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 AUTHOR
 Deepseaceecee
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 369
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?Page 6 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Yes of course it is a whole different dynamic at your age, you are seen as having a family, more than likely and not so desirable or available and yes older..lets face it.. Also not seen as such an easy target and more experienced. Dont have the pheromone aroma of fertility either. It is all about nature and breeding basically. Once we hit menopause it all changes. Some men like a woman in her forties but usually he is in his fifties and sixties. Ironically women as they mature can become more sexual and then the younger guy in some instances appreciates that plus the fact that she cant conceive. But most young women get sexual attention because they are fertile and yes harassment and I for one, dont miss it.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 370
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/13/2013 4:38:31 PM
I get approached by men all the time, but they either seem weird & not all ask for a date. I think it has to do WHERE you are meeting them...
Online has made men very lazy IMO!
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 371
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/13/2013 5:11:47 PM
^^^ I have a similar problem. I keep getting asked out by the ones I dont want to go out with. Men who are so obviously not compatible with me , my lifestyle, age or lets be honest, anything. I guess I take it as a compliment and move on. yes the men on line are either lazier or maybe thinking they are too good looking or maybe scarred or maybe who knows.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 372
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/13/2013 5:16:42 PM

Online has made men very lazy IMO!

Wait, I resemble that remark. What? wait...I di..
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 373
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/13/2013 6:08:03 PM
Now, everytime I go to Walmart for groceries, a man hits on me...the last one was sad,he had the makings for a cake in hi cart, I thought maybe he was lonely for his b-day...
The in-town men...too much gossip from the OLD BIDDIES/OLD BAGS...."you went out w/ HIM??" "He was embarrassed because..."
A warning to the ladies in my area: you better be afraid to approach me, cuz if u r gonna talk sh!t about me, ur gonna get it!
 challengegolf
Joined: 10/23/2012
Msg: 374
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/13/2013 7:50:55 PM
I can only speak for myself, I was married for so long, that now that I am divorsed, I don't even realise when a woman is looking me up. I was on a trip to Vegas with my son, and he kept telling me that this lady and that lady were looking me up. Everytime I turned around to see it for myself, I could not see any signs of it
Also now with the society being what it is now, man are probably more affraid to approac a lady, just in case she gets the wrong idea. I know that for me it is so much more relaxing and stress free when a lady has the guts to approach me, either in person or through dating web site.

Just me 2 cents.
 LuvADKs
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 376
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/13/2013 10:46:19 PM
Afraid of getting maced? Anyone? Anyone?? Bueller??
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 377
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:44:06 AM

I keep getting asked out by the ones I dont want to go out with.

Indeed!
What is it with guys who figure, a woman over 40 is somehow obligated-and ought to be grateful-to go out with any male that approaches her? I don't much care that I'm not getting any younger-but why should I diminish the joy of what's left of my life by dating men that have absolutely no appeal for me?
Cindy O
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 378
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:52:49 AM
^^^ I was just chatting with a male friend of mine about this exact topic. I can not pretend to have an attraction to someone i just don't. I would not someone to date me if they were not attracted to me so why would I , or anyone for that matter date someone they are not attracted to in some way. I have met several "nice" men, but the attraction on my part was just not there and I know its just not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I am not at all seeking Mr. perfect, and the men who were in my life were not drop dead good looking men however, there was an attraction. Its either there or its not, and if its not, I politely say thank you and move on. Some will attack me for this and say I am being too picky or looking for Mr. perfect, however, I cant pretend to be attracted and why would anyone choose to be on the receiving end of that?
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 379
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 8:52:38 AM
OK, I'll fess up. I'm afraid to approach women. They come into a restaurant in a herd and chat amongst themselves and seem to be very involved. To approach one of them would be rude. At the grocery store, they are busy trying to get things done and don't want to be bothered by some guy trying to pick them up. At a bar, they repeat the restaurant method, come in as a group, set together, talk between themselves, then leave as a unit. The extremely rare woman not wearing a wedding ring that comes to a bar or restaurant by themselves, keeps to herself and behaves as if she doesn't want to be bothered.

So, you try other venues: Church, they don't take well at all to being approached in church. In classes at a school, they're all too darn young. Parks are fine if you want to spend your time watching the left hand that women seem to be so fond of hiding. Walks through flower gardens are filled with couples and everyone looks at a loner man like he is there to cause problems. Dog parks seem to be popular with extremely strange women with three dogs and 27 cats at home, but even they are married.

In desperation you try places that don't seem to be workable: The rug department at Home Depot, the ladies are the right age, but married. Specialty stores like curtain stores, restaurant suppliers, legal offices, the waiting room at Social Security (I did mention strange didn't I), Bed Bath and Beyond, are filled with ladies, but they're all married or have a boyfriend. Yep, I asked; that's how I know.

When I do work up the courage to approach a woman, she has a boyfriend. On the incredibly rare occasion that she really is unattached, she kindly brushes me off. After spending years (yes, admittedly, years) of seeking the elusive age appropriate, single woman, I began to suspect they are extinct.

Then you stumble onto a dating site. There are hundreds of women that say they are seeking men. You post a profile that is honest and reflects who you really feel you are and nothing happens. Days turn into weeks with only marginal contact, and those disappear quickly when you simply want to meet for coffee to actually see them. Your own messages that only ask them to read your profile and respond if they are interested disappear into a black hole of indifference. You research what the other men are like by reading their profiles. They are taller, richer, more glib, more athletic, more experienced, and more handsome than you can ever hope to be. There's also three of them for every woman. No wonder your own pitiful accomplishments, education, skills, appearance, and wealth don't measure up ... or matter.

Then, in a desperate attempt to understand what is actually going on, you start to read a forum on relationships. There, you find that the women have messages arriving hourly; that they literally don't have time to respond to all of them. They have formed the habit of just dumping many of the messages they get like junk mail because they can choose the handsome, rich, glib ones that, frankly, you can't compare to. You start to finally understand that dumb poem forced on you in English Lit. many years back by Elliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock". And, especially the lines:

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

As you sip your iced tea, at the bar, alone ... again.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 381
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:33:52 AM
Freud, I talk to many women in public venues, I find it very easy. But I don't ever ask anyone out on a date, so maybe I don't feel any pressure about talking to them. I am not shy, just not very aggressive about dating. If a woman has interest in me it goes over my head for a long time.

It's easier for me on a dating site. But I never tried to date from any other site than eharmony and Thailovelinks, so I never had the discouraging experience of sending messages that disappear into a black hole of indifference. I assumed before I ever got on a dating site that I wouldn't do well, so I never bothered trying. Eharmony matches you so it gives both parties a reason to start communications.

Other men all my life have been taller, richer, more glib, more athletic, more experienced than me, I stopped obsessing about it around 30 years old. After reading the forums, I can see many of them are jerkwads, and even the taller, richer, more glib, more athletic, more experienced men seem to be taken down several notches.

I feel pretty confident right now, but I know from experience that is because I am already in a relationship. If I were still looking I don't know how I would feel about it, and it's quite time consuming to try and date. Forums can be time consuming, but I can post when I want and ignore posting when I want, you can't do that when you get actually get into dating.

Traveling for business in my youth, I have sat in many a bar with a beer for a friend.

From my POV you should do better, but we are often our own worst enemies.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 382
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:39:41 AM

its cos power shifts in dating game.women even other women judge other women. so older guys tend to go for younger women(younger women like maturity /security older guys usually offer guys get ego boost body in bed. works same way with oldser women younger guys). thats why some women in late 40s+ complain thier invisable.so sow what reap so ladies if you beentoo picky take note, or start buying cats now lol


So what you are saying, it may have taken 30 years, but revenge is sweet !!!

Nobody's perfect, but now it's time the avenger. Better watch out, time take no prisoners.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 383
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 10:44:23 AM
Dragonbits,

I went out to lunch with a lady from church, she was married, but her husband couldn't go with us this particular time. So, the two of us were in a booth across from each other looking like a married couple. The waitresses all jabbered with us, the folks at the table next to us talked. A group of ladies (one of the herds I mentioned) kidded around with us. Basically, everything was very different from when I went to exactly the same place alone.

Shortly after being widowed, and I was still wearing the ring, I went to a bar and the women showed no reluctance to talk to me. They would sit beside me and talk, respond to questions, etc. Today, sans ring, they don't have even close to the same attitude. The only time they approach me is to get one of the unused chairs. I look very much the same now as then.

I have come to believe that the jerks have destroyed the dating game for the more normal men in the older crowd. And, in reading here about the penis photos, direct solicitation for sex, bump 'em and dump 'em, and go poof before meeting, I certainly can't blame the women. At first I thought it was all just a bunch of men-bashing-twits that were sour on the other sex, but I'm becoming more convinced that it's preemptive avoidance to further hurt. With the notable exception of 'poor me' crowd that make bad choices and never seem to learn.

There's no solution to this kind of thing other than to just keep trying, and that's what I'll do. At least until the organs start to fail.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 384
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:53:47 AM
freud, you could continue to wear your ring and at some point in the conversation, once it got to where you had a rapport, say something about your being a widow. You could say you got accustomed to wearing your ring and felt naked without it. Or some such thing, it would have to be that you are over grieving for your wife but still wear the ring for some reason.

I am not very good with artifice like that, but it works for some people.

There are few venues where I find it natural to talk to someone. Standing in line, sitting next to someone, in airports. Most of the time, I don't really get out that often, and when I do get out it's really far out. Meet up groups is another place people often suggest.

Once a friend urged me to take a part time job, and for a couple of weeks I did surveys in a mall. It was a nice break from trading, and interesting to chat with hundreds of people. I was single at the time and did ask one woman out that I was chatting with that worked in the mall, but she had a BF. She wasn't what most people would think was my type, she had a kind of punk rocker look. You could take some sort of job where it's natural to talk to many people.

I don't find the same attitude as you do about reluctance to chat, but I don't go to restaurants by myself, don't go to church, so maybe it's the venue itself. And I am not targeting single women, just chatting with anyone that is close by.

When I have looked at many threads here, some guys that look attractive say they have sent 30 MSG a week for months before they found someone. They worked out to get more fit and kept MSG despite the many rejections. And women I have chatted to have gone on 80-300 meet and greets before finding someone.

Could it be you aren't trying as hard as those people? Everyone says it is a lot of work to find someone, but you seem like you should be above the average guy.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 385
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 11:59:52 AM

thats why some women in late 40s+ complain thier invisable.so sow what reap so ladies if you beentoo picky take note, or start buying cats now lol

See what we mean? Ladies over 40, you better take anything offered you, lest society look at you funny and presume there is something WRONG with you because you aren't with a man, even if it's a man you paractically detest.
Please, guys...I don't see YOU out there dating/being in relationships with women you find unappealing and or/incompatible. Why is it that when a woman says,"thanks but no thanks" to a guy that she feels NO romantic/sexual feelings for-that she is being "too picky".

Trust me,if you look past her 400 lbs or her 4 kids under the age of 8, there are lots of perfectly nice,loyal women out there who MAY not be "too picky"...why aren't you dating them?
Note; I emphasized the word "may" because I do not wish to make it sound like ALL women who carry some "drawback"
(in the perception of the average unpartnered male) are "desperate". Many are not.
My point is more to how men are lashing out at women for being "too picky" and trying to create fear of a lonely and insane old age,but yet MEN can reject women for external factors(weight, kids,that sort of thing) and women don't get to remark on THEIR "pickiness"?

Freud, I talk to many women in public venues, I find it very easy. But I don't ever ask anyone out on a date,

DB, I HOPE not- you have a lovely wife!

I have come to believe that the jerks have destroyed the dating game for the more normal men in the older crowd.

I would not go so far as to say "destroyed", but I think it has made women more cautious and caused them to screen more rigorously. Somehow or other I've managed to miss many of the horror stories I hear. But maybe that's 'cause I look like I could bench press a 1958 Chrysler,and men are afraid I might hurt them if I was displeased.

Freudian, I can completely relate to your experiences when making a solo expedition into common social scenarios, but I've made up my mind that I will not let that bother me. Oh, and BTW, I almost NEVER am traveling in a "pack" or "herd" of other females. I go lots of places/do lots of things all by myself and since I'm not acting like I EXPECT people to presume I'm defective, I'm pretty comfortable with it.

And here's the thing about approaching men( or flirting with them) IRL-the same thing you speak of...many of these men are not "unattached"-even though their spouse or SO may not be welded to their hip.
I've noticed something of a trend, in some of the activities I participate in, of the man who SEEMS unattached but a couple of well-placed questions will reveal the existence of a spouse. Some of these guys I do FEEL for-they've kinda become like a piece of furniture or an appliance to their wives. Yeah, I feel for them but I just can't reach them. And for a lot of these guys, they couldn't possibly deal with the applecart upset that would occur should they seek a divorce. So I just don't allow myself to get involved with them on any basis except platonic/common interest friendship. I don't care how badly he may seem to be served in his relationships-I'm not going into "the other woman" territory.
What I'm now doing is letting the Universe unfold as it will. If I'm meant to find a love for the 2nd half of my life, it will happen. If it's not to be, it won't, and trying hard to "make it happen" will simply result in un-necessary stress and frustration.
Cindy O
Cindy O
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 386
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 12:10:55 PM

Freud, I talk to many women in public venues, I find it very easy. But I don't ever ask anyone out on a date,
========================================
DB, I HOPE not- you have a lovely wife!


But this was before I met her. I often chatted with women mostly, but honestly only a few would have been potential dates, but I can talk to strangers but don't try and get the phone number. Most of the time I just enjoy the convo and I am not really thinking about a date.

She is cute, but I guess if she was a little fuggly, it would be OK to hit on other women? Just joking.
 StarPower88
Joined: 9/28/2011
Msg: 387
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 1:11:29 PM
WOW very interesting stuff??????????
 soicat
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 388
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 2:12:45 PM

I have come to believe that the jerks have destroyed the dating game for the more normal men in the older crowd. And, in reading here about the penis photos, direct solicitation for sex, bump 'em and dump 'em, and go poof before meeting, I certainly can't blame the women. At first I thought it was all just a bunch of men-bashing-twits that were sour on the other sex, but I'm becoming more convinced that it's preemptive avoidance to further hurt


I think you stated the problems senior men face here pretty eloquently until you get to the part quoted above.

On another thread recently - the "ick" thread - there was a woman complaining about how older men looked at her and begged for sex with their woebegone eyes. Really? She can't envision why an older guy might have a sad countenance other than to manipulate her into having sex with her?

But in our culture men are bad - it's very common to have even men here state as a given that we're "pigs" - and women are victims of our lascivious rapacity. Even though we're the politest men on the planet and arguably in all of history.

If you doubt me, travel to climes where men really do treat women badly: no spousal maintenance, child support, spousal assault, make her walk behind them, and so on. You'll find the women in those countries are as sweet as all get out.

What's gone wrong between the sexes in the West in beyond the scope of this post, but you really ought to stop blaming men for it; that's just a very sad example of the fool siding with the knave.
 anita_lay
Joined: 12/19/2012
Msg: 389
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 3:42:06 PM
^^I think you've misinterpreted Freud's meaning (and you wouldn't be the first haha).
Public persona is very different to anonymous messages sent on a dating website. The polite man in public can send pretty filthy stuff when posting from behind a monitor. What F is saying is the sleaze factor in online dating creates cynicism and distrust. Guys have to work harder to appear trustworthy.
I'm not saying it's just one-way but this particular conversation relates to men.
 Freudian
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 390
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 3:58:29 PM
What's gone wrong between the sexes in the West in beyond the scope of this post, but you really ought to stop blaming men for it; that's just a very sad example of the fool siding with the knave.

Interesting point, and you're totally correct in there being other sides to the story. But, in MY experience, too darn many men are practically worthless. It appalls me when I see a woman supporting a perfectly capable boyfriend setting at home playing video games. I realize there's lots of words I should put in there about the ill husband, guy truly trying to find work, etc. But, you folks know the ones I'm talking about.


If you doubt me, travel to climes where men really do treat women badly: no spousal maintenance, child support, spousal assault, make her walk behind them, and so on. You'll find the women in those countries are as sweet as all get out.

Been there, done that, many times. But that ain't no argument I want to get into. I'll let others take that one on.

And, thanks Anita.

Oh, and Cindy, there was no insult intended with usage of 'herd' or 'pack', it's just fun to use the designations for groups of animals. Herd of goats, pack of wolves, pride of lions, covey of quail, or my very most favorite, murder of crows.

I just love those terms.
 soicat
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 391
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 4:21:37 PM

The polite man in public can send pretty filthy stuff when posting from behind a monitor. What F is saying is the sleaze factor in online dating creates cynicism and distrust.


Anita, the women to whom Freud is unattractive, perhaps even threatening, IRL are, for the most part, not involved in online dating. Really, only a scant handful of people are at any given time.

I'm not even convinced that the men online are as scoundrelly as is routinely depicted in these threads. I mean really, who are these guys? What's their motivation? What possesses them to torment aging gals with their prurient importunings? To say nothing of the fact that we regularly get attractive ladies posting here, amid all the whining and outrage, to say that they aren't getting many first contacts at all and have never received a naughty pic.
 deere_rancher
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 392
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Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 4:45:25 PM
I have never understood why women go out in herds, This makes approching one of them
impossible ... I've tried .!..You have to woo the whole group, to get just one ..!! wtf ??
If I do manage to cull one away from the group. I start out already pizzed at her,
for making me go thru that ordeal.

I think, if women learned to communicate honestly ,there would be less need for 'herds"

I have no problems approching women .... but ,
I longer waste time on women that make the process too difficult
 charliesmom21
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 393
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:58:29 PM
Wow, what a great post. I know that I have been insulted and asked for my phone number in the first message, asked for pictures and other rude and vulgar emails as well. I disagree with the comment that women over 40 need to put up with this nonsense.. this must be coming for one of the very men we loathe. I try to avoid the Pretty boys who think they are better than they actually are, some have looks, but rotten souls. I had the rare pleasure of going out for a meet and greet with a really sweet guy tonight. I do not know if it will go anywhere, however, he kind of restored my faith that there are some really nice gentleman out there. For a change he wasn't what I refer to as a "sad sack" either. He was kind sweet, funny and personable. Wow what a change from the ones before him. So ladies, they do exist out there and no, sorry I met him from a different site. I wanted to say there are some good men out there and I am over 50! ( he is cute too) For those who have read some of my posts, yes he bought my drinks, yes he was a gentleman and yes I hope he doesn't disappear.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 394
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 8:01:58 PM
why promote the battle between the sexes? Not all women are the same & not all men are the same. I know what the deal is...if I go out w/ bags, ugly friends & c7ckblockers, no one will approach me, no matter how low cut my blouse is or how long & big my hair is!

Women can be other women's worst enemies when it comes to meeting men...

And men come in all flavors & types, so do women...

I like men. I like sex. I like sex w/ men, but in a relationship. Many of the women I know say : "Harumph- he wants sex..." "harumph, he didn't fall all over me on the 1st meet" (when they used a 10 year old pic that was heavily photoshopped & now they weigh 50 lbs more as in the case of a certain ugly friend.) And I am supposed to side w/ these women? Oh yes U.F., not only should he fawn all over you & propose w/ a 10K diamond, but do it w/ purely no sexual interest EVER!

As far as hostility goes- I am equal opportunity- I am starting to despise women like the aforementioned way more than any UPSman I ever met on a dating site!
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 395
Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 3/14/2013 8:12:35 PM
I agree with Blonde Angel.

I know women like this.

And also know women - one not yet on the dating scene who said this week she will only date a man if...

He owns his own home and has no debts not even a mortgage.
Must have lots of money in the bank.
It has to be a nice home.
Has a nice car.
Has a good job that earns at least as much as her ex husband - 6 figures
No children but willing to accept her children.
He of course must pay and she will only go out to a nice restaurant for a meal - translation = expensive.
Would only be interested in a long term relationship with the aim of marriage.
He must be able to fix things and be willing to do all her home maintenance for free.

She by the way has not had sex in over 2 years if I believe what she tells me.
And would not be interested in seeing a man who wants sex.
Says she is past that part of her life.

Now any man who approched her could be in for a shock.

I am still waiting to be approached by a man when I am out.
Boo Hoo Woe is me.

I was taught by my mum - if a man asks you to dance - always accept - and be gracious to him. If you want nothing more - thank him once the dance is finished and go back to where you were.

In recent years I have not been asked to dance and I generally need to ask at least 6 men before they will join me on the dance floor - and these are at weddings, functions, dinner dances, balls, a band at a club, bush dance where ever.

All of the men I have dated since my divorce whom I have met in real life I have made the first move and invited them to spend time with me.

Maybe women like us are scary.




Edit re below.
That is what I told her.
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