with people that didn't rush out and latch onto the first available person because they were terrified of being unparnered.)


I disagree with the comment that women over 40 need to put up with this nonsense.. this must be coming for one of the very men we loathe.

Careful, lest you be accused of "outrage"...


wanted to say there are some good men out there and I am over 50!
OF COURSE THERE ARE. These are the men who DON'T get all pissy and start pressuring(or insulting) if a woman says, "I just don't think we are a good match".


And also know women - one not yet on the dating scene who said this week she will only date a man if...

He owns his own home and has no debts not even a mortgage.
Must have lots of money in the bank.
It has to be a nice home.
Has a nice car.
Has a good job that earns at least as much as her ex husband - 6 figures
No children but willing to accept her children.
He of course must pay and she will only go out to a nice restaurant for a meal - translation = expensive.
Would only be interested in a long term relationship with the aim of marriage.
He must be able to fix things and be willing to do all her home maintenance for free.

Tell her "good luck with that".


stated a lot of women on here have a Huge Laundry list of Must Haves or put things like "Bring Your A Game" - "

my list is "don't bring YOUR laundry and bring your A brain."
But again everyone is entitled to have their druthers or to say "no thanks I just don't think we are a match", without being LECTURED about how their age requires them to accept a relationship with someone they don't wantto be with.
Cindy O
 landor_ca
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 402
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 11:51:24 AM
There's a lot of reasons why men at a specific age won't approach women continually, the biggest in my humble opinion is harassment.

In a negative meaning here, women have a lot of power. A man could have nothing but the best of intentions, yet be easily labeled as creepy or a stalker. Even if only verbally, worse if she's paranoid. There's a video on YouTube of what appears to be a snowman statue outside a store that just stands there. When people walk by it moves and turns, scaring people. In the video almost every person laughs. Then there's one woman that jumps back, gets in a defensive crouch with her fists up (she's obviously had training). When she realizes that it's a hoax, she angrily gives the snowman the finger and stomps away. You can say that women who would feel threatened by a man approaching them, or freaked out, are few, one's enough. A lot of men won't take that chance, and I've spoken to quite a few of my single friends on this very issue.

Also, there's the flock mentality. Most women in social settings are now accompanied by a flock. Unless it's a bar (which I don't frequent) how does one approach them comfortably? I was recently out with a lady in a cafe not far from me, and enjoying time spent. She got up for a minute to go to the powder room and no sooner did she leave than one of the 5 women at a table next to us struck up a conversation with me. Well, she tried to. I found it quite rude that she did, not knowing if I was in a relationship with the woman, or not. She showed some respect, or even just self-preservation, by at least waiting until the lady I was with left for the bathroom. While it may have been easy for her to single out a man at a table beside her, it definitely would not have been easy for me to strike one up with. Could you imagine if I had been the one to approach her when the lady I was with left the table?

There's a whole pile of rules and circumstances that stop a man from approaching women in general.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 403
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 12:19:19 PM

There's a lot of reasons why men at a specific age won't approach women continually, the biggest in my humble opinion is harassment.

In a negative meaning here, women have a lot of power.


When approaching a woman in the wild, I have found it best to wear camouflage.

I dress like a gay man, and that allows me to get close without frighting her.

Once close enough to converse, I strike up a conversation about the latest fashions, and try and get her phone number. I suggest that I know the buyer at a store and will he will let know about a new line of clothes that is coming out soon, and maybe I can get a discount for her to the latest trends.

If all fails me, I have a lawyer on retainer.
 changingleaves
Joined: 2/11/2013
Msg: 404
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 6:29:46 PM
I see men of all ages looking at me when I'm out and about and I can see I'm attractive to them. My husband died about a year ago and well I didn't expect to be single but I am and well I figure I'm alive and breathing and every day I see guys who look attractrive but no one has asked me out. The message I'm getting is they are just not interested. If someone hits on them they will go for it but they will not take the initiative. I like a guy to be a guy.
 southern belle422007
Joined: 7/3/2008
Msg: 405
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 6:44:34 PM
I am confused also. I was thinking that now would be a good age to find someone to settle with. Thinking that men my age would be more apt to settle down with someone nice. Is it me? Is there something wrong that I am not seeing also? Seeing all the profile views and hardly anything in the inbox is making me wonder if it is me or them.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 406
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 6:52:47 PM
+1 CindyO..I was annoyed by the same person who you appeared to be addressing. To say a woman of my age should be grateful that any many is hitting on us.. is outrageous. I have the same , if not more value as a women of 50, as I did when I was 20.No, I am not "Barbie" anymore, nor do I care to be. With age comes some wisdom and life lessons that I did not have when I was 20.When a man shows interest in me now, I am sure it is more than superficial. For the men who seek nothing but a quick jump in the hay.. i say go jump in a lake. I am so much more than that and I have way more to offer than that. If he does not like it... Oh well. I resent the candy store mentality that SOME of the fishermen on POF seem to have. They have no more Value than me or any of the other ladies on this site. For those fishermen who think it is okay to disrespect women.. the "lake" for those too in my opinion.
I get tired of reading posts from egocentric males who think they can speak for me or talk down to me. I do not possess an endless stupid laundry list of things a male must be or not be nor do I disrespect ANY male or female. I certainly do not disrespect men I have dated or married, however I wish I could say the same was true in reverse. For those males and or females who want to attack that remark, sorry I do not hold it against the next male either. I think some people need to stop the sexist bashing and maybe trying learning a little bit about what the opposite wants and needs rather than bashing them. JMHO
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 407
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:49:24 PM
To say a woman of my age should be grateful that any man is hitting on us.. is outrageous.


I agree ^^ C Mom , but if thats not coming from the man that hitting on you , than there's no need to be rude to him.

It isn't difficult to approach/flirt with women over 50 ,but it does require skills , voice tone , eye contact, appropriate conversation etc. maybe men are not using good methods ..?

Just today I started up a convo with an attractive cashier .. married ? I didn't know
but she answered that question , in her 3rd or 4th sentence, without my asking( hint to all the women)
We held up the line for a couple of mins ..while we talked.

I"m an attractive guy , but not all that, ..still I think I could "meet' someone new , almost everyday

I think it has more to do with the approach ...than looks , don't you ..?
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 408
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 8:13:41 PM
I am starting to think it may be men are finally getting the attitude of they could care less .Been through so many games and bull , I think I am finally starting to obtain that attitude . Chat with a woman and lucky if you can get a sentence every 45 min or so , not worth the time . Obvious they are busy chatting with many people at once so why bother . Seems they want to date as many as fast as they can in their race to check the next guy out . I have no need , want , or desire to compete any more , already proven myself .
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 409
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/15/2013 8:18:01 PM
Dear Rancher, you are absolutely correct - it has to do with approach and not looks. A person can be very witty, charming and easy to talk to and he/she does not have to be drop dead gorgeous. I can tell by the look on someone's face if they are approachable. Me, I smile at everybody but some folks just seem to scowl at the world or if it's not on their terms they won't play. Oh well, on to the next one. I just have no difficulty talking to people, both genders and all ages.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 411
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/16/2013 6:11:48 AM
Deer rancher.. absolutely!! The approach is everything. I have been "Hit On" more times at the grocery store than anywhere else, and most of the time, it has been done in such a way, even a 80 year old man will get a smile and it can be flattering and fun.
 Stubidooo
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 412
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/16/2013 6:21:38 AM

I have been "Hit On" more times at the grocery store ... it can be flattering and fun

Curious... has the "grocery store pickup" ever actually resulted in a date for you or is it more like this site ... just flattering and fun?
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 413
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/16/2013 6:45:38 AM
^^^agree-what good is all that flirting, yogurt talk, etc. if the bottom line is no date? If I am forward, the man assumes that I am a nympho slut looking for a hair twirling session, but many men r shy, or scared, so what's a girl to do???
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 414
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/16/2013 6:50:10 AM

agree-what good is all that flirting, yogurt talk, etc. if the bottom line is no date? If I am forward, the man assumes that I am a nympho slut looking for a hair twirling session, but many men r shy, or scared, so what's a girl to do???


You are screwed either way?

Or not.
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 416
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/16/2013 7:37:23 AM
No, it has never resulted in a date, most of the men who hit on me in the grocery store were over the age of 70, but cute none the less. I also got a cute flirt from 2 very young boys in the parking lot, but alas, it was not my charm but rather my sports car that really caught their attention.. sigh.lol
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 417
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/16/2013 7:41:37 AM

-what good is all that flirting, yogurt talk, etc. if the bottom line is no date?


flirting ..., almost always , puts a smile on your face . It can make your day .
Help build confidence and social skills , ...besides being outright fun,

We can't date everyone we want, but if your social skills and confidence are good
you shouldn't have problems finding dates.

I think, People should try an start a conversation with someone everyday, doesn't have to be
a potiential date, just engage someone for a few minutes ... I think you'll find, most people
like to talk and appreciate a friendly face.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 418
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/16/2013 8:14:20 AM
For me, the problem is not starting a conversation, its having it go anywhere. I was challenged by someone that I couldn't walk up to a woman that was pruning the plants at a resort and engage her in conversation for five minutes without her trying to get away. I was there on a job as well, so I thought this was a sure fire way to pick up lunch money from my co-worker. 20 minutes later, I collected my 5 bucks. The gal was a sweetheart and I enjoyed taking that guys money.

Getting a person to talk is easy, but they always have a boyfriend or husband. My latest thing is to try and get rid of the boyfriend. On a second contact I ask if they still have the boyfriend. On the third, it's, "He STILL hasn't gotten a job?" On the 4th, "When you finally give up and chase him off, give me a call."

Crass and uncool, I know, but what's a guy to do?
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